Chapter 62 #3
“He burned gardens after my mother died.
Anything she loved was gone. He shut down the estate and moved us away, locking away every single memory of her, growing cold, bitter, and merciless.
Although he said he never did, he forgot about her.
He erased her, and I will not let you suffer the same fate.
Grieving is another form of love, Dianna.
Do not unlove her by burying it. I know it hurts, it's beyond painful, but if you bury her memory, you erase her. So I need you to feel. I do not care if you snap at me or call me vicious names as long as you get it out. Holding it in is only poisoning you. I will not have you destroy yourself from the inside out. I refuse.”
My eyes scanned Samkiel’s, knowing he meant every word he said.
I ached for him even in my anger and hurt, but what was he asking?
Whatever it was, it was too much for my broken and battered heart.
I looked past him, scanning the horizon.
I could damn near feel the pound of the waves, and all I saw was Gabby.
The images made my head throb, but I saw how we had run along the surf, kicking sand in our wake the first time we ever made it to the beach.
I saw her holding my hand. I saw myself jumping off cliffs because she was too scared to go first. She always looked to me when she was afraid, and I always went first to make sure it was safe, to make sure she was safe.
“I can’t,” I whispered. My heart felt like it was rupturing, sorrow threatening to drown me.
“You can. You will.” He took a step back and held out his hand. “And not alone.”
I looked at his outstretched hand. Those two simple words. Not alone.
“No one was there for me after I lost my father, my world. Not until you. I don’t want you to go through this alone. It won’t be easy, and there will be days you will feel like you don’t want to get out of bed, but I want to be there for you. Every day if you will let me.”
I didn’t move, didn’t speak. Samkiel stood there waiting for me, and I wondered if he had waited like this every day after I left.
“The ocean and the beach hold such happy memories with Gabby. Ones I wish for you to keep. She loved you so much, Dianna. She would never want a memory of her to hurt you, and neither do I. Trust that I will protect you, every part, and I will do everything I can to keep you from being hurt as long as I exist. I promise.”
My eyes met his, and I knew he meant everything he’d said.
These weren’t just empty words and promises.
He’d proven it repeatedly. His hand remained outstretched.
A yawning bridge between us, a peace offering, a lifeline, and I desperately needed it.
I realized Samkiel wasn’t just a light to me but an anchor, a shield.
And he had been for a while now. I released a final defiant breath, meeting him stare for stare.
A truth whispered toward me, knowing without a doubt that with him, I’d never be lost again.
I reached out and placed my hand in his, finally ready to at least try.
For him, I would try.
* * *
I spent what felt like an hour walking up and down the beach.
Samkiel never crowded me, he stood watching me, making sure I was okay.
The wind blew, and I gathered my hair back and knotted it.
I could do this and not break. With every step, the waves crashed harder, slamming against my subconscious.
But I didn’t want to feel like this anymore.
He was right. I didn’t want to hate the things we had shared.
I didn’t think being here would make me whole again, but it was a start to something.
I walked to his side finally, stopping near him as I brushed my hair from my face.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded, squinting against the sun as I looked at him. “You know you’re the only one who asks?”
Samkiel reached forward and stopped gauging my expression, a silent ask for permission to bring me some comfort, and I allowed it. He brushed a strand of hair from my face, but the wind just tugged it free again.
“We can—”
I gripped Samkiel’s arm, and he steadied me as I took my sandals off.
“It’s softer than Onuna,” I said, curling my toes into the warm sand.
He smiled and tucked his hands into his pockets. The wind played with his hair, blowing it across his forehead, his gray eyes clear and sparkling in the sunlight. “No one comes here. It’s yours if you wish it.”
“A whole beach?” I shook my head. “You’d give me a whole beach?”
“The world, if you wish.”
I smiled and brushed his hair off his forehead before staring out at the ocean. The sand grew cool and wet as I drew closer to the waves, Samkiel at my side. The water rushed forward, lapping at my feet. I wiggled my toes, watching as Samkiel did the same.
“I need to paint my toenails. It’s all chipped polish now.”
“What color?”
I shrugged, keeping my gaze on my feet, afraid to look up. “What’s your favorite?”
He chuckled and made a deep humming noise in his throat. “Hmm, I like red.”
“Flirt.” I smiled up at him, tucking back the few strands of hair the wind tried to claim. “Red it is, then.”
“Too windy?” he asked.
I shrugged. “It’s nice.”
He glanced up, his eyes turning a molten silver. The wind slowed to a light breeze, just enough to keep us cool but not blow my hair everywhere.
“Show off.”
He smirked. “I would hate for it to mess up your hair.”
I tried to give him a mock glare but ended up smiling. He rubbed his eyes and yawned.
“Tired?”
He nodded. “I didn’t mean to be gone so long. I was just… busy.”
I didn’t press. I had no right to even question him or what he had to do. He was cleaning up my mess again. I had caused him enough trouble.
“It’s not my business, and besides, I wasn’t very nice back there. I’m sorry.”
“Your reactions, as quick and harsh as they are, come from a place that wishes to protect you. You hurt, so you hurt others. It’s a defense mechanism. I should have told you where I had planned to take you. So, I am sorry as well.”
I leaned into him, bumping against his shoulder. “Look at us, making progress.”
He smiled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side.
“Do you want to get in?” I nodded toward the ocean. “With me?”
Surprise etched his features, but he only nodded. “Of course, but I didn’t bring anything with us. I assumed we would just watch the waves today, if even that.”
“Why not have fun while we're here?”
“Okay.” He smiled. “What does one wear on Onuna to swim?”
“Do you remember when you rescued Gabby the first time?” I swallowed the lump in my throat at saying her name out loud.
He nodded and waited.
“Stuff like what they were wearing at the resort.”
“Oh,” he said, stepping away and snapping his fingers. “Like this?”
I tossed my head back and laughed, the sound mixing with the song of the waves. Samkiel looked absolutely ridiculous with the overgrown hat, a stripe of sunscreen down the bridge of his nose, an inflatable animal around his waist, and yellow swim trunks.
He smiled widely at me as I got my amusement under control. “What did I do wrong?”
“That is not what I had in mind,” I said, waving my hand in his general direction before bursting into giggles again.
Samkiel stared at me as if memorizing my smile, and I knew he’d done it for this exact reaction.
“Let me.” I took the hat off. I shook my head and pointed at the inflatable animal around his waist. He discarded it with another snap of his fingers. I dipped my hands into the water before pushing onto my tiptoes to wipe the sunscreen from his nose.
“Okay, that is better.” I smiled and took a step back. The yellow swimming trunks could stay because they fit him like a glove. I bit my lower lip, admiring his beauty. Every line and muscle looked sculpted by the gods. He didn’t look real.
“You are what they imagine when they sculpt gods on Onuna.”
“Is that so?”
He knew it, but I indulged him regardless. “It is.”
“That wouldn’t be a compliment now, would it, Dianna?”
“Absolutely not.” I smiled widely.
My heart thudded loudly, and I wondered if he could hear it.
The sun caressed his tanned skin, and my eyes followed.
My hand flexed at the memory of the feel of him, the taste of him.
I took a shuddering breath. Samkiel was beautiful.
Who didn’t know that? It was mentioned in literally every fucking book he was named in.
Even in the ones where he was covered in armor or the entrails of whatever beast he’d slain.
Silver scars striped his skin, testimonies to his strength and ability.
I knew the stories behind some of them and longed to learn about those I didn’t.
The Goddess Nismera had given him the one across his neck.
His broad, powerful shoulders had withstood many battles, a multitude of scars crisscrossing them to prove it.
Claw marks slashed across his perfect chest, and smaller ones shined between his abs.
My gaze slipped to the twin, long diagonal lines of his oblique muscles that disappeared beneath the waistband of his swimming trunks and the sprinkle of hair beneath his belly button.
My mouth watered, and my face flushed, imagining tracing every scar, every hard line, with my tongue.
I cleared my throat and said, “Okay, my turn. I want yellow like yours.”
Whether he noticed the heat of my gaze or not, he didn't respond to it, only my request. “Coming right up.”
With another snap of his fingers, a yellow two-piece suit replaced my clothes. It fit perfectly, covering everything it needed to but leaving a lot of skin showing. I put my hands on my hips and gave him a mock glare.
“So, apparently, you noticed what other women were wearing.”
His smile was downright devilish as his gaze slid over me in pure male appreciation.
“No, I just know what you like.”
“Liar,” I teased and nodded at the waves. “I’ll race you.”
“Race?” He cocked his head and waved toward the ocean. “The water is right there.”
I grinned at him and took three large steps before diving in.
I heard him hit the water right behind me.
The world above disappeared as I swam deeper and opened my eyes.
The reefs were prettier than anything I had ever seen, but I saw no fish.
My lungs burned, and I reversed direction, kicking hard to break the surface.
I inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel of the sun on my face.
“You cheated,” he said as I wiped the water from my face, the waves lapping at us.
“Who said I’d play fair?” I said with a big grin. He laughed and splashed water against my face.
We stayed like that for a while, a playful, bickering mess with no more harsh words or vile tempers.
I even convinced Samkiel to toss me into the air a few times.
He threw me so high that I was able to spin or curl before diving back into the water.
It was a distraction and a good one. I hadn’t been swimming in so long that I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it.
Clouds rolled in as the sun sank closer to the horizon. I floated on my back, staring at the overcast sky and the clouds curling around the mountains beyond the shore. I heard the ripples near me as Samkiel swam closer. “It’s so pretty here.”
“It is. Rashearim was indescribable. This is only a fraction.”
I shifted in the water, kicking to keep myself up and tipping my head to clear the water from my ears.
Samkiel was looking at a waterfall cascading down the steep mountain in the distance.
Muscles flexed easily across his arms and shoulders as he treaded water.
His hair was slicked back from his face, gleaming in the sunlight.
He was a work of art and way too perfect to be true.
To find someone as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside was indescribable.
“I didn’t think anyone would notice.”
“What?” he asked, turning toward me.
“Gabby was gone. I wanted Kaden dead, and I didn’t care. I had hoped if I fought him, even if I won, he would take me with him. It never occurred to me that anyone would notice I was gone.”
Pain and anger flashed in his eyes, and he swam toward me. I didn’t back away or avoid his gaze, even as my eyes burned. He stopped in front of me, brushing his thumb against the curve of my cheek. “I would have,” he whispered. “I would have.”
I nodded, tears blurring my vision. Something in me broke.
It hurt, but it felt clean as if it needed to break, and now it had a chance of healing.
Samkiel had been right. It helped to see this.
Being here forced me to face my fears and memories.
But none of that was what broke me, shattering my composure.
Samkiel’s arms went around me, and he pulled me in close, his powerful body easily keeping us afloat.
Like he always did. My body rocked as I sobbed.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him, burying my face against his neck.
He had said it before, but I truly heard it this time.
He had proven it, time and time again, and hearing him say it today was my true undoing.
No matter how mean I was, how cruel, vile, and hateful, Samkiel saw me, and he cared.