Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
LIVIANNA/LILY
Then
The Cliff You Pretend Isn’t There
The edge doesn’t announce itself…it waits for your weight to find it.
Callum stares at Bren. “Guns. What are you doing here?”
“My parents called the hotel to check on you two. They said you had already checked out.” Bren advances into the room. “It’s been a few hours, so they sent me to track Livianna down. I knew I’d find her here.”
He hands me my phone. I take it and get to my feet, trying to breathe steadily to calm myself down. “Thanks. We should get going.”
“No, we can stay. They decided to go to Santa Barbara for a few days.” He sits on Callum’s bed. “Hi, Ms. Mayze. Sorry to barge in unannounced, but the door was open and I could hear you talking.”
“Hi, Brendan.” She gets up off the floor while her eyes slide from Callum to me. “That’s not a problem.”
Callum stands. “Guns, we’re kinda in the middle of something. Do you mind—”
“I’m not leaving.” He points to something on the floor.
I follow and notice the box for the pregnancy test. My cheeks burn and my stomach twists.
Ms. Mayze bends over and picks it up. She slides the plastic stick she’s been holding back into the box.
Callum rakes his teeth over his bottom lip. “Guns, this is a family issue—”
“And I’m family.” He gets up and motions to Ms. Mayze’s hands with the flick of his fingers in a give it to me gesture. “Wanna share, or do I need to take it from you and see for myself?”
She gazes between all of us and sighs. “Livianna’s pregnant.”
“Shit, bro.” Bren’s head falls forward as it shakes. “You can’t keep from fucking up, can you?”
“Brendan Hemings!” Ms. Mayze marches over to my brother and stands before him. “Do not speak to my son like that.”
Bren raises his head. “Sorry. It’s just… I’ve read the stories and he left her on New Year’s Eve. Some douchebag almost raped her because he left her alone.”
She covers her mouth with her palm and spins toward Callum and me. I go numb and wish I could fade away.
Callum glares across the room at Bren. “You don’t need to tell my ma everything.”
“She’s part of this now, so she should know.” Bren places his hands on his hips and glares at me. “Liv, Mom and Dad are gonna kill you.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of them.” Ms. Mayze motions for us to follow her as she strides out of the room. “I’ll make us all something to eat and we can discuss how to tell them.”
We leave Callum’s bedroom and get seated around the dining room table. Ms. Mayze cooks in the galley kitchen and listens to us speak.
I have a permanent stack of bricks on my heart. The last few days have me spinning in emotions. I don’t know how I feel.
Callum tells Bren about his beliefs and that there’s no way I’m getting an abortion. Bren tries to argue that Callum is far from innocent, but Ms. Mayze interrupts and tells Bren it’s not up for discussion.
I don’t even know what to think of it all. I’m in shock. It’s my body, but it doesn’t feel like it. As they talk about everything from where I’ll live if my parents kick me out and what to tell the studio, I just stare at them while trying to figure out how to breathe.
Ms. Mayze serves them beer and wine. I get water. We all have grilled chicken and salad on our plates. The guys devour it, but I just push it around.
Ms. Mayze takes a sip of her wine. “Livianna, you’ll need to see a doctor soon. I’m sure your mom has one if you don’t have one already. If not, I’m happy to give you the name of mine.”
“I’d rather use yours for now.”
She nods. “I’ll make you an appointment for later in the week.”
“Can we not tell my parents yet? I don’t want to say anything to them until I have to.” My insides knot.
Bren swallows a mouthful of beer. “That’s a good idea. We’re supposed to tour in March to promote the new album. It’ll be better for Cash to hold off until then.”
“What the fuck, Guns?” Callum pushes his plate away. “Lily will need me, so I’m gonna try to put that off until the baby is born.”
“The label and your uncle won’t allow that, and you know it. Besides, she’ll need your help more once it’s here.” Bren shoves more food in his mouth.
The mention of Callum’s uncle has me trembling. I run my hand over my aching stomach. That’s the only feeling I’ve had the entire night. Abdominal pain from his forceful kicks to my gut.
“Bren, I’m getting tired.” I stand and gather the dishes. “Can you take me home after I clean up?”
“Sure.” He takes his last bite and hands me his plate.
“I’ll take you, Lily.” Callum stands and helps me. “I’d like to stay the night with you if that’s okay.”
Ms. Mayze sits back. “It’s fine with me. You’re going to be parents to my grandbaby, so I may as well get used to you two sharing a bed.”
Callum runs his palm over my ass as he passes me in the kitchen. “How do you feel about me staying over?”
“I’d really like that.” I place the dishes down and hug him. “Callum, I’m so scared. I feel like I’m frozen as my life spins around me.”
“It’s overwhelming, Lily, but we have my ma’s support.” He caresses my back. “Guns is still getting used to the idea, but I know he’ll come around.”
“It’s not them who I’m worried about. It’s my parents.”
“Once they meet our little guy, they’ll fall in love the second they see him.”
“Him?” I peer into Callum’s eyes. “How do you know it’s a boy?”
“Call it intuition.” A huge smile spreads across his face. “I’d put money on it. I’ve got myself a son growing in your belly. My pops put him there for us.”
“Oh, did he now?”
“Yep. He’s watching over me and I think that’s what he’d want.”
I sink into the sentiment. “I believe you and agree.”
Callum leans down and kisses me. He seems as happy about this as a man in his thirties would be. Then again, everyone around us expects us to act like adults every day, so I don’t know why I’m surprised.
A visual of my parents slams into my head. I pull away and swallow hard. They are going to be livid with us both and I’m not looking forward to it.
I hang up with my dad after calling them to tell them I made it home okay and thank them for understanding about the snowstorm. I feel terrible for keeping something so big from them.
Callum and I climb into my bed. We’re both exhausted, so we snuggle instead of having sex. Honestly, I’m still freaking out inside and can’t wrap my head around it all.
Callum keeps rubbing my stomach and kissing me. I think he’s genuinely excited about me being pregnant now that the shock has worn off.
It’s as if this baby is somehow healing a void in his heart. Most likely, one his dad’s suicide created.
“Lily, I think you should quit and come on the road with us. That way I can still be around if you need anything.”
“I’ll get fired as soon as the studio finds out, but I’m not sure my parents will allow me to travel with you guys.”
My breathing speeds up and my thoughts race. What am I going to say to them? What’s going to happen with my contract? Where are we going to get money to raise a child? We are way too young for this.
Fuck!
The reality of my situation hits me all at once. I’m headed straight for a panic attack. I dig my sharp fingernail into my wrist. The cuts aren’t healed, so they break open and bleed on the first slice.
I sit and try to breathe, but I can’t get any air. “Callum, help.”
He flies up and turns on the light. “What’s wrong?”
“Bren.” I barely get his name out and point to the door.
Callum runs out of the room and they come back in seconds.
Bren rushes into my en suite. “Cash, hold her arms apart while I get her medication.”
“Why am I holding her arms?” He hurries over to me and flips the sheets back. As soon as he sees the blood, he takes my hands in his. “Please don’t hurt yourself, Lily. Stop.”
I tremble and my vision goes blurry.
“Just look at me.” Callum stares into my eyes. “It’s okay. I’m here for you.”
Bren returns with a glass of water and my anxiety meds. “Here. Take these. We’ll stay with you until they kick in.”
My hand shakes as I take the pills and drink. Callum adjusts himself, leaning against my headboard.
He works me between his legs and pulls me tightly to him so my back rests against his chest. Bren sits on the edge of my bed.
“What caused it?” He tips his chin to Callum as he applies a cold wrap and ointment to my cuts. “These aren’t so bad, so leave the bandages off so they can dry and scab over.”
I nod and focus on calming breaths.
Callum gives me a tight hug. “We were talking about Livianna coming on tour with us.”
“That would do it.” Bren half rolls his eyes. “There’s no way my parents are gonna let her travel when she’s pregnant.”
“Guys, I can’t talk about this right now.” My heart jackhammers in my chest.
“Right.” Bren gets up. “I’m going back to my room. She should be good in about twenty minutes. Just give her some time and make sure she keeps her hands away from her wrists.”
“Will do. Thanks, Guns.”
“Anytime.” He leaves, closing the door behind him.
Callum rocks me from side to side while my medication works itself into my bloodstream. He hums ‘Perfect Lilies’ as my muscles loosen and my breathing returns to normal.
My limbs go weak and I start to fade. “Callum, I’m getting really tired.”
“Get comfortable and I’ll take care of you.”
“Okay.” I slide off him and roll to my side.
He wraps around me, kissing my shoulder and rubbing my stomach as I fall asleep. I wake to mind-bending cramps just as the sun is coming up. There’s a warm, wet sensation between my thighs. I already know what’s happening.
“Wake up.” I shake Callum. “Something’s wrong.”
With a sleepy and confused expression, he glances around the room. “What’s going on?”
Shooting pain stabs me in my gut and I grunt. I squeeze my eyes shut and curl into a ball.
“Callum…” I meet his concerned gaze. “Oh my… It’s so painful.”
“Lily…” He tosses the covers back, searching for my wrists.
I shake my head and he scans over me. His face drains of color when he notices the blood on my sheets coming from between my legs.
“Fucking hell, Livianna. You’re bleeding all over.”
“Call your mom. I think something bad is happening.”
Callum calls his mom and explains what’s going on. He speaks in a rushed, panicked tone. She talks to him for a few moments, then he hangs up.
“My ma said to get you into a warm shower.” He cradles me in his arms and carries me to the en suite. “She’s on her way over to bring you some things, help me clean, and change your bedding.”
“Callum, it hurts.” I rest my head on his chest.
“She said she’ll bring some painkillers for you.” He places me on the built-in bench in the shower. “I’m gonna need to undress you.”
“I can do it.”
“You’re pale and weak.” He steps out of his boxer briefs and turns on the water.
He adjusts it so it’s not directly hitting me. As he lets it warm up, he raises my T-shirt and removes it.
I lean back against the stone wall and moan. My cramps are terrible and the shooting pains keep shocking me every few minutes. They steal my breath.
He tucks his thumbs in the waistband of my bloody booty shorts. “Can you lift a little so I can remove these?”
“Yeah.” I shift so he can take them off.
Once I’m naked and the shower is at the right temperature, he helps me stand. I hold myself up by extending my arms and pressing my palms on each wall to keep my balance. I’m dizzy and weak, so his help is appreciated.
The clear water runs over me but turns rusty red as it goes down the drain. As Callum cleans me, his jaw twitches and his muscles are tight. He pretends to be calm as he gently runs the cloth over my skin, but his erratic breathing gives him away.
He tries to hide the anger spinning in his eyes when he sweeps the washrag over my stomach and between my legs. I shrink inside, thinking it’s because of me. Then I look down and see the swollen red and purple marks on my lower abdomen.
This happened because of what his uncle did. My ribs tighten as my disdain for him grows, but he’s Callum’s family and business manager. I’ll never be free of his presence. At least not if I want to be with Callum.
He continues to care for me, washing my hair and rinsing me off while continually whispering he’s sorry. I don’t respond, but not because I believe it’s his fault. I just don’t know how to feel.
Right now, I can only focus on the physical experience. In a weird way, it helps. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as dealing with what comes up when I think about the fact I’ve miscarried a baby Callum and I made.
He guides me out of the shower and is drying me off when his mom enters the en suite. She gives me a gentle, sad smile.
“I brought you some pads to wear.” She approaches as if she’s tiptoeing to us. “I don’t think you can use tampons when…this type of thing occurs.”
“Thanks. I don’t have any, so that’s helpful.” I sit on the side of my bathtub. “Callum, can you get me some underwear from my closet? They’re in the second to top drawer in the corner.”
“Sure. I’ll grab some clothes for you while I’m in there.” He hesitates as he looks me over, then turns and disappears into the closet.
His mom joins me at my side. “Livianna, I spoke to my doctor’s office. They said if you are bleeding too heavily, you may need to be seen.”
“Okay. I don’t know what’s normal, but my pain doesn’t feel right.”
“Oh, that reminds me.” She places a bag full of toiletries down and digs in her purse. She pulls out a prescription bottle. “These are painkillers. You can take a couple and they should help.”
“Thanks.” I point to a cup near the sink. “Do you mind getting me some water so I can take these now?”
“Of course not, honey.” She rushes over and gets me some water to drink. “I’ll be here for a while to help Bubba. You just tell me what you need and I’ll get it taken care of.”
She comes back to me and gives me the pills and the cup. I swallow the medicine down, hoping for relief soon. I peek up to thank her once again.
She’s got tears flowing down her cheeks. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Callum returns with my clothes. “It’s Uncle John’s fault and he will pay for this.”