4. Emzee
EMZEECHAPTER 4
A ll night, I tossed and turned.
Even though Stefan and Tori’s guest bedroom was perfectly made up and the bed itself was incredibly comfortable, every time I drifted off to sleep, I’d have bad dreams. Dreams that had me waking in a sweat, heart pounding, adrenaline rushing.
Some of them took me back to high school, where I was forced to relive the torture I’d experienced at the hands of my classmates.
In one, I was running down the halls of Wayland-Blaine in my uniform, chased by taunts and cruel laughter, every surface covered with the word WHORE.
When I looked down at myself, I found that my arms were covered in slurs too, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t scrub them off.
Then, just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, I saw Ford at the end of the hall.
Relieved, I ran toward him, knowing he’d save me.
But when I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, his face turned into a demon’s.
I definitely didn’t need a dream dictionary to tell me what that was all about.
My other dreams were equally stressful and unsubtle.
I’d be alone carrying a bundle that kept getting heavier and heavier, with no one around to help me—but when I pulled back the swaddling, it wasn’t a baby in my arms, but a rock.
Worst of all was the dream I had where Ford was holding me, telling me he loved me.
It was so real that when I woke up, I started to cry.
Because it wasn’t real.
What I’d had with Ford had never been real.
My fairy tale was a lie.
That was the nightmare I’d never wake from.
Giving up on sleep around dawn, and totally exhausted, I took a quick shower and slipped back into the pjs Tori had loaned me.
Then I padded down the hall like a zombie, focused on getting some coffee in me.
It was just before seven, but the unmistakable scent of piping hot java had reached my nose already.
Maybe Tori hadn’t slept at all.
But when I got to the kitchen, it was Stefan who I blinked at through my bleary eyes.
He was leaning against the counter with a steaming mug in his hand, just staring off into space.
If anything, he looked like he’d had an even more sleepless night than me.
“Hey,” I said, my voice coming out soft and scratchy.
Without a word, he took down a clean mug, filled it with coffee, and handed it to me.
“Sugar? Half and half?”
I smirked.
“Come on, bro. You know I take it black. Like my soul.”
“Just trying to be a good host.”
I walked over to the table and sank into the chair closest to the window, trying to soak up the first rays of morning sunlight.
It wasn’t until I’d taken the fourth or fifth sip of my coffee that my vision fully cleared.
“You look as exhausted as I feel,” I told Stefan.
“Tori sleeping in?”
“You could say that.” He sighed.
“She hasn’t been sleeping well the past few weeks. She usually sleeps on her stomach, but that’s kind of impossible right now. I think she was up until four just trying to find a comfortable position. I’ll be glad when the baby’s here.”
“We all will. You guys pick out any names yet?”
“We have a short list, but nothing definite. Tori wants to actually see her and hold her in her arms before we make any final decisions.”
“That makes sense.”
“Pff. I told her the face on the sonogram picture looked like a solid Brunhilda to me, but she wasn’t having it.”
“You’re not naming my niece Brunhilda,” I said with a laugh.
“How about Gertrude? I think Trudy is going to be trending again any day now.”
Just then, Munchkin trotted into the kitchen, head up, stub of a tail wagging.
“Looks like Munch is the only one who got his eight hours in,” I said, kneeling to give him a good ear scratch.
“I never thought I’d be so jealous of a dog,” Stefan said.
When I looked back at my brother, he had the broody face on again.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Really. It’s not just the baby stuff, I can tell.”
He let out a sigh and lowered his voice.
“I heard from the Bratva.”
My stomach dropped.
“Again? What do they want?”
“Another payment. I have a little time to figure something out, but I already siphoned funds from our business loan and I can’t do that again.”
“Dad really fucked us,” I blurted.
I hated seeing my brother this way.
He was about to become a father for the first time, and it should have been one of the best moments of his life, but instead he was tied up in knots over the Russian’s mob’s threats to blackmail us.
Stefan just shook his head.
“I shouldn’t even be talking about this. I just…I don’t know what we’re going to do. What I’m going to do.”
But I did.
I had a plan, and it all crystalized for me right there at Stefan’s kitchen table.
The Malones would take care of the Bratva.
They had the money and they knew all about what was happening—they knew what the mob wanted from my family and they were willing to pay it in full in order to get me away from their son once and for good.
I’d already said yes.
Despite trying to be pragmatic, though, I couldn’t help the heartache I felt when I thought about losing Ford.
But it was complicated by my new feelings of utter betrayal over what he had done back in high school, and how he had lied about it for the duration of our friendship.
So. The Malones had promised to make all my family’s problems disappear as soon as I divorced Ford.
All I had to do was make it happen.
He and I had initially agreed that our marriage would last a year, but that timeline was impossible now.
With the Bratva breathing down my brother’s neck, I would have to file for divorce sooner rather than later.
And maybe it was better this way.
I had always known that the longer Ford and I stayed together, the harder it would be to protect my heart from getting destroyed when it all ended.
But after Claudia’s big reveal last night, I wasn’t sure I could bounce back from the hurt Ford had caused.
Perhaps the pressure Stefan was getting from the mob was a blessing in disguise.
The extra push I needed to cut ties with Ford as soon as possible.
“I have a feeling things will be okay,” I said softly.
“Call it female intuition.”
“I hope you’re right,” Stefan said, but he still sounded gloomy.
Under the table, I put a hand over my belly.
The little life inside me was yet another good reason to call off my marriage.
If we split before I started showing, no one would ever have to know the truth about the baby’s father.
I could simply pretend the new addition to my family involved a sperm donor, or a one-night stand.
Or that I’d had a torrid rebound affair after Ford and I broke up.
I could make up any lie I wanted to—it wasn’t anyone’s business.
It was settled, then.
Ford’s parents would pay out after the divorce went through, per our agreement.
All I had to do was keep up my end of the bargain and go through with it.
The longer I waited, though, the harder it would be to walk away from my marriage, from the life I’d built with Ford.
So maybe the fight we’d gotten in last night was actually a blessing in disguise.
I wouldn’t get out of this with my heart fully intact, but I’d have enough of it left.
The rest would heal eventually.
It would have to. I’d soon have a baby to take care of.
I needed to save my family.
And if that meant lying to Ford and walking away from him, never telling him the truth, then so be it.
“I’m going to take care of it,” I told Stefan.
He looked over at me, his expression one of shock.
“No,” he said. “This isn’t your responsibility.”
“It’s just as much my responsibility as it is yours,” I argued.
“I don’t care. I don’t want you involved. These people are dangerous.”
“Don’t worry,” I insisted.
“I have a plan.”
He looked even more startled by that.
“What’s your plan?”
I shook my head.
“Just let me take care of it,” I said.
“Emzee,” he said, looking worried.
As the oldest Zoric sibling, he’d always shouldered the heaviest burdens, gone out of his way to protect us all—whether it be from our father’s verbal abuse or covering for me and Luka to get us out of trouble.
Stefan had always come through for us when we needed him most. But now it was time for me to be the hero.
“I need you to trust me,” I said.
“There’s no danger involved, I can promise you that.”
I could tell that he wanted to keep arguing, but I wasn’t going to back down.
He must have seen the resolve on my face, or maybe it was his exhaustion getting to him.
Either way, Stefan finally let out a breath and nodded.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll let you give it a try.”