Chapter 56
Dianna
I t wasn’t until I was in the air that I realized how far away I was from the palace. It would have taken me another day and a half to return had I kept going.
Xavier set me down on the stone bridge.
“Okay, thanks for the ride, but you both can leave now.”
Cameron and Xavier shook their heads. Cameron had not stopped talking since they’d found me, and Xavier seemed to love every second of it.
“For the last time, no.” Cameron smiled at me before running a hand over his short, blonde hair and turning toward Xavier.
“Ugh, you think he will fire me? He’s going to fire me.
Look at her. Gods, what if he is waiting for us at the palace right now, and we show up with her looking like this?
” He licked the pad of his thumb and aimed for the thick layer of dirt on my face.
“Hey!” I snapped, swatting at his hand.
Xavier chuckled as I glared at Cameron.
“Calm down, Cameron. Samkiel won’t fire us,” Xavier said through his chuckle. He placed his hands in his pocket and leaned toward me, a mischievous grin spread across his face. “Besides, I don’t think Dianna will say anything about her little adventure, will you? Especially after we helped you.”
My eyes narrowed on Xavier. “Is this blackmail?”
That caused both of them to burst into laughter, the sound so infectious that the corners of my lips twitched.
“Oh, gods, wait!” Cameron barked, completely ignoring my question as he pointed at Xavier. “What if he separates us and makes me file charts upstairs with Elianna? I’ll die of boredom.”
Xavier laughed as they walked past me, heading toward the castle.
I realized I had no hope of getting rid of them, so instead, I followed them, staring at their wide backs. Their gold-accented robes swayed in the wind as they headed inside, still bantering and laughing at each other’s jokes.
* * *
I turned the shower off and wrapped a large towel around myself before stepping out.
This room, the whole place, was too big, too nice.
I knew Samkiel had made it that way for me, trying to provide some comfort and normalcy.
Even after everything, he was too nice, and I hated it because I didn’t deserve it.
My feet slapped against the stone floor, water gathering and disappearing as I walked.
The floor absorbed every drop of water that fell from me, shimmering colors pooling in the shape of my footprints.
I stopped at the long sink and wiped the mirror clean with a quick swipe.
At my touch, a light flickered on, illuminating the mirror and nearly blinding me.
I lowered my gaze for a second, giving my eyes time to adjust before looking at my reflection.
My hair clung to me, the ends reaching well past my elbows.
I stared at myself and barely recognized the woman staring back.
My skin felt taut, my eyes dry, and my entire being heavy without my powers.
At least, that's what I told myself. But the truth was, every ounce of weight I had carried these last few months had finally settled and wanted to pull me under.
On the nights Samkiel wasn't here and sleep wouldn't find me, I sometimes let it. I would stare at her picture and cry.
Leaning forward, I pulled back my lips in a grimace.
No fangs, no sharp edges. I ran my tongue over the edge of my teeth, but I didn’t feel a hint of them, nor the sharp sting of hunger that had haunted me the last few months.
I stared at myself, and it felt as if something stared back.
A beast behind chains and locks that wanted to be free.
A lump grew in my throat, a burning ache in my chest. Before the darkness could consume me again, I left the bathroom and returned to my room.
I slipped into another lounge set and curled up on the bed.
I picked at my nails, the chipped polish almost all gone.
“What are you wearing?” Cameron practically yelled from the doorway.
My head snapped toward him, his booming voice pulling me from my thoughts. He stood in the doorway, no longer dressed in the council garbs.
“What are you wearing?” I echoed, lifting a brow.
He strode in like he owned the place, adjusting the long necklaces that lay across his chest. Xavier entered behind him, and I gulped.
They looked like they were about to attend one of Omel’s runway shows.
Their shirts and pants fit faithfully to every muscle, showing off the masculine beauty of their bodies.
Cameron caught me looking and grinned rakishly.
“Sexy, right?”
Cameron tugged at his dark shirt, the front dipping so low it practically touched his belly button.
His leather pants rode low on his hips, molding to his thighs and ass.
Xavier wore a black silk shirt that shimmered and clung to him every time he moved, revealing the heavy muscles of his chest. Buttons ran the length of his legs, breaking up the unrelieved darkness of his outfit.
These two men were beyond sexy. That was not in doubt. They were an invitation to any that dared to look, but nothing in me stirred or hungered for them.
“Get up,” Cameron said, his eyes shining devilishly. “We’re going out.”
I shook my head. “Out? We are?”
“Yes, and you cannot wear that.” Cameron gave me a quick once over.
I snorted. “Samkiel said—”
“Funny story, Samkiel isn’t here.” Cameron clapped his hands impatiently. “Come on, dark queen, we don’t have all night.”
Xavier leaned against the wall, watching us with amused patience. “It will be fun, and we promise to have you back before he even notices.”
“Promise.” Cameron gave me a smile that I knew had been the downfall of women throughout time.
The two of them like this reminded me of the first time I’d met them—pure mischief. I didn’t argue further. Jumping up, I ran to the closet.
* * *
We walked beneath the blinking neon sign and past the crowd growing outside. I never realized how lackluster Onuna was compared to the remains of Rashearim. Samkiel was right. It didn’t compare. Even the air here felt more oppressive and humid. I already missed—
“Samkiel opened up the world after he brought you to Rashearim, and the mortals went mad. We have never seen this many out all night,” Cameron whispered.
I shook my head, folding my arms tighter across myself, and thanked the old dead gods for Cameron speaking and shaking me from my thoughts.
I’d assumed they would take me to a fancy celestial club and was shocked to learn they wanted to go to Onuna.
Truthfully, I would have begged to get out of the house and do something fun.
I would welcome anything to distract me.
The heels I’d worn kept catching on the uneven stone walkway, and my feet were already hurting.
Was this what mortal life had to offer? If so, I would pass.
I slid my hand over the front of my dress.
Finding something in the massive closet that would pass as a club outfit had been a challenge.
We had done some creative mix and matching.
I admit, it was fun having Xavier and Cameron throw random dresses and shoes toward me in their efforts to help.
We finally settled on a thin white wrap dress.
It was short enough, and Xavier messed with the front to reveal the lace bra I wore beneath.
I walked toward the double doors, flanked by the two of them. This was unbelievable. I couldn’t believe I was going into a bar with two of The Hand for a fun night out. I forced myself not to think about how much Gabby would have loved this.
You’re running out of time.
I rubbed my ear as if I could scratch the words out.
That damn voice filtered through my subconscious, haunting every corner of that damned house, and echoed in my every dream.
It sounded like another constant reminder of how I’d failed her, and I just wanted to forget tonight.
I shook it off, lowering my hand and burying that voice deep.
Cameron must have picked up on the sudden change in my mood. He leaned toward me and whispered, “I don’t remember Ig’Morruthens looking this nice.” He grinned. “You are usually all horns and fire and sharp teeth.”
The corners of my mouth lifted in an attempt at a smile. “I probably could still light you on fire. I just may need matches now.”
“Sounds fun,” he said with a wink, not missing a beat.
“You look pretty, Dianna,” Xavier said, glancing at Cameron over my head.
I don’t know why my chest chose that moment to ache, but it did.
Like a servant overly eager to please, my mind delivered the memories of the two men I had loved like brothers.
Pain flashed like ice in my veins as I remembered their betrayal, yet I could still see Drake’s smile when I told a stupid joke and how Ethan had tried not to laugh.
They had been a refuge, a place to go where I would be safe and accepted without judgment.
Family was what I thought I had, but family was all I had lost. Cameron and Xavier were not Ethan and Drake, but my heart bled for the connection I no longer had.
They had said they loved me, and beyond my stupid hate, a part of me still missed them.
Anger shut down the swarm of emotions that threatened to overwhelm me.
I hated the word love.
“Let’s just get inside,” I said, shaking my head and stomping ahead, leaving them and the ghosts behind. “I want to drink enough to black out tonight.”
* * *
I held Xavier’s gaze, my expression serious. “On the count of three. One. Two. Three!”
Xavier licked the salt off the back of his hand as I did mine.
Our arms crossed between us, linking with a shot in hand.
We tipped our heads back and downed the clear liquid in one gulp.
This one didn’t burn like the others. I had done four already, and for once, I wasn’t feeling immense guilt or regret.
No, I felt like I was floating, which was a pleasant alternative.