11. Jasper
ELEVEN
JASPER
I looked at Finn. Even out here in the dark, he seemed to have a majestic air about him. He made me feel—an image of Travis flashed through my head, making my stomach flip like I was doing something wrong by being here with Finn. I sucked in a breath, trying to push the absurd thought away.
“We can go inside if you feel weird about being out here with me,” I said, my hands pushed in my pockets as I stared at the sandy beach and not at Finn.
“It’s a firepit and two chairs. I don’t think it will send me spiralling into a lovesick obsession with you. You’re safe.”
I huffed, not sure why I felt annoyed by his words. I mean, it wasn’t like I wanted him to fall for me. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Now sit your tired arse down.”
He fake-shuddered and pulled his hands to his chest. “Your Dom side was why I fell for you. I love it when you get all bossy with me. If I’m a bad boy, will you spank me later?” he replied in a loud stage whisper before he laughed loudly as he sat.
I took the thick throw from the back of his lounger and shook it out, trying to remove the majority of the sand that clung to it. Then I placed it over Finn’s knees, ignoring his sassy comments that had a heavy weight settling in my chest and made my cock ache in a way I didn’t understand.
“It’s freezing,” I told him as a way of explanation, and he pulled it up to his chest, giving me a look I couldn’t read, but if I had to guess, he appeared to be content, despite the breeze from the sea salting the air around us.
“Excuse my comments. I was playing the part of your boyfriend. I’ll rein it in now.”
I nodded as I took my own seat and pulled another sand-covered blanket over my legs.
“This place is beautiful,” Finn said, looking around at our setting: the fairy light-covered pergola nestled over the seats and firepits that faced the North Sea.
“I used to come here all the time as a kid.”
Finn turned on his side a little, so he could see me as we chatted. “The whole family likes the beach then?”
I shook my head. “My mum does and my youngest brother, but my dad and Conner... he’s the middle of the three of us... they hate sand, sea, seafood. I’m not sure how we’re related.” His eyes met mine, and I couldn’t help but smile, even though I didn’t know why.
“Do you know you have a dimple when you smile?”
I traced my fingers over it. “I do. I got teased about it when I was a kid, especially by Jackson.”
“Jackson?”
“Well, I guess it’s Jax now. He changed his name. He’s a friend. I mean, he was a friend when we were kids. Some stuff happened with his dad, and he left suddenly when I was fifteen.” I paused, knowing what usually happened when I said the words I was about to say. “He’s married to my mum now.”
His jaw fell open. “What?”
“Yeah, yeah, my mum married my childhood best friend. Yes, she’s older, yes, I’m fine with it, yes, they are annoyingly happy, and no, I don’t want to know anything about their sex life.”
He laughed. “I take it people are interested when they find out that your mum’s a cougar.”
I dragged my hand over his face. “Please don’t call her that.”
Before either of us could say anything else, a waitress appeared, carrying a tray with legs and placing it down on the sand between our loungers.
“Here you go,” she said. “Michael put some Cokes on there too. He also said he’s settled the bill, so you two can just enjoy your evening together.
I thought about correcting her and stressing that Finn and I just worked together, but for some reason, the words wouldn’t leave my mouth, and before I knew it, it was just the two of us again.
Finn shuffled in his seat, looking between the tray and his outfit as if he was trying to work out how to sit without spilling food down himself. I leant forward.
“Let me make you a plate. I don’t want you getting hangry as I’ve let you go too long without food. I mean, you did warn me, and we must be entering a danger zone.”
Finn’s face fluttered with that expression again. The one I couldn’t place, but I liked seeing it on him. Maybe he wanted someone to take care of him. And I didn’t hate that it was me doing it right now.
“Thank you,” he replied as he watched me pile the plate with food before handing it to him with a napkin. For the next half an hour, neither of us spoke other than to make groaning noises at how good the food tasted. Finn finally gave in after I tried to refill his plate for a third time. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“No, then I’d catch a bee and train it to sting you.” I was smiling so much my face hurt.
“Touche.”
“Sorry. I’m on a fish high. I may be giddy until it wears off.”
“Good to know... fish makes Jasper happy.”
I let out a contented sigh as I settled back into my seat and looked out at the waves. “Diving used to be my life.”
Finn reached for his drink, taking a sip before he unpicked my comment. “Used to be?”
“I mean, I won’t get to do much in my new job.”
“So why take the job?”
“People expected me to advance my career. I couldn’t just be a marine biologist. I needed to take a more senior role.”
“Says who?” he questioned.
“I mean, it’s what people do, isn’t it? In a normal life—they move up the career ladder, get married, have kids, buy a house.”
He shuffled under his blanket as if he was chilly. “Not if you don’t want to.”
I batted the air as if I was slapping away his argument. “Enough about me. Tell me something about you that’s not work-related?” I could sense the shift in him instantly, and I wondered if I’d overstepped the mark. But this was ‘normal’ conversation, wasn’t it?
“I used to live a very different life. I had a different job, but it was unsocial hours and, honestly, it was a lonely life. No one wants to be with someone who works every night or who’s exhausted all the time.”
I wondered if I should pry and ask him what the job was, but I got the impression he didn’t want to share, so I said what I was thinking instead. “They would if they cared about you. They’d want to take care of you.”
He huffed out a soft laugh. “Yeah, I’ve never had that. I mean, I crave it... someone to take care of me, to not mind when I get clingy and needy and desperate for attention.” He pursed his lips like his admission should put me off or make me think less of him, but it didn’t. In fact, I loved his honesty. I envied it because I couldn’t even connect with my emotions most of the time, let alone explain them to other people. I liked that he knew what he needed, but I hated that he wasn’t getting it from the people he invited into his life. He continued, “I think it’s like unicorns... a beautiful dream, but you’re never going to find one.”
I might be lacking in emotional awareness, but sea creatures I knew. “Like a narwhal?”
“A what-whal?” he asked.
“That’s the unicorn of the sea... and they’re real. Maybe the right person is out there waiting for you, Finn. Maybe the problem is that you’ve been looking in all the wrong places.”