Chapter 16 - Digging up Body Parts
The journey back to Bushwick felt like travelling between two different planets.
Callum sat, feeling glum, in the back of the silent Mercedes; his forehead pressed against the cool glass of the window.
The city lights blurred into long, golden streaks as they navigated the car towards the bridge, away from the fancy cathedrals of glass and steel, and back to the brick and grit of the real world.
His head was spinning.
He didn’t want to say goodbye to Julian, and every time he did it already hurt.
He could still feel the phantom weight of his hot hands on his waist and the lingering heat of Julian’s mouth on his skin. He looked down at his own hands, resting on his indigo jeans, and realised they were shaking.
Is this what love feels like, he wondered; is this obsession, or maybe just lust?
A highway of thoughts sped towards him all at once, overwhelming him like a physical blow, his breath now rapid.
He’d had flings before, and he’d had short relationships that burned bright and fizzled out, but this felt different.
It wasn't just the sex, though the sex was the most intense soul-baring experience of his life, and so far it had only been oral and a bit of wanking.
Imagine actually getting fucked by this guy.
Emergency, emergency: he had to force himself to stop thinking about that! His dick reacting in the usual way.
It was the way Julian looked at him when he thought Callum wasn't watching. With a mix of wonder and absolute, raw, terrifying vulnerability. There was something unique between them that Callum had never experienced with any previous sexual partner.
For a moment he got happily lost in his thoughts.
Julian’s face, his body, his hands, his soft lips, the killer smile and the absolute honesty with which those green eyes pierced Callum’s soul.
He had fallen for him; he knew it. It gave him a huge rush of joy to think it, but it also terrified him.
It was way too soon to feel like this, but yet, he felt it. He felt it all.
Callum hadn’t realised but he was actually crying, his face wet with salty, silent tears that ran down his cheeks.
Thinking about this man, how confined his life was, how controlled he was by his situation, was so frustrating.
Could he be the one to free Julian from this cage he’d created for himself?
The privacy screen lowered suddenly with an electric hum. “Are you okay, Mr. West?” Markus’s voice broke the moment.
“Yes, sorry, yes, I’m fine. Thank you, Markus.” Callum felt stupid.
Markus left the screen down, and he could see that he was keeping a watch on him in the rear-view mirror, so he composed himself.
Callum had never cried happy tears over a guy before.
This was all so new to him and so much to deal with.
Callum found the button and wound his own window down for some fresh air.
He thought about the contrast. Julian Newman, a man who could move markets with a single phone call, who had been laughing on a floor in Brooklyn with him yesterday because a cheap bed frame snapped under their weight!
He’d seen the man behind the Titan, and that man seemed lonely, beautifully kind, and desperately searching for a way to be human again.
He pulled out his phone and saw an earlier text from Sophia:-
Sophia: Still have all your limbs - or are you currently being served with a nice Chianti?
Callum stared at the screen for a long time. He didn't joke back. He just typed:-
Callum: I’m in trouble, Soph. I really like him. Like, REALLY!!!
He didn’t expect a reply because it was now almost 1 am. She would most likely be tucked up, asleep in bed.
As the car pulled onto his block, the contrast was jarring. The smell of nearby trash cans, the distant thud of a neighbour’s bass and the flickering streetlights of Bushwick. The car pulled to a halt outside his building.
Markus jumped out and opened the door, Callum seeing him through the open window, which he closed as he got out.
“Good night, Mr. West,” Markus said. His voice was still professional, but for the first time, Callum thought he saw a flicker of something in his eyes.
“Thanks, Markus. See you soon.”
Callum climbed the stairs to his apartment, his body aching from everything that had happened during the day, and the emotional weight of the evening.
He didn't turn on the lights. He just walked to the window and looked back toward the Manhattan skyline, picking out the tallest towers near the bridge.
Somewhere up there, in a cathedral of glass, Julian was probably sleeping soundly.
Julian had asked him to stay over this week, one day or every day.
He seemed really keen and didn’t have the nervousness Callum did about whether this was moving too fast. He sighed.
Julian came from a corporate world. He went for what he wanted.
Actually, what was it he said as he left?
“This is what I want.” It’s a confident approach from a man who is used to getting his way, in a world he dominates.
Callum was very keen to see him again though. The offer wasn't just a date; it was more of an open invitation to step into his private life. It felt like a bridge being built.
Callum collapsed onto his couch, his mind racing through the next week. He didn't know how he was going to focus on squats and sprints when his soul was ten stories up, tangled in the five-hundred-thread-count satin sheets of a penthouse that he hoped would soon feel less like a mausoleum.
***
The sun was just beginning to burn through the morning mist over Fort Greene Park as the city awoke.
Callum was a bundle of high-energy, his voice slightly hoarse from motivating a group of twelve through a final set of mountain climbers.
He looked a mess, soaked in sweat, muddy, wet, his white vest top clinging annoyingly to his back.
Normally this would dampen his mood, but his mind was still pondering a hazy, golden replay loop of the events of the day and the night before.
Callum walked behind the group as they began to disperse, grabbing their yoga mats and water bottles. A flash of something out of place caught Callum’s eye.
Parked near the curb, away from the joggers’ beat-up sedans, was a very sleek black car. For a fleeting moment, Callum thought it was the heavy G-Wagon, but it wasn’t. This was just an understated town car. As he walked towards it, the door opened, and Julian stepped out.
He was already in his Titan armour, a charcoal-grey suit, crisp white shirt, and a purple-patterned silk tie.
He looked like he had just stepped off the cover of Forbes magazine, a sharp contrast to the damp grass, dishevelled moms, and the mud of the park.
He looked so handsome; Callum’s heart did a hot somersault.
He shouldn't have been there. It was a massive risk. But as he walked toward the edge of the clearing, he didn’t look like he cared one bit.
“Great work today, guys! See you Wednesday!” Callum called out to his class, waving them off, eyes never leaving Julian.
Once the last client wandered off, Julian stopped a few feet away. He didn't touch Callum, he couldn't, not here. But the way his eyes raked over Callum’s sweaty frame was almost as intimate as one of his long kisses.
“You're insane,” Callum hissed, stepping into the shade of a large tree to get them out of the open space. “What are you doing in Brooklyn at 6:30 a.m.?”
“I just couldn't wait to see you,” Julian said, his voice low and private.
“I woke up in that apartment and the silence was unbearable. I missed you, and I wanted to see you. I needed to make sure you were real and not just something I dreamt up in the dark. Markus told me you seemed a little upset in the car on the way home. I wanted to check everything was okay after last night?”
“Oh that, that was nothing. Just my emotions getting the better of me, that’s all.”
Julian still wasn’t buying it and wanted more, “Good emotions, bad emotions?” His face was dark with worry.
“Stop stressing, you idiot. Happy as hell emotions, if you really need to know.”
“Wow, okay, that’s good. No, that’s really good to hear.” Julian stumbled over his words, unusually clumsy.
OK, big breath Callum. I’m going to tell him what I’m thinking. I’m going to be honest. “I’m going to say this now, but I won’t keep saying it, okay.”
“Yes, understood,” replied Julian, hanging on Callum’s next words.
“I am a very emotional person, Julian. I will freak out about ‘this’, ‘you’, ‘me’, and ‘us’. I’ve never had what I regard as a serious relationship.
This,” and he gesticulated between them, “is completely new ground for me. The way I feel about you…” At this point his voice broke with emotion. Damn.
Despite desperately trying not to, tears welled in his eyes, caused by saying out loud feelings he typically kept inside. He tried the sentence again.
“The way I feel about you, I’ve never felt about any previous person, whether it was just a shag, a short-term boyfriend, or a potential long-term partner.
I’m trying to process these feelings and emotions as best I can, but now and then I will question them, doubt myself, doubt you,” and he pointed at Julian’s chest, “and what’s going on in there, in the beating heart of the Titan. ”
He got the words out; it was a relief. He wiped his eyes.
Julian nodded, and Callum noticed that his eyes were also glistening, those brilliant green eyes.
Julian was balling and unballing his fists.
He seemed pent up, like he was about to explode.
Callum hadn’t meant to upset him. He so wanted to just hug him right there, but he was filthy, and he was not getting any closer.
“Man, I really want to hug you and kiss you so much right now, but I can’t,” Julian said, frustration clear in his voice.
“I know, I get it. Me too, but look at the state of me, versus the perfection of you,” gesturing at Julian’s impeccable appearance.
“I understand the feelings and the doubts, Cal. Just promise me one thing, though: that you will always tell me about it, OK? I’ve denied emotion as a luxury I didn’t require for most of my life, but I’m already finding with you I’m able to say and feel more than I ever have.
Tell me if I get it wrong, ok? Don’t hold back; I can take it.
I’m a big man.” With that, he drew himself to his full height and made a muscle-guy pose.
This had the desired effect and lightened the moment. They both laughed. Callum was reminded just how large Julian was, a flutter in his heart.
Callum wiped sweat from his forehead. “I’m covered in park dirt and sweat, Julian. You’re going to get your dry-cleaning bill through the roof just from standing near me.”
“Oh, you think I care about the suit,” Julian said, his gaze softening, the corporate mask slipping for a split second. “I just wanted to say good morning to my boyfriend.”
He reached out, his hand hovering near Callum’s arm for a heartbeat before he caught himself. Instead, he just looked at him and widened those green eyes with an intensity that made Callum’s knees weak.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said last night,” Julian added.
“About people being their best when they're struggling. Well, I'm struggling today, Callum. I’m struggling not to think about you twenty-four-seven, struggling to walk away from you right now, and I’m about to struggle to go sit in a boardroom for seven hours with thirty potential Chinese partners…” He made a frustrated face.
“I’m sure you’ll cope admirably,” Callum smiled, “and when I get back to the gym and clean up, I will read my messages, check my schedule, and decide just when I’m coming to visit the Mausoleum. I might even let you know via a WhatsApp message!”
“That will be lovely. Please feel free to distract me all you want,” Julian said, checking his watch with a grimace. The Titan was on his back. “The car is waiting. I’d better go.”
“Julian.”
He turned back.
“Thanks for coming,” Callum said, smiling. “It was a great start to my week.”
Julian nodded, a small private smile of his own appearing before he slid into the back seat of the car. As the vehicle pulled off, Callum stood on the grass, smelling of sweat and mud, watching his boyfriend disappear back into the concrete jungle of Manhattan.