Chapter 13
CALEB
The vibe in the locker room is electric after our second preseason game against the Baltimore Blue Crabs.
And the feeling on the ice was even better. I’m finally getting into my groove again, the ice feels good under my skates, and I’m edging a little closer to that flow state where time seems to slow down and playing feels easy.
I managed two goals tonight on the way to our win. The crowd couldn’t help cheering, and I couldn’t help feeling a burst of pride. I know they just wanted a win for the team. They still don’t really like me.
But they like Liv.
I don’t blame them. So do I. Quite a bit.
Stealing glances up at the box and seeing her with Daisy on her lap tugged at my heart, and I know I played better for the two of them.
I spent the past week focused on practice and nailing this game. It paid off on the ice. And it also made it easier not to obsess about Liv that whole time.
But when I went to pick her up earlier tonight, I realized I’d only made my obsession worse. Almost a week without seeing her pretty hazel eyes light up at the sight of my daughter only made it hit me harder than ever.
Then seeing her in my jersey had my heart thundering.
And her pure joy over Daisy’s gift was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Liv is perfect for me, but more importantly, she’s perfect for us.
Please don’t let me ruin this, I pray as I come out after the game, still feeling great, and search the lot for my girl.
The Stallions won. I have something to be proud of this time.
Her whole face lights up when she sees me and I smile like a fool.
“You were amazing,” she tells me proudly as the onlookers yell my name, their phones held aloft to record the moment.
“Yeah, I got a couple of goals,” I say. “Felt good.”
“Sure,” she says, almost like the goals didn’t matter. “And you stayed out of the penalty box. Mostly.”
It’s very clear that she sees that as the bigger achievement, and suddenly I’m laughing.
“Can I get a selfie, Mr. Stone?” a kid calls to me.
I ignore him, but Liv gives me a look.
“Uh, sure, kid,” I say, hurrying over to get a picture with him.
Liv probably didn’t expect it, but that only makes everyone want one. She stands uncomplaining for another twenty minutes out in the cold wind before I tell the remaining crowd that we’re leaving.
“Did Daisy go home with your parents?” she asks me.
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Do you mind swinging over there with me to pick her up? If you’re too tired, I can take you home first.”
“No, I don’t mind at all,” she says. “Your mom is so nice. I guess she takes care of Daisy most of the time?”
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Back in the city we had a full-time nanny. But Mom insisted that when we moved here, she wanted to be the one to take Daisy on all her appointments.” I leave out that my contract here would barely cover a full-time, highly skilled nurse for a nanny the way my pay in Philly did.
Of course, I desperately wanted a nurse around back in the early days, when we were worried about Daisy’s heart.
But now my strong girl’s heart has healed.
Liv nods, but doesn’t say anything more, and somehow I work up the courage to explain a little better.
“Daisy gets a lot of therapies,” I tell her. “When school starts, she’ll get some of them at preschool, like physical and occupational therapy. But I wanted to hire private therapists too. The more help she gets now, the more she may be able to do when she’s older.”
“Like helping her muscles get stronger?” Liv offers.
“Exactly,” I say, impressed that she knows how important strengthening Daisy’s muscles is.
“The stronger she is, the better she can keep up with the other kids, and the more social she can be. And the more dexterous she is, the better she can hold a pencil, the more likely she is to be able to do schoolwork. Basically, the idea is that all of this work she’s doing now will give her the tools she needs to have the kind of life that will make her happy. ”
“That’s amazing,” Liv says, nodding. “I’m sure you and your mom stay busy getting her everywhere she needs to be.”
“It was a full-time job for Mrs. Stern back in the city,” I say, nodding. “And now it’s a full-time job for my mom and me. I like being around more. That’s been one perk of coming back here.”
“Oh, that’s true,” she says, looking pleased for me. “And I’m sure Daisy loves having her daddy around. It’s good that you can do so much to help her.”
“I’m lucky,” I tell her, meaning it. I’ve felt a certain amount of guilt over the years that there are plenty of families with kids who have developmental delays and don’t have my resources.
The state helps out with a lot of early intervention, but a lot of families can’t afford all the extra advantages I’m giving my daughter.
“None of these things has a guaranteed outcome, though, other than better. Daisy will do better than she would have otherwise with all the help she’s getting.
But she may very well never live independently.
She might never have a job or a group of friends. ”
“Well, that’s just ridiculous,” Liv says indignantly. “Not about living with you. It’s true that you might get to keep her close forever. But clearly Daisy will have lots of friends. She’s so confident, and so interested in other people.”
I can’t reply. Her words have hot tears prickling my eyes and I’m afraid if I speak my voice will break.
“And Daisy is a hard worker,” she continues.
“In fact, I think she actually likes hard work. Maybe you don’t see it because you’re her dad and you’re with her all the time, but it was impressive to see her apply herself to that cupcake.
And she made me this bracelet. That would have been a big job for any four-year-old. ”
I nod, glancing at the bracelet on Liv’s wrist. Her other hand is cupping it slightly, almost like she’s afraid someone’s going to try and take it from her.
“Daisy is going to have a very happy and fulfilling life,” Liv says with finality. “And I think you’re lucky to be along for the ride.”
We continue to my parents’ house in silence.
One thing I love about Liv is that she doesn’t seem to judge my quiet moments. And she doesn’t have to fill them with mindless chatter either. I’m able to sit with all those nice things she just said. I’m able to take it to heart that she gets Daisy.
I watch the landmarks of my childhood go past—first the mall and then the garden, welcoming us to what passes for tiny Bluevale’s downtown. I turn onto Rose Valley Road and there’s the split-level that belongs to my parents.
Pulling up out front, I’m almost afraid to be here with Liv. What if my mom realizes that something is off about us being together?
But there’s no time, because my parents are actually waiting for us on the lawn. Mom and Daisy are watching a moth flittering around the porch light, and my dad is frowning at his watch.
“You can wait here while I grab Daisy,” I tell Liv as we pull in, anxious to be on the road again as quickly as possible. Maybe we can actually get out of this without any conversation.
But my Dad is headed for the SUV before my seatbelt is off.
He meets me at the passenger side, where Liv has rolled her window down to say hello.
“That was better,” he says to me in lieu of greeting. “You could have scored more goals, though. You practically handed two of them off by passing to Rivers instead of taking the shots yourself.”
But he’s got a tiny hint of a smile tugging up one corner of his mouth, so I know he’s secretly at least a little pleased. I also know he wouldn’t be pleased at all if we hadn’t won.
“Wasn’t he wonderful, Mr. Stone?” Liv asks. “He looked like he was having fun out there, didn’t he?”
My dad frowns, predictably.
“Sure,” he says. “The Blue Crabs aren’t hard to beat. It was a cakewalk.”
It hits me in the chest how different it is to talk to Liv after a game, how warm and encouraging she is, especially compared to my dad.
“Caleb has a lot of work to do if he wants to get back where he belongs,” Dad adds sternly. “He needs to work on switching, and communication with his teammates. He needs to work out more too, so he doesn’t lose his edge out here in the minors.”
“Mostly he needs his dinner,” Liv says lightly. “I’ll bet you’re starving after that game, aren’t you?”
My mom is picking Daisy up to get her loaded into her car seat and I see her trying to hide her smile.
I feel a smile trying to spread across my own face too. Man, it would have been nice to have Liv around back in high school. My girlfriend back then just used to nod and agree with whatever Dad said. Made me feel like I was about two inches tall, win or lose.
“Yeah, I’m hungry,” I agree with Liv. “Good to see you, Dad.”
I help Mom get Daisy buckled in. When I get back into the car myself, I realize Dad has just gone back to the house rather than taking a moment to chat with the woman he thinks is my girlfriend. I should be happy. I wanted to avoid conversation with them. But for some reason, it still steams me up.
“I love you bunches,” Mom says with a smile. “See you tomorrow.”
Thank God for her.
“See you, Ma,” I say. “Love you too.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Liv,” Mom says across me to Liv, who beams.
“It was great to spend time with you today, Mrs. Stone,” Liv tells her.
“Audrey,” Mom says firmly.
Liv has legitimately won over my mother. Impressive.
Mom waves to her as I’m pulling out, and we head back toward Magnolia and Hall House.
I glance in the rearview mirror to see Daisy gazing out the window, looking like she’s about to start dozing. She hasn’t napped in a while, so late nights like this sometimes have her drifting off in the car.
I never would have imagined an apartment in the old mansion on Magnolia would feel more like home to me than the split-level on Rose Valley Road, or the condo in the city, but here we are.
When Daisy was born, I learned not to question the good things. And the sense of home I feel in our new place is definitely a good thing.
“Oh, wow,” Liv says with a smile as she looks down at her phone.
“What?” I ask her.
“Oh, do you like to hear feedback from fans?” she asks worriedly.
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“I mean, like, do you avoid reading about yourself online?” she asks. “I can just close this and read it later.”
“It’s all good,” I tell her. “You get thick skin after a while, and I like knowing more or less what’s going on.”
That’s not exactly true. I never did get the thick skin everyone talks about. I work hard, and when people hate on me, I feel it.
But I just can’t resist her smile.
“Stone looked almost like himself out there,” Liv reads aloud. “And another guy replies. Yeah, it was good to see, man, good to see.”
Those compliments feel good because they ring true.
“What a hottie,” she reads, smiling. “His new girl looks like she knows she’s lucky.”
I laugh and glance over at Liv, wondering what her take is on that.
But she’s frowning.
“What?” I ask.
“Oh, nothing, sorry,” she says. “Hang on, there’s so much more.”
She reads a bunch more comments. They’re all really nice, and I can tell from the way she pauses here and there that she’s skipping some of the not-so-nice ones. But overall, it seems like the fans are really starting to come around on me.
Too bad they seem to like me more than my teammates do.
Other than Jake and Van, everyone is still pretty standoffish. Sokolov treated me with begrudging respect today after I scored some goals, and that was huge progress.
But the other guys are clearly still skeptical. And Ridley said something that didn’t even make sense. He grumbled something like, I can’t believe Liv Williams would give you the time of day after how you were.
I mean, sure, I got kicked off my team. But that wasn’t personal to her. And honestly, she doesn’t really seem all that interested in hockey anyway. I’m starting to doubt she had any big feelings about that championship game after all.
Which makes that other thing make even less sense. Back on that first night when Liv rescued me in her car, some lady said, I can’t believe that you of all people would defend him, Liv.
What was that supposed to mean?
I glance over at Liv again, but she’s just smiling and reading out comments to me, looking as calm and happy as ever.
I guess I’m probably just looking for things to get defensive about. I’m not used to feeling content.
But I want to get used to it.
As I figured, Daisy is sleeping by the time we get home. Liv carries my bag up for me while I follow with Daisy.
It feels so natural for the three of us to come home together. While I tuck Daisy into her bed, I think about talking to Liv when I get back out. It’s about time that I ask her to date me for real.
She gets me and my shortcomings. And she understands Daisy’s challenges too.
And she seems really happy when she’s with us.
Maybe, just maybe, this could work.
Maybe it was meant to be.
My heart is pounding as I head down the hallway to the living room, trying and failing to get my thoughts in order, to find a way to tell her how I feel.
But when I get there, Liv is gone.
It makes sense that she went back up to her own place. I didn’t ask her to stay. And this thing between us is supposed to be fake.
But it still hurts to stand in the darkened living room alone.