20. The Breaking Point
CHAPTER TWENTY
THE brEAKING POINT
To nobody’s surprise, I didn’t magically figure things out overnight, no matter how hard I meditated. In fact, I found it even more difficult to focus with the brand-new collection of questions and concerns plaguing me. As if things weren’t frustrating enough.
The next day, we spent the morning with more riding lessons on the plains. Riel was the grumpiest I’d ever seen him—even Oyanni acted surprised by the way he sulked on the ride there and the sharp edge in his tone. After about an hour of riding back and forth and practicing turns with minimal interaction but for the occasional barked command, I finally felt the need to speak up.
“Are you mad at me?” I demanded, relaxing back into my seat to signal Oyanni to stop.
“No,” Riel replied, his reaction too quick and too curt. I leveled a frown his way. “No,” he repeated, frustration lacing his tone. “I just… I hate being backed into a corner. Nothing is on our side. It’s one challenge after another, and I hate it. I hate how powerless it makes me feel.”
I felt a pang of sympathy for him, knowing all too well how it felt to be in a relative position of power and still feel powerless. It had been all I’d known over the last few months, ever since the day I collapsed by the White House gate.
“We’ll figure it out,” I assured him, trying to twist my body around from astride the avida so that I didn’t have to crane my neck to speak to him. “Somehow or another, the mana thing has to click for me soon. Didn’t you say these things take time? I know I’ve been impatient, but I still feel like I’m getting closer every day.”
Riel sighed. “Believe it or not, that’s not my biggest concern at the moment.”
“Oh?” It was impossible to get Oyanni to turn while standing still. Taking pity on me, Riel moved into my line of sight, drawing near to caress her neck. Up close, I could see that his eyes, normally the shade of still Caribbean waters, had somehow become stormy to mirror the emotions that roiled within. Fascinated, I leaned forward to see them better.
Riel stopped me with a hand to my leg before I toppled over the avida ’s side.
“The situation with my family has not improved,” he admitted. “I’m still hoping for more information, but I suspect…” he hesitated a moment before continuing, his hand returning to Oyanni’s neck. “I suspect this will not end well.”
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” It was still a weak offer, I knew. But I didn’t like feeling helpless either, and I especially didn’t like to see Riel like this. He felt… fragile. Comparatively, anyway. He was usually so strong and confident.
“Perhaps it would be better for you to return home,” he said suddenly.
The fact that he thought of that first, with everything that was going on, hurt. I scoffed. “And what, play video games and twiddle my thumbs for months, if not longer? There’s nothing for me back home if I can’t heal. I’d be dead weight as far as the government’s concerned, and they don’t like moochers. I just need a little more time. ”
Riel didn’t seem convinced. Not above begging, I added a sincere, “Please.”
He didn’t get it. But then, my situation was pretty unique. With the way I’d grown up, I had no official education or marketable skills beyond my healing abilities. Hell, I didn’t even have my own bank account. The weight of my situation grew harder to ignore the more time passed here. Just thinking about it made me feel sick. It was a miracle that my handlers were still being so patient, but I couldn’t rely on that forever.
A flash of movement in the distance caught my eye. Riel glanced up as I raised a hand to shade my eyes and squinted at the speck of color that approached. It looked like one of their messenger birds, coming from the direction of the castle.
Riel raised one arm just as it rolled in midair and dove for the two of us. Spreading its wings to catch the air at the last second, it alighted atop Riel’s arm with a cheerful-sounding chirrup. I waited for Riel to retrieve the message from the little tube attached to its leg. His eyes scanned the paper from top to bottom, then repeated the motion. A crease appeared between his brows.
“It’s from Luenki,” he said just as I opened my mouth. “She says an envoy is coming through The Rift now. Your presence is requested.” He gave his arm a slight shake to dislodge the bird and came to Oyanni’s side.
“What?” I frowned as I scooted forward so that he had room behind me. Riel mounted and reached around me to take the rein strap. “Like, now, now?”
“Now,” he confirmed with a grimace.
Panic seized a hold of me in an instant. “Did she say what it’s about?”
“No need. We’ll find out shortly.”
Kicking Oyanni into gear, he guided us to the road that led to the castle. We continued on that path for a little ways before turning right and making for the woods. I wasn’t yet familiar with the way to the river, so as we rode, I took in the sights and tried to commit landmarks to memory. There was a road some of the way, although it was not wide or well-traveled. And for the most part, we went in one direction. Not for the first time, I was impressed by the stamina of an avida , as we kept up a loping run that ate up the terrain.
Eventually, the trees began to thin, and vaguely familiar hills loomed in the distance—a sign that we were getting close. I held on tighter. Despite the fact that I’d spent a decent amount of time riding since crossing The Rift, my butt was getting sore. We didn’t ride this far when we were just going to the pool or the plains, and Oyanni’s walk was much smoother than her run.
When we finally burst into the clearing and the river came into view, the pace relaxed, allowing both Oyanni and myself to catch our breaths. I could see that three people were already waiting for us, the small boat bobbing on the water behind them: two men wearing military uniforms and a woman in a baby-blue suit that complemented her dark skin.
“Oh! It’s Vivian,” I exclaimed, raising an arm to wave as we got close enough to make out the figures standing on the shore. Ohio’s Lieutenant Governor was put together as usual, though her kitten heels were sinking into the soft earth of the river’s edge. Her restrained smile told me nothing of her intentions, which had me breaking out in a nervous sweat. It was time to face the inevitable, I supposed. At least the uncertainty was over.
Riel brought us to a halt and swiftly dismounted before helping me down. No sooner had I touched the ground than Vivian was approaching.
“Your Highness. A pleasure to see you again,” she said warmly, stepping up to offer Riel a handshake. “Luenki has kept us apprised of your efforts to help Avery regain her healing powers. I was hoping I’d have the chance to extend my gratitude to you personally—our nation is truly in your debt.” Maintaining her smile as she turned to me, she continued. “ And, Avery, you’re looking much better than the last time I saw you. That has to be a good sign, at least?”
I made a conscious decision to ignore the unspoken question and take her words at face value instead, matching her smile and responding with, “Yeah, I’m feeling a lot better. What a surprise to see you! How have you been? Anything exciting going on at the base?”
“Nothing at all. It’s all training drills and paperwork.” Vivian shifted her weight. “I apologize for the visit out of the blue. I know you weren’t expecting me.” Stepping to one side, she gestured to the suitcase that stood between the men behind her. “We packed up some things for you. Toiletries and such, more books, and also some cards, puzzles, and a sketchpad and drawing utensils, in case that tickles your fancy.”
“Oh my God,” I squealed, my hands flying up to my face in excitement. Could it be that this was the reason she’d come? “You’re a lifesaver, seriously. The only thing that would have made this any better would be some crunchy Cheetos.”
“We’ll be sure to put that on the list for next time,” Vivian responded amiably.
I went to grab the case, but Riel appeared beside me, gently brushing my hand away to take it instead. Beaming, I turned my attention back to Vivian. “You have no idea how nice it will be to have more things to do when I’m on my own.”
“Well… I would hope that you’ve been keeping busy,” Vivian said slowly, eyes following Riel’s retreat with the suitcase. Just as suddenly as they’d risen, my spirits dropped again. “Luenki has been sending us regular updates,” she continued, “but without much substance. I wanted to see that you were improving for myself. I’m glad that you’re feeling better. Have you made any progress with your magic?”
And there it was. I ducked my head to hide my wince. “Ah… I’m working on it.”
“Respectfully, we could use a bit more to go on than that,” Vivian remarked. “The last thing I want to do is put more pressure on you, Avery, but you have to understand how much pressure there is on us. The president, the press, people hoping to be healed; they’re all hanging on our every word. It’s getting harder and harder to keep everyone calm. Can you give us any details? Do you have any idea how much longer this will take?”
“I, uh…” Racking my brain for a reasonable response, or at least something I could say to stall, not much came to mind. As much as I wanted to reassure Vivian, I was disheartened knowing that I had no power over the situation. It wasn’t like I could meditate any harder. “Maybe you could come back with us, and I can fill you in over the late morning—ah, lunch?” I glanced at Riel, seeking his permission, but he shook his head.
“Although you would be more than welcome in our halls, Lieutenant Governor, I’m afraid that your visit was too sudden for us to prepare,” he said, his tone conveying sincere regret. “We didn’t think to bring along another avida , and if we attempted to reach the House on foot, it would already be time for supper when we arrived.”
“Oh, duh.” I should have thought of that. “I guess not, then. Sorry. Well, uh… Riel—that is, the second prince here—has been super helpful. I’ve learned a lot about my kind of magic; they call it mending here. We’ve been doing exercises regularly. Now that I’m in good shape physically, it should be any day now, honestly. It’s just a matter of figuring out the right…”—I groped for the word—“the right technique? But I’m told it’s normal for that to take time.”
“It is,” Riel chimed in. “Especially given all that Avery had to adjust to when she arrived. Even for those who have lived their whole lives around magic, the process usually takes several weeks. And unfortunately, there is no rushing it. Please be assured that we are doing everything in our power to fulfill our commitment.”
“We appreciate it.” Vivian’s eyes drifted to me like she wanted to say something else. Thinking better of it, she sighed instead. The disappointment behind it had me wilting. “Please continue to keep us in the loop. If there’s anything we can do, don’t hesitate to reach out. Our resources are at your disposal—whatever you need.”
Riel inclined his head in acknowledgment of her words.
“This is great,” I said without enthusiasm, indicating the suitcase. “Thank you again. I’ll keep trying. I’m sure I’ll get it soon.”
“I’m sure you will,” Vivian assured me with a confidence I wasn’t feeling. “I’ll hold down the fort in the meantime. Seriously—anything you need, it’s yours.”
“Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it.”
An awkward silence fell until Vivian dipped her head in farewell and pivoted back toward the uniformed soldiers waiting on the bank. One officer held the boat still while the other helped her into it. Once seated, she looked back and waved goodbye. The boat pulled away to make the voyage back to the misty abyss on this side of The Rift.
Watching the boat retreat, I couldn’t bring myself to feel relief. It was nice to see a familiar face, but it came with a harsh reminder: We were running out of time. I opened my mouth to say as much before I noticed that Riel was no longer at my side. Instead, he eyed his avida with my suitcase in hand. I headed over.
“Do you need me to hold on to it while we ride?” I asked, unsure how that would work but willing to give it a try nonetheless.
Riel shook his head. “I’ve got it.”
He put the suitcase down and held out his hands to help me up first. Once I was comfortable, I watched as he tied the suitcase handle to the handhold strap with a length of cord that he had produced from somewhere.
“That won’t bother Oyanni?” I asked, imagining it bumping against her side as we rode.
Riel shrugged. “It’s not an ideal solution, but she won’t have to put up with it for long.” He gave the suitcase a tug to test the knot.
My thoughts turned to the matter at hand.
In the past, whenever someone higher up was involved, it was because shit was hitting the fan somewhere or other. I had no reason to believe that this wasn’t the case now. I didn’t know Vivian well enough to say if it was innocent, or if she checked on my progress because things were devolving into an absolute shitstorm back home. Maybe I could get their recent letters from Luenki to glean the tone. In any case, it was time to get serious.
“Let’s go over our options again,” I suggested once Riel was mounted behind me.
“The situation won’t change because we continue to discuss it,” was his tight response.
“No, but maybe we can think through a solution together, you grump. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? I can’t just sit around with so many people waiting on me.”
“It is normal for the process to take?—”
“I get that,” I interrupted him, trying hard to come across as authoritative rather than pissy even as my patience ran out. “I do. But our circumstances are unique, no? If I was just another kid learning to use my magic, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But it’s bigger than that, so we’ve got to weigh the pros and cons.” I thought for a moment. “We’ve got two options, yeah? Either I keep at this, and we have no idea how long it might take, or we try that other method that Neyes was talking about. Both have their risks.”
“Can you say that the risks are equal?” Riel argued, his body going taut behind me.
“Maybe they are,” I retorted. “Obviously, I don’t want to die , but you won’t tell me what the chances are either. If there’s only, like, a one-percent chance of something going wrong, then maybe those odds are worth it. I feel like I might not even get it at all by meditating.”
In the moment that followed my statement, all I could hear was Oyanni’s steady footfalls and the sounds of the forest around us. If I didn’t still feel Riel’s reassuring warmth at my back, I might have thought that he’d fallen off.
When he eventually spoke, all he said was, “It’s unlikely.”
“Wait, what is?” Frowning, I tried to twist myself around so that I could see his expression but quickly gave up. “You mean the chance of dying from the alternative method? Or there is actually a chance that what we’re doing now won’t ever work?”
“There is a small chance that the usual methods don’t work,” he admitted, the words clipped. “Some… aren’t ever able to feel the flow of mana . As for the manaviri … there may be a way to minimize the chance of failure. But the fact remains that it is significantly more dangerous.”
“Well, then.”
I tried to keep the snideness in my tone to a minimum, but I couldn’t help but be pissed that Riel wasn’t being more forthcoming. He was just trying to look out for me in his own way, I supposed, but it stung. I’d been left out of the loop plenty at the White House, and that had never bothered me, but Riel and I were supposed to be on the same side.
“Okay.” I decided against laying into him for the lack of communication—at least for now. We could come back to that when there were fewer pressing matters at hand. “Tell me what you know about the manaviri ,” I demanded instead. “What could we do to up my chances?”
“I’ve never seen it done myself, so I don’t know all of the details,” Riel confessed. “But like any… procedure, magical or otherwise, the best way to ensure success would be to have a capable mender on hand. I know of one in the city who’s very highly regarded. It’s possible that she would be able to help us.”
“Okay, now we’re onto something.” Pleased that the beginnings of a plan were forming, I summarized. “So, we head to the city, meet with the mender, and pick her brain for a little bit. See what she has to say on the subject. If she knows what she’s talking about and thinks it’s too dangerous to risk, then we go back home and keep at the meditation, no harm, no foul.
“But—” I raised a finger. “If she’s willing to give it a try, so am I. Or, so should we, rather. ‘Cause at this point, I don’t think we have any better ideas. Sound good?”
Behind me, Riel let out a heavy sigh and muttered something under his breath . “I’ll take you to the city,” he agreed, his reluctance clear in his tone. “So that we can consult with this mender. But I want your word. If she advises us against attempting the manaviri , then we won’t go through with it.”
I hesitated to make that promise. Who’s to say the situation wouldn’t continue to get more dire? “If she thinks the chance of failure is more than 10 percent,” I proposed. “If that’s the case, I won’t risk it. I’ll just stick with the grounding exercises and hope for the best.”
“So be it,” Riel acceded grudgingly.
We were silent the rest of the way to the castle. Once there, he helped me down and helped me carry the suitcase back to my room.
“Thank you,” I said gently as he set it down by my door. “And I do appreciate that you’re trying to take care of me. I just think… sometimes we have to take risks; otherwise, nothing would ever get done. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.”
“I do,” he assured me. Glancing down the hall to make sure we were alone, he reached out to run his thumb along my cheek before bringing his forehead against mine in an intimate gesture. “And… I don’t mean to… I’m sorry if I come across too… ah…”
“Mulish?” I supplied, lips quirking in a smile. “Obstinate? Bull-headed?”
“Uncooperative,” Riel finished, mirroring my smile as he pulled away. “This has been a trial for me. I’m not used to… being in a position where my decisions could mean li fe or death.”
I didn’t even think of that, but it made sense. From what I’d seen, he wasn’t usually the person making the big decisions. He probably also felt that he was responsible for me in a way, since he’d been my host here. I didn’t consider how it would reflect on him if I died.
“I’m sorry too,” I said, reaching out to wrap my arms around him. He returned the hug with enthusiasm, as if he’d been waiting for me to initiate it.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he responded as he slouched to rest his chin on my head. I felt his fingers thread through my hair to tug lightly in an absentminded motion. “I can’t blame you for wanting to get back to your people as soon as possible. And I admire your selfless heart, even if it does make things difficult at times.”
I couldn’t see his expression from where I was, but his tone became teasing as he finished speaking.
“It’s not…” I hesitated. I’d been about to argue that I didn’t want to go back, but wasn’t that what all this was for? No matter how much I cared for Riel and appreciated his company, my whole life was there. And figuring out my powers wouldn’t help anyone if I stayed here. “Yeah,” I said finally, my voice muffled from having my face in his chest. “Thank you.”
Riel let go of me abruptly, stepping back before I had the chance to react.
“What—” I began just before two of the castle guards rounded the corner.
“I’ll have some food delivered to you,” Riel said as if we hadn’t just been having an intimate heart-to-heart. “And tomorrow, I’ll show you the city. The change of scenery might be beneficial for your progress. We can stay a night or two if you like. There are several options for accommodations dedicated to visitors.”
“Uh, yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan.” I stepped back into the doorway and nearly tripped over my new suitcase. I was able to regain my balance on my own, but I didn’t miss the way Riel’s hand twitched at his side, as though he barely resisted the urge to grab for me.
The guards walked past us, inclining their heads to Riel as they went.
“Take some time today to pack anything you might need and relax some. I’ll fetch you in the morning after you’ve had a chance to eat,” he intoned. Lowering his voice, he added, “And I’ll have a message sent to the mender I mentioned so that she knows to expect us.”
“Okay,” I whispered back. “See you tomorrow.”
“Until then.”
We stared at each other a moment longer, numerous words lying unspoken between us, before Riel eventually tipped his head in farewell and made his way down the hall to fetch whatever was left of the late morning meal. I gathered the suitcase and headed into my room, shutting the door behind me.
After opening the window to let some fresh air in, I settled on the floor by my bed, opened the suitcase, and pulled out the contents. Everything Vivian mentioned was there, from tampons, sunscreen, and toothpaste to books, puzzles, and art supplies. I grabbed one of the bags I’d come with and loaded it with necessities and a couple of outfits. Then, I stowed the hobby items in the bottom of the wardrobe with the books and games I’d gotten from Luenki.
Just as I finished up, a knock at the door signaled that Riel had pulled through. I got my meal, which consisted of a hearty vegetable and dumpling soup. As I ate, my thoughts drifted to the city. Having only seen Miderrum’s skyline in the distance, I had no idea what to expect, but I was excited to see it up close. I spent the afternoon sketching the view from my window and daydreaming about the sorts of things I might encounter in the foreign city.