The Time It Takes

Chapter one

"They think he's not the asshole," I informed my partner, scrolling through the forum post on my phone. My feet were up on the dash, and he was driving.

He snorted. "That's ridiculous."

"Well, I can see both points of view. You don't lock your partner out of the house, that's not cool. But not listening to your girlfriend when she repeatedly brings up a problem is also pretty awful."

"Sure," he agreed easily, uncomfortably.

I looked over at my partner. He was a big strapping guy, a wolf shifter. We'd been paired up for about six months. Sometimes I felt like I'd known him forever. Sometimes I felt like I barely understood him at all. We worked well together.

"So are you okay?" asked Arlie quietly. "You usually don't read those unless something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," I said, then grimaced.

I thought about what I'd said: not listening to your partner when they brought up an issue. That kind of described my relationship with my girlfriend. She never thought my concerns were important. She acted like every single issue in our relationship was my fault.

We didn't even seem to enjoy each other's company anymore. I knew we had, once. The relationship had been fun, once. We'd seemed to be heading in the same direction. Not anymore.

I was tired of things being my fault, and not knowing which ones were actually my fault, and which ones were her blaming me for things I couldn't possibly have done.

I thought I was a pretty good boyfriend, but sometimes she just seemed to hate the sight of me, and there wasn't a thing in the world I could do right.

You'd think I wouldn't feel the urge to lie to Arlie anymore.

He knew me well, and more than that, I trusted him.

But it was complicated, because my relationship with my girlfriend was kind of falling apart, and I hated having him know so much about that.

It felt shameful, like something I should hide.

I'd already confided in him too much, and while he tried not to be judgmental about it, he didn't always manage.

"You sure you two should be together?" he'd asked me, just once. He'd have asked me more, I suspect, if I hadn't gotten offended about it.

Darby was the same beautiful woman I'd started dating three years ago—except that she was no longer fun to be around, because it seemed like we were always arguing or on the outs about something.

Sure, there were good days here and there—reminders of why we'd like each other in the first place. But fewer and fewer of them. I felt like shit about our relationship most of the time these days, and sometimes I even dreaded going home at night.

My partner probably knew even more of that than I wanted him to know.

Anyway, as bad as it was, I didn't want judgment from my wolf shifter partner about it.

We can't all be born having a destined mate we match perfectly with.

Not that it had worked out that way for Arlie.

He'd shared with me during our training that he was bi.

I'd thought that should make it twice as easy to find someone he meshed with romantically.

So far, that didn't seem to be true. He'd been dating, looking, but he hadn't clicked with anybody yet.

He didn't seem to be finding a mate anytime soon.

But Arlie was right: there was a reason I'd been obsessed with the posts online about relationship drama, about who was at fault.

Small things could become big irritants.

Sometimes, I knew she was probably right to be irritated at me.

And sometimes, it was just confusing as hell.

How did I get a cold shoulder for not complimenting her outfit correctly, when I'd already said I liked it, that she looked great?

It was the way I said it, apparently. But it didn't feel fair, to be told my tone was wrong, when I really did mean it. Lately it was getting harder and harder to discuss things we disagreed about, because it wasn't like it ever led anywhere positive. We just ended up fighting.

Anyway, it was nice to be able to go online and see that my relationship was pretty normal compared to some. Maybe not great, but better.

"Well, are you on for bowling tonight?" Arlie asked, changing the subject. He got bored with the posts sooner than I did.

"Hm?" I looked up from my doomscrolling.

"Bowling. Tonight. You coming?"

"Oh." He had a regular bowling night he went to, since he'd joined a local pack.

He'd been a lone wolf when we met. Some wolves liked to stay that way, but not Arlie.

He'd been only too glad to jump into the social aspects of life in a pack.

He even lived in the row of townhouses where the pack family members clustered.

He didn't have his own home, just rented a room.

It was easier, he said. Fewer chores and less expense.

"Uh, right, bowling." I thought about Darby, guiltily.

She'd said she'd be working late. There was a strange feeling of relief about that, that we wouldn't have an evening together, that I could do what I wanted and not have it be an issue.

I could spend time with him and the pack and not have it be a mark of one more way I was failing as a boyfriend.

"Sure, that sounds fun."

"It doesn't, doesn't it?" He grinned. "The pack does a lot of fun stuff. Some of us are going to the amusement park next month. You want to go to that too?"

"I'm not really part of the pack," I reminded him. "You can't invite me to everything."

"Sure I can! You're my partner, aren't you?"

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I didn't say anything. But inwardly, I sighed at the thought of how much wrangling that would take with Darby.

She didn't like doing activities with the pack, but she also didn't like me doing things with them without her. It was awkward. I didn't want to not be in my partner's life socially, and I really enjoyed being around his pack.

"Let me think about it," I told him.

His smile, which had been large, died a little. "Sure. Probably should check with Darby," he said, trying to keep his voice neutral.

"Hm," I said noncommittally, and went back to scrolling. If I didn't want to have conflict with Darby, I also didn't want to disappoint my partner. Whatever I did, someone wouldn't be happy with me.

#

"Cole! You're not watching!" protested Ellie, one of the pack members. I'd looked up just in time to miss her strike. She scowled at me, hands on hips. "You're supposed to watch!"

I'd been fiddling with my phone, trying to stave off another text argument with Darby.

"I don't have to watch." I should get to lounge. I shouldn't have to be on alert constantly.

Not that texting was currently relaxing me very much.

"Yes you do, because when you look at your phone you get all sad and stuff." She marched over and took my phone from my hands, using her fingers gingerly, like she was touching something both delicate and potentially deadly.

"Hey," I protested mildly.

"Hey," said Arlie, arriving to rejoin us, hands full of drinks and hotdogs. "What did I miss?"

"Cole's lost in his phone again," said Ellie, trying to sound playful and not quite managing it.

Arlie stared at her. "It's his phone," he pointed out.

Gwen and her husband were there then, taking the food and drinks from Arlie, unburdening him.

"You got the good stuff," said Sully, grinning.

"Everything's good here," said Gwen.

Arlie was still staring at Ellie. He held out a hand, now that he had them free.

She looked stubborn and started to turn red. He kept his hand out. "Fine." She rolled her eyes and put my phone in his hand. "If you want to enable the party-pooping."

"He's my partner," Arlie explained gently, handing my phone back to me. "Cole can do whatever he wants."

I felt awkward, but I wasn't sure why. Ellie could be a little bit childish, and normally I didn't care. Maybe it was the way Arlie said that I could do whatever I wanted. It seemed too nakedly loyal to say aloud, too profound somehow, like something he should hide and not admit out loud.

I glanced at my phone once more. Great, she hadn't texted back. I was getting the silent treatment again. I slid my phone away and tried, for Arlie, to be present. To pay attention.

Besides, it was his turn to bowl. I had to watch.

Ellie sat down on the seat beside me, close enough I could feel the heat of her body.

I thought about moving away, but I wasn't sure if that would be more rude than she'd been to me.

I like to keep things proportional. Besides, I didn't have a problem with Ellie.

She was just young. Cute, if you like blondes, but very young in my eyes.

Now that I'd turned thirty, anyone in their very early twenties just seemed like a kid to me.

I watched Arlie bowl and tried to put the upcoming argument out of my mind.

The truth was, if something didn't start getting better in my relationship with Darby, we were going to have to break up. It would be better to be single than live in a constant battleground.

"Your turn, my man." Arlie clapped me gently on the shoulder and smiled down at me. "Don't take it so hard. You still might catch up!"

I might. But I probably wouldn't. I got up and Arlie took my seat, which was still warm. Ellie clapped before I'd even started to throw the ball.

"Whooo! You got this, Cole!"

I didn't. I bowled a six and a two. "Darn," I said when I rejoined them, because we made an effort not to swear around the pack. Lots of kids in the pack, and some of the older members didn't feel comfortable around foul language. I liked them to feel comfortable with me.

"Hey, you tried," said Arlie, but there was a twinkle in his eye.

"Don't be rude," I told him. I stood in front of the seat, waiting for him to get up and trade places with me. Instead, he took hold of my wrist and pulled me closer.

"There's room right here." He patted his thighs.

"C'mon," I protested, but I let myself be pulled onto his lap without fighting it.

He was teasing about it, but he also wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, and I felt something in me relax. How had he known I needed a hug, rather desperately?

For a moment, I didn't care if it looked playful or too familiar, or gay, or whatever. It just felt awfully good to be held.