10. Xavi
Chapter 10
Xavi
A s I walked back through the halls, shoving past flames and players and staff and friends, I realized I had no idea where any of them had gone. Cole and Colton would have been easy to spot if we were anywhere else, but in a place like this where half of the men played hockey, every build was stocky, tall, and muscular.
My eyes scanned the crowd as I shifted from room to room, knocking back more of my drink, shaking off a flame’s lingering perfume that seemed to be following me with every step. I was feeling better, more confident, more interested in finding Annie and talking her ear off or doing more if she’d let me — but then I spotted her in the living room, moving to the beat of the music, laughing and fucking beaming as Colton spun her in a tight, lazy circle, his grip on her waist just a little too… easy.
I almost, almost wanted to turn around and find a flame to flirt with, because fuck, I hated the way seeing that made me feel. I hated it more than I’d hated anything in a hell of a long time.
Clutching my solo cup, I leaned against the wall, trying to keep my breathing even as I watched them. She’d been in my arms less than an hour ago, and now she was here, spinning, laughing, touching Colton. I didn’t know what to think, not when I knew for damn sure that both Cole and him had their eyes on her. It was another punch in the gut, another swift, irritating blow that there just wasn’t space for me here. Another reminder that the three of us could easily be torn apart.
I didn’t want a girl to be the reason we split. I didn’t want us to split at all.
Colton’s head tipped back, a loud, booming laugh coming from him at something Annie said that I couldn’t quite hear over the music, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she thought he was attractive. Colton wasn’t a bad-looking guy by any means, and he certainly had his fair share of flames that he cycled through and women that threw themselves at him for more than just the claim to fame of sleeping with an NHL player.
I told myself it was nothing. Colton flirted with anything that had legs, and Annie… She was just having fun, shaking off her douchebag boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, whatever she’d decided. This was what people did at parties. They danced, they drank, they let loose, they flirted. It wasn’t my business. I desperately needed it to not be my business. It didn’t matter .
Except it did. It fucking did.
I lifted the solo cup to my lips, downing a few chugs of beer, watching as the little bubbles rolled around on the surface for something to look at beside them. But I barely tasted it, barely cared. I glanced over the rim, and Colton was talking to her, murmuring something low enough that she had to lean in, her fingers curling and tightening on his shoulder, his shirt shifting beneath her touch, his mouth at her ear. Whatever he said made her laugh, and god , the sound reverberated through me like a punch to the gut.
A flame had just been wrapped around me, her fingers in my hair, her breath on my ear, and I hadn’t felt a thing. But watching Colton twirl Annie around again, his hand catching hers, their fingers interlacing for just a second too long to bear, I felt everything .
It wasn’t lost on me that Colton would be better for her than me. Cole would be, too.
Colton may have been a player, but he was a player who cared, someone who slept around because it was fun but never would if he was in a relationship, the kind of player who wasn’t really a player at all and just happily accepted and sought out attention wherever it came from. But he was good in relationships. He’d had plenty of them, stayed friends with his exes, and women only had positive things to say about him.
Cole, on the other hand, had dealt with the highs and lows of marriage . He was strong, settled in life, mature in a way that neither of us was, a way that only came with age and life experience. He knew how to have a stable relationship, how to get from point A to point B, how to be a partner. He was the kind of guy girls actually wanted to date and not just sleep around with. If Annie wanted something real, something lasting, Cole was the smart choice. He had experience. He knew how to take care of someone.
But me? I had no clue what I was doing. I’d had a handful of short, non-committal relationships, but none of them had ever lasted more than a few months. Although I was still on great terms with my exes, it wasn’t as if I had some wealth of knowledge of women, some bank I could pull from to treat someone right. If I were to enter something serious, I would be jumping in blind, and despite knowing I’d need to do that eventually if I ever wanted something real, I didn’t want to do that to Annie. Not when she was fresh out of something that had been so obviously toxic.
I didn’t want to do that to Annie.
I didn’t want to do that to Annie.
But fuck , I did. I did, and it was stupid. She was drop-dead gorgeous, sweet as an angel, and had a mouth on her that I could both enjoy listening to for hours and simultaneously put to better use. I knew I wasn’t good for her, and yet I still found myself wanting to chase her, and I wasn’t sure if it was just because I’d had a couple of drinks now or if it was because I was genuinely that much of an idiot to think I could figure out how to be a good partner.
I ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath, the scent of spilled beer and liquor invading my senses, the music pounding, and tried to let it all drown out my thoughts. My body ached from the game earlier, and I shifted my thoughts to that, feeling each little spot beneath my skin that throbbed or needed to be stretched and trying to focus on that alone. But of course, it didn’t work. That never worked for me, never when I let myself get worked up over a girl. I just wanted to chase.
I dragged my gaze back to where Colton and Annie had been, but the space was empty now, and I caught sight of Colton’s ponytail heading out of the room before I even noticed Annie shifting through the crowd near me. Tracking her with my eyes like a hawk, I watched as she mumbled something to herself as her shorter frame tried to squeeze between jerseys and muscle and tight dresses.
Every part of me wanted to move, to meet her where she was trying to slip out, but I held myself back. The other exit was only a few feet from me. If she turned, if she looked at me, if there was even a hint of want in those intoxicatingly blue eyes, I’d move. I would.
But I wasn’t what caught her attention.
Annie’s eyes went wide as she finally made it within a few paces from the door, her gaze trained upward on Cole’s wide frame, his lips pressed together in a thin line.
“Hey,” he said, the single word tight, low, and barely audible over the noise levels in the room. “Can I talk to you?”
Annie paused, blinking up at him as her nose scrunched up. “Me?”
From the way Cole scratched the back of his head and shifted uncomfortably on his feet, I knew I should move away, should give him privacy, but I couldn’t. It felt like my feet were glued to the floor, stuck in place in a position that I had a sinking feeling would only confuse me more.
“Obviously,” Cole responded, huffing out an almost nervous chuckle. Almost hesitantly, Annie crossed the last bit of space between them, stopping just in front of him. “Look, I… I know this is forward, and I apologize for that, but would you ever…”
He scrubbed a hand over his face, grunting his frustration at his words.
“Fuck’s sake, I’m sorry, I’m bad at this,” he said through clenched teeth. “But would you ever consider going out with me?”
My stomach clenched like I’d just taken a damn slapshot to the gut. I stood there, frozen, pressed to the wall, close enough to hear every syllable and too surprised to move away. His voice wasn’t smooth or confident or ballsy like Colton’s always was — it cracked a little, like he already regretted opening his mouth. I loved Cole, I did, but every part of me suddenly wanted to punch him in the face.
Annie blinked up at him, lips parted, eyes wide, as if the question had just knocked every bit of air from her lungs. The question hung in the air, unanswered and tense, and I couldn’t stop myself from watching as Cole’s jaw worked, twitching at the corner.
She didn’t say yes. Didn’t say no, either.
She blinked faster, her gaze drifting off of him, flicking behind him like she was maybe trying to find the nearest escape route for a moment to breathe. I almost moved, almost pushed myself between them to lead her out, but Cole’s face cracked right down the middle and the little bit of confidence drained from his features, and I knew I didn’t need to.
I mostly felt bad for him. Truly. But a part of me didn’t.
“Shit,” he muttered, taking a deep breath and a step back, his throat working, his Adam’s apple moving. “You don’t — you don’t have to answer that. I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m gonna get a drink.”
He didn’t wait for her to respond. Cole turned on his heel in an instant, his broad shoulders stiff as a board, and retreated before she could even move.
I exhaled, not even realizing I’d been holding my breath. Part of me wanted to go after Cole, wanted to make sure he was all right. I knew damn well the guts it must have taken him to even say that, knew the blow it must have been to see her hesitate, but I couldn’t help feeling like a part of him deserved it for asking that the same night she’d had an earth-shattering argument with her potential ex-boyfriend.
I knew Cole liked her, knew we all obviously did.
But seeing him ask her like that, raw and a little bit desperate, beaten down from his previous marriage and plucking up courage, had knocked something loose in me.
Annie stood there, staring at the empty space where Cole had just been, her hands curled into little loose fists at her sides. She looked mortified, like she’d just survived something she hadn’t expected to go through but regretted every second of it, her face contorted as if she’d fucked up.
As if by magic or an act of some god, the floor no longer felt like glue on my feet.
I should have left it alone. Should have backed off, walked away, checked on Cole, and let her breathe.
But I couldn’t.
I didn’t want to.
I wanted my turn with her.