Chapter 17
CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN
Alie
By the time I get home, my head is spinning. Well, I suppose it’s been spinning since he came into the building the other day.
Liam.
I open the door to my unit, and I see my sister pacing the room with Seraphina in her arms, her little head resting on Presley’s shoulder. The sight hits me straight in the heart, grounding me.
Mommy first. Always.
I close the door softly and slide my boots off, setting them near the coat rack.
Presley hears me and turns toward me. “There she is,” she says softly. “The woman of the hour.”
Sera lifts her sleepy head and looks at me, immediately holding her arms out, her tiny hands opening and closing.
“Hi, sweet girl,” I say as I cross the room and take her from my sister. She melts into me instantly, resting her head on my shoulder, warm, soft, content. And so perfect.
Presley walks with me over to the couch, sitting down first. “Okay, so spill.”
“Can I at least sit first?”
“No, start talking.”
I sigh and take a seat next to her, keeping Seraphina in my arms. My heart feels full yet heavy, all at the same time. Not to mention, I’m utterly and completely confused.
“Well, it was interesting.”
“Interesting how?”
I glance down at my daughter, rubbing her back gently. “Being around him is, for lack of a better word, magnetic. He’s got this pull about him that I can’t explain.” I let out a shaky exhale. “Like, even more so now than when I first met him.”
Presley groans, “Oh shit, you’re in love with him.”
“What?! No, I am not.” I roll my eyes. Even though the kiss he gave me … I can still feel it on my lips.
Sera squirms a little, so I pat her back as my thoughts race. Maybe she can feel my emotions going wild.
“I’m not quite sure how I’m going to be able to stay away from him, Presley.” I look at her. “And how the hell am I going to work with him? I should have given this trade more thought, but he really is what’s best for the team right now.”
Presley’s face softens. “You’re not wrong. Work does make it a little messier.”
“Messy? That doesn’t even begin to cover it.” I tilt my head toward my daughter.
My sister scoots a little closer and rests her arm behind me on the back of the couch. “Why don’t you start by telling me why you’re so flustered?”
Where to start? Or … where to end?
“Well … there was a walk.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh, there was a walk?”
“There was a walk,” I confirm dreamily.
“Must have been some walk.” She smirks.
“It was.” I lay my head back and close my eyes. “There was a kiss.”
“I knew it!” she whisper-shouts. “Did you kiss him back?”
“I shouldn’t be held accountable for my actions. He kissed me. And it wasn’t just any kiss,” I admit. “It was the kind of kiss that made me want to do … more.”
“A little out of hand, maybe?”
I take a deep breath, shaking my head. “Not out of hand really, since we were in the middle of the sidewalk, but enough to make me consider—for a split second—going home with him.”
“Did he ask you to go home with him?”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Did you want him to ask you?”
I pause before saying, “Yes.”
She audibly gasps. “Alie! Scandalous!”
I groan, “I know. But I can’t.”
“Because of Sera?”
“Because of everything,” I say.
She watches me carefully, then asks the question I’ve been purposefully avoiding since I got home. “What did he say when you asked him why he didn’t want to be a part of her life?”
My stomach twists. “I didn’t.”
“Alie!” She looks at me pointedly. “That was the whole point of going to dinner with him. When are you planning on having this talk then?”
I stare down at my daughter, touching her soft cheek, tracing her face with my finger.
“I don’t know. Not yet.”
“Why not?”
“I just … can’t.” The words feel heavy, yet fragile at the same time.
I run my hand through my hair and look up at the ceiling.
“I don’t know why, but I thought I would know how I’d react with him.
In the end, I couldn’t risk asking and having him say all the things I feared I’d hear.
Maybe because I don’t want to know the answer. ”
“Alie,” she sighs.
“I know, okay? I know I need to.” My hand is now on my neck as I lower my gaze and stare back at her. “You know what he did say?” I ask her.
“What?”
“He told me that he’d looked for me. And that he texted and called Aaron and that Aaron never responded to him.”
Presley’s mouth drops. “What are you saying?”
“I don’t know, but I definitely need to ask Aaron about it. It doesn’t make sense with what he told me, so it makes the whole situation even more confusing.”
“Well, someone is lying. And you know I’m not Aaron’s number one fan, but he was there for you throughout your entire pregnancy. Hell, if you asked him to be her father, he would. The man has been your friend forever and nothing but good to Sera.”
“I know. I know. This is crazy. Maybe Liam is lying to make himself look good.” I drop my hand from my neck and look at her, confused. “Right?”
She gnaws on her lip. “Shit, Alie. I don’t know. Liam could be lying to get on your good side, but … ” There’s something in her face that morphs, as if a thought just came to her. “Alie, have you and Liam even talked about Sera?”
“No. I told you, I can’t ask him–”
“I mean, have you spoken about Sera at all?”
I shake my head. “No. What are you getting at?”
Her mouth opens and then closes, as if she’s considering the thoughts about to leave her mouth. Then she shakes off her thoughts, as if they’re insane for her to speak.
After a pause, she says, “Alie, have you considered that Liam might be telling you the truth about Aaron?”
“I think … ” I swallow. “I need to spend a little more time with him before I ask him about why he gave up on Sera, before I introduce him to her.”
She immediately shakes her head. “Bad idea. Really bad idea.”
“Why? I just want to protect her. And myself.”
“No, listen,” she says softly, but firmly. “Liam Pitz is not a bad man. And from everything you’ve said, and everything I’ve seen about him, he’s a good guy.”
“I think he is, but do I really know him?” I argue.
She waves me off. “So I don’t understand why you feel like you need to wait or prolong asking him. I think this has the potential to blow back —badly—if you don’t handle this quickly.”
“I just don’t understand,” I whisper. “I don’t understand why he didn’t want to have anything to do with her, yet he’s asking me out to dinner and kissing me senseless. He knows she exists, so why isn’t he asking about her?”
Presley goes still.
“It just doesn’t make sense. His behavior isn’t making sense, no matter how irresistible I think he is.”
Sera lets out a little snore, and I kiss the top of her silky hair.
“I want to protect her.” I kiss my daughter again. “And myself.”
Presley’s eyes soften, but she also looks like she’s trying to figure something out.
“If he asks me to spend more time with him, and I agree, it will only be me and him.” I pause. “I just can’t trust him with my heart yet, let alone hers.”
Silence settles between us.
Then she nudges my shoulder gently. “But you still want him.”
“More than air.” I sigh dramatically.
Presley pulls her knees up onto the couch. “Okay, one more question.”
“What?”
“How did it feel, being with him?”
“Hmm … safe,” I admit. “Familiar. But also more intense than a few years ago.”
She grins. “And the kissing?”
“Pres, you’re relentless.”
“What? Throw me a bone. It’s been a while, and this is juicy. I’m completely invested in your love story.”
“Love story?” I huff.
She pushes me. “The kiss?”
I groan. “Fine! Yes, it was amazing.”
She flops backward onto the cushion. “This is better than reality TV.”
“I’m happy to entertain you, Pres.”
She giggles. “You’re glowing, you know?”
I fall silent at that.
Because I don’t think she’s wrong. My heart hasn’t felt this alive in a very long time. And that’s what scares me.
Presley lowers her voice when Sera stirs. “So, what do you think will happen now then?”
“I think … ” I look at my daughter. “Everything’s about to change for all of us.”
I look at the window into the night, city lights twinkling in the sky.
“Alie, he could turn out to be the man you think he is,” she says quietly.
“I hope so. For her sake, and mine.” I brush a hand over my daughter’s head. Emotions swelling.
Presley stands and stretches her arms. “I’d better get going before we make this a sleepover.”
“You’re not going back to your place, are you?”
“Not tonight. I’ll just stay in my room at Mom and Dad’s and ride in with you guys tomorrow since we have to be there early anyway.”
“Hey.” I stand. “Thanks for staying with her tonight.”
“Of course. I love my little peanut.” She touches Sera’s back. Then she starts to speak, but stops. “Al—”
“What, Pres?”
She inhales. “Well, Mom and Dad still don’t know who Seraphina’s father is.”
This time, I do glare at her.
She shrugs. “I’m just saying that some secrets can’t be kept. Maybe they don’t need to know yet, until you guys figure things out.”
“You’re such a brat.”
“But I’m not wrong.”
I sigh and shake my head.
She grabs her bag off the coat rack by the door.
“If he is truly the man he appears to be, don’t push him away because you’re afraid. Let him tell you his side of the story.”
I swallow. “I’ll try.”
She smiles and squeezes my arm. “See you bright and early.”
I close the door behind her, and the apartment falls silent, except for my daughter’s sweet, sleepy sounds.
I carry her to her room, then lay her gently in her bed, watching her sleep. She’s so perfect.
My heart feels like it’s splitting in two. I need to know why he didn’t want to be involved.
Can I do this? Can I let him into her life?
When I finally turn off the light and close the door, my thoughts still whirl. I don’t know that I am ready for Liam.
But I’m still … curious.
As I walk toward my room, I remember to grab my phone so I can plug it in.
When I pull it out of my bag, it buzzes with an incoming text.
No one texts me this late at night, which means …
Liam.
When I look down at the screen, my stomach tightens.
I swipe my finger across the screen to open the message.
Liam: Did you make it home safely?
A small smile tugs at my lips, and I can’t even stop it.
Alie: I did. Just getting ready for bed.
Three dots appear, then disappear just as quickly.
When they flicker again, my pulse spikes.
Liam: Good. I’ve been trying to be chill since I’ve been home, but it’s not working.
Heat spreads through me.
Another message pops up.
Liam: I meant what I said tonight. I don’t want to pressure you, but I want to see you again. And often.
My chest tightens. Good Lord, I feel like I’m reliving my first crush with the way he makes my stomach flutter with nerves.
Before I can reply, another one arrives.
Liam: Dinner again soon. No work talk. Just us.
I let out a soft laugh and bring my phone to my chest.
Bossy.
I look at my phone again and finally reply.
Alie: I’ll think about it.
He replies instantly.
Liam: I’m not letting you disappear on me again. Sweet dreams, Alie.
I stare at the screen, sigh, then drop my hand to my side.
My world feels like it’s tilting.
As I walk, I turn off the hallway light and whisper to myself, “What the fuck are you doing, Alie?”
But the truth follows me in the dark.
A truth, I already know. I’m definitely going to see him outside of work again.