Chapter 14
TOSCA
The night had been going so well.
I’d been so excited when the beautiful alpha showed up in Owen’s and my room. I just knew he was here for me. Well, I hoped he was, anyway.
He homed in on me with his piercing eyes, looking right past Owen – who the betas and alphas all seemed to love – as if he wasn’t even there.
He’d recognized me in the food hall, though he’d kindly not said a word.
He surely knew I wasn’t supposed to run away from my pack for my heat.
Hell, I probably owed him an explanation for that.
Oh, maybe that was what he’d come for. The kernel of hope that had dared sprout inside me wilted.
Probably that’s why he was seeking me out now, nothing more.
Maybe I’d face an inquisition, and then what?
I’d have to hope he didn’t mention my transgression to Zarbius.
I shook my head to clear the stupid thought from my mind.
Of course, he wouldn’t tell him. It had been obvious from the start that he was kind and gentle, not at all the sort of alpha who would do anything to harm me.
He might not be interested in me specifically, but he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.
I followed him out of the omega house. My heart sank a little as I stumbled after him.
He seemed so distant. He didn’t talk to me or even look at me, and by the time we’d reached his cabin, my heart was heavy with misery.
I was either getting a severe talking to or maybe I was just getting fucked…
but there wouldn’t be anything more to it than that, and frankly that sucked, not that I’d really expected anything different.
I’d known from the start he was way out of my league.
I bit my lip and told myself to man up. I’d had that interlude in the cave with him, and I needed to be satisfied with that.
I sighed and looked around as we entered the cabin.
I’d never been in one of the cabins before, which was a blessing, because the omegas only came here when one of the visiting alphas chose them as a bed companion for the night - something I’d successfully avoided until now.
But I certainly wouldn’t mind being a bed companion for this alpha.
Even if it didn’t mean anything to him. Which it probably wouldn’t. It couldn’t. Could it?
He locked the door behind us.
I shivered and bit my lip uncertainly. Was I going to get the talking to or the sex? I was hoping it might be sex, because I could smell his arousal.
The alpha pointed at one of the beds. “You can sleep over there. I don’t expect anything from you.”
The disappointment hit me like a blow. Feelings aside, how about my pride?
Here I was, locked in a room with a horny, sexy alpha and he didn’t want to have sex with me!
The same alpha that had held me and fucked me and taken care of me throughout the days of my heat.
The truth was shattering. He didn’t find me attractive at all!
I was crushed, especially after the amazing time we’d – correction, I’d – had during my heat.
I’d thought he must have been a little attracted to me for the sex to be that good, but it seemed he didn’t find me desirable at all.
It must have all been the heat pheromones.
Well, it wasn’t a surprise, was it? I’d already told myself a hundred times that I wasn’t in his league, hadn’t I?
Not wanting to seem any more pathetic than I was, I wasn’t going to beg for it.
Crawling onto the bed, I tucked myself into a miserable little ball and pulled the covers over my head.
Even squeezing my eyes tightly shut wasn’t enough to keep the tears from trickling out.
I didn’t know why he’d brought me here, but he didn’t want me.
I didn’t know how to deal with that. Honestly, I was gutted.
The bed on the other side of the room creaked as a heavy weight settled into it. Then there was silence, a heavy, oppressive silence filled with the broken pieces of my stupid hopes. As much as I’d told myself I wasn’t good enough for an alpha like this, deep in my heart, I’d hoped…
I lay quietly in the dark, with my heart breaking, waiting for him to go to sleep.
Eventually the room had been silent for long enough that I was sure he was sleeping.
I couldn’t hold it in any longer. A sob burst from me and I clamped my hand over my mouth to muffle the sounds.
One sob was followed by another as tears streamed down my face.
I felt so hopeless, so alone, as though this beautiful alpha had wrenched out my heart and left me with a giant hole in my chest. Sniff.
I froze mid-sob the mattress sank beside me and a hand landed on my shoulder.
“It’s okay,” a deep voice growled, sending tingles down my spine, “You don’t have to worry. You’re safe. I’m not going to touch you.”
That was it! I burst into tears again, louder this time, not even trying to hide the big gasping sobs. Even hidden under the blanket, I was sure half the camp could hear me.
“What’s wrong? Please stop. I don’t want to upset you. Are you afraid of me?” His voice was barely above a murmur, and I almost didn’t hear him over my sobbing.
I sniffled. How could I be afraid of him? He was the gentlest alpha I’d ever met, well, except for when he was railing me into the ground during my heat but right then that had been entirely acceptable. More than, even.
No, the truth was far more humiliating. Did I have the courage to tell him? Maybe I could try, hidden here beneath the blanket where he couldn’t see my embarrassment.
“Don’t… don’t you want me? I thought maybe…
maybe…” my words trailed off. Gaah! I was so stupid.
Of course he wouldn’t want me. For all the reasons none of the other alphas or betas wanted me…
too small, too skinny, too quiet, too insignificant.
That had kept me safe all these years, but now it was going to cost me the one thing I did want.
Suddenly I lost my privacy as the covers were flung back and the cool evening air rushed over me. I turned my burning face into the mattress, trying to hide.
“Hush, of course I want you. You’re… you’re gorgeous.”
I sniffed, unsure whether he meant it, or if he was just trying to get me to calm down, then I hazarded a look at him. Maybe he saw my uncertainty on my face.
“Here, if you don’t believe me,” he said, and took my hand in one of his larger ones and gently placed it over the hard rod in his pants. “Of course I want you, but I don’t want to force you. That’s not the sort of alpha I am.”
“Oh!” I was speechless for a while. But I kept my hand exactly where he’d put it – that was only good manners - right?
- seeing as he’d put hit there himself. And, well, maybe not exactly where he’d put it.
I might have maybe slid up and down its length and squeezed just a little, just to make sure…
“It’s not forcing if I want it too,” I finally said. Then, embarrassed by my admission, deflected with “What – what are you doing here, in the pack? Are you one of Zarbius’ friends?”
“That disgusting asshole! No way. I’m almost offended you could think that!
” he glared at me sternly. Then his face softened when he saw the panic on my face, and he spoke softly.
When he told me he’d come to the pack looking for me?
That he wanted me to come away with him? Oh Goddess, my heart fluttered.
And then he spoilt it all by saying, “This isn’t a safe place for omegas.”
Right. Of course. It was just a general thing about being a good alpha and protecting the silly, weak omegas. It wasn’t really anything to do with me personally at all. Well, I could look after myself. I’d been doing a fine job of that up ‘til now.