Chapter 13 Lucy
LUCY
“Are you coming to see your father today?” Mom asks when I answer the phone. “He wants an update.”
Talking to her is the last thing I feel like doing as I look at the cases loaded into the back of the truck that I need to carry up the stairs.
Not even the fact that Grudge is less than happy I’m living here can make me feel any less excited about my current life choices.
It’s an interesting dichotomy that my parents’ home, a sprawling house with multiple wings in almost unlimited acreage, feels suffocating, and yet, this small apartment feels like it has so much more space and air.
As I look up at the second-floor windows, I feel like I can breathe here.
“I’m not. I’m working on something,” I say vaguely.
“That isn’t good enough, Lucy. I would have hoped that you—”
“I moved out, Mom. I can’t do this. I can’t be around you and Dad like this. You need to give me a few days. I turned my life upside down to come here, but now I’m feeling…”
Lost. Trapped. Happy. Confused.
Settled?
Like I’ve finally put the first brick in place to rebuild.
“Lucy, you’re being irrational. And selfish.
We need to come together and put your father first, not indulge this tantrum.
Adam, that junior associate of his, took it upon himself to come to the hospital to see him.
I got there just in time to tell him to leave, but people are finding out what has happened. ”
Occasionally, my mother reminds me exactly who she is. Thankfully, it’s rare. But I can’t humor her today. Not with everything I learned about my father in the last twenty-four hours.
Quinn opens the door to the street and waves me inside.
“Mom, I can’t do this right now. Someone is waiting for me. I’ll call you when I’m ready.” I end the call and tug my scarf a little higher up over my ears. “Hey, Quinn.”
“Need a hand?” she asks.
“I barely have anything to take up.” There are two large suitcases, one carry-on wheelie case, and my overstuffed workbag.
I can figure out everything else I might need as I go.
Quinn glances into the back of my father’s truck. “Still, let’s do it together, and we can have you in and out of this cold more quickly.”
“I appreciate that.” It takes a couple of trips up the stairs, but finally, everything sits on the kitchen floor.
On the counter is a basket containing freshly ground coffee, some pastries, and a large bottle of sparkling water.
“Happy housewarming,” Quinn says as she sees me looking at the gift basket.
“It was the best I could do with a minute’s notice.
But there are a couple of boxes of clean bedding and towels I hadn’t moved out of here from when we slept over while renovating.
You can feel free to use them until you get settled. ”
“Thank you so much, that’s so thoughtful. Is Smoke okay with me staying here?”
Quinn stops shuffling the cases around, so they take up less space. “Of course, why wouldn’t he be?”
“I just wondered because of how…”
Quinn chuckles. “How mad Grudge was? No, Smoke doesn’t mind. In fact, between you and me, he’s kind of curious about you. Most of the men only have vague recollections about you. And yes, we asked.”
“We?”
“Me, Raven, and Ember. Ember admits she didn’t pay a lot of attention to who was dating who, at the time, just as long as they weren’t dating Atom, of course. But she saw you and Grudge together a couple of times. She said she remembers it was really romantic when the two of you got married.”
I think about our wedding day. The day after Thanksgiving, we’d gone to get a license, but found the offices were still closed.
But that only served to give us a few days to lay out a couple more plans.
I bought a dress on the Saturday. Not a wedding dress, but it was white and pretty and I threw on a fake, ivory, fur coat that had belonged to my grandmother to stay warm.
And Grudge cleaned his boots and ironed a shirt.
We took the time to write vows. Mine were flowery, about soul mates and true love. His were all practical, how he would protect me and provide for me forever. We agreed they were representative of what and who we were to each other.
Grudge came up with this idea that we should abstain from sex until we were married, for the whole three days until the wedding.
It was edifying.
The whole thing took on a meaning of its own when Grudge rode us out on his bike to our spot.
A beautiful lookout point by a lake, surrounded by tall pines.
A small dock jutted over the water, and we exchanged our vows in the watery morning sunshine with a mobile officiant and a couple of witnesses from a nearby town.
Grudge looked so handsome in a black shirt and pressed jeans. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more in love with someone than I did in that moment.
Even Henry.
Looking back, I thought I was happy with my ex. We had stability and friendship, and he made me laugh. We had the same goals. To make enough money to have a good life, while only doing good.
But with the lens of hindsight, I can see he was only a lukewarm substitute for the man I’m currently avoiding.
I look over to Quinn. “It was a romantic day, for sure.”
Even I hear the longing in my voice.
“Can I ask you something personal?” Quinn asks.
“I might not answer.”
“Why did you divorce him?”
I look over to the cases. “That’s a story he probably deserves to hear first.”
“That’s fair. And listen, I’m the queen of carrying emotional baggage, and probably the very last person who should be offering any advice in this situation. But trust me when I say, finding a way to get all that off your chest and out into the universe is incredibly liberating.”
My chest expands a little, cracking around the edges as she speaks.
I want that. More than I am willing to express out loud.
“I’m sorry if I crossed a line with my questions,” she adds.
I smile. “It’s okay. You didn’t. And I’m a lawyer. I know how to set boundaries. If I didn’t want to say anything, I would have said so.”
Quinn tips her head to one side. “That’s only because we’re still dancing around not really knowing each other, but sliding into becoming friends. Once we really get to know each other, I won’t allow you to have any secrets.”
I burst out laughing. “I’m not sure whether that sounds like a threat or the promise of a great friendship.”
“Smoke would likely argue it’s a bit of both. Would you like a coffee from downstairs, or are you good with the grounds?”
“I’m good with the ground coffee. And all this.” I gesture around the kitchen. “I was suffocating at home. This already feels so much better.”
Quinn glances around the kitchen and I get the sense she sees the room very differently to me. “Yeah, when you find the place you’re supposed to be, everything suddenly makes sense.”
“What’s this?” I ask, picking up a brightly covered book with a couple that almost reminds me of me and Grudge. It’s graphic, almost cartoon like, but she’s tiny and he’s tall, wearing a black T-shirt.
“It’s for you to read. I already read it. But our book club is next week, and that’s your invitation to join us.”
“I’ve been warned about your book club.”
Quinn laughs. “Greer.”
It’s a statement, not a question. “How did you know?”
Quinn heads to the door. “Lucky guess. I put some extra hangers in the wardrobe for you in the master bedroom. Holler if you need anything at all.”
And with that, I hear her footsteps jog down into the kitchen.
Now, I’m on my own. It’s been over two years since I lived by myself, and the silence is…perfect. I mean, there’s a little hustle and bustle at the shop downstairs, but nothing distracting.
I run my palms over the cool marble countertop and smile to myself, before I unravel my scarf and coat.
The first step of my plan today, unpack suitcases, immediately gets bumped by brewing a pot of coffee. The nutty smell fills the kitchen, and it already feels like home.
In between sips, I take my time arranging my things into closets and dressers and onto shelves. It’s a pretty apartment, arguably bigger than I need, but I already have plans to use the second bedroom as an office.
I open a small jewelry case that holds a few precious items. My grandmother’s pearls. A pair of earrings I bought with my first paycheck. And there at the bottom, my first engagement ring.
I tug it out and let it rest on my fingertip. The small diamonds need a good cleaning, but it’s still as pretty as I remember. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel the tender way Grudge slid it onto my finger.
I let it drop back into the case and close the fastener.
When I’m done unpacking, I take a ride to the grocery store and do a large stock-up shop.
On the drive there, the weather forecast said more snow was coming, and I don’t want to get caught without supplies.
I hadn’t realized just how expensive it is to start a pantry again from scratch.
Seasonings, oils, and vinegars force me to rethink my whole get-whatever-you-want strategy and start thinking about what I’m actually going to eat and drink if I end up snowed in.
For some reason, I feel a little as though I’m back in my first-ever apartment.
That feeling of being out on your own in the world, where your choices are your own, where no one messes up your space or touches your things.
There are no compromises to be made over TV volume or what to have for dinner.
The whole thing feels liberating.
After lunch, I dive back into the files of my father. Now I can sort the columns on my spreadsheet, I look for recurring initials and shorthand codes. There are patterns, but nothing totally concrete.
The name Hooper is mentioned, and I wonder if I should ask Grudge if he knows the man.
Assuming he will talk to me after I tell him everything else I know.
But Hooper’s name appears next to three sets of initials. WG, AG, and RD.