Chapter 29 #2
‘No, not everything, just what you’re thinking in that moment. Sometimes, if you’re more emotional, I can see thoughts too, but that doesn’t happen often. It’s hard to explain, but I… I can prove it to you.’
He frowns, a line forming between his eyebrows.
‘If you’d like? I can show you.’
He chews the inside of his cheek, looks away then gives me a small nod. ‘OK.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Yeah. I’m sure.’
‘Picture a place that only you know about, focus on a specific detail and describe it, like you’re writing it all down. Repeat it a few times so that is the only thing you’re thinking about.’
His eyes cast around the room as he thinks, looking up at the ceiling then back to me, a small knot of worry knitted in the corner of his mouth.
‘Ready?’
He nods. ‘As I’ll ever be.’
I take a moment to calm my breathing, then tentatively, I reach out and cup the side of his face. The bristles of his stubble scrape against the palm of my hand. He closes his eyes as his voice rings out, clear, slightly nervous.
It’s small and dark. Coats and boots are scattered on the floor.
I can smell lilac.
In my hands is a book.
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Please let this be real. I don’t want to lose her agai—
I drop my hand and shift back as he opens his eyes, searching my face.
‘It’s a small dark place. It smells like lilac and you’re reading a book.’ His eyes widen, his expression somewhere between impressed and scared to death.
‘What book?’
‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,’ I say gently.
The colour drains from his face. And I know he’s scared. The truth is too much.
‘Jesus.’ He flops back on the sofa.
‘Nope.’ I shrug. ‘Just me.’
He drags his hand through his hair, his cheeks flushed. We’re quiet for a minute.
‘When, I mean, how did it start?’
I tell him about my parents dying, being placed in my grandma’s care, the day I first remember hearing her thoughts, how they didn’t match the words coming out of her mouth. I tell him about the foster homes, about Tess and Hellie, and all the while Jack listens.
‘It must have been so hard for you.’
‘It was. In the beginning. I’ve tried to have relationships, to live a normal life, but it’s hard to be around people when I can hear their most private thoughts. It’s not fair on them either. So that’s why I’ve chosen to distance myself. As best I can.’
‘Hence the gloves.’
‘Yep.’
‘That first night, when we were trying to open the fire exit… did you hear anything from me?’
I hesitate then nod. ‘It was more of an impression, a lot of things pressed together. I knew that things had been tough for you, that you felt you’d lost something important. That you didn’t feel whole, somehow. I wanted to help.’
He links his hands and taps his thumbs together.
‘And Luke? Did you know it was him?’
‘Yes.’ The word comes out quietly, like an exhalation.
‘I don’t know how to feel about that.’
‘I wish I could have told you straight away, but I wasn’t sure.
Not at first and I…’ I meet his eyes, my face heating.
‘I liked you so much, Jack. And I thought that maybe, if you got to know me first… that maybe you would give me a chance. Me. Not this weirdo who can know everything about you, anytime I want. And that’s why I said we should be friends. I didn’t want to—’
‘You could have touched me anytime.’
I look up slowly.
‘Why didn’t you?’ he asks, head angled to the left as I consider my reply.
‘Because it’s an intrusion.’ His eyebrows gather. ‘I didn’t have your consent.’
He leans towards me. I let him come as close as he wants. For the first time, this is his choice not mine. But still I’m convinced he’s going to end things, that he’s going to ask me to leave and wish me well. And I can’t let that happen before I help him find the answers to move on with his life.
‘Jack? I…’ I look into those brown eyes. ‘I want to help you.’
He frowns.
‘Help you remember what happened, after you came out of the pub?’
‘I’m not sure I want you to—’
‘Never mind,’ I say briskly. ‘It was just an idea.’
He rushes on. ‘It’s not that I don’t trust you. I suppose I’m afraid of what I might find.’
‘So let me find it with you,’ I say, my voice quiet. ‘You don’t have to do it alone. And if you want me to stop touching you, just say, and I will.’
He exhales loudly.
‘No pressure. It’s your choice.’
He pauses, as though considering if this might be a really bad idea, but then the words fall from his mouth.
‘OK. It’s worth a shot.’
I lay out my hand, palm side up. Jack looks down, then tentatively takes my hand in his.
‘Close your eyes,’ I say gently. ‘Go to the clearest images you have of that night.’
His thoughts are hazy, shrouded in mist and shadow.
I’m inside the pub.
Standing at the bar.
I see Jack knock back a shot; say goodbye to a man, Steve, and I walk beside him as he exits the pub.
Mist swirls in places where buildings should be, all of it filled with blank spaces and shadows, in blacks and greys.
I see the couple arguing.
You’re hidden from my view.
There is an image of a phone screen, where letters should be there are symbols, and beneath, the vibration of Jack’s frustration.
Luke’s face comes next.
‘This is a little clearer since meeting him,’ Jack says, but his voice feels distant; I’m deep in his thoughts, right there with him.
I feel the contact as Jack bumps into him, hear Luke telling me to watch it and a muttered curse.
His concentration is back on the phone in his hand now, fingers about to type but not quite hitting the screen. Then there is nothing but shadows. But there is something there, in his periphery.
‘Look across the road,’ I say.
His focus shifts, more shadows, but something darker, something that moves and an overwhelming feeling of…
Something’s not right.
There’s someone there.
There is a bolt of pain. I take my hand away. Jack’s eyes flash open, blinking like he’s parted the curtains and it takes him a moment to adjust to the light.
‘Are you OK?’ I ask.
He looks off to the distance, eyes scanning as he thinks. ‘It was… different.’ His focus back on me. ‘Like you were there somehow?’ He pauses, trying to put into words what has just happened. ‘And not being alone, made me less… afraid, I guess?’
‘There was someone else there, someone in the shadows?’ I lean forwards.
He nods. ‘Something was wrong; I could feel it. A threat? But it…’
‘Wasn’t a threat to you,’ I finish.
‘Exactly. I think… maybe I was trying to stop something from happening.’
‘What?’
He shakes his head. ‘I have no idea.’