Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
SIXTEEN YEARS AGO
Camilla
‘Okay,’ says Victoria. ‘Enough being sad. I have a whole life ahead of me to have kids and this was just not the right time.’
Both Reese and I nod because it’s true. Reese is ready for a baby right now and maybe Victoria will never be ready. When I think of becoming a mother, it’s not a picture I can see. I simply can’t imagine it.
I sit up straight and take a breath.
‘I got into Cambridge University in England for my master’s in ancient history for next year with a full scholarship so I just have to get a part-time job and I’m set.’
Both of them look at me and I can see a glimmer of excitement in Reese’s eyes. She wants to jump up and congratulate me but that isn’t the game. She has to let me say the next thing first.
I take a deep breath.
‘Lawrence and I had sex.’ I say the words slowly, carefully, making sure that I cannot be misunderstood. ‘Five days ago,’ I add, just in case she thinks I’m talking about a long time ago, like maybe before he met Reese, when he was supposed to be mine.
Just for a moment, it feels like the air had been sucked out of the room.
Victoria’s brown eyes widen, as her face grows pale and she shakes her head. I feel the alcohol in my stomach start to spin and I bite down on my lip.
There is a beat of complete silence and then Reese bursts out laughing.
‘Oh my God, Camilla, that is such a tasteless joke,’ she giggles. ‘How drunk are you?’ She looks at me as she shakes her head.
I stand, feeling myself sway a little. I really have had a lot to drink. I make my way to the kitchen, leaving the two of them in silence. There I grab the bottle of wine and open it. I’m surprised I manage to operate the corkscrew as my head spins.
When I walk back into the living room, they are whispering to each other and immediately shift apart when they see me. I pour myself a glass of wine and slump down onto the carpet again. Reese is pale.
‘That was a cruel joke,’ says Victoria. ‘It’s obviously the lie but it was cruel.
Surely you would want us to celebrate you getting into Cambridge.
It’s all you’ve ever wanted. Why screw it up with that disgusting lie?
’ Her jaw is tense and I watch as she places a hand on Reese’s arm.
She wants to hit me; I can see that. I’ve hurt her friend and it’s Victoria’s job to protect little, innocent Reese.
I shrug, take another gulp of wine.
‘Cambridge rejected me. That was another disappointment to add to my list of many, many disappointments. That’s the truth.
My grades were all messed up because you’ – I point at Reese – ‘threw me out and I had to scramble to find somewhere to live and work and I needed more than one job. My GPA dropped and dropped and now’ – I finish my wine, feeling disgustingly queasy – ‘I will never get to do the one thing I have always dreamed of doing. But…’ I shrug.
‘I’ll tell you what was not disappointing and that was sex with Lawrence.
You’re right, Reese. He is really, really good in bed. ’ I smile.
I can see Reese is going to throw up and I know that Victoria can see it too because she stands and grabs Reese, pulling her up and towards the bathroom and then I sit and listen to Reese vomit everything we have eaten and drunk into the toilet, even as I keep swallowing so I won’t do the same thing all over the living-room floor.
They were supposed to spend the night. I know Victoria drove them here and the drinking wasn’t going to be an issue because they were staying.
Looking around the living room, I can feel the emptiness of it, even though I am here. I am here and not here. I exist and don’t exist. You’ve really screwed up now. Have I? This was the plan, wasn’t it?
Well, not quite. This is what I was forced to do. None of this is my fault.
Reese and Victoria come back to the living room and I can see that Victoria is clutching her keys in her hand. I can’t believe she’s going to drive. She’s had way too much to drink. Reese is pale, tears streaming down her cheeks. She doesn’t look at me, just picks up her bag.
‘You won’t be forgiven for this, you know,’ says Victoria.
‘Spare me,’ I say, not wanting to hear what an arsehole I am from her.
‘Oh, I won’t,’ she says. ‘I won’t spare you what’s coming, Camilla. You will regret this forever.’ Her brown eyes seem darker as her face heats up with anger. I believe she would kill me right now if she could.
I am statue still as they leave, slamming the door behind them, and I don’t move until I hear the squeal of Victoria’s tyres and then the sound of her car roaring away. Maybe they’ll both crash and die.
And only then do I run for the bathroom where the acid smell of Reese’s vomit is all around. All I can do is add to that as everything I have eaten comes up and all my words are covered in bile.