Chapter 30
ELIZA
Hello Carrie,
Thanks for your email and sorry I haven’t replied before; it…
it’s been a bit of a week. Boo is fine. In fact we’re both sitting on the sofa together.
His head is on my lap and every now and then he turns and stares at me.
I understand the code now. That means scratch my ears!
Last night he actually slept on my bed. It’s nice to have the company, even if he woke me up by putting his wet nose on mine.
Thank you for sharing about your fake account, that was brave – and braver still, to recognise that you made a mistake.
That’s all we can do in life, learn from our errors.
Don’t give yourself too hard a time. Seeking validation is a trip we all go on, I reckon.
I certainly did as a younger woman and it took me a lot longer than you to change my direction. Well done you.
I’ve sorted out things with the builder. Turns out we had things in common. He grew up with an abusive stepdad and I… I had a challenging relationship with my husband—
Eliza paused. She scratched Boo’s ears and was rewarded with a roller purr.
Should she open up to Carrie about Howard?
It’s not as if she would know he was her grandfather.
A tear trickled down her wet face. It had been hard reading Carrie’s last email, finding out that at the end, Mel had said what a good mum Eliza had been.
Some of the hardest things in life were the ones that came too late.
Eliza couldn’t tell Carrie who she really was, certainly not yet.
Whilst Eliza had the right to tell her the truth about her marriage, she didn’t have the right to expect forgiveness after letting down Mel and Carrie so completely.
Buying Carrie’s life was about helping her granddaughter, it wasn’t about Eliza getting to feel better.
When Howard had insisted they cut off Mel, that the pregnancy was shameful and their daughter would have to move out, Eliza had been given a choice between her husband or daughter.
She’d made the cowardly decision and had to live with it.
But talk about her marriage she would, because the trouble with abuse was that it got covered up; as long as it remained secret, the less people and society talked about it, the harder it was for victims to come forward.
Also, she’d mentioned it to Ariana and Rae – Carrie might find out one way or another.
Boo settled down again. Eliza wiped away her tears and carried on typing.
I fell in love with my husband as a teen.
He had a good job, was a bit older, my parents loved him.
It wasn’t until after we were married that a different side became apparent.
He was jealous, controlling, sometimes violent.
He made me drop my friends, and my relationship with my child suffered.
He had a way of persuading me I’d be nothing without him.
I was scared, confused, and I hate the person I became.
I left him eventually and built my new life with my business and friends. I should have done it so much earlier. The builder had reminded me of my husband, made me feel scared in my own home again, so when I saw your ad it felt like fate – in so many ways.
Never let anyone else run your life, Carrie. You can always grasp new beginnings. You already have! I’m sure your mum would be very proud. The fact that our new lives feel comfortable after only two weeks must be proof that we’ve both made good decisions.
As for Jez, he couldn’t be more different to my husband.
But I’ve not dated since I left my marriage.
In any case, it turns out he’s got a girlfriend.
I… I have to confess, I’m a little upset.
Jez… he’s a very special man. But because of that I’m also pleased for him and am meeting her tomorrow in Bramhall Park.
But from what you say, Dimitrios is single.
You thought he was interested in you. Him backing off and saying he’s bad news could be him hiding something that perhaps he needs to share.
Surprise lilies are one of my favourite plants.
The bulbs shoot up stalks that die away in the spring and then all of a sudden, in the summer, a green stalk with buds appears and pink blossoms light up the garden, as if coming out of nowhere.
Dimitrios could be your surprise. Perhaps him pushing you away is, in fact, a beginning and not an end.
In my experience, people who really are bad news are totally unaware and would never admit it.
Right. I’d better get ready. I’m meeting Ariana and Rae in Stockport for an early dinner after I told them about a new restaurant. Rae and I both have the night off.
Take care. Oh, and you playing the guitar again sounds brilliant!
Eliza x
She pressed send, gave Boo one last scratch and went upstairs to get dressed, hurrying as much as her hip would allow her, after a particularly energetic dance to ‘Dynamite’ in the early hours.
Her hair still smelt of lavender from The Niterie’s scent machine.
Jez had followed her advice. Seeing as it had been raining today, a welcome relief from the recent heat, she came back down dressed in jeans – bright pink ones, of course.
Colour had been her best friend since striking out on her own.
She partnered it with a cream linen shirt that had an intricate laced neckline, yet a classic, simple look overall.
She’d folded a light boxer jacket and put it into a small rucksack she’d found in Carrie’s bedroom.
It was far shorter than any coat she’d have felt comfortable wearing before moving in.
But now, when she looked in the mirror, Eliza felt more open-minded, more adventurous, and proud of the figure that had been hidden under the baggier clothes for so long.
She’d wanted to get the train to Stockport but got talking to Billy next door last night as she went out to work.
He chuckled as he informed her that Reddish South station, down the road, was important for freight but only actually had one passenger train a week!
So, as Stockport was only ten minutes away in the car, she’d taken a taxi.
That way, she’d be able to enjoy cocktails with the girls.
Cocktails with the girls.
That sounded good.
She tapped into her Uber app and ten minutes later was on her way.
Rae had texted to say they’d got there early as they’d wanted to visit Primark before it closed – well, Rae had.
Ariana didn’t believe in fast fashion and the Stockport branch didn’t have a pre-loved clothes section like the Manchester one.
The restaurant was a ten-minute walk from the train station where the taxi dropped her, down one of the roads that branched off Wellington Road.
She’d fancied a walk. Now Eliza was more settled, it was time to really help her granddaughter, who seemed to be happy in Paros but had said how much she missed her friends.
The new restaurant was Greek and it might therefore trigger a conversation about Carrie.
Not a subtle ploy, but Eliza needed to take action.
She passed the McDonald’s and crossed Wellington Road which wasn’t nearly as busy as during the week when now would be the time for the rush hour.
She studied Google Maps. She had to go up the hill, take the next left and it was a one-minute walk along there.
She knew people her age who balked at navigating their way by following a phone.
They balked at using Uber and banking online as well.
But those first few months after leaving Howard, after him dying, Eliza realised how far behind she’d become with technology and swore that would never happen again.
Howard had never even let Eliza have a Walkman portable music player, not liking the idea of her enjoying something he couldn’t hear or control.
So from that point on she made a point of keeping up with technology, buying an iPod as soon as they came out and learning how to download music.
She had free rein of a home computer – never had before, as Howard would check on her browsing history.
For the first time she was able to go into chat rooms dedicated to victims of domestic abuse.
Some of the posts made her cry because she related so much.
Cry in a good way – she let it out on realising she wasn’t the only one, that she really wasn’t the weakest, most stupid person in the world.
Eliza read how other women had been forced to drop friends and family members.
It didn’t make her feel less guilty about Mel, but it heralded the start of Eliza being kinder and more forgiving to herself.
She stopped outside Souvlaki Sunset, breathing in the aroma of grilled meat and thyme.
The girls were sitting in the window, in front of cocktails.
A waiter in a white shirt with a black waistcoat opened the door and beamed as Eliza walked in and pointed to her friends.
Ariana waved and she went over to the chair next to her, with a cloudy white cocktail waiting, mint sticking out of the top.
They were all drinking the same. She sat down as traditional Greek music played in the background.
‘The waiter recommended we drink ouzitos – the Greek take on a mojito but with ouzo instead of rum,’ said Ariana, and she lifted her glass. ‘Cheers, everyone!’
Three glasses clinked and Eliza took a sip. ‘Really refreshing,’ she said, and studied Ariana. ‘Love those little aeroplanes on your nails.’
Ariana moved her fingers as if playing the piano. ‘Not really a nail person, but the boss organised a self-care day for staff and brought in a nail technician. I couldn’t resist – although I drew the line at having false ones put on.’
‘But top of the fashion stakes is you with that laced top, you really carry it off, Eliza,’ said Rae, and she passed a bowl of olives. ‘How are things going?’