Chapter 17
he clouds hovered gray and heavy over the mountain. Just the sight of them made Jane feel as if they were pressing down, smothering her in a sluggish languor. No, it wasn’t the weather. The day had only just turned threatening and yet she had been experiencing this heaviness since she had opened her eyes that morning.
“I’d like to ride over and see James Medford later this afternoon,” she said over her shoulder to Ruel. “I need to talk to him about the schedule for joining the rails.”
“Restless already?” Ruel’s lips tightened. “It’s been only two days. I’ll have to apply myself to keep you more interested.”
He was angry. Jane had been aware of Ruel’s growing edginess for the entire day. He had been prowling around the summerhouse like a caged lion for the past few hours. “You’re restless yourself. Neither of us is accustomed to being cooped up with no work to do.”
“This is your work for the time being.”
She whirled away from the window, holding tight to the sheet she had draped around herself. “Good heavens, we cannot fornicate every hour of the day. It’s only making you bad-tempered.”
“I’m not bad-tempered.”
“You most certainly are.”
He scowled. “Then it’s your job to distract and soothe me.”
“You shouldn’t need soothing. I told you that you’d be disappointed.”
“I’m NOT disappointed. I’ve done exactly what I said I’d do.” His smile was a mere baring of teeth. “And enjoyed every minute of it.”
“No, you haven’t.” She frowned, trying to put together the pieces of his behavior. “For some reason … oh, I think you’ve enjoyed my body but not the other.”
“What other?”
“You didn’t like hurting me.”
He stiffened. “I’ve not noticed any bruises.”
She did have a few bruises on her body but not by his intent. It would have been impossible not to have gone through the orgy of sexual indulgences of the past forty-eight hours without showing any signs. “You know the kind of wounds you inflicted. It gave you no satisfaction.”
“I regret you’re reading me wrong. I’m very satisfied with every aspect of our time together and, if you’d admit to it, I believe you received an equal satisfaction.”
“Because you gave me pleasure?” She shook her head. “Every time you gave me that pleasure it hurt me. It stripped my pride and made me feel less than myself, just as you intended it to do.”
“I’m surprised you’re telling me this.”
“I wouldn’t have admitted it when I came here.” She shrugged. “It’s different now. I don’t mind giving you small victories. You need them more than I do. It must be terrible to live with such a passion for revenge.”
“How condescending of you.” His lips thinned. “You might consider how you would feel if it were Li Sung instead of Ian who was going through torment before blaming me for wanting to settle accounts.”
She shook her head wearily. “I don’t know how I would feel. It’s too horrible to imagine.” She met his gaze. “And I’ve never blamed you. I don’t blame you now. I’m just glad it’s over.”
A multitude of expressions crossed his face, but she could single out only shock, frustration, anger, and desire. “Oh, it’s not over yet.” He smiled recklessly. “And I believe you’d best prepare to give me another victory.” His gaze wandered over her. “If you must cover yourself, it won’t be with that sheet. I believe it’s time for you to don more appropriate apparel. Put on the cloth-of-gold gown in the armoire.”
At first she didn’t understand, but her eyes widened as she recalled his words that first night she had arrived on Cinnidar. “You actually had it made?”
“Of course. I always keep my promises. Put it on.”
“Don’t you think this promise could be—” She broke off as she saw his face. His eyes were shimmering recklessly and she could sense the core of violence and frustration just below the surface ready to explode. She shrugged. “If you insist. It’s not worth arguing about.” She walked toward the armoire across the room.
A few moments later the three mirrors on the wall reflected her image gowned in a loose garment that was still blatantly sexual. It draped only one shoulder in the Greek fashion and then dipped across her body to bare one breast. The skirt was slit to the waist to show her limbs with every movement. She could feel the color sting her cheeks as she looked at herself. She felt more naked in this gown than she had totally nude.
“Lovely.” Ruel’s arms slid around her from behind, one hand cupping her breast. “Just as I imagined you.”
She met his gaze in the mirror. “As a whore?”
“What else?” he asked mockingly, his thumb and forefinger pulling at her nipple.
A hot shiver went through her. The muscles of her stomach contracted. “This gown doesn’t make me a whore any more than your treating me like one.”
“But it bothers you.”
“Yes, it bothers me. Does that please you?”
“Of course it pleases me. Why shouldn’t it—” He stopped and again his expression reflected that mixture of frustration and discontent. “Kneel down on the carpet, dammit.”
“The bed is only a few feet away.”
“The floor.”
She shrugged and fell to her knees.
“Now get up on your hands and knees.”
It was beginning again—dark excitement, domination, and … anticipation. She moistened her lips. “Why?”
“I believe it’s time we tried something new.” He lifted her gown above her waist and the next moment she felt his warm palms caressing her buttocks. “The painting in the maharajah’s railroad car …”
He plunged deep, taking her breath. He stopped, his hardness sealed within her while his hands went around to cup and fondle her breasts. “We have to faithfully reproduce the painting, don’t we?” He began to move slowly, making her feel every inch. She involuntarily tightened around him as a spasm of heat tore through her. “Ah, that’s what I want. Now look back at me. I want to see your expression.”
She turned her head to stare at him. She knew what he was seeing—heat, lust, anger at herself for not being able to resist the passion he ignited so easily. His own face was flushed, his lips heavy with sensuality, set in an expression of painful pleasure, and yet once more she discerned that odd torment. “It’s not the same,” she gasped. “Don’t you see? It … can never be the same no matter what you see in my face. It’s your expression that’s wrong. I told you the painting was false. Men aren’t gentle. Never gentle …”
He went still. “Damn you,” he said hoarsely. “DAMN you.” He exploded, plunging in a fury of movement.
Her fingers dug into the carpet as the storm rose, each stroke whipping her into a mindless frenzy. She wasn’t sure how long it lasted until she felt the burst of wild sensation that signaled both their release.
She collapsed on the floor and a moment later felt him leave her. She was completely enervated, unable to move. She became vaguely aware he was picking her up, depositing her on the bed.
“Are you all right?” he asked stiltedly.
The heaviness she had felt all day seemed to be pressing down on her, crushing the breath from her body. “Tired …”
He pulled the covers up to her chin and then lay down beside her. He gazed straight ahead, not touching her. “I lost my temper.”
She didn’t answer.
“All right, you don’t have to wear the damn gown again,” he burst out. “It doesn’t matter.” “Take it off.”
“I’m too tired.”
He muttered a curse beneath his breath. The next moment he was pulling the gown down her body and throwing it into a glittering golden heap on the floor. He pulled the covers up around her again. “Satisfied?”
It was not like Ruel to be so defensive, she thought dimly, but it was no more unusual than his other behavior today. “It doesn’t matter,” she repeated, and closed her eyes. “Not important …”
“Take me with you, Patrick,” Jane muttered. Her voice rose. “Take me with you!”
“What the hell—” Ruel roused from sleep to see Jane tossing wildly on the bed next to him. Her eyes were closed. She was only dreaming, he realized with relief.
He reached over to shake her shoulder. “Wake up, it’s only—” Her flesh was burning hot under his hand. “Jane?”
“I don’t want to be like her.” Her breath was coming in pants. “I won’t be any bother. Take me with you, Patrick.”
“Jesus, what the hell’s wrong? Wake up.” He sat up in bed and lit the lamp on the bedside table before reaching over and shaking her again. “Open your eyes, dammit.”
Her eyes opened but stared without seeing. “The train. He’s leaving on the train.” She panicked. “Don’t leave me, Patrick.”
“No one’s leaving you.” His arms closed around her. God, she was hot. His heart was pounding as hard as hers as he tried to make her lie still against him. “It’s all right. No one is going to leave you.”
“Yes, he will. Unless I make him take me.”
“Christ, stop thrashing around.”
“Patrick!”
What could he do? She wasn’t in her right senses and he was afraid to leave her alone even to fetch help. Tamar wouldn’t return until he brought breakfast.
“Please, I don’t want to be like her,” she whispered.
His arms tightened around her. He knew who she was talking about and the memory she was reliving. While awake she may have conquered her demons, but now she was a child again with all the fears and torments of the mind let loose.
The torments he had deliberately brought her here to set free.
Who could be hammering at the door at this time of night? Margaret wondered drowsily.
Then, as she came fully awake, she glanced quickly at Ian. Thank goodness he had not been disturbed. She struggled into her robe, thrust her feet into slippers, and marched across the room to throw open the door. Ruel. She should have known who would be so lacking in consideration.
“Merciful saints, must you come pounding in the middle of the night? Ian needs his sleep, and it’s a wonder you didn’t wake him. Why could it not—” She broke off as she saw his strained face and glittering eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I need you,” he said hoarsely. “Can you come?”
“Come where?” She cast a glance over her shoulder. Ian was still sleeping soundly. The pain had been bad last night and she had been forced to give him extra laudanum. She stepped into the hall and quietly closed the door behind her.
“The summerhouse.” He took her elbow and strode down the hall, half leading, half dragging her. “I need you.”
“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that,” she said dryly. “I can hardly wait to hear in what manner.”
“You know about sickness,” he said jerkily. “You took care of your father and Ian.”
“You’re ill?”
“Jane.”
“Jane’s here?” she asked, startled.
“Would I be coming after you if she were not? Stop asking questions and hurry. I’ve left her alone too long already.”
Her pace quickened. “What’s wrong?”
“If I knew that, I wouldn’t have called you. Fever. Chills. She’s out of her head. She doesn’t know me.”
“Have you sent for the physician?”
“Of course I have, but it may be hours before Tamar gets back with him. She needs someone now.”
“What is she doing at the summerhouse?”
He looked straight ahead. “That’s not your concern.”
“What have you been up to, Ruel?”
He didn’t answer.
It was clear he was not going to confide in her the exact nature of this particular deviltry. “I may not be able to help.”
“You can try.” He opened the trench doors leading to the terrace. He added haltingly, “Please.”
Good God, Ruel must be frantic if he was desperate enough to plead. “I’ll try.”
Margaret came out of the summerhouse and closed the door behind her. “She’s better.”
A muscle jerked in Ruel’s cheek. “Thank God.”
“The fever’s down and she woke up long enough to answer some of the doctor’s questions. He said the fever should leave her entirely in a few hours.”
“What the hell’s wrong with her?”
“Malaria. She contracted it in Kasanpore and the fever recurs periodically.”
“She never told me.”
“Nor me,” Margaret said. “And I’ve known her for three years. She’s not a woman who confides her weaknesses.” She wearily rubbed the back of her neck. “I must go back in case Ian needs me. I’ll come and see her this afternoon.”
“No, I’ll take care of her from now on.”
“You don’t appear to have done much in that nature as yet.”
He flinched. “I said I’d do it. She might find facing you awkward.”
“You’re trying to save her shame? How unusual. Your tardy gallantry is unnecessary. Jane and I understand each other. She knows I wouldn’t blame her for your sins.” She met his gaze. “And I’m not sure it’s not my duty to take her back to the palace with me.”
“She wouldn’t go.”
“I think she would. She wouldn’t admit it, but she’s always been afraid of you.”
“Not anymore,” he said with a crooked smile. “Not when she’s not burning up with fever. And even if she were, she wouldn’t go. We have an arrangement.”
She snorted. “She has more intelligence than to make a pact with a conscienceless rogue like you. Why is she here?”
“You wouldn’t want to know.”
“You may be right.” She was suddenly overcome with weariness. She did not need this additional burden weighing on her when she was so bewildered and strained herself. Who was she to call Ruel down for his iniquities when she had lately found herself falling into the same temptation? “Can I trust you not to—”
“Oh, for God’s sake, do you think I’m going to jump into bed with her while she can barely lift her hand?” he asked explosively.
Whatever had happened here, Jane’s illness had shaken Ruel. She had never seen him so pale and distraught as when he had appeared at her door. She could not be sure it would last, but Jane was safe with him for the time being. “If you need anything of me, let me know.”
She started back up the path toward the palace.
Ruel looked like a death head, Jane thought hazily. Something had to be done. She would tell him she would take the watch over Ian tonight. Not that she had much hope of success when Ruel was so afraid Ian would slip away if he wasn’t there to pull him back. “Have to … rest.”
Ruel’s gaze flew to her face. “What?”
“You should rest more. You look …” She trailed off as she came fully awake. This was not the bungalow in Kasanpore in those days they had worked together to keep Ian alive. This was the summerhouse …
“You’re the one who needs rest.” Ruel leaned forward and put a glass of water to her lips. “Drink.”
She swallowed the water. “I’ve been ill?”
“Fever. For the past two days. The doctor said it was a comparatively mild attack.” His lips tightened. “It didn’t seem mild to me.”
She vaguely recalled the doctor staring down at her, asking her questions, talking to someone else across the bed. “Margaret … was here too?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you tell me you’d had malaria?”
“Why should I?” She frowned. “Two days. I have to get back to work.”
“I sent word to Li Sung to tell him you’d be delayed.”
“You told him I was sick? You shouldn’t have done that. He’ll only worry.”
“I told him you were out of danger.” He scowled. “And it’s about time someone worried about you. Li Sung should have seen you were working yourself toward something like this.”
“My fault … I forgot to take the quinghao after I got here.”
“quinghao?”
“It’s an ancient Chinese herbal medicine. Li Sung gave it to me when I first fell sick with the disease in Kasanpore.”
“Do you take it all the time?”
“Not all the time. Only when I think I may be coming down with—”
“And just how long have you been taking it since you came to Cinnidar?” he asked with measured precision.
She didn’t answer.
“How long?” Ruel persisted.
“Four weeks.”
“My God.”
“It wasn’t bad. Just night fever.”
“That sapped you of strength during the day.” His right hand grabbed the arm of the chair. “You had it the night you came here, didn’t you? Dammit, you probably would never have even come if you’d been in your right senses.”
Looking back at that hazy, disoriented period, she wasn’t sure if he was right or wrong. “I don’t know. It seemed the only thing to do at the time.” She added quickly, “What’s important is that I’m over it now and I’ll be on my feet in no time. I had an attack last year while I was at Glenclaren and I was back at the mill the next day.”
“An attack as bad as this?”
She shook her head. “But that doesn’t mean I—” She stopped and asked wearily, “Why should it matter to you?”
“Because I—” He glanced away from her as he set the glass on the nightstand. “Because I need that railroad built.”
He had been about to say something else, something completely different. She frowned in puzzlement. “We’re only a few days behind schedule and this illness won’t hold us up. Li Sung is very competent. I’ll go back to the crossing tomorrow.”
“The hell you will.” His glance shifted swiftly back to her face, blue eyes blazing. “So you can collapse again the next day or the day after that? You’ll stay here and rest for another week.”
“The hell I will.” She repeated his words. “You need that railroad built, and so do I. I can be sick some other time.”
“And you will. That’s what I’m saying, dammit. Rest now and you might—” He stopped as he saw her face. “All right, four days.”
She shook her head.
“Four days and I’ll bring Medford over here tomorrow afternoon to discuss the joining of the rails so that you won’t feel the time’s completely wasted.”
She really did need to see Medford. She studied Ruel’s determined expression and decided if she didn’t compromise she would only have to spend the strength she needed for convalescence arguing with him. “Three days.”
“Done.” Ruel smiled.
She stared at him, startled. It was a real smile that lit his face with warmth and humor, the kind of smile she had received from him rarely even in those days before the train wreck. “Why are you—there’s something different.”
His lids immediately hooded his eyes. “Different?”
The impression of warmth was gone and Ruel was once more an enigma. Yet she was sure for a moment there had been something very odd in his demeanor.
“Go back to sleep.” He stood up. “I’ll go to the palace and send Tamar with a message for Medford. Satisfied?”
She was too bewildered and weak to be satisfied about anything. “I suppose I am.”
He lingered, looking down at her. “It’s going to be all right, you know,” he said haltingly. “I’m not—” He stopped again and then made an impatient motion with his hand. “Oh, what the hell!” He whirled on his heel and strode out of the summerhouse.
She gazed blankly after him.
Something had definitely changed.
The covers shifted and a draft of cool air roused her from sleep. Warm flesh, the scent of leather and spice. Ruel was beside her. “Ruel …”
“Shh.” He drew her close, her back to him spoon-fashion. “Go back to sleep.” “Medford?”
“Four o’clock tomorrow.” He stroked the hair tumbling over his arm. “How do you feel?”
She felt drained of strength but oddly content and safe in his arms. “Better.”
His next words came with a strange awkwardness. “I thought about letting you sleep alone, but I want to be here if you dream again. It can’t be good for you to toss and turn like that.”
“Dream?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No, how did you know I was dreaming?”
“I could hardly not be aware of it when you were screaming at the top of your lungs.”
She felt a flicker of uneasiness at the knowledge that she had unknowingly exposed herself. “Screaming about what?”
He didn’t answer for a moment. “I couldn’t make out the words. None of it made sense.”
Relief flooded her and she relaxed against him. “Naturally, nightmares never do.”
“Go to sleep. You won’t have any nightmares tonight.”
She had an idea that he was right. Her eyes closed and she let the veils of sleep fall around her. She did not have to worry about anything. Ruel would keep the dragons of the night away….
“That wraps it up.” Medford rolled the maps and stood up. “If there are any changes, send someone to let me know. When do you think you’ll reach the canyon wall?”
“On schedule.” Jane made a face. “We’re having trouble with a rogue elephant damaging the track, but we’ll find a way to overcome the difficulty.”
He smiled. “I believe you will. You’ve done a fine job.”
She looked at him, surprised. “You think so?”
“It’s early days yet,” he qualified quickly. “But I’ve been impressed with the way you’ve proceeded so far. It’s not what I expected of you.”
“I was aware of that,” she said dryly.
“But you’ve not let your liaison with Ruel affect your work. I was afraid after—” He stopped, grimacing. “I wasn’t supposed to mention that.”
“What?”
“Ruel said he’d tear out my tongue if I didn’t keep our talk on a strictly business basis.” He shrugged. “He should have known better. I’m not a man who hides what he thinks.”
“I’ve noticed,” she said, her mind on what he had said. Why had Ruel tried to protect her when he had not done so before?
“Time for you to go, Medford.” Ruel stood in the doorway. “She has to rest now.”
“I was just leaving.” He nodded to Jane as he moved hastily toward the door. “I hope you recover quickly, Miss Barnaby.”
“Good day, Mr. Medford.”
“He stayed too long.” Ruel scowled as he closed the door behind the engineer. “I told him one hour. Did he tire you?”
“No,” she said slowly. “But I’m contused.”
“Fever?” He swore beneath his breath as he moved across the room. “That damn doctor said it shouldn’t come back right away.” He touched her forehead. “You don’t feel hot.”
“I don’t have a fever.” She turned her head to avoid his touch. “And I don’t have to be ill to be bewildered about how you’re treating me. Why are you being so kind to me?”
“No wonder you’re confused. You haven’t received an overabundance of the commodity from me, have you?” He smiled mockingly. “Pure self-interest. I need you well to build my railroad.”
“I … don’t think so.”
He dropped down into the Louis XV chair in front of the window. “What other reason could there be?”
She wished she could see his face. He sat there, his legs indolently stretched before him, the sunlight forming an areola about his hair, his face in shadow. “I’m not sure, but I think it’s because I became ill.”
“Are you saying I pity you?”
“No.” She was silent, trying to fit the pieces together. “I believe it’s because you took care of me. Kartauk says some people are natural caretakers and the more they guard and protect, the stronger the obligation to keep on doing it.”
“Oh, yes, he told me you were one of the caretakers of the world. I assure you I’m not so giving by nature.”
“You gave to Ian.”
“Ian is the exception.”
“Is he?”
“I believe I’ve proved that during the last few days.” He got to his feet. “I’m growing bored with all this searching of souls. Do you play poker?”
She nodded. “But I’m not as good as Li Sung.”
“I didn’t think you would be. Bluffing wouldn’t come easily to you.” He opened the drawer of the table next to him. “While I’m truly superb in the art.”
“Then why should I play with you?”
“To pass the time.” He sat down at the table and started to shuffle the deck. “And to give me a victory. I’m feeling in dire need of one.”
“Then what satisfaction would I receive?”
He smiled. “I’m a running patterer, remember? I might be persuaded to give you the benefit of my skill to compensate. Sit down and I’ll tell you how I found my first gold mine.”
“Is it an interesting story?”
“At the time it was harrowing rather than interesting. I was nineteen and still had a few lessons to learn.” He began to deal the cards. “But I’ll make it entertaining for you.”
She was sure he would do that. He would amuse and intrigue, cloaking the grimness of the tale in glittering eloquence, but perhaps she might catch glimpses of that younger, more vulnerable Ruel.
“Well?” Ruel picked up his cards.
She had never felt more confident or sure of her own strength of will than she had these past days. He could no longer hurt her, so why shouldn’t she satisfy her curiosity about him?
“Why not?” She moved across the room toward him. “As you say, it will pass the time.”
“Jane is with Ruel at the summerhouse,” Margaret said as she watched Kartauk pack the sand around the mold of Ian’s seal.
“Oh?” He raised a shaggy brow. “And is that troubling your stern Scottish morality?”
“No, though I suppose it should. I’m afraid he’s going to hurt her.”
“Leave them alone, Margaret. You can’t save the world.”
“Only a heathen does not try to change bad to good.” She wearily shook her head. “But sometimes the lines become blurred, don’t they?”
“Good God, I believe I detect a softening in that rigid backbone. Jane’s not nearly so vulnerable as she used to be, and she and Ruel must play out what’s between them in their own way and time. Neither of them would thank you for interfering.”
“Ruel is—”
“Many things,” Kartauk interrupted. “And will be many more before he is fully formed. It will be interesting to watch.”
“You don’t think he’s wicked?”
“Ruel?” He shook his head. “I don’t doubt he believes he is, but he doesn’t know the meaning of wickedness.”
“And you do?”
“Oh, yes, I studied under a master.” “Abdar?”
He nodded. “A true and complete monster.”
It was the first time he had made more than a passing mention of Abdar. She asked curiously, “Then why did you stay so long with him?”
“My work was principally done for his father, the maharajah, and I had little to do with Abdar until the year before I left the palace. Then the maharajah became interested in his railroad and Abdar received permission to have my services put at his disposal.” He shrugged. “After six months I decided I could stomach no more and departed.”
“What work did you do for him?”
“I did a statue of his favorite goddess, Kali. It was quite a splendid effort.”
“Kali?”
“The goddess of destruction. Abdar regards himself as her true son, sent to earth to do her work.” His lips set grimly. “But he also believes that his power must be constantly fed. That’s why he needed me.”
“To create statues?”
“No.” He paused. “Masks.”
“Masks?”
“Masks of gold.” He turned to look at her. “Are you sure you wish to hear this? It’s not a pretty tale.”
“Yes, go on.”
“Abdar believes his power is strengthened by the emotion of those around him, and the stronger the soul, the more powerful emotion to feed on. But emotions are fleeting and Abdar grew more and more irritated. He decided he needed to stabilize the emotion, freeze it so that he could draw on it at any time.” He lifted a brow. “And what better method to freeze an emotion than death?”
Her eyes widened in shock.
“You wanted to hear it. Abdar believed if he could capture that last tremendous burst of emotion and energy, he could draw it into himself.”
“Death masks,” she whispered. “He had you create death masks?”
“I did three for him. The first was of one of his concubines, a young woman named Mirad. Her body was brought to me early one morning by Pachtal, and I was told the woman had died during the night of a seizure and Abdar wished a mask in gold to remember her by. It had to be of gold because it was the purest and most immortal of metals. I made the mask. Actually, it turned out very well. The woman was beautiful and her expression sad but serene.
A week later Pachtal brought me another dead woman with the same story. This mask was much harder to do. The muscles of her face were twisted, frozen in an expression of pain and terror.”
“Another death so soon?”
“I found it odd as well, but I didn’t allow myself the indulgence of questioning him. The third body that was brought to me was that of a young boy no more than eleven or twelve, and his face—” His lips thinned. “I could He to myself no longer. No sane man could want that face preserved for eternity. I refused to do the mask.
“An hour later Abdar paid me a visit and told me that I would make his masks and ask no questions or he would cut off my hands. I was to be the divine tool of Kali and create him masks with which to surround himself so that he could look on them and draw their energy into himself.”
“He murdered them?” she whispered.
“Oh yes, with Pachtal’s help. Pachtal experimented with various poisons to get the exact effect Abdar wanted. Abdar told me he had decided that pain gave the greatest explosion of energy, so he had Pachtal accommodate him with a poison that induced the required result.”
She felt sick. “You’re right. They are monsters. And Ruel believes Abdar will come here?”
He nodded. “That’s why he’s working so hard to be prepared for him. He wants to bring a final end to Abdar.”
Her gaze searched his face. “That is why you came to Cinnidar, isn’t it? You want Abdar killed too.”
“I admit I think the world would be a brighter place without him. I’m tired of hiding my glorious light under a basket.” He met her gaze. “But that’s not why I came.”
“Then why did—” She inhaled sharply. Another precipice. These days it seemed every word and gesture could become fraught with danger in the space of a heartbeat. It was a moment before she could look back down at the mold in the box. “When do we pour the gold?”
“Soon.” He said slowly. “It’s unwise to lack patience in these matters even when it’s difficult to wait.”
Ruel’s gaze narrowed on Jane’s face. “You’re bluffing.” He spread out his hand. “Two kings. Call.”
Jane threw down her cards in disgust. “How did you know? I thought I was getting better.”
“You are.” He gathered up the cards. “No outward signs. If I hadn’t known you, I might have been fooled.”
“Then how did you know, blast it.”
“Instinct. With some people you can sense their tension. It’s nothing you can put your finger on.”
Well, he could certainly sense her emotions, she thought ruefully. She had won only four games out of the many they had played in the past day and a half. It should have been an exasperating experience, and yet for some reason she had not found it so. “Instinct? You can’t be that good. I probably twitched an eyebrow or something. I’ll watch it next time. Deal.”
He set the cards on the table. “Later. Time for your nap.”
“I’m not tired. Deal.”
“Later,” he repeated. “Right now you rest.”
“I’m well again,” she protested. “I’m going back to work tomorrow.”
“I’ve been thinking about that. You should have another week.”
“Tomorrow,” she repeated flatly. “And I’m not going to rest any—”
She stopped, startled, as a knock sounded on the door. No one came to the summerhouse except Tamar, who delivered their meals, and it was only midafternoon.
Ruel threw open the door to reveal Dilam standing on the doorstep.
Jane’s heart lurched and she jumped to her feet. “What’s wrong?” She moved quickly across the room. “Is Li Sung well?”
“Li Sung is in good health,” Dilam said. “It is the elephant.”
Jane muttered an imprecation. “How bad?”
“All went well. We finished the repairs and extended the tracks to a mile beyond the crossing. All that time Danor did not come.”
“How bad?”
“We thought he had given it up. Then last night.” She shrugged. “Three miles of track ruined. Li Sung was not pleased.”
“Neither am I,” Jane said grimly.
“Li Sung went after him.”
She should have known Li Sung would react like this. Why the devil did he have such an obsession with the beast? “Alone?”
“It will come to that,” Dilam said. “I sent him to the mine to see if any of the workers there would go with him, but I knew they would not.”
“Then why send him there?”
“I needed time to get to you and tell you what he planned.” Dilam frowned worriedly. “I do not think Danor will hurt him, but I do not—you will go after him, yes?”
“Yes. How much time do I have?”
“Li Sung will probably start after the elephant tonight or early tomorrow morning. He should have very little head start on you if you come at once.”
“And just how does he think he’s going to find this elephant,” Ruel asked.
Dilam looked at him in surprise. “It is not difficult to track an elephant. They hardly creep unnoticed through the jungle.”
That was true enough, Jane thought as she remembered the broken branches and uprooted trees that had marked Danor’s path. “Go saddle my horse, Dilam. I’ll meet you at the stable in fifteen minutes.” She shut the door and moved across the room to the armoire. “Don’t worry, this won’t hold us up,” she told Ruel. “Dilam will supervise the workers while Li Sung and I get rid of the elephant.”
“If you don’t have a relapse trying to track down Li Sung in that jungle,” Ruel said grimly.
“I’m going after him.”
“I’m not arguing with you. I didn’t think you’d do anything else.” Ruel strode toward the door. “Heaven forbid you take care of your own health when Li Sung wants to kill an elephant.”
“May I point out that elephant is destroying your track?”
“He could also destroy—” Ruel stopped in mid-sentence as he opened the door. “I’ll meet you at the stable. I have some affairs to tidy up here before I can leave.”
“You’re going back to the mountain?”
“Hell no, I’m going elephant hunting.” The door slammed behind him.
“I’ll make camp.” Ruel lifted her off her horse and turned away. “Sit down somewhere before you fall down.”
“I can help.”
“Of course you can. You’re white as a sheet and you’ve been reeling in the saddle for the last two miles,” Ruel said sarcastically. “But you’re fit as a fiddle.”
She was too tired to argue with him. He had been moody and bad-tempered since they had left the palace the day before, and her nerves were as raw as his appeared to be. She collapsed on a fallen log beside the clearing and watched as he unsaddled the horses and began to gather wood for a fire.
Neither of them spoke until after they had eaten and Ruel was scraping the remains of the food on the plates into the fire. “You didn’t eat much,” he said curtly. “How do you expect to gain any strength if you starve yourself?”
“I had enough.” She changed the subject. “I thought we’d have caught up with Li Sung by now.”
“I thought so too. We traveled at a pretty good clip, so he has to be close. We’re bound to catch up with him in the morning.” He spread out their bedrolls on either side of the fire. “If he’s not gone completely berserk and tries blundering through the jungle in the dark.”
“Li Sung’s not gone berserk.”
“We’re all mad. Why else are we in the middle of the jungle chasing a damn elephant?”
“You didn’t have to come with me.”
“Didn’t I?”
“I would have been fine.”
“I’m not doing it for you,” he said jerkily. “I need that line finished before Abdar decides to pay us a visit.”
“It will be finished.”
“And the first shipment to the dock will probably be your corpse.”
She had suddenly had enough. “Why should you care?” she flared at him. “Then you’ll be free of me.”
“Dammit, I’ll never be free of you.” He whirled and jerked her to her feet, his eyes glittering wildly in his set face. “God help me, I don’t want to be free of you. I want you alive. I want you … Jesus, I want you with me for the rest of my life.”
She stared at him, stunned.
“Stop looking at me like that. Do you think I like it, that I haven’t been fighting it? But it’s here, dammit, and I can’t do anything about it.”
She laughed shakily. “What a tender declaration. Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s only a temporary affliction and will soon go away.”
“It’s not gone away in three years. I think I knew in Kasanpore there was no escape, and now we’ve come full circle.” His hands kneaded her shoulders with an odd yearning movement. “And sometimes there is … tenderness.”
“Pity, you mean.” She stepped back from him. “Caretaking.”
“Caretaking? Those are your words. You scared the hell out of me. I thought I was going to lose you.” His grip tightened. “I’m not going to lose you, Jane. Not ever.”
She felt the panic rising. Everything had seemed so clear. She had been so sure of her ability to fight him and yet now she was experiencing a strange weakness and uncertainty. She must not let him sway her. “Lose me? You’ve never had me. You’re never going to have me. I’m not such a fool that I’d let you come close to me after all that’s gone between us.”
“We’re already close. We’re so close we’re almost a part of each other. You feel it and so do I. We’re so close that we never really left each other even though you were oceans away.”
The intensity of his emotion was reaching out to her, surrounding her, smothering her.
“No,” she whispered.
“Yes.” His finger reached out and gently touched the plane of her cheek. “Oh yes, we have to have each other. We have to be together.”
“Ian.”
He went still. “I can work it out.”
“Forgive? Forget?” She smiled sadly. “Not you, Ruel.”
“I’ll work it out,” he repeated. “I have no choice.”
“But I do have a choice.” She turned away from him and moved toward her bedroll. “And I have no intention of letting myself be hurt by you again. Ever since we met you’ve manipulated me, pulled me to and fro to suit yourself, but it’s finished now. When this is over I’m going to be free to live my life as I wish and you’ll not be a part of it.” She forced herself to glance at him over her shoulder. “I can’t believe you’d think I’d want anything else.”
“Then I’ll have to change your mind, won’t I?” One corner of his lips lifted in a sardonic smile. “Oh, I know it’s not going to be easy after what I’ve done to you. I’ll do what I can to smooth the way for both of us, but you’ll have to work through it too.”
Dear God, she had seen how determined and irresistible Ruel could be when he was focusing his attention on a goal. Now he wanted to focus that will on her for a lifetime instead of a few days of revenge. The mere idea terrified her. She wanted peace to live her own life as she saw fit. She settled down in her blankets and turned her back to him, trying to shut out his words, trying to shut him out.
“We could share one bedroll, you know,” he said softly. “We’d probably both sleep better. We’re used to each other now.”
The truth of his words frightened her even more. They were used to each other’s bodies, used to all the textures and scents and flavors, used to the rhythms of passion. They knew each other in the most erotic and seductive of intimacies. Yet there had been other moments in the past few days when their togetherness had taken on a gentler, even comfortable quality. He was no longer a dark secret to her, and that knowledge in itself was alluring. He was a battle she had fought and lost … and won.
“For God’s sake, I’d only hold you. I’m not fool enough to think you’re well enough to—” He broke off. “It would be a start.”
She couldn’t let it start. “No.” She could feel his gaze on her back. She had been so relieved when she had thought herself free of him. Let him not say anything more. Let him not touch her.
With relief she heard him move toward his own bedroll and settle into the blankets. The silence was unbroken for several moments. Then he said in a low voice, “Think about it, Jane. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit you don’t have any choice either.”
Her eyes were suddenly stinging with unshed tears. He had mentioned need and lust but not love. Not that she wanted him to love her, she told herself quickly. She knew that was as impossible for him as it was for her now. She was tired and not completely over her illness or she would not feel this sense of desolate loneliness and isolation. She would get over it. She mustn’t answer him or let him come any closer.
She hoped he was wrong about her not having a choice. Of course he was wrong. He had to be wrong.