Chapter 17
Seventeen
I have no idea what time it is. I wake alone, the sheets tangled around me, the sun blazing through the windows.
I sit up, dizzy with hunger. I haven’t had anything to eat.
After Kate swept me off to bed this morning, I didn’t care about anything but the feel of her body against mine, her hands, her mouth . . .
My god, the things she did to me.
I stand on wobbly legs and reach for my chemise, discarded on the floor along with the rest of my undergarments, although Kate had the foresight to fold the blue dress and place it back in the armoire.
I find her in the kitchen house, standing at the stove, her shirt unbuttoned, suspenders draped around her hips, trousers slung low.
Her hair riots in dark curls around her shoulders. She’s never looked more enticing.
“There you are,” she says. “Hungry?”
“Yes. Very,” I say, sinking into a chair.
“I gathered the eggs since you were sleeping.”
She presents me with coffee, two sunny eggs, and toast. I can barely meet her eyes, remembering the feverish way we came together.
“Ruby was right,” she says, turning back to the stove.
“I hardly saw another soul about town last night. Miss Mabel’s is closed.
Indefinitely. Apparently, the ladies are too frightened to go out, even during the day. ”
“Goodness.”
“Without her, I’m not sure what I’ll do for work. I have a private party on Saturday, in Mount Pleasant, but I may be forced to go back to mashing if there are no more commissions.”
“Mashing?” I ask.
“Doing breeches roles at the theater. Dock Street is still running shows, at least. But private parties are where I make the best money. And those mostly came about because of Mabel. And Barbara.”
I think of the photograph of Kate and Barbara again. Cherubino was a breeches role. I push aside my thoughts of Barbara. My jealousy. No matter what their past together entailed, Kate wants me now. She showed me that this morning, in every way possible.
She sits next to me with a sigh, and tucks into her food, stabbing at her eggs with her fork. She seems agitated. Irritable.
I place a hand on her forearm. “Surely all of this will be over soon,” I say. “The police will find the real killer.”
“That’s just the thing.” Kate gives me a tight smile.
“They’re still convinced it’s you. As I feared, you were recognized at the Kincaids’ party.
That doctor—Broadbent—reported that he spoke to you at length.
That you were in disguise, but he knew who you were.
I also talked to my friend at the City Guard.
You were seen fleeing the park. They’ve increased the bounty on your head. It doesn’t look good, Lil.”
Dr. Broadbent. He saw through my guise. Of course he did.
Fear trundles through me, anew. If they capture me, I’ll be put to death.
Possibly on sight, knowing the City Guard and their penchant to shoot before asking questions.
And what if Kate now sees me as more of a liability, too?
I think of her passionate nature, of how she’s opened my eyes to a new way of being.
I’m loath to let my freedom—and this new life with her—go.
“What are we to do?” I ask.
“You’ll have to hide away here. No more coming to town.
Ever. If all my work dries up, I won’t be going to town anymore, either.
I’ll have to rely on my apothecary skills to sustain us.
” She finishes her breakfast and paces the room, running her hands through her hair.
Although I have nothing to do with these murders, I feel guilty all the same.
I’ve complicated her life. Made things more difficult.
She’s been nothing but kind to me, with her hospitality, her care, and now, her love.
She has no reason to do these things—to take in a fugitive like me—and I don’t want to be a burden.
I want to contribute, to be her partner in all ways.
To prove myself worthy of her. There’s also the matter of learning more about the killer and the rumors about me.
There’s no better place to overhear gossip than a ballroom.
Though Angel’s Rest is now my home, the thought of never leaving here again makes me feel unsettled. Beautiful as my surroundings are, being locked away like a princess in a tower is merely another form of prison, even with the pleasures Kate affords me.
Suddenly, it dawns on me. A way I might help and slake my boredom and curiosity at the same time.
“I can help you, Kate, just as much as you’re helping me. I want to.”
She lifts her brow. “How?”
“I can pick locks. If you have the guest list for the party in Mount Pleasant, I can go to the guests’ houses. Break in and steal while they’re away.”
“And who do you think would get the blame for that, Lillian? Most of these people are slave owners.”
I wilt. She’s right. If precious jewels and money went missing from a wealthy home, the enslaved would be the first suspected. And punished. Sometimes with their lives.
“One last party, then,” I say, lifting my eyes.
“I’m quick with my hands. When I stole to survive on the streets, I was never caught.
I’ll dress like a boy again. The only person who ever recognized me besides Dr. Broadbent was Arabella, and well, she certainly won’t be there.
People are so enraptured when you perform, they’ll be completely distracted. ”
“No, Lil. It’s too dangerous.” Kate leans against the kitchen sink, crossing her arms. Her eyes harden. “This isn’t a game.”
I clench my hands in my lap. “I cannot just sit idle in this house, feeling useless. I need a purpose, Kate. I want to help.”
“You’re not useless, sweetling. Besides, I have money in reserve. Lucrezia’s jewelry and antiques.”
I also have money, and the jewelry I took from home, still hidden at my campsite.
I need to go back for it, at some point.
But the cautious side of me believes I should keep it a secret, just in case things between Kate and me ever sour.
I pray that they won’t. But I’ve learned not to trust anyone completely.
“We’ll get by,” Kate says comfortingly. “You needn’t worry.”
“Yes, but you said yourself that work is drying up. We can’t depend on more parties.
I’ll cut my hair shorter. Like a boy’s. Tailor one of your suits to my size.
I’m afraid of being caught, too. But I won’t be a b—” I cut myself off, remembering Kate’s reaction the last time I said the word “burden” aloud. “I promise to be careful.”
She sighs, rolling her head back on her shoulders. “Your obstinance is maddening. I’ll need convincing. Can you really pick pockets that well?”
Her doubt rankles me. But it also challenges me. “Lay a trap for me. Put coins in your pockets. Wear jewelry, just like the ladies at your parties. I’ll prove my skills to you within a day.”
“Oh, you will?” The corner of her mouth quirks up. “I’m not sure I believe you.”
“We’ll see, won’t we?” I say haughtily.
That night, after supper, I lay three coins and a pocket watch out on the dining room table. Kate fishes in her pockets, patting her breeches. Then she smiles at me, slowly. “I’ll be damned,” she says. “How?”
I sit up a little taller, lifting my chin. “I took one coin while you were hanging laundry to dry. I took the pocket watch when you kissed me in the hall. The other two coins, I pilfered when we passed one another, tidying the house.”
“I didn’t feel a thing.”
“And neither will they.”
“You’ve convinced me, you little minx.” Kate sits back in her chair, a wolfish gleam in her eyes. “Come here.”
I cross to her. She pulls me onto her lap, one hand knotting in my hair.
My breath catches in my throat. “You deserve a reward, my sweetling. My clever, quick girl.” She traces her tongue along my neck as she positions me squarely against her, one arm latched around my waist while her other hand rucks up my skirts and finds the opening in my drawers.
I twist as her fingers explore my bared flesh.
“Please,” I whimper.
“Please, what?” she says, her hand tightening in my hair again. “Tell me what you want, Lillian.”
“You,” I say.
She chuckles, opening my legs with her knees, locking me in place.
Right where she wants me. Her dominance over me is intoxicating.
Heady. With practiced ease, she strokes the knot of throbbing want between my legs.
In a matter of moments, she brings me to the edge of oblivion, and then ceases her ministrations, even as I writhe and beg for more.
She lands a stinging slap on my thigh. I gasp in surprise.
The sensation makes my skin tingle, sends molten heat catapulting to my core.
“Not until I’m ready, sweetling,” she scolds. “And I do mean to take my time.”
Kissing me deeply, she unbuttons my bodice, shoves her hand down my corset, and brings my left breast out.
“Perfect, so round and fitting for my hands,” she says, pinching my nipple.
I whimper as her other hand travels back to my nether regions, as she dips one long finger inside me, plumbing my depths.
“You’re soaking wet.” She brings her finger to my lips, teasing them open.
“Taste how honey sweet you are, my pet.”
I take her finger into my mouth, suckling it.
She groans. “I need to see you. All of you. Take off your clothes. Then climb onto that table and offer yourself to me.” She pushes me off her lap and watches with heavy-lidded eyes as I shed my clothing, until I’m naked and trembling before her.
Her eyes blaze with desire as they travel over me.
Being on such flagrant display feels salacious.
Wicked. But if our sort of love damns me to hell, I’ll burn willingly.
“On the table,” she says. “I won’t tell you again.”
I hoist myself up onto the table, the cool marble top kissing the backs of my thighs.
My heart races as Kate stalks toward me, her eyes hungry.
I reach for her, but she grasps my wrists, pushing me onto my back.
She takes one of my nipples in her mouth, tugging at my sensitive flesh with her teeth.
The candles in the center of the table flicker with our movements, casting leaping shadows onto her face.
Once she’s had her fill of my breasts, once she has me panting and begging, she pulls her chair closer and sits between my open legs.
I lift my hips, aching to feel her touch, needing her as much as I need my next breath.
“Look at you,” she says, tracing the line of my sex with the tip of her finger. “Such a delicious feast. So ready and eager for my mouth.”
She scoops her hands beneath my hips and pulls me to her roughly, hooking my legs over her shoulders as she nuzzles between my thighs, nipping and licking.
I nearly levitate off the table, gripping the edge with my fingertips as she buries her face in my wetness, as she lavishes me with her tongue, from bottom to top, like I’m the most delectable dish she’s ever tasted.
Her hands grip my buttocks, holding me captive to her mouth, my cries echoing from the high ceiling as I beg for the release she so cruelly withholds.
She brings me to the precipice, again and again, circling the source of my pleasure with the tip of her tongue, then diving back into my depths to drink from me, until finally, she shows mercy and, with a relentless, steady rhythm, drives me past the point of no return.
My crisis breaks over me, and I clench and cry out, pleasure blooming within me like a hidden rose.
Once my trembling ceases, she lowers me gently back onto the table and returns to my mouth, kissing me long on the lips.
I grasp at the waist of her trousers, longing to taste her, to give her the same satisfaction she’s just given me.
She pulls away, shoving my hands aside. “No, Lil.” Her face is hard.
“Don’t ever touch me there. Not ever. Do you understand? ”
I sit up, confusion looping through me. The first time we were intimate, I excused her reticence as a reaction to my inexperience.
She initiated me into the ways of pleasure, but when I reached for her to do the same, she gently pushed me away, then gathered me in her arms and held me, distracting me with loving words and caresses.
“But what about you?” I ask. “Don’t you want . . .”
“No. I don’t. My satisfaction comes from being the one in control.”
“Oh.” I try to hide my disappointment. My wounded feelings. I don’t understand.
“Please don’t be hurt. It’s not about you, sweetling,” she says, softening. “I just . . . I prefer it this way. Can you accept that?”
“I suppose so. But it seems selfish on my part. To only receive pleasure. And never give it.”
Kate’s wolfish look returns. “Oh, but you do give me pleasure, Lil. Seeing you come apart is an ecstasy. The sounds you make. The way you move. To know that I have that kind of power over you . . . it’s hypnotic.
” She cups my jaw with her hand. Her thumb brushes my lower lip.
“You are so beautiful. Your body. Those eyes. Your spirit. The way you taste. You just might be my undoing, you know.”
She bends to kiss me, and before I know it, I’m consumed by her desire again. And this time, I succumb completely.