Chapter 24 Grudge
GRUDGE
“Iwant Wes Granger, and when we find him, I want him brought here so I can kill him slowly,” I say, making eye contact with each of my brothers sitting around the table.
Wraith leans forward. “Given what you just told us, I understand and agree with why you feel the need to kill him. But I think you should speak to Lucy, first.”
My brain spins at the thought of her. How good it felt to have her back in my bed, and how she destroyed me immediately after. How I left her in my room hours ago.
“There’s no need to speak to Lucy about this,” I say, finding it hard to keep my frustration at bay. She doesn’t need to know what I intend to do to him.
Wraith raises an eyebrow like I’m an idiot. “Think about it. You said Lucy was going to get you justice. She can’t do that if Wes Granger is suddenly missing.”
Catfish nods. “He’s right, Prez. There’s gonna be a timeline for all this happening. Lucy finding the paperwork, her telling you. If the next thing on the timeline is that Wes Granger goes missing, you’ll be suspect number one.”
“Not sure what you’ve all been smoking, but you’re being really fucking optimistic about the legal process,” Smoke adds.
“It’s not a slam dunk, yet. ‘WG’ won’t mean shit as proof in court.
If I was Granger’s lawyer, I’d simply present a long ass list of every other person in Colorado with the same initials. ”
Jackal shakes his head at that. “Maybe, but from what Grudge said, it mentioned the Rebels. So, he’d have to find another fall guy in the club with the same initials. And who wants to be in a motorcycle club where the president throws you under the bus.”
“Former,” Shade says. “Granger’s the former president. Not the current one. Because Hooper is still inside, right?”
“He is,” I say. “Dad gave Hooper a beating. But it does make me wonder what Granger is doing. Like, Butcher has gone nomad, but is around if we need him. Do we know Granger’s deal?”
Wraith shakes his head. “Let’s figure that out, first, because it all plays into this. Right now, Granger doesn’t know you know, so, isn’t doing anything different in his routine.”
Atom coughs to clear his throat. “Lucy should get your record expunged and fight for any compensation you’re due.
You should sue De Bose for everything he has.
And then, some night, months later, when Granger isn’t expecting it.
Some night, when you’re out east visiting King and the New Jersey guys, Wes Granger is involved in a hit and run on a deserted road. ”
Smoke points at me. “In layman’s terms, you can’t kill him. But we can.”
I place my palms on the desk. “I’m not asking one of you to kill him for me.”
“You won’t have to,” Taco says. “It’s the point of the brotherhood.”
“So, that’s why you need to talk to Lucy,” Wraith says. “Get your justice, first, brother. It’ll bring you more peace than vengeance.”
I tug a hand through my hair. “I don’t know if that’s going to satisfy this…this…” I rub my fist in a circle on my chest as I struggle to find the words to fill this ache, this void, inside.
“Wes Granger will die,” Shade says. “But Wraith’s right. Let’s get intelligence on him.”
I always thought that making decisions as a president was more about being the leader and setting the direction. And in a way, it is. But I also am big enough to admit that listening to my men discuss this allows clarity to win over the earlier need to ride out to find Wes Granger and kill him.
“I’ve got it, brother,” Wraith says. “Feels like you need to sort shit out with Lucy.”
I place my hand on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“Is it too early to start making jokes about how I think he already sorted Lucy out today?” Taco asks.
Smoke at least has the decency to cover the lower half of his face as he grins.
Shade clips Taco around the back of his head. “Way too early.”
The normalcy of tackling something serious with humor strikes me. This is what the brotherhood is about.
“I’m gonna get some air,” I say. “Update me as soon as you know anything about Granger.”
I ride out in my truck to the river that froths and foams as it surges downstream. It’s not cold enough for it to freeze, yet, but soon enough, the water by the banks will start to ice over.
I cup my hands and blow into them, to warm them up, as I trudge to my usual spot. The thick felled tree has been here for as long as I can remember and has seen some pretty spectacular moments in my life.
I brought Lucy here on our first official date.
Felt a bit weird because we’d been friends forever, but it also felt…
different. Mom helped me make a picnic basket because I didn’t have much coin at the time and she loved the idea of Lucy and me as a couple.
I felt ridiculous with this ugly wicker thing stuffed with Mom and Dad’s camping supplies.
Plastic plates and cups and mismatched cutlery.
When I picked up Lucy from the gates of her estate in the fifteen-year-old, fourth-hand truck I drove, I was convinced I was just her safe walk on the wild side.
I’d even made excuses about the state of the picnic, rolling my eyes as I explained Mom and I had made the food.
But Lucy loved it. We settled the blanket right in front of this trunk and lay on our backs, holding hands, talking about plans for summer. She inhaled the food, complimenting my mom’s cooking and asking me which things I’d made.
Which led to it being the first place I ever kissed Lucy De Bose.
And, man, I had my first real understanding of what a truly spiritual moment in your life felt like. Because when her lips touched mine for the first time, I could barely breathe.
As I brush off the snow, then lower myself onto the felled trunk, it would be easy to try and convince myself that I just needed some air in a pretty spot. That this place, with its river, is somehow better than my own place where Lucy is waiting for me.
But really, I know it’s because I have some thinking to do about Lucy and me, and this was the only place I could do it.
“Alright,” I say out loud, knowing full well there is no one around except me. “Talk it out.”
I take a deep breath. “She did it to protect me.”
She did it to protect me.
Out of everything she said this morning, it’s the one thing that has stuck with me. More than the fact her father set me up. More than the fact she didn’t come to me and tell me so we could work it out together.
The precious woman I fell in love with parked her own happiness, so I didn’t have to suffer any longer than I had to in prison. Hell, if she hadn’t, I’d still be in prison, now, and the last six years since I got out wouldn’t have happened.
If I’m truthful with myself, the very idea of it makes me feel sick.
And somehow, now that my immediate reactions to the information have settled, it’s the thing that speaks the loudest. That she did what she did to save me from that fate.
“Or is that because you’re thinking with your junk?”
I shake my head at the ridiculous question.
None of this is to do with sex.
I take a deep breath. And another.
I know my mom will want me to do whatever makes me happy. She really loved Lucy, and it was hard for her to reconcile what Lucy did.
Dad might have an issue with it. He saw how much Lucy deserting me destroyed me.
I walked around like a zombie for weeks, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong. And beyond her being embarrassed about being married to a jailbird, or fearing me, I couldn’t think of any reason she might leave me.
But the truth is, I was never out of control once in my life until someone put their hands on my wife. And there wasn’t anything anyone could do to stop me from burning the ground down for her.
There’s a crunch of footsteps in the snow, and I glance in the direction of the trail.
It’s rare I ever see anyone else out here, but not unusual.
But into the clearing comes Lucy. She’s bundled up in a thick puffy coat that goes down to her knees. She’s changed into jeans and hiking boots, and it’s the version of Lucy I always loved the best. On her head is a cute silver-gray hat with a white pompom.
“I saw your truck at the start of the trail,” she says, walking toward me.
“I thought you were waiting for me at my place.” Unoriginal, I know. But I’m still feeling a little unsteady in my emotions.
She nods and comes to sit next to me on the tree trunk, so close that our shoulders brush up against each other. It’s tempting to throw my arm over her shoulder and hug her close.
She always did feel the cold easily. I remember the first time we went camping. I brought two roll-ups and two sleeping bags, but she was so cold, she ended up messily climbing into mine and falling asleep while lying directly on top of me.
I wrapped my arms around her until she stopped shivering.
In hindsight, it was probably the most uncomfortable position, but was still one of the best nights of my life.
I guess they all were, with Lucy. Her words from earlier today come back to me and remind me I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
I loved you with my whole fucking heart.
And you hurt someone who hurt me because you loved me just as much.
And I couldn’t bear to see you lose a moment more of your life because of that.
Divorcing you hurt me as much as it hurt you because you were the only man I ever loved with every fiber of my being. You don’t think that crushed me too?
I place my hand on my thigh, palm upturned, and look from it to Lucy. She bites down on her lower lip, for a second, then pulls her hand out of her coat pocket and places it in mine.
When she does, I squeeze it gently. It’s warm and soft.
Lucy tips her head until it rests on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Something settles in my chest as the snow starts to gently fall around us.
“Me too, Bug.”
Moments like this are rare in life. Here, on this tree trunk, everything is perfect. We’re here. Together. How we were fated to be.