Chapter 9 #2
“Your Highness,” I bowed, unsure how she would receive me, “might you care to dance? Despite my current circumstances, I will not shame you as a partner.”
Her gaze shot up to me. Her face softened. The sheen of tears glimmered at the corners of her eyes. But the moment passed. Her face hardened. Her eyes narrowed. A sneer twisted her mouth.
“How dare you presume that I would ever be desperate enough to accept such a degrading offer!” She huffed. “I suppose you would have me look as ridiculous as you.”
I could have said something cutting, but her unexpected sharpness wounded me when I had been trying to be kind to one who had once been kind to me.
“Of course not, ma’am. I would not wish this on anyone.” I bowed again. “My apologies.”
I made to leave the area where the ladies had gathered since none but the ill-receptive princess remained, but the music ended, and one of the young ladies sought me out.
“Please don’t go so soon,” she begged. “I hoped you might ask me to dance.”
Unlike the princess, she accepted my offer and held my arm like I was a prize. And other ladies followed suit, waiting for me when I returned with my prior partner so that I could take them for their turn on the floor.
“An enchanted prince,” and “a prince under a spell,” and “a prince in need of rescuing,” several murmured through the course of the evening, partnered with words like “intriguing” and “fascinating.”
Ekaterina finally caught me between partners and took my arm, pulling me aside to give me private attention.
“Some punishment,” she said. “You have the ladies in love with you all over again.”
“Not all of them,” I demurred. “You aren’t, surely.”
“If you renounced the Great Holy, Mikhail,” she said, blushing from her forehead to her decolletage, “she would probably forgive you. And then, maybe, once you were reinstated....”
“What if I should never be?”
“I refuse to give up hope. As you suggested, I will petition her on your behalf as many times as it takes. I know others will as well. And we will never stop.”
“You have all been so unkind to me through this,” I whispered. “It is painful to lose the affections of all you hold dear and to be so utterly alone. I fear that I’ve given up hope.”
“It’s just court nonsense,” she said, the shine of tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
She took my hands and held them in front of her.
“You know how it is here! If we don’t love something the tsarina loves or hate what the tsarina hates, we’re all in danger.
” She squeezed my hands. “You must believe me. It is as you said — you are still you, no matter the silly costume she puts you in.”
“It seemed to matter very much.”
“Trust me.” She released my hands and placed one of hers on my cheek, the leather strap of the mask beneath it. “I would be able to see the true you, no matter how you are disguised.”
I never broke my gaze from hers as I took her hand. I bent over it and mimed a kiss since the mask prevented an actual one.
“A woman true and fair,” I said, although I didn’t believe it.
Her hand and arm turned a becoming shade of pink.
I hated her and her flimsy declaration of persistent adoration.
I hated them all for being so hypocritical, for treating me so shamefully, and in the next breath pretending to be horrified at such treatment.
I would have had more respect for any of them if they had hated me consistently rather than bending with the breeze of public opinion.
Indeed, I had more respect for Princess Alaina not wanting to associate with me than if she had been open and receptive because those around her deemed it acceptable.
Mostly, I hated myself for the misguided desire of wanting to return to the pitiful ranks of the inconstant.
I had known authenticity with Irena. And now, as one of the jesters, I had known it with them.
The jesters were finer people in every capacity than any Ilyichian noble. I could never go back now.
“I never imagined the darling of the ball would be my jester,” the tsarina said, approaching us accompanied by the ambassador.
“He has been so entertaining,” Ekaterina said, withdrawing her hand from my grasp as if she had done something forbidden. “And he has not failed to make us laugh.”
“I am delighted to hear it,” the tsarina said, not delighted at all.
Ekaterina departed while I bowed politely to the tsarina and the ambassador.
“My word,” the ambassador said, studying my costume. “What strange fowl you have here.”
“Indeed, Ilyichia is a strange country,” I responded. “Firebirds fill the sky. Princes become birds. Winter lasts all year long. Palaces are rendered in ice.”
“I saw the foundations for the ice palace earlier today,” the ambassador said, latching onto the only statement that made sense to him. “It should be quite a marvel of the modern world.”
“Indeed, a wonder,” I agreed. “All of Ilyichia is a wonder. I constantly wonder how it can be so mismanaged and still remain.”
“Pay no mind to my fool,” the tsarina explained. “Mikhail used to be one of my courtiers, but he displeased me. He still has not learned his lesson.”
“To the contrary, I have, ma’am,” I said. I turned to the ambassador. “I have learned that displeasing the tsarina is so easy to do that I caution you, Ambassador, to smile and say ‘yes’ to whatever she wishes, else you might join me in creating her very own flock.”
“Mikhail,” the tsarina said in warning as her face turned an unbecoming shade of red.
I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have submitted and let her think that she had cowed me. I should have backed off to live to fight another day. But I didn’t. I had gained ground and so, stupidly, I pressed my advantage. I couldn’t even blame it on drink.
“Of course, you probably don’t have anything to worry about,” I told the ambassador. “She only tries to humiliate the men she can’t bed.”
“Guards!” The word rang off every marble tile and crystal prism.
“What are you going to do?” I asked. “Strip me of my title and make me your jester?” I laughed. I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Guards!” she shouted again.
Several guards materialized, and they grabbed my arms when she pointed in my direction. They forced me to my knees, but I just continued to laugh.
“Mikhail!”
I glared at her with devilish glee because I was free now. Drook was right. All I had to do was let go of my shame.
“You can degrade me, treat me like shit, and dress me up however you like,” I said, “but I can take it off.” I curled my lip with all the disgust she had sent my way over the past few months. “You’re a bitter, angry woman because you’re miserable and ugly all the time.”
The tsarina stared down at me, her thoughts inward as she contemplated my fate, and then she smiled.