Chapter 73
The same room service guy delivered the Absolut with a bucket of ice. As soon as he left, I unscrewed the lid and sloshed it into the glass, adding a handful of ice cubes. As I lifted the glass to my lips, my phone flashed with an incoming call. Lucy.
‘Hello.’ My voice was hoarse from crying.
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m at Nasrin’s house –’
‘Dad told me you’re separating.’
‘Did he?’
‘Yes. Why, Mum? Is it because of me?’
I let the silence grow. I felt mean, and angry.
‘Mum, I didn’t mean to drag up the past for you. If I’d known –’
‘Really? What would you have done if you’d known? I don’t believe you, Lucy.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I think you made it up. I think Simon Perry rejected you and you made up the whole rape accusation.’
I knew this would wound her, but I wanted to hurt her. The badness within me was taking over.
My head jerked back as I heard her phone drop on to a hard surface. I guessed she was in the kitchen. I heard her wailing. I heard Jack in the distance, ‘Lucy, what’s wrong, what did she say?’
I didn’t need to hear any more. I hung up.
Almost immediately, my phone flashed again with an incoming call.
Jack. I ignored it as it flashed three more times.
Then it stopped. I took a swig of the vodka.
And then another. I was an alcoholic. Why not give in to it? A voicemail alert came in from Jack.
I don’t know who you are, Ruby. You didn’t need to tell her you didn’t believe her.
Why would you deliberately hurt her like that?
We’ve had some great years, but I don’t understand why you are such a shit mother.
You loved her when she was a baby, when she was a toddler, but something changed.
Every time I tried to talk to you about your relationship with Lu, you deflected or changed the subject.
She could feel it too, you know, and that made it worse.
You’ve been pushing her to move out since the day she left school, in the middle of a housing crisis.
I want her here. And tonight was the icing on the cake.
I’m calling Pete in the morning about a divorce. Get your own lawyer.
His voice was full of hatred and anger. My ice was melting in my drink as I took another large mouthful. I felt the welcome surge of warmth as it immediately hit all the dopamine triggers on the way down.
I had read all the books on addiction. I knew exactly why I was an addict. I had all the excuses too, ready to roll out. It was only a matter of time before everything came flooding out, a tsunami of truth that would wash me off the face of the earth and take all the people I cared about with me.
I went to the bathroom, emptied the glass into the toilet and did the same with the vodka bottle.
I had one week left until Nasrin was going to blow the whistle.
I needed to get my affairs in order. And to do that, I needed my head straight.
I had to start over. I plugged my phone in and began looking at flights to Perth, Australia.