9. The Second Lesson
CHAPTER NINE
THE SECOND LESSON
The next day started the same as the one before it: I was awoken by an all-too-cheery knock on the door shortly after the sun rose. Sleep-deprived and fiercely missing alarm clocks, I threw on clothes (this time, I was wise enough to wear joggers) and accepted my breakfast from Riel. We rode out to the same location as last time, and I settled by the pool and lowered my feet into the water with a sigh of pleasure.
“You could bottle and sell this stuff for big bucks,” I said to no one in particular.
“I’m not sure that would be as lucrative as you’re hoping, given that these springs are plentiful, and no one here is lacking in mana ,” Riel commented from behind me. Today, he’d brought a stiff round brush to give his avida , who I’d learned was called Oyanni, a thorough grooming. Judging by the melodic purring sound she made with each stroke, she enjoyed it. Clumps of fur fluttered to the ground as he went.
“Well, humans would pay out the ass for it,” I amended, kicking my feet back and forth and watching the water form pearlescent swirls as it moved. “Could market it as some kind of rare healing tonic. Holistic wellness juice. Put a few drops of red food coloring in it and sell it as a health potion to the same people who buy Gamer Girl bathwater.”
Riel paused, his arm poised for a downward stroke of the brush. “Bathwater?”
“It was a whole thing. You guys should be glad you don’t have the Internet.”
“Indeed.” He was equal parts baffled and amused.
“Anyway, what’s on the docket today, teach?” I asked.
“I thought we’d touch on what you should know about the different types of magic.” Riel patted his beast on the rump to signal he was finished. She turned her big head and flicked her chin in a gesture of thanks before lumbering off to find some tasty foliage.
Dusting his hands on his toned, canvas-clad thighs to rid them of any remaining fur, Riel settled in the grass to my left. I quickly directed my gaze away from his legs and back to the water in front of me. “Let’s see…” He considered his words. “It's been a long time since I had my lessons, so let me know if you need me to slow down or clarify something at any point.”
At my nod of acceptance, he continued. “Put simply, there are four kinds of magic: mending, breaking, changing, and making. In most cases, a person will find they possess an ability that falls into one of these categories. Your healing abilities, for example, are the purest and most common form of mending magic.”
“With you so far,” I assured him when he paused to be sure I got the picture.
“Good. There is technically a fifth category, but it is uncommon, so I won’t bother going into that. Now, rarely will someone only have access to one particular ability, although it happens. More likely, you have a primary affinity and a secondary affinity. Some magic users, given time and training, are able to call upon all four kinds of magic with great skill—we call them shahim , hands of the Goddess.”
“Like the Avatar.” I nodded along .
“I’m… not sure what that is.”
“Don’t worry about it. Carry on.”
“Mm. Well, as someone with a mending affinity, you should know there is a close relationship between mending and breaking magics. Both have to do with the understanding of a structure, its strengths and weaknesses. As such, it is common for someone with healing abilities to develop a secondary affinity for breaking magic.”
“So, I’d be able to break bones and stuff?”
“Among other things,” Riel agreed. “It is not always in a literal sense. It could involve swaying a delicate balance or interrupting a natural process. Just as mending could be anything from curing a person’s illness to restoring a tear in a shirt.”
I imagined the possibilities, and my heart soared. Healing people would remain my top priority, but to be able to use my magic in scenarios that weren’t life or death? To potentially break things as well as fix them? The thought was intoxicating. “And these are all things I could do?”
“With patience, you could expand your skill set. Generally, it takes years to master a primary skill, which in your case seems to be healing bodies. It’s unlikely that you would be able to do something completely unrelated, but repairing objects is within the realm of possibility.
“It becomes more difficult to learn other skills the closer you get to mastering one, as they require different approaches. In other words, the methods you employ to heal won’t work the same way to achieve another result. That all comes later, though. Training always starts with determining the ability and its category. We’ve accomplished that, so we can move on.
“Usually, the next step would be warning you not to use your ability until you’ve had the proper training, but you’ve already become well acquainted with the dangers of misuse. Frankly, from what you’ve told me, it’s a miracle you’re not already dead. ”
That, I had no answer for. “Guess the Goddess must really like me.” I shrugged.
“Indeed.” The corners of Riel’s mouth quirked upward to match my smile.
“So, since we have that covered, what comes after the warning?”
“You should learn the difference between drawing energy from yourself and tapping into the flow of mana . That can take a while.”
Dreading the answer, I asked, “How long is a while?”
“Weeks. Months.”
My heart sank. Sitting out in nature with a handsome, charming prince was no hardship, to be sure, but that was unlikely to be all we did. How was I supposed to manage here? How could I go weeks or months without worrying about things back home? Not to mention that I only packed enough clothes for a week. Had they told George how long it would take?
“It depends on a number of factors,” Riel continued. “How attuned you are with your body and with nature, how far your discipline extends, the reach of your ability… how skilled your teacher is, how much the Goddess likes you.”
Despite myself, I rolled my eyes and huffed a laugh. “Ha! Okay, I’ll bite. So how does one do all that? I have to learn the difference between using mana and my internal source first?”
“That’s right. Most do it by trial and error. Since you nearly reached vahela only recently, you won’t have that luxury. Luckily, there’s an alternative that works just as well. Close your eyes.”
With an impatient sigh, I obeyed.
“Breathe slowly, purposefully,” Riel’s voice commanded. “Focus on the scents. Feel where you are connected to the earth and the water. Pay attention to the itch of the grass underneath your hands and legs and the moisture against your skin. Empty your mind of all unnecessary thoughts. In your case, that means all of them.”
My eyes popped open so that I could give him a dirty look. Riel responded with an innocent smile. It was at that point that a realization struck, causing me to grimace. “So… meditation. You want me to do weeks or months of meditation.”
“Every spare moment,” Riel confirmed, unbothered by the touch of sarcasm that had leaked into my words. “But these grounding exercises are just the first step. Once you’ve managed to feel rather than think , you’ll turn your attention inward. You described feeling a flame within. Find that space again, and open your mind to what lies around it. When you are ready to draw mana , you’ll know.”
“Okay, but what am I looking for?”
“When you find it, you’ll know,” Riel repeated. “It’s different for everyone. Some feel as though their inner self is a river, and they must follow it to where it flows into the sea. Some feel they have roots, and they must find the tree above.”
Confused, I tried to imagine that place inside me and match it to some kind of higher power. “So, if I see fire, then I’ll get… what? A volcano?”
“It’s not literal. You can picture whatever you like. The point is that if you’re on the right track, you will feel some kind of current bridging between you and the flow of mana . Follow that and you find the right source. It will be a well of boundless power. Once you’ve found it, it will become easier and easier to connect to it and resist draining your own energy.”
“Okay, that makes sense.” I nodded along before his words registered and then frowned. “But wait. How can magic be boundless? Doesn’t that go against some kind of natural law?”
“Ah. Excellent question. Mana is unlimited, but your ability to channel it is not. It’s like how air exists all around you, but you can only take in one lungful at a time. You can teach yourself control so that you decide when and how quickly you breathe. You can train yourself to increase your capacity so that you can take deeper breaths. But no matter what you do, you will never be able to utilize all of the air in existence.
“You will also find that there are limits on what you can do. No matter how powerful you are, things you create from mana will not be the same as the real thing. You can change a stone into food, but it will not provide the same sustenance. And you can turn dirt into clay, or turn clay into bricks, but you would still need to stack them together to form a building.”
“Huh.” Thinking about the concept made my head throb, reminding me that I was not yet fully recovered. Still, I had to ask. “So, given these… limitations, what are my chances of eventually being able to raise an army of the undead?”
The corner of Riel’s mouth twitched. “Unlikely, I’m afraid.”
“What about just, like, a dozen?”
“Slightly less unlikely, but unlikely nonetheless.”
“Even with years of training?”
“In another reality, perhaps, where you were not limited by a mortal lifespan. I’m not aware of anyone in history who has gained that particular ability.”
“Oh, well. I’m mostly kidding.” There went that idea. My feet swung back and forth in the water with renewed vigor. “Honestly, it’d be incredible just to be able to heal without killing myself. Though…” I briefly imagined what demand would be like once my powers were no longer limited by my health, and a prickle of apprehension took root. The crowds would swell. The shouting would intensify. Chances were George would have me out there at least once a week, if not every day. I wouldn’t have a moment of peace. “I suppose that’ll come with some other challenges if the way things have been is any indication.”
“Would you like my advice?” Riel’s question was a welcome reprieve from my thoughts, which had begun to turn somewhere ugly. He took my dazed blink as permission to continue.
“You’re here because you have a tendency to put others before yourself,” he said. “That’s not a bad quality to have, but it is dangerous. It means that people will take from you, because it’s in their nature to do so, just as it’s in your nature to give.” Riel leaned back and focused on the sky. “We have a saying: In virani ma onaya kessavi ki, torenna . ‘When blood is shed in the name of kindness, you have gone too far.’
“It’s a reminder to be aware of your limits and not harm yourself in the pursuit of selflessness, as noble as that pursuit may be.” He paused to let his words sink in, glancing my way to be sure I still listened. Noting my confusion, he went on to add, “What I mean to say is that you have no duty to inform your keepers of what you’ve learned here. Feel free to define new limits for yourself and communicate those boundaries.”
“Easier said than done.” Tension twisted my gut. “I have literally thousands of people relying on me. People who are weak, desperate, and in pain. And for most of them, doing nothing is as good as killing them. Putting myself first is a nice sentiment and all, but I can’t afford to do that. Not when I can do something to help.”
Riel shrugged. “If you were never blessed with your abilities, they would die regardless, no? Each time you choose to help, it is a gift. Your sense of responsibility is misguided.”
I mulled over his words and some of the tension lessened. “Yeah, I guess. It’s a little more complicated than that, though. I don’t know how I could ignore them.”
“You don’t need to ignore them. Just take care not to abuse your kind heart.”
Unhappy with that answer, I made a disgruntled sound and lay back against the grass. My eyes landed on the cloud directly above me, which looked a little like a heart. The puffy edges even gave it the impression of one battered and bruised. Much to my embarrassment, I found myself tearing up. “Geez, when did this turn into a therapy session?” I gave a broken laugh as I tried to wipe at the moisture with my sleeve without being too obvious.
“My apologies.” Riel’s voice was soft. He kept his attention on the distance, giving me some privacy. “I didn’t intend to touch upon a painful topic.”
“No, no, you’re totally right. I needed to hear that from someone, you have no idea. I think I just… I don’t know how to stand on my own feet. I crave validation, you know? It’s like, if I’m making a difference in someone’s life, if I’m being helpful, everything feels worth it somehow. I feel like I mean something. If not… Gah, I’m a mess.”
“Aren’t we all?” Riel remarked wryly.
“Yeah?” I cast a sidelong glance his way. “All right, well, you’re learning all my secrets, so you next, then. What sort of skeletons does a fae prince have hiding in his closet?”
“I’ll have you know I don’t have a closet, much less a collection of hidden skeletons.” Riel’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. “In any case, my problems are quite boring. I was raised in my older brother’s shadow, the two of us competing for our parents’ love. I’ve come to terms with it over the years. My brother bears the brunt of the stress; being born second has granted me some freedoms and opportunities I would not have had otherwise.”
“Ah. Still, that must be rough.” Not sure how to respond to that, I turned back to the sky and contemplated some things. I knew what having a responsibility to your nation and guardians was like, but it wasn’t the same. Their lifestyle was so different. “You guys are a little different from what I expected. We have stories about fae, you know. Fairy tales and folklore. But you guys strike me as more like Tolkien’s elves than the fairies from Shakespeare and stuff.”
Riel shrugged at that. “It’s easier to let the matter be, but it’s worth noting that only humans call us fae. Our people are Ishameti , the Goddess’s chosen.”
“Oh… of course you’d have a different word for yourselves. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” My emotions were still raw, and to my embarrassment, the tears threatened again.
“There’s no need to apologize,” he assured me gently. “You and your people may call us what you like; it’s no insult and makes no difference. I have not read enough of your literature to know where we may differ from the fae of your legends. What did you expect?”
Attempting to keep my voice from trembling, I drew in a soothing breath. “I mean, I kind of knew what to expect from the news and such. But in my world, when someone says ‘fae’... I guess I would think of a mischievous little person with wings. There are a lot of different interpretations, though. There’re fairies, then there are things like imps, and brownies, and leprechauns. They all look different. In general, they’re not necessarily good or bad, but they’re big tricksters. Some can change their appearance or grant wishes.”
“Mm.” Amused, Riel explained, “We don’t all look the same, you know. Changing magic gives us the ability to perfect our appearances, but we still have different races with their own histories and cultures. I can’t say that I see much resemblance to your tales in other ways.”
“No,” I agreed with a small shake of my head. “But that makes sense. You’re more like humans than what most people would think of when they hear the word ‘fae.’ You guys are tall, for one. And you carry yourselves elegantly, rather than being conniving and mischievous.”
“Some of us, anyway. We also don’t grant wishes.”
“Well, nobody’s perfect.”
The two of us shared a smile.
“Some of you are a little grumpy,” I pointed out, thinking of Solois’s surly attitude. Riel’s wince told me he knew exactly what I referred to. Given the opening, I ventured to ask another question. “Um… I understand if this is a touchy topic, and no need for details if it is, but I was wondering… Is Solois always that cheerful, or do I just keep catching him at bad times?”
When silence met my question, I began to worry that perhaps it was best to leave that stone unturned. As I was about to introduce a change of topic, however, Riel spoke .
“I told you on your first day here that there are some who are unhappy with your presence,” he said, his voice guarded. “Solois… would be one of them. He sees you as another responsibility on top of everything else he has to worry about, that’s all. It has nothing to do with who you are as a person or anything you’ve done. He was raised with rigid, unachievable ideals, and such an upbringing has a tendency to make one… cranky.”
“Cranky, huh?” I shook my head. “That’s a nice way to put it.”
“Do you have any siblings?” Riel asked.
“Nah. My parents were already older when they had me, and honestly, I don’t think they really wanted kids. They never admitted I was an accident, but I have my suspicions.” It made me uncomfortable to remember how easily they gave me up when things got tough.
He tilted his head. “Are children often accidental in your world?”
I blinked in surprise at the unexpected question. “Sure. The guy pulls out too late, the condom breaks, the woman forgets to take her pill or tracks her cycle wrong… it happens all the time. Don’t tell me you guys have magical birth control?”
“Young men are sent to menders to have changes made before they become sexually active,” Riel explained with a shrug. “Children are always planned.”
“You mean…” Horrified, my voice dropped to a whisper. “You all get castrated?”
“Ah, no. The… er… anatomy remains unchanged.”
“Oh!” My breath left me in a rush of relief. “So, like a magical vasectomy. That makes more sense.”
“Anyway, we’re late for our meal.”
I didn’t miss Riel’s abrupt change of subject, or the fact that the tips of his ears were taking on a rosy shade. Was the prince a bashful sort when it came to topics of an adult nature? I’d just about seen and heard it all with how much time I spent on the Internet, but they didn’t have social media to taint their delicate sensibilities. The thought amused me.
“Shall we?” he asked, getting to his feet and dusting off his pants.
I hid my smile as I pulled my feet from the pool and stood. “Thanks for the lesson,” I told him as we walked to where his avida waited. “I feel like I learned a lot today.”
“It was my pleasure,” he replied. “I suggest you begin setting aside time for meditation. Ideally, you will be able to practice a few hours every day.” He lifted me into place on the animal’s back as usual and took his seat behind me. “Best hang on tight,” he murmured as he reached around, the low words sending a strange shiver through me. “We’ll have to hurry.”
Even riding like the wind, we were tardy for the late morning meal. Luckily, Riel was able to sweet-talk the cooks into getting us something to eat. I returned to my room that afternoon thoughtful and sated, and the next few hours were spent working on grounding exercises. Although I couldn’t make it past a few minutes without getting sidetracked, I still felt like the day had been an overall win.
And I slept well that night, despite the stone walls that made me recall less-than-pleasant memories. That made me hopeful that maybe I could be comfortable here for the weeks or months it took to sort myself out and get back to the life I knew.