Chapter five
I was helping make a salad in the big kitchen, and Ellie was nearby helping, too. She stood close, her elbow occasionally bumping mine.
"What's your favorite thing to eat, Cole?" she asked me, her head bent low as she cut tomatoes. The juice, the seeds, were sliding everywhere on the cutting board, threatening to create a gush of fluids onto the table.
"Not sure," I said, not really paying attention to her words.
"I like lots of different things." The tomato seeds were bothering me.
Any moment, they'd be all over the table.
It wasn't like we were being particularly tidy, but salad making shouldn't be this messy, even when you were making enough for a dozen people.
The door opened, and a kid ran through, giggling. Another chased after, not sounding nearly so happy. Then footsteps, full-sized and adult.
"Hey, don't leave the door open," said a familiar voice, and Arlie was there.
I looked up and smiled at him, and then stopped, because he was with someone.
A woman was following him, a loose open sweater wrapped around her.
She looked around cautiously, as if wondering if anyone was going to leap out and startle her.
"Hey," I said, to Arlie. I hoped he'd introduce his guest. I was pretty sure it was his date.
I wasn't sure why, but I didn't like meeting his dates, which somehow made me all the more determined to meet them and be nice, so he'd never guess.
It was weird how much I didn't like his dates.
I hoped I wasn't becoming a misogynist in my old age.
Just none of them seemed good enough for him.
Maybe my view of things was colored by how bad it had gotten for me with Darby. Not every girl was like that, and let's be real, Arlie was probably better at judging character than I was.
The young woman raised a hand awkwardly, her smile weak. "Hey," she said.
She had a slight build, the stereotypical pretty blond girl with perfect makeup and fashionable clothing.
She probably dieted all the time or worked out obsessively to stay so slim.
I wondered if she had a shifter kink or wanted a big, strong man.
Maybe she was just curious about dating a wolf shifter.
I didn't know what the girls who went after Arlie wanted, that they never seemed to stick around for more than a couple of dates. Maybe the sex wasn't good.
I shouldn't be thinking like this. It was gross, and I needed to mind my place. It wasn't my business what he did with his dick, or what he saw in these girls he dated so mindlessly that he couldn't even seem to find one he'd last with a whole month.
I didn't think he was just a fuckboy, because he'd told me he wanted to settle down. He wanted someone for life. He'd confided more than once he was frustrated with how hard it was to find that person.
"This is Dylan," said Arlie, not looking at her. He gestured vaguely. "Dylan, this is Cole, my partner."
"We work together for the police," I clarified, wiping my lettuce-wet hands quickly on a kitchen towel and extending a hand to offer for a shake. "Pleased to meet you," I lied.
She shook my hand cautiously and looked past me with questioning eyes to Ellie. "Ellie, my pack mate," said Arlie, still not looking at Dylan.
Ellie moved forward to shake hands, her grin broader than I'd managed. "Hey, Dylan! How cool! It's nice to meet you! You're so pretty! Hey, can you stay for a while and eat with us?"
I was relieved to let her take the wheel.
I moved my gaze to Arlie, and he met my stare.
His expression was shut down, like he didn't want to be here.
I sent a silent question, but he just shook his head slightly.
Didn't want to talk about it, or couldn't, with her here?
Then why'd he bring her here? Great, now I was irritated with both of them, and they literally hadn't done a thing to me.
I turned back to the salad, to finish chopping and throw it together.
Arlie moved to the cutting board and finished Ellie's tomatoes for her with a few quick cuts.
He corralled the seeds and sloshed them into the lettuce and veggie mixture with the rest of it.
Ew. Maybe they'd sink to the bottom so I wouldn't have to eat any of them.
Ellie, still chattering, guided Dylan into the next room, showing her around, introducing her to people.
I didn't know how she did it. I could hardly stand to look at the girl, much less play nice and introduce her with such enthusiasm.
Ellie had to know she wouldn't last long.
There was no way I could read Arlie's body language and she couldn't.
I lowered my voice, very very low. He'd be able to hear me, no matter how quiet my whisper. He had that wolf hearing. "Why do you keep going for these little blond chicks if you're not even into them, man?"
He shrugged, looking awkward. Maybe I'd embarrassed him. Maybe he'd embarrassed himself, and was struggling to save the date by letting her meet the pack.
Or maybe he was scaring her off, so she'd lose interest. Why did he do this to himself? It was getting embarrassing. It was getting weird.
It was always these little blond girls he went after.
Surely he was too old to be forever chasing girls in their early twenties.
He'd be forty before I was. Being in your thirties was old enough to find someone your own age, or at least date for more than a week or two.
Or just give in and admit he was a fuckboy and just wanted sex.
Or that he wanted a guy, but for whatever reason, wouldn't let himself go there. He knew he was bi. The pack knew. I knew. But maybe in practice, it was a little harder to actually admit what he wanted.
Maybe the pack was less accepting than he'd thought, and now that he liked it here so much, he was willing to try and play along and find a woman to settle down with. Never mind that he didn't seem to have an imagination other than "young and blond."
A lot of them weren't even shifters, so why shouldn't he expand his horizons a bit? Maybe a punk rock girl with a sense of humor. You know, someone interesting. Date an adventurous spirit, a single mom, someone his age or older—anything but the underfed Wonder Bread background extras.
God, I was feeling mean.
I dumped the rest of my veg into the big mixing bowl. If that wasn't good enough, too damn bad. Arlie knew I was angry. Maybe he even knew why, though probably not since I was still a little uncertain why it pissed me off so much.
But he didn't acknowledge it, didn't raise his head or look at me.
He just started mixing the salad, keeping his head down.
His shoulders were low. He was a big, sturdy guy, and usually, the way he stood, it would be hard to knock him over, even if you were a linebacker, which I certainly wasn't. He looked hunched in on himself now.
I didn't say anything else. It wasn't my place, and he clearly didn't want to hear it. I walked off, went to my room, and grabbed keys and jacket. I'd go to the gym, skip supper, and not have to look at him for a while.
As I headed out, I heard Ellie still talking cheerfully to Dylan in the distance. Arlie was nowhere to be seen—until I got into my car, and he jogged up and headed towards the passenger seat. He pointed to the door, giving me a little nod, and reluctantly I unlocked it and he slid in.
"Shouldn't you be with your date?" I said, trying not to sound as sarcastic as I felt about the whole thing.
"C'mon man."
I sighed at him.
"You're taking this too personally. I'll figure it out, okay? She seemed cool online."
"She's too young for you."
"Twenty-nine?" He sounded startled. "You think so?"
I fell silent. She'd looked way younger than that to me.
What did I know about women? Clearly not much, if I was that easily fooled by makeup, skin care, and a slight build.
But it wasn't just that. She had youthful features, and she seemed so.
..uncertain. I hadn't thought she was any older than Ellie.
"I wish you'd find someone you actually like or stop trying," I told him, calming down a little. It was still annoying, but if he wasn't being a creep about dating much younger women—just stupid in general—that wasn't as bad, really. It shouldn't bother me as much as it did.
"Just because you've given up on dating doesn't mean I should," said Arlie, like he was trying not to be annoyed and not quite managing. "I know you went through hell figuring out your last relationship, and it wasn't great. That doesn't mean it's like that for me."
"Sure, make this about me! You find these girls you clearly have no interest in, string them along for a date or two, then start fresh.
How is that me being weird? Look, you told me you're bi.
Why do you never date guys? Why can't you look past these tiny blond chicks and try to find someone you've actually got chemistry with? "
It was a hell of a thing to say. I didn't usually talk to Arlie like that. We had a much more circumspect style of conversation—usually with him having to dig an opinion out of me, not this. Today I'd taken a big opinion dump right in front of him and now it lay there, steaming, between us.
"The pack doesn't want another same-sex couple here," he told me, his voice lower and more gravelly than normal.
Great, I'd upset him. I guess I'd meant to, but I still wished it hadn't worked. I was used to Arlie being calm and in control. He never lost his cool. He was always level-headed. But he was as human as anyone else, and everyone's got buttons that shouldn't be pushed.
"I'm sorry," I managed, a shitty apology.
I tried to think of what I should actually say to fix this. I didn't want to be on the outs with Arlie, and if he truly did think the pack wouldn't approve of him dating a man, this was clearly a touchy and complicated issue.
He managed to keep his voice even. "They've accepted Tina and Saoirse, but that was a stretch. And Tina was born in the pack. I wasn't. My choices are to be single or find a nice girl, unless I want to leave the pack. I thought you'd know that."
I'd wondered if it could be something like that, but to hear it stated so clearly was disturbing. The pack loved Arlie. Would they really reject him over something like his orientation? It was hard to believe it of them.
"You'd let them decide that for you?"
He shrugged. "I didn't think it would matter. I didn't think it would be that hard. If I like men or women, it shouldn't be this hard to find a girl I can stand. One person out of the whole world."
I gave him a look and let him think about that for a second.
He sank back into the seat, slouching, running fingers back through his hair, grimacing in embarrassment. "I'd be the asshole, huh? On the forum."
"Yeah, you kind of would." A girl he could stand, indeed.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, quit fooling yourself, all of that.
But other people's judgment wasn't what he needed more of right now.
He needed to figure out what he wanted. "Look, I don't—" I tried again.
"It's none of my business. Not really. But I don't like the idea of you changing yourself for other people.
Anyway, it doesn't seem to be working. Is it really worth staying in the pack if you have to pretend to be someone else? "
He looked startled by the idea. "I really like it here."
"Even if they can't accept you? Maybe they'd do better than you think."
"Hm," he said noncommittally.
This was his thing to figure out. I knew that. I couldn't fix it for him. Hell, maybe he even had a chance to do what he thought the pack wanted and find a woman to settle down with.
"You do what you've got to do," I told him. "I'll try and keep my opinions to myself. But could you at least make sure she gets home safe? None of this is Dylan's fault."
"You remembered her name," he said, sounding pleased. "You like her?"
I gave him a look.
He stopped smiling. "Okay, you don't like her."
"I don't think I'm going to like any little blond woman you bring around at this point. Anyway, what the hell does it matter what I think?"
I couldn't stand looking at him for another moment. I got out of the car and walked away. And yeah, it was my car, and I'd been planning to go to the gym. But a walk wouldn't hurt me. It would at least keep me from saying anything else I shouldn't say.