Chapter 62
Dianna
I felt like an idiot.
Six days. Six days Samkiel had been gone. Six days I’d been here by myself. Not one member of The Hand came by. I didn’t expect them to come to hang out after my little incident, but no one even stopped to check in on me. I sat on the open window ledge with a huff, crossing my arms in irritation.
No birds sang, but no animals came around here, anyway.
The only animal I had seen was that day Samkiel took me to the lake, and the stag had only approached because he was with me.
No, I was completely and utterly alone. Maybe that was my problem.
At least when he or someone was here, I had someone to argue with instead of being stuck in my head all the time.
If I were honest, that was the reason I had kept Camilla alive and Roccurem near.
At least with them around, that aching pit in my chest didn’t threaten to swallow me whole.
The edge of my long silk dress fell around me, draping across the floor. I watched the sunrise, unable to sleep once again. I’d started to dream again, and I hated it. The same message haunted me through every nightmare.
“You’re running out of time.”
I’d heard it for the first time in that damned house when I dreamed of Gabby.
Now it was back with a vengeance. I woke last night dripping in sweat and panting.
I couldn’t explain the overwhelming dread or that it felt like the voices were in the room with me.
The last few nights, I’d snuck downstairs, but the couch was empty and cold.
I’d even lain on it, trying to catch a whiff of his scent, but it had been too long.
So I wandered, trying to find something to distract myself.
I had read whatever books I could find, walked around the stupid perimeter of the house, careful not to go too far into the forest again, and waited for him again like an idiot.
I hated it. Anger soon replaced the warm feeling that had grown in my chest after his last visit, snuffing out any trace of it.
I stood and walked toward the front door.
Maybe another walk around the forest would wear me out enough that I could sleep without dreaming.
It had seemed to help at first, but it had made no difference the last few nights.
Being outdoors was a nice reprieve, especially here.
I’d never admit to anyone just how much I enjoyed the view, how the sun dipped behind every tree, how the clouds teased the mountains early in the morning, or the breeze that seemed to pass right when needed.
If I was truly honest with myself, this was the first place in a long time that felt like home, but I refused to think about that for too long.
The only dark spot was that the one person I missed so damned much would never be with me again.
A part of me felt guilty being even slightly content, even for a moment.
Maybe Samkiel was right, maybe I was punishing myself.
I sighed. Another walk was needed. It at least gave me something to do.
I grabbed the white and tan sandals and tied the twin ropes past my calves.
One knot, then two, and I was ready to go.
“Leaving?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin, whirling toward the front entrance. I held my hand out, ready to blast the intruder with fire, muscle memory overriding my cognitive thinking.
“How did you…”
Samkiel shrugged. “I landed in the back.”
“You ass.” I grabbed one of the pillows from the couch and launched it at him. He stepped to the right, dodging it easily. I grabbed another and drew back to toss it, but he appeared in front of me and grabbed my wrist. “You left me here for six days, Samkiel!” I nearly shouted.
Shock flashed across his face as if he had no idea. “Six days?”
“Yes, you self-righteous dick!” I jerked my wrist, trying to pull away from him, but he held me with ease.
“You said you would come back, yet you abandon me again?”
He shook his head as if fully registering just how much time had passed. “I didn’t mean to, I swear it.”
“Let go of me,” I hissed.
“Are you going to throw another pillow at me?”
“Yes.”
He tipped his head to the side, staring at me, his eyes filled with warmth.
“Fine. No.”
As soon as he released me, I bent and grabbed the pillow, smacking him in the shoulder this time.
His brows furrowed, and he sighed. “Are you done?”
“I asked you to come back, and you didn’t.”
His eyes softened. He reached out and grabbed the pillow from me. “I promise, I had no intention of being gone that long. I was… busy.”
“Oh, busy? I guess you had more important things to deal with. Pretty council members, maybe?” I crossed my arms, tapping my foot against the stone floor. “Maybe someone named Lydia?”
“Who is Lydia?”
I realized then that Cameron and Xavier had probably made her up just to taunt me. My face heated, and I changed the subject. “Where were you? Why were you gone so long?”
Another emotion flashed across his face far too quickly for me to catch.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, stepping around me and heading toward the kitchen. “Have you eaten since I was away?”
“Why are you ignoring my question?”
He didn’t answer as he opened the large fridge and started pulling out various items.
“Eat first, and then we can leave.”
We. Samkiel said it as if I would even want to spend time with him after he abandoned me.
“I think I can manage on my own. Like I have been doing. Don’t you have godly duties to attend to?”
A brief smirk crossed his features, but he seemed to have no desire to fight. “You are my only priority.”
His words made my stupid heart flutter and eased my ire enough that, for the first time, I actually looked at him. He was slicing more of the orange and green fruit, and I didn’t need my powers to feel how drained and tired he was.
“What’s wrong with you?”
He looked up, surprise gleaming in his eyes. That was fair. I hadn’t cared about his well-being in months. I’d been more interested in killing him. Well, trying to, at least.
He merely shook his head. “I apologize. I am just tired.”
I stomped over, making sure every step sounded of my frustration. I sat across from Samkiel, and he slid me a plate of assorted fruits and bread before starting on his own.
“Okay. Where have you been?”
I was still mad, but curiosity was eating at me. And even though I would never admit it to him, I was concerned.
“Godly duties.” He tossed my words back at me and flashed a small grin before sitting down.
I picked at the fruit and took a small bite. “How long are you back?”
He stopped eating, and I was afraid I’d said something wrong. “I think our primary focus needs to be getting your powers back.”
Okay, deflection. Fine. I deserved that. I placed my hands on the counter. “And how exactly do we plan to do that?”
* * *
“We have been walking for hours. If the plan to get my powers back is to exhaust me, it’s working.” I sighed.
Samkiel had been quiet for the most part, which was unusual, but I didn’t press. At least he made us a trail as we ventured to wherever we were going. With a wave of his hand, a cobblestone path had formed through the undergrowth.
“What do you know about Yejedin?”
His voice startled me, and I stared at his back. “Not much. Why?”
He shrugged. “Research.”
I nodded but didn’t believe him. “Okay. Well, Kaden told me absolutely nothing about it. I didn’t even know it existed until I ran headfirst into another world bent on destroying him and myself. That’s all I got.”
He stopped as I kept going. “I apologize. There is—”
I stopped and spun toward him, tossing up my hands, the thought of my failure making me angsty once more. “There’s what?”
“Nothing.” He forced a smile and continued walking. “I have the council and others trying to learn more, is all.”
I fell into step with him, silence stretching between us once more. I hated silence so damn much. So to fill it, I said, “Kaden told me nothing. He never did. Not anything about himself or other dimensions. With him, it was: do this for me, and you’ll see your sister.”
“I know, and I apologize. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“But,” I cut him off, “it wasn’t always like that.
In the beginning, it was different. He taught me how to survive, how to feed, and how to live with what I’d become.
” I trailed my fingers over a brilliant orange blossom, releasing an exotic alien scent into the air.
“He wasn’t always as cruel. A long, long time ago, it used to be different.
We actually got along. I guess it’s kind of like us now, huh? Except I’m the cruel one.”
His face turned stern. “You are nothing like him.”
I dropped my hand to my side. “Others would disagree.”
“Others do not know you as I do.”
A smile tugged at my lips as we walked on. He said he knew me, but he didn’t know all of me. I wanted to share it with him. I wanted him to know everything. A part of me hoped it would be the final tipping point and he'd leave me alone forever, but that same part whispered what a liar I was.
“Kaden was my first.” I glanced up at Samkiel, wanting to gauge his reaction, but I saw only curiosity.
“First?”
I shrugged. “Not my first kiss but my first everything else.”
Realization flared in his eyes, and he nodded. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Gabby used to say that was why I put up with so much in the beginning. At the time, I thought I loved him.”
“Did you?” he asked, and I felt his eyes boring into the side of my face as if my answer meant something to him.
“No.” I shook my head. “I was young and na?ve. Back then, I believed in the same stuff Gabby did. Then, a strange and powerful man saves my sister and me. He set the world at my fingertips, along with more power than I could imagine. Why would I not assume he cared? Even if he was….” I paused.
“I told you before that I had tried to have a semi-normal relationship in an abnormal world, but it didn’t last.”