Tovah 22.
So, I’ve taken a few punches in my life. You don’t run around with a mouth like mine and not expect a little pushback. Trust me, the other guy always looked worse. I’ll give you one chance, you better make it count, then I’m coming for you.
However, first time I’ve been shot. Zero stars, do not recommend.
I figured, while I was down, might as well get everything out in the open. My family is capable of some unscrupulous things but hitting me while recovering from surgery isn’t one of them. Much to my surprise, they all seemed to handle the news of my marriage well. We had a few speedbumps, but all in all, it could have been worse.
My only regret is that Masud was alone when he told them. I want to protect him, especially his fleshy soft heart. And telling the mishpocheh that he’s been secretly married to a mafia princess for seven years put that heart in a vulnerable position. My family is human, they make mistakes. They aren’t always right, but they aren’t bad people. Just caught up in their own shit like most people. They don’t look down on the people in their periphery, but they don’t always pay much attention to them either.
That’s how Ruthie ended up in the situation she did last year. Based on my conversations with my parents over the last couple of days, and Aunt Esther and Uncle David, I think they will try to be more mindful of everyone in our lives, not just our immediate family. The people of the Kosher Nostra are loyal to us and they deserve the same loyalty in return.
“Hey, Tov.” Opening my eyes, I glance at the doorway of my hospital room and see a hesitant Moshe staring back at me. Masud straightens in his chair, then stands as the Avinu enters. “Masud. How are you?” Moshe extends his hand to my husband and after Masud’s initial surprise, they shake.
“I’m well, Avinu. Thank you.”
“Gefilte-father. To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?”
Moshe sighs loud and long, then plops down in one of the empty chairs. Elbows on his thighs, head in his hands, Masud and I trade a look, I shrug, and we wait him out.
“Tovah…I have never known you a day in my life to hold back.” I smirk at his assessment. “You are one of the strongest women I know.” I scowl and he chuckles. “My wife has an inner strength, as does Ruthie.” I tilt my head back and forth in consideration and then concede his point. “But you…both of you…have I or my father ever given you the impression you could not trust us?”
“We didn’t tell you—”
“Not about the wedding. Although, we would have welcomed you far sooner into the family, Masud, had we known.”
“Thank you. I…I was not ready for that.” Moshe stares at Masud, then nods in understanding.
“What I mean is that…your life was in danger. We saved you once, what made you think we wouldn’t save you again? You are an integral part of the Kosher Nostra.” He holds up his hands when I open my mouth. “Masud, you have provided a service for years that is unfathomable to most. The Pharaoh strikes fear in our enemies. We owe you a great debt. Why…why couldn’t you come to us?”
Masud glances at me, then inhales deeply before replying to Moshe. “It is because your father and the men and women of the Kosher Nostra saved me as a child that I did not want to burden you with the issue. Tovah and I were able to work out a plan, and Yakov was more than happy to execute…it.” I snicker but otherwise keep quiet, letting my husband explain. “I am nothing more than a foot soldier, Avinu, replaceable, expendable. My safety and family drama should be of little concern to you, when you are dealing with so much already.”
“I respect that you and your… wife wanted to handle it on your own. But…I am only the Avinu because everyone within the organization wills it so. My power comes from the belief of every single member that I am the right person to lead. If no one follows, then I’m walking around in circles talking to myself. Moses was not infallible. And neither am I. As the Avinu, I am grateful that this incident has brought an important issue to the forefront. The family will be taking a greater interest in each of our members, ensuring that their sacrifices are not in vain. Our dinner table is only so big, but we want everyone loyal to us to feel welcome to sit at it with us.”
Moshe stands, moves closer to my bed, and leans down. I jerk, my head rearing back, but he just chuckles and kisses my forehead. “As your cousin, I am relieved to learn that you do in fact possess a soul.” He smiles down at me, “And I am immensely overjoyed to know that you have found someone who completes you as my Seril does for me. I do not know what your future holds, but I am sure that the love you share will always be the linchpin.”
I’m not crying. My eyes are not overwhelmed with an abundance of moisture. I blink rapidly, watching as my cousin approaches my husband cautiously. “Welcome to the mishpocheh, Masud Frenkel. I understand your aversion to touch; however, I wonder if you might permit me a quick hug?” Masud swallows so hard I can hear it, but my brave husband nods and slowly lifts his arms. Moshe is true to his word, the hug is over in the blink of an eye, but he can have no idea how much it means to Masud…and me.
Moshe clears his throat, turns to face me once more, adjusting and rebuttoning his suit jacket. “Oh, what’s that?” He points toward the entrance and a second later, I hear the shutter of his phone camera. “You’re crying and soon everyone will know that you possess a working heart!”
I move too fast, hissing in pain when I try to jump out of bed. Masud chuckles quietly as he holds me down. I growl as my cousin, the leader of the Jewish mafia, runs like a scared little girl out of my hospital room.
“I WILL END YOU!”
“Gotta catch me first…Crybaby!”
The door barely closes, before a nurse is glancing down the hall and then at me as he enters. He smiles, “What was that about?”
“Last act of freedom before life as he knows it comes to an end.”
He laughs, obviously misinterpreting my meaning. “Is he getting married?”
“No, preparing for a funeral.”
“Uh…sure. So, your doctor has finished signing off on your discharge. I need to go over the instructions.” We spend the next 20 minutes doing just that. He removes my IV, and Masud hands me my clothing as I slowly and carefully get dressed. Another 30 minutes after that, we’re in the car on the way to the family compound.
“Masud, I don’t want to people.” He shifts slightly in the back seat next to me, a dark eyebrow rising slightly in question. “I want to go home. Our home.” He nods, then instructs Ari to take us to our apartment.
Shortly after we married, two apartments in one of the Mishpocheh Consortium portfolio became available. Yak is actually who came up with the idea. We bought the apartments side by side, then did a small renovation so they could be connected. The mirror was installed in my bedroom, his bedroom on the other side. It allowed us to be together in a way that allowed Masud to be comfortable.
He opens the door to my side, walking a few steps behind me the whole way to my bedroom. “I have to shower.”
“The nurse sent some waterproof bandage coverings home with you.” He rummages through the bag as I strip my clothes off on the way to my en suite. I smirk with my back to him when he sucks in a sharp breath. I’m completely naked. His voice when he speaks again is octaves lower than usual and it sends a thrill down my spine.
I have always known that Masud is attracted to me. He finds me sexy, beautiful, desirable. Fear is what keeps my husband from claiming me physically. I accepted the nature of our relationship from the beginning. Like I said, meeting him in his comfort zone is easy. I love him, it’s as simple as that. However, I have hoped there might come a day when he was able to move beyond the pain of his past and embrace his future with me…by fucking me into the mattress with his monster cock until I forget my own name and start speaking in tongues. I have prayed for the day when he would sink deep inside me and never leave. I have wished on a star or two that he would impale me and split me in two until I am unable to ever walk again.
If we never get to that day, being his wife will always be the most important thing I’ve ever done.
I shower as he hovers outside the glass enclosure. I gingerly pat myself dry, then stride naked and clean back into my bedroom. Masud pulls the comforter back and waits while I get situated, then tucks me in. He disappears, returning a couple minutes later with pain pills and juice. I’m already exhausted, so it doesn’t take long for the pills to pull me under.
I wake up some time later, my room darker as the sun sets. I turn on my good side and find Masud asleep on the floor right next to my bed. I have never regretted my actions for one second. I would do anything, literally anything for this sweet, bruised man. Keeping our relationship from my family never truly bothered me because I was doing it for him. And yet, as I watch him sleep, his face soft, his broad chest rising and falling, I feel as if a weight has been lifted. I am free to love him in our own way in the open. My family knows and though I’m sure I will be fielding intrusive questions for the foreseeable future, I feel lighter.
Masud deserves to be loved out loud.
With a contented smile on my face, I fall back asleep.
“ Omri, I need you to wake up to take your meds.” I slowly come to, thinking I must still be dreaming when I feel the rough texture of his palm on my cheek. Our eyes meet and something shifts. Slowly, he lowers until his lips touch mine. I hold still, giving him time. His eyes drift shut as he slides his mouth side to side. In an instant, his body tenses and I act fast.
“Baby. Open your eyes. Look at me.” His eyes snap open and my chest tightens at the fear I see. “It’s just you and me, Masud.”
With a barely perceptible nod, eyes open, he brushes his lips against mine once more. Then without his usual quickness when touched, he pulls back slowly.
“I love you, Masud.”
Voice strained with emotion, he gives me a small smile, “I love you, too, Tovah.”
I am going to help him. He is going to find peace in healing the wounds of his youth. Closing the gaping holes left behind by the people who should have loved him and kept him safe.
One step at a time.