Chapter seven
"I've been thinking about what you said." Arlie tapped his fingers on the wheel, looking about as close to agitated as I ever saw him get.
"Oh?" I said. "The dating thing, or something else?"
"The dating thing."
We were both silent a moment, thinking about that big steaming pile of advice I'd given him. "I should've kept my mouth shut."
"No, it's. It's okay. I'm just. What if you're right?"
About expanding his dating pool beyond blond girls who looked twenty? Or when I'd said he should start dating guys?
"I mean, I won't know if I don't try, right? I haven't actually dated a lot of men. It might be...it might be better. Things obviously aren't working. Maybe if I found somebody for real, the pack would accept it. I mean, it's not like I haven't tried with girls, right?"
He glanced at me self-consciously. "Like would they really stop it, I mean, if it was true love? We're kind of sold on that sort of thing. And if I did find the love of my life, and they were against it, it would be worth leaving the pack, I guess. I mean, who would give up true love for a pack?"
He looked like it might be a hard choice for him, but I didn't say that.
I didn't say anything, just looked back at him, wondering what he wanted from me.
Was it possible my words had actually made him consider steering his life in a new direction?
What kind of power did that mean I had over him?
More than his pack, or less? Maybe my irritated words had been the right thing after all, if they made him think this hard.
"You know a lot more about shifters than I do," I said. And though I hated to admit it, I added, "You probably know more about love, too."
His response was swift, like he didn't even have to think about it.
"Are you kidding? You definitely loved her or you wouldn't have stuck it out that long.
" He said this with conviction, maybe even like it pissed him off.
There wasn't even a hint of just being nice in his tone.
"If you hadn't loved her, you'd have been gone after the first couple of times she played mind games with you.
" He shook his head, mouth twisting. "I don't want to talk about her. "
Yeah. Me neither. It shook me up a little, though, to realize what strong opinions he'd formed about my relationship with Darby—and pretty accurate ones, too.
Sometimes being with Darby had felt like one long mind game—one I hadn't started, didn't want to play, and was definitely losing.
Sometimes I wondered if, beneath everything else, she had ever even liked me to begin with.
Was I just someone who didn't measure up to the imaginary boyfriend she actually wanted—the docile, perfect mind reader with no needs or opinions of his own?
It was a disturbing thought, and I always pushed it away.
I didn't want to think the whole thing had been ugly from day one. I wanted to believe there'd been something real there once, not just for me, but for her, too. Then again, if it wasn't true, what good did it do to kid myself?
Maybe I'd never know the truth. I wondered if that was better, or worse.
"It's my turn for relationship drama," he pointed out. "Okay. So if I date men and the pack starts getting at me about it, you'll back me up, right? It's not going to be one of those things where I have to deal with it myself, because I'm not doing that again."
Again?
"Uh, I'll back you up," I said. "Just tell me what you need from me."
"Stick up for me. You're my partner, and they take you seriously. I don't want to have any little heart-to-hearts about who I choose to date, unless you're with me as backup."
"Of course," I said, startled that he had so much worry about this.
Did he really think I'd abandon him? I guess I'd been in my own head a lot lately, and pretty distracted for even longer than that, but I was there when he needed me, wasn't I?
"Have I been letting you down or something?
You need to let me know that kind of thing.
I wouldn't purposely leave you on your own with a problem. "
He shot me a glance and then looked at me longer. "No. You just seem distant, and since you're mad at me about who I date anyway, I wasn't sure. I just don't want to be left on my own if I make a change and it causes trouble."
"Should you talk to someone first? Or should I?" I could warn them off, I suppose, or get the lay of the land. "Want me to test the waters for you?"
He thought about that. Tapped his fingers on the wheel some more. "Maybe. I don't know. Let me think about it for a day or two."
"Okay." I picked up my phone again, ready to scroll, to get my attention off him so hopefully he could calm down more easily.
Then I paused. "By the way. I'm not sure if this matters.
But. Uh. Ellie asked me if I'd date her.
" I sighed. "I said no, of course. Her feelings might be kinda hurt.
I don't know. I'm not sure how I should've handled that.
But I couldn't let her think it was a possibility.
And it was kind of a surprise." I shrugged, trying not to look as self-conscious as I felt.
I was sure Arlie knew I wasn't bragging about being hit on by the good-looking younger woman, but I still felt awkward talking about this.
Everything about Ellie's revelation had been awkward, at least for me.
He stared at me. When he remembered, he blinked. "Are you kidding?"
I put my phone down again. I'd been trying to hide behind it. "What?"
His mouth twitched into a smile. He looked like he was trying not to laugh at me.
"What?" I said again.
"Everybody noticed but you. So she finally got up the nerve to actually say what she meant. Wow. I mean, that's some growth."
I stared at him. "You knew she was...? You mean she had a crush on me and you knew?"
He shrugged. "I figured you didn't want to know. It was kind of obvious."
"Not to me." I gave him a hard look. "You have these shifter senses and you can read people better than me. Fine, but don't act like I'm supposed to just know. Clue me in next time."
"Really?" He stared at me. "She was all over you every chance she got.
Every time she could, she'd get near you or try to talk to you or get your attention somehow or other.
It was pretty obvious. She didn't jump up and scream 'look at me,' but just about.
You didn't have to be a shifter to see it. "
"Well, I didn't."
He tilted a palm. "Yeah, because you didn't want to."
"That's not true. I thought she was just being friendly. She's friendly with everyone."
"Not me," pointed out Arlie.
I stared at him. Not friendly with Arlie?
Everyone liked Arlie. Obviously they did.
He was great, and he got along with the pack really well.
But Ellie wasn't friendly...? I tried to think of a time she'd interacted with him.
It all seemed to be incidental, or in passing.
She didn't pay a lot of attention to him, I guess.
But that didn't mean she didn't like him, right? She just wasn't as outgoing with Arlie.
He watched me. "Okay. Look, you smell pissed off now. I'm not trying to annoy you. You really want me to tell you every time I think someone has a crush on you?"
"Yes, I really want that," I said.
He shrugged, too broadly. "Okay, fine. Even at work?"
"Hell yes, at work! I need to know what's going on!
If you're right and I'm so stupid that I'm missing all this subtext, you need to help me out.
" I was still halfway between believing him and thinking he was pulling one over on me, but I had the sinking feeling he couldn't fake sincerity that well and wouldn't try.
"You're an attractive guy, Cole," he said, with a kind of annoyed patience in his tone. "You must have noticed people like to check you out. Sometimes they even—gasp—flirt with you."
"Okay, Mr. Sarcasm, so I'm clueless and you aren't. Have a field day with it."
"I'll start telling you if you really want to know. Do I need to tell you about Janet in the mailroom?"
I paused. Janet was maybe fifteen years older than me and a mom.
She had a way of being friendlier than I liked, and I tended to avoid her.
She'd made a couple of especially suggestive remarks, which I'd dodged by playing clueless.
You know, the kind of stuff that can be played off as innocent if you tell anyone, but has an obvious suggestive quality from the way someone says it, and when.
She wore low cut tops and held eye contact for longer than I liked.
She had a very red mouth, and liked to draw attention to it, with a finger, or a piece of candy, or just the way she over-pronounced a word.
She wasn't like that when I wasn't alone with her; she could definitely be professional.
But when it was the two of us alone for any reason, even briefly, she found reasons to brush against me or make sexual comments.
I kept my head down and pretended not to notice, but it didn't make her stop.
I'd have felt silly saying anything to anyone about it.
I thought it was just something I should ignore.
He didn't even try to hide his smirk. "See, you can notice—as long as it's not a shifter, I guess."
I wanted to call him on that and make him explain exactly what he meant.
Did he think I had something against shifters, or Ellie, because I hadn't noticed she was into me?
I resented that. At the same time, I was too embarrassed to continue this conversation.
So, he'd noticed the bullshit with Janet.
And like me, he'd just ignored it. Now, apparently, I was asking him to tell me all the things like that which I might be missing—and might not.
I didn't know what to say, but I was so done with this conversation.
He checked to see if I had more to say. His lips quirked as he looked at me. I picked up my phone and pretended it was very interesting.