Chapter 15
Rain
After I put both the kids to bed, I walk to the living room and drop onto the couch.
Mario looks across at me from his seat. “You seem tired.”
“No, no, I'm not.” I rest my arm on the cushion, tilting my head to rest my temple against my fingers. “I just feel nauseous.”
“Oh, okay. So, I spoke with your husband.”
I take in a deep breath, trying to keep my posture relaxed. “So, what did you guys talk about?” I try my best to sound uninterested.
“He wanted to drop the kids off, but I didn’t let him.”
I wait for more, my chest tightening. “What else?”
He shakes his head, then gets up from the sofa. “I'll have to leave now.”
I stand, walking him to the entryway. I open the door for him, and as he steps out, I lean in and give him a brief peck on his lips.
He walks toward his vehicle, offering a wave before climbing inside.
I step out onto the porch, waiting until his car pulls away and the red taillights vanish down the street.
I place my hand on the door handle to head back inside when my eyes land on a vehicle parked just a short distance away. It is a midnight black SUV—a model I recognize instantly. It belongs to Cody.
The driver's side window is rolled down. He is parked right in front of my opposite neighbor's house, directly across from this parent-owned apartment.
I squint through the darkness, trying to make out his silhouette behind the wheel. The moment my focus locks onto the vehicle, the headlights snap on, blinding me for a split second before the SUV accelerates and zooms off into the night.
But I know in my heart of hearts that it was him.
As I stand there on the porch, a sudden sensation of giddiness stirs deep within my chest. I am happy that he is trying to come around. For tonight, just for this single night, I dare to dream that he actually loves me.
When I step back into the house, I jump slightly as my eyes land on my son. Samuel stands in the hallway, his dark hair scattered and spiky from sleep, his knuckles rubbing against his eyes.
“You scared me, Sam.”
I squat down, bringing myself to his height. “Why are you up?” I ask him, rubbing my hands up and down his arms to warm him.
He stretches his arm forward. In his small palm is a crumpled piece of paper. “Daddy says I should give you this.”
My heart pounds frantically. “He did what?”
“He gave me this to give you,” Samuel repeats, pressing the paper into my hand. He looks down at his feet. “Mummy, give me another hug so I can go to bed.”
Numbly, I reach out and pull him into my arms, hugging him tightly against my chest. “Goodnight, son.” I press a kiss to his forehead. “Let me walk you back to your room.”
“No, it’s fine, Mom,” he says, gently pushing my hand away as I make a move toward the stairs. “Just stay back and read the note.”
I watch him climb the steps, his small bare feet making no sound until I hear his bedroom door click shut. I look down at the crumpled paper in my hand. My eyelids sting, and a fresh wave of moisture rushes down my cheeks. I fight the urge to cry, walking back to the sofa to sit in the dim light.
Just when I thought I was slightly less in love with him, this piece of paper shows up and completely undoes me, confirming that my previous thoughts were nothing but lies.
I think back to the black SUV idling outside as I carefully smooth out the wrinkles, laying bare the careless, hurried handwriting before me.
Dear Home,
The greeting catches in my throat, and a fresh tear drops onto the page, blurring the blue ink. I blink back the moisture and sniff, forcing myself to look back down at the lines.
I heard you were pregnant. I hope you are well. I hope the texts get to you.
I pause, taking a ragged breath before continuing.
I hope you don’t do all the work yourself.
I want to say more, I want to plead my cause, Rain...
but what can I say? I love you. And this time, I am going to love you loud.
Samuel says you do not want me to be aware of your whereabouts.
That’s fine. But I think I might follow Mario back to your place; he says he is coming to pick the kids up by ten.
I just want to see you. I just want to see my wife.
I don’t know what else to say if not I love you.