Tevye 12.
“And don’t bring up Hispanics or their similarities to Filipinos. Mom is very sensitive.” What the fuck?
“Uh…ok?”
“And NEVER call her Asian, she’s Filipino. There’s a difference.”
“The Philippines are in Asia?” I state, my tone unsure because how could someone from the Philippines not be Asian? Am I remembering an old, outdated globe? Did its status change like Pluto?
“To everyone else, yes. To her, no.” Well, that cleared it up and in no way made me more nervous. I have killed and tortured and maimed and terrified a fuck of a lot of people in my lifetime. But this is new territory for me.
Vandy Gibbs is mine. And I’m not giving her up. However, it will be infinitely more difficult to keep her if her mother disapproves of me. Or Arlo.
It’s strange. I’ve spent 30 years not giving a fuck, avoiding feelings like the plague. I tried so hard to remain detached with Arlo, because opening yourself up to people is unpleasant. Ezra once described it as gutting yourself from nips to tip and expecting someone else to hold your organs in place.
As I said, unpleasant.
I spent all this time actively avoiding them all the while I was acting on them anyway. I’m gonna get Dad back for this. It’s all his fault. One censuring look, a flash of disappointment, and I’m laying my organs at Arlo and Vandy’s feet.
And now I’m about to sit down to more unpleasantness with people I’ve never met, and I can’t believe I’m doing this. Tovah nearly pissed herself laughing at me earlier when I told her. Don’t get me started on my parents. Over the top, ridiculous, meddling yentehs.
As I step out of the car in front of a modest two-story well-maintained home in a small neighborhood, my phone pings. With a sigh of frustration, I pull it from my pocket and open the text thread with Tovah.
SatansSplooge : Remember, you want to make a good first impression…so don’t be yourself.
Tevye: Fuck off.
SatansSplooge: About to.
Tevye: Please tell me you aren’t texting me while someone is going down on you again?
SatansSplooge: They’re Deaf and I was texting them to let them know they weren’t doing it right and thought I’d check in with you.
Tevye: I’m truly touched.
SatansSplooge: Gotta go, I’m gonna touch them instead. Sometimes you have to lead by example. Also, don’t fuck it up tonight or your one true love will leave you and you’ll become a sad, lonely, bitter old man that smells like moth balls and will die alone.
Tevye: Great pep-talk.
I pocket my phone with a grunt.
“Your sister?”
“How could you tell?” I ask Vandy as she comes around the back of the SUV to help me get Arlo out of his car seat. I nod to my security detail, making our way up the sidewalk to her parent’s front porch.
“You always get this look on your face like you’re in desperate need of Pepto Bismol.”
“You should tell her that, she would love it.” I say sincerely, Vandy laughing as she shakes her head. She hasn’t quite figured out my sister and me. I ain’t worried, the way I see it, she’s got a lifetime to work on it.
“Tev?” At the door, Vandy turns to me with a determined frown. “Words cannot express how proud I am of your personal growth. You are doing so well with Arlo, and you’ve been a great boyfriend so far.” I nod, my lips tipping up at the corner at her praise. “But I’m gonna need you to find your balls and remember who the fuck you are. That tiny woman in there will eat you alive and ask for seconds without batting an eye. When you’re with us at home, you can be affectionate and thoughtful, but here? Now? I need Tevye Frenkel, kapitan to the Avraham Avinu of the Kosher Nostra; deadly, ruthless, cold.”
I stand there, gaping like a fish at my woman. What the fuck? “She’s your mother. You love her,” I remind her and myself.
“I do, so much. But I love—uh, I love spending time with you. And I want that to continue without my mother’s judgement.”
“Are you sure she’s not Jewish? She sounds like every Jewish mother I’ve ever met.”
Vandy sighs, shaking her head softly, “Not Jewish and not Asian.” She wiggles next to us, causing Arlo to giggle and wiggle in my arms. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”
“Am I meeting your parents or walking to the fucking gallows?”
“We’ll have to see where the evening takes us.” Vandy’s eyes grow dangerously large, the color draining from her face. Slowly, I pan from Vandy to the open door and her less than 5-foot-tall replica. Vandy’s mother barely comes to my chest, but she manages to be imposing, her dark almond shaped eyes narrowed at me, darting up and down my person.
“ Nanay ! What a surprise!”
“To find me in my own home? At the specified date and time we agreed upon for dinner?” Wow. If she and Aunt Esther are ever in the same room, they will either become best friends or mortal enemies. And honestly, I’m down for either.
Vandy swallows hard. I glance at her once more, then at her mother. “Mrs. Gibbs.” I hold out my free hand to shake. She does not. “Tevye Frenkel. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Yes, the pleasure is all yours. Come in.”
Vandy mouths, “I’m sorry!” , but I shrug it off. Her mother is oddly comforting, reminding me of most of the women in my family.
“Where’s my girl?” Vandy’s father is a red-headed pasty guy of obvious Scottish descent and only 5 ⒈／⒉ feet tall. He wraps his arms around Vandy and lifts her up in a bear hug. I smile at the two of them. I find the knowledge that Vandy has supportive and loving parents comforting.
We stand just inside their living room, and I feel like a giant ogre in their house. Her dad puts her down with a kiss to her forehead, then turns to me with a warm, welcoming grin and extended hand. “Theo Gibbs.” We shake and his grip is firm but not aggressive. “My wife, Dalisay.”
“Tevye Frenkel. Thank you for inviting me into your home.” See, I have manners.
“And who is this little guy?”
“My son Arlo. Arlo, can you say hello to Vandy’s mom and dad?” Arlo grins but still shoves his face into my neck to hide.
“Dinner is ready.”
“It smells wonderful.” I comment as we are led through their living room to their dining room. The table is set and loaded with food, and it does smell good.
“Of course it does.” Theo chuckles at his wife’s retort, while Vandy tries to vanish into her chair. I get Arlo situated in his portable booster seat between me and Vandy. Conversation is stiff as we pass around the food and fill our plates.
“Where did…Is Vandy a family name? It is Filipino and NOT Asian?” I ask after a few tense seconds. Vandy releases a gust of breath and manages to sink lower into her chair.
Theo chuckles, “It is Filipino.” He shares a long look with his wife, and for a moment, so fast if I blinked, I would have missed it, Dalisay softens under the watchful eye of her husband. “But Dal and I met at Vanderbilt University. And Vandy is a common nickname for the school. Seemed fitting to name our daughter after such an important part of our lives.”
A weird sensation crawls up my spine, tugging at my lips. Dear God, it’s sweet that they did that. I steal a look at Vandy and nearly choke on my tongue when I notice her eyes wide in alarm. She mouths, “ Please meet our little girl, Support Group Frenkel.” I was thinking the same thing. It’s oddly comforting that she and I are on the same wavelength. Look at us being all coupley, as she called it before.
“So,” Theo begins, “you’re part of the mafia.” Well, let’s just dive right in. The small talk portion of the evening is apparently over.
“DAD!” Vandy admonishes but he isn’t put off. And here I thought Dalisay was the tough nut to crack.
“My daughter is dating a man involved in organized crime. His family has a deadly reputation and you’re not only in business with them, but now you’re in their bed.”
There isn’t much I can say in defense of my family. He isn’t wrong, exactly. “Do not speak to or about your daughter like that again.” I say in an even tone, my heavy stare on Theo at the head of the table. He doesn’t cower like others do.
“Dad, regardless of what you have read or heard, the Holofcener family and their close relatives are building up our community. Medical assistance. Business start-ups—"
“Achieving orgasms.” Dalisay chimes in. I’ll have to tell Jonah Swingin’ Schlay Productions is well-known far and wide, he’ll be tickled.
Vandy glances sharply at her mother. “They have a wide variety of businesses under their umbrella, but they are one of the largest employers in the city and state, benefactors for hospitals, hospice, food banks, shelters.” I sit back and let Vandy handle her parents. She’s doing a phenomenal job of putting them in their place. I break up a few pieces of food and put it on Arlo’s tray. He happily smashes them between his fists and shoves the mush into his mouth.
“Tevye?” I look back up several minutes later. It’s best to tune them out or I wouldn’t just be talking about my favorite torture methods, I would be giving them an up close and personal demonstration.
“Yes?” Dalisay stares at me with open hostility. I’m used to it, and I can respect it. They don’t know me. They don’t know my family. They know rumors, supposition, fear mongering.
“You want my Vandy to be his nanny?” That was unexpected.
“No.”
“You want her to stop working to take care of you and your child?”
“No.”
“Then what do you want?”
“After another helping of adobo?” Vandy spits her drink out, apparently surprised by my quip. “Mr. and Mrs. Gibbs, I want to spend time with your daughter. As much as she’ll allow and see where it goes from there. You raised an intelligent, compassionate, hardworking, competent woman. I know where I’d like it to go, but I’m in no rush. We’ll get where we’re going when we get there.”
Theo and Dalisay exchange a look, like earlier. My parents do it. Aunts and uncles. Hell, even Jonah and Harper do it. A sign of a good relationship I’m told is when you can communicate without saying a word.
Dalisay scoops some more adobo and fills my plate. She uses the serving spoon to point between Vandy and me. “No more children without a wedding.” I choke on the bite I just took. It’s delicious but not meant for the lungs. I’ll have to ask Vandy what they discussed while I focused on Arlo and how she brought them around.
“NANAY!”
There is considerably less hostility as we finish our meal, and I inhale dessert. I’ll give it to Dalisay, that woman can cook. Her parents warmed up to Arlo immediately. Theo even got on the floor of their living room to play with him while Vandy and her mom cleared the table. I offered but Dalisay shut me down. Doesn’t hate me, but not welcome in her kitchen yet.
Vandy has Arlo in her arms as we say our goodbyes. “Thank you for dinner. I’d like to extend an invitation to you both to join my family for dinner on Sunday.” They share another one of those looks and Theo nods with a slight smile.
“We’d like that, thank you.” Dalisay follows Vandy out of the house to the car.
I inhale through my nose and exhale slowly out of my mouth. Then I turn to face Theo. “I excused your words earlier with the understanding that this is a new situation for us all. And out of respect for Vandy.” I step toe to toe with the man, and to his credit he doesn’t back down despite being a foot shorter than me. “But father or not, I will not tolerate disrespect toward Vandy or my family. You come at me again with a harsh tongue, and I’ll cut it from your mouth and choke you with it. Do we understand one another?”
To my surprise, Theo visibly brightens at my threat. “You’ll do just fine.” He pats me on the shoulder and heads outside to join his wife and daughter. Huh. I think I just got his approval. How interesting.
A few minutes later, we’re finally on the road back to the compound. A heavy silence fills the vehicle as I drive. I put my hand on her thigh, and she instantly relaxes.
“I’m so sorry, Tev. I can’t believe they—”
“Don’t be. They love you, Vandy. They just want the best for you.”
“That’s you.”
“I’d like to think that.”
“I know it.” Her words smooth a sharp edge in my chest.
“Well, I appreciate you being so nice and understanding.” I smirk, knowing she wouldn’t appreciate that I threatened her father. “After Arlo goes to bed, I’ll suck your cock as compensation.” Laughing, I press a little harder on the gas, my cock stirring in my dress pants. Her head back on the seat, eyes closed, that sweet, serene smile stretching her perfect lips…
“I love you.” She snaps up at my declaration, her eyes wide. She does that a lot, I’m afraid one of these days they are gonna pop right out of her head.
“Tev? You…I…what?”
“I love you.” And I know without a doubt; I mean it to the very depths of my black soul.
“I am gonna suck your dick so good,” she purrs, leaning over the console and kissing my shoulder. “I love you, too.”
I slam to a stop outside the front doors. Tossing my keys to the nearest guard, I grab a sleeping Arlo from the backseat, rush around to Vandy and grab her hand. Practically dragging her inside, I follow the sounds of my family to the entertainment room. Every ounce of determination I possess withers away when the screen catches my attention.
“Turn this shit off!” I bark, squeezing my eyes shut to block it out.
“Come on, Tevye, it’s just a kid’s movie.” My cousins and sister laugh at me.
“What’s wrong with Toy Story?” Vandy asks innocently.
“This big motherfucker shakes in his size 18 shoes during the incinerator scene.”
Vandy sucks in a sharp breath. I won’t look at her though. I can’t. “That’s an emotional scene for anyone.” She steps closer to me, tugging on my shoulder until I lean down. “Let’s get Arlo in bed so I can suckle all those icky emotions right out of your body.”
“Tovahbub, think fast.” I carefully drop my son into my sister’s arms, spin around and toss Vandy over my shoulder.
“Hey! Where are you going?” she yells after me, my long legs eating up the floor.
“Fellatio Therapy!”