Chapter Nine #3
“Have you been using Botox?” The words were out of Tina’s mouth so fast that she wondered whether she’d even said them out loud.
“That is none of your business,” Vivian snapped.
“Hey, Viv, the doctor says he can’t stay forever, and it’s your turn,” a voice in the background called out.
“You are beautiful. Why would you do that?” Tina asked.
“To stay pretty for your father,” Vivian said. “Did you call to scold me about keeping my looks?”
“I did not,” Tina answered. “I want to know why you said you didn’t want me. Why couldn’t y’all love me like other parents did their children?”
“I don’t even remember that day. You had probably made me angry, like you so often did,” Vivian said.
“What makes you say that?” Her father’s face appeared on the screen.
“She’s old enough to know the truth,” Vivian said. “We did not want children, and you were an accident.”
Tina tried to talk around the lump in her throat. “I’ve always known that, but why did you—”
“We thought about giving you up for adoption, but all our friends and family knew I was pregnant. We couldn’t terminate the pregnancy because that’s a sin, so we had you and did the best we could.”
Tina swallowed several times to get the lump to disappear and kept the tears at bay by not blinking. “Did you ever love me?”
“Grow up, Tina,” Patrick said. “You never wanted for anything. We took care of you and gave you a good life. I’m sorry for your pain.
I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but you are grown, and you need to face the truth.
If you don’t want kids, don’t have them.
If you do and don’t feel right about termination, then hire a good nanny. ”
“Just another minute or two and I promise to never call again,” Tina said.
Vivian exchanged an eye roll with Patrick. “Okay, but make it quick.”
“Did you ever bond with me?”
“I loved you as much as I was capable. I even went to a psychiatrist to figure out why I didn’t feel the way I was supposed to, but it’s just in my DNA.
Some women are overwhelmed with emotion at childbirth.
I only worried about how long it would take me to get rid of all that fat around my middle,” Vivian replied.
“Do you ever want to know about your grandchildren when they arrive?” Tina asked.
“Hell, no! I didn’t like little children even when I was making money to babysit,” Vivian answered. “Anything else?”
Tina blinked several times to keep the tears from flowing down her cheeks. “That about covers it. Goodbye.”
Vivian and Patrick disappeared from the screen without another word.
“Where’s the closure? I don’t feel anything but pain.” Tina curled up on the sofa and turned loose the tears she had been holding back.
She didn’t hear the door open or realize anyone was in the room until Cleo sat down beside her and gathered her up in her arms. “Walker said you were going to talk to your mother. I thought you might need some hot chocolate to soothe your nerves.”
Tina hung on to Cleo like she did when she’d been a little girl and gotten a scrape—or a boo-boo, as the elderly Black woman called it—when she took a tumble at the park.
“She didn’t remember what she said that day, but basically admitted that it was true and that she didn’t want anything to do with any grandchildren, either. ”
Cleo pulled a tissue from the box on the coffee table and wiped away Tina’s tears. “I was afraid of that, but you’ve got two mamas right here in this house who love you, so cry it out, put it behind you, and then let it go.”
“What if I’m like her when it comes to kids?” Tina asked.
Cleo patted her on the back. “Not a chance.”
“How can you say that?”
“A real mama knows her kids,” Cleo answered with a smile.
“You loved your baby dolls we bought you on holidays. That little cradle you rocked them in is still in the attic along with Molly, Holly, Denise, Georgia, and Amanda. You can go up there anytime you want and check on them. When I put them away, I made sure they were wrapped in the blankets that Mae sewed for each of them. Our hearts almost broke the year you asked for a ball and bat instead of another doll.”
Tina couldn’t believe that Cleo remembered the names of all five of her dolls, or that she had kept them for years. “What did Walker and Gracie want?”
“Walker wanted a video game and Gracie wanted a sketch pad. Seemed like you were all three growing up too fast. Now, sit up, drink some hot chocolate before it gets cold, and put your mind at ease. At least Vivian was honest. Me and Mae, well, we didn’t mind taking what she didn’t want.
One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure. ”
The fact that her parents had indeed given her over to wonderful nannies was a blessing, and for that she owed them so very much. She picked up the mug sitting on the coffee table and took a sip. “I can never repay you for . . .”
Cleo touched Tina’s cheek with her hand. “You already have. You came back to us. I’m going to leave now. Walker is probably on pins and needles to see how you are.”
“Do you need me to help you back downstairs?” Tina asked.
“I’ll take it slow,” Cleo said with a wink. “See you at breakfast.”
She had barely left the room when Walker knocked and came in without an invitation. He sat down beside her and laid a hand on her arm. “Are you all right?”
“I will be,” Tina declared with more conviction than she felt.
“Did you get some closure?”
Tina nodded and put the mug back on the coffee table. “I think I did, painful and confusing as it was. But it’ll take time to settle in. Cleo helped, and knowing that you and Gracie . . .” She hesitated for several seconds. “. . . are here for me is . . .” Another long pause. “There are no words.”
“Words are not necessary in matters that run deep,” Walker assured her.
“I am officially an orphan at this point in my life,” she whispered.
Walker gently squeezed her shoulders. “Never were. Never will be. You have a family right here, and one at Trade Days. Grandmother says you are a keeper and to bring you back every time we visit. She likes your red hair. Says it will bring me good luck.”
“Thank you,” she said. “Now I feel even worse for ever leaving y’all and this behind.”
“Do you appreciate it more now?”
“Oh, yes, and I will never take it for granted again.”
“Then it was not wasted time. Listen to that rain beating down on the roof. It’s cleaning the past away,” he told her.
“How do you always know exactly what to say?”
He chuckled and his cheeks reddened. “It’s a gift.”
Her phone rang, and she almost smiled when she saw Gracie’s picture on the screen. “Walker is here with me,” she said. “The call to my mother has been made. Now it’s your turn to walk into the lion’s den when you get home.”
“Cleo called me,” Gracie said. “You are going to be fine. You have already endured worse than this, even if it does hurt right now. You are strong, and you have a good support system behind you. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t want to be in your life.”
Tina managed a weak laugh. “We dubbed you right when we said you were the smart one.”
“Of course you did. I see Walker in the corner of the screen. He can stay with you all night if you need him,” Gracie said.
Tina felt like a warm blanket had wrapped around her, smothering out the coldness in her mother’s voice.
“Are you giving me permission to sleep with Tina?” Walker threw a hand over his forehead and faked shock.
Tina giggled, but then a visual of waking up beside him popped into her head, and her heart seemed to skip a beat.
“Hey, what goes on up on the second floor stays on the second floor.” Gracie laughed. “If she needs you to hold her, then that’s what you should do.”
“I’m going to be fine. I know where I stand. I will get through this with help from all y’all.”
“And don’t you forget it. Get up every morning, look in the mirror, and tell yourself that the past is just a blip on the screen. Repeat it a dozen times if it takes that many to make you believe it,” Gracie told her.
“Right after which, I will say a prayer and thank heaven for Cleo and Mae,” Tina said.
“That’s right, and for Walker and me.”
“Always.”