Chapter 27
27
It’s a little out of the blue to learn that your family are gods, but as I sit talking to Aunt Eris I get to ask some pertinent questions about gods. It turns out they’re just really powerful beings that people call gods because it’s convenient and because that’s what they called themselves in their native language, and since there isn’t a good word that translates well, that’s the word that all the other languages have adopted too.
It’s not the same as God with a big G, because no one knows if there is a big G God. It’s funny learning “god” is the equivalent of “human” and “flink.” Just a species name.
Before too long, MawMaw pops in. Darcy’s been talking with Loki and Tia about what they want to do to help restore the balance in the universe, and so he doesn’t immediately notice MawMaw’s arrival. I spring up because I haven’t seen her since last spring, rushing to her and grabbing the tiny woman up in a huge hug. She’s about as tall as Darcy is with just as big a personality as him.
“My baby boy! How’d you find yourself on Olympus?” she demands, grabbing my cheeks and pinching them as she gets a good look at me. “Look at you. You’ve been all over the universe, haven’t you? Is that a bond with a flink I see in you? How’d you even meet a… baby? You bonded with a baby flink?”
The baby flink appears on my shoulder with a clap of thunder, chirping at my MawMaw and pushing her hands off my cheeks.
She’s a good sport about it because they’re just a baby, but we’re going to have to teach them manners about their elders. “Oh sugar, that’s my grandson you got there, be careful with him. He’s precious to a lot of people.”
The baby chirps several times, wrapping themself around my head.
“Yes, baby. That’s exactly right. You understand then.”
“ Chirp, chirrup, chirrrrrp .”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, sweetie,” MawMaw replies, reaching up to pet the baby.
The baby flink purrs at her touch, and I shift to give her better access by bending at the waist.
“How’d you know I was here?” I ask as she coos at the sweet baby.
“Eris sent me a little message,” she replies softly.
As if her name summons her action, Aunt Eris pulls MawMaw into a chair next to her. I follow her back down, sitting again, and that’s when Darcy finally notices our new company.
“Darcy, meet my MawMaw, Harmonia. She’s my grandmother.” I wave to the woman and then to Darcy. “MawMaw, meet my fated mate, Darcy Hellspinner. He’s the Avatar of Neutrality.”
Darcy stares at my MawMaw for a long moment, then offers her his hand with a look of happy surprise. “You're as pure as a snow white winter, ain’tcha. I didn’t even see your mark on him before it was pointed out to me.”
MawMaw smiles kindly at him, letting him kiss the back of her hand rather than shake it. “Oh you. I’ve had enough years to learn to be subtle.”
Darcy winks at my grandmother, and she titters. I’ve never seen him flirt like this; he’s got more game than anyone I’ve ever met. “I’m going to have to learn from you,” I decide, taking his hand and pulling him into my lap.
Darcy settles in, wrapping an arm around the back of my neck and holding my hand across his thighs with his other hand. “I’ve got thousands of years of experience, Peach. It’s gonna take a minute for you to catch up.”
As long as it doesn’t take too long. I don’t have thousands of years like him, but I don’t say that. I think everyone knows without me reminding them that we’re fated but I’m not permanent for him. I’m sure that’s going to hurt in the long run. “What’d you all decide?” I ask, indicating the neutral gods who brought us here to help him restore the balance of the universe.
Darcy grins, wide, happy, and a little mean. “We’re going to convene with the other Avatars and start splitting up the universe. These three are going to go out into the universe and cause some chaos in the name of Neutrality. There are plenty of lost items out there and finding them will slide the scales back toward neutral.”
“Lost items?” MawMaw asks, curiously, still petting the baby as they purr in my hair.
“Lost treasure, weapons, land mines, shipwrecks, and crashed planes. We find them, and it will cause a chain reaction with both good and evil. The other Avatars have spent the last three millennia splitting things up between them that are morally neutral. It takes a lot of magic to maintain a good/evil alignment for things that aren’t naturally good or evil. Bringing lost items back will refocus the magic currently being used to divvy up neutral things between good and. With the other Avatar’s cooperation in refocusing that part of their magic, the neutral things that were divided between them will naturally return to Neutrality,” Darcy explains with some self-satisfaction.
I like him like this, full of himself because he’s outsmarting something or someone. It’s a beautiful sort of pride, the kind that feeds his ego and justifies just how big it is. I love this man’s ego.
Huh. Maybe I love him. That’s really fast for me. I don’t even know how long it should take me to fall in love, because I’ve never been. Other people tell me they love me, but the sentiment is never in my heart when they say it. Weird that I’m feeling it after just a few days with him, right? Maybe it’s because we’re fated mates. There’s a lot of assurance in knowing that.
“How is that going to work? I’m not seeing it,” MawMaw confesses.
Darcy curls his fingers into my hair, pulling it just enough to have my dick perking up. Now is not the time for this, but if he needs me turned on, I’ll figure out how to hide it from company.
“The problem is that we’re dealing with humans, right? On this planet, anyway, and humans have this unsustainable habit of turning everything into a moral quandary, which they’re doing because they’re affected by magic even if they can’t see it, right? For the last three thousand years they’ve had good and evil to choose from, so they’re fitting everything into good and evil. Organic food? Good. Cigarettes? Evil. Deodorant? Good. Aluminum in deodorant? Evil. Are any of these things actually good or evil? Is the use of them good or evil? No. They’re neutral, but we’re spending magic on categorizing them into categories where they don’t belong.
“Cancer itself doesn’t belong in the good or evil category—it’s just a consequence of the existence of life. The moral quandaries should be focused on the treatment of cancer, how expensive it is versus how available it is, the research into finding cures rather than treatments. There are a lot of places where the humans could focus their efforts in designating good and evil, but blanketing cancer as evil is useless because it’s just a thing. It happens, and it’s neither good nor evil.
“So we find immunizations for cancer, and the humans now have something to latch onto that requires resolving real ethical quandaries, and it pulls the magic away from trying to categorize the thing to focus on the decisions around it. I get cancer and the immunization, Bellamy and Santanos get to go head to head about the distribution and availability of the shot.”
“You’re going to find a way to prevent cancer?” I ask, surprised and excited by the possibility.
Loki laughs, rolling his eyes. “The humans are already working on this; they’re so close to getting there. Ninety percent there with a slew of them. We’re just going to push them to start developing them faster. Shouldn’t be too hard, except we can’t use magic to do it. We can use magic to cure cancer, but we can’t use it on humans. It’s stupid, so we have to immunize them against as many possible cancers as we can. There’s over 200 different diseases that fall under the cancer umbrella, but I believe we can immunize against them all if we work hard enough at it.”
I offer Loki a fist bump and he hits me back with an explosion. “Go humanity.”
“Go humanity,” he echoes, meeting my energy the same as he always has.
MawMaw smiles kindly at the fist bump. “That does sound like a good plan. I’m glad to have one for the rebalance. What are you going to do about my grandson, then?”
“MawMaw,” I chastise softly. “Our relationship is between us and no one else. But you’re here so I’ll tell you that I’m moving in with Darcy, since my apartment was trashed by Stalker Steve.”
“Oh. What did that boy do?” she asks mildly, glancing at Loki, who shoots her a thumbs up.
“He just trashed my apartment, no big deal. I’m going to have to hire some professional cleaners to come in and take care of it. I do need to get you to replace my doilies. He cut them up. Sorry about that. You know I loved them, but he knew that, too, and he was trying to hurt me.”
She waves that off. “Oh, I’ll get you a set made up for your new place. Moving in with your beau. You gonna take him to the farm? You know your parents are going to want to meet him.”
“He’s taking me back home next week,” I promise.
“I am?” Darcy arches a brow at me, so I reach up and smooth his wrinkles out.
“You are—”
Boom! CLAP!
I’m home.
Staring at my parent’s cherry orchard, I blink a couple of times, reach up and pet the baby. “Thanks baby, but I wasn’t ready to come home.”
The baby chirps softly. It sounds distressed, and fear crawls up my spine. I’ve never in my life been afraid in my own home, but a soft clicking sound from beyond the orchard causes goosebumps to break out all over me.
“What the fuck is that?” I whisper, walking toward the noise.
Beyond the orchard is the storage barn, and past that is the house. It sounds like the strange clicking is coming from the barn, and since that building is used for storing the harvest until the trucks can come pick it up and for brewing the cider, there shouldn’t be anyone or anything in there clicking like that.
“What is it, baby?” I whisper, forcing myself to push past the fear to find out what the hell is happening on my family’s farm.
“Stop. Teleporting. My mate.”
Darcy’s intense growl, directed at the baby flink, stops me in my tracks. A couple of apples fall from the boughs above us as I turn to face my mate, putting my fingers to my lips. “There’s something in the barn,” I explain, pointing toward the noise.
The baby chirps twice and disappears from my neck with a clap of thunder. I’m slightly relieved (though I wasn’t too worried about them since they can teleport themselves to safety) but also a little worried, because whatever is making that noise definitely knows I’m here now.
Darcy cracks his neck, shakes out his arms, and starts marching, yelling loudly. “Hey fucker! Darcy Hellspinner here. Do with that what you will!”
Oh. I guess we’re not trying to be stealthy.
I smile at my lover. That’s one way to determine the threat. “You’re so fucking sexy when you’re being murderous.”
Darcy shoots me a flirtatious grin and winks. “I’ll fuck you when I’m done with whatever the fuck is happening here. That clicking sounds like a,” he makes a noise that isn’t possible for a human to make. It’s just a vibration, and it spikes the fear crawling through me. “Oof, that’s in the scare-humans range, innit?” he says apologetically.
I confirm that with a nod. “It’s fine. I know you’re dangerous.”
He chuckles softly, dipping down to grab a freshly fallen apple from the ground. He wipes it off on his clothes and bites into it. “Can’t be that thing anyway. Not unless… It’s not possible.”
I believe him.
It takes a few minutes to walk through the orchard. Nothing looks amiss, but the clicking is still happening, and it’s coming from inside or the other side of the building, so we round to the front, where the doors are standing wide open. Inside, my father is using a pitchfork to keep a giant insectoid at bay while my sister sits on the ground with something—no wait, she’s pinned to the wall by a stinger that impaled her through her stomach.