Chapter Nineteen
Denis
This wasn’t going as planned. I was shocked by Sterling’s secret—it was much worse than I’d imagined, and I could understand how it still haunted him. For all the things my parents had done to me, at least for the first sixteen years of my life I’d known their love.
But now he wanted the very part of me I’d worked so hard to hide.
Something no one but Gil knew. Not even Rip or Gordie.
And if I chose to say nothing or brushed it off, Sterling would walk me to the door and slam it in my face, ending this tentative peace between us, and I couldn’t let that happen.
He’d find someone else, and I’d have to hear about his dates and run into them at Rip’s house, where that nameless, faceless man would touch and kiss him.
My stomach turned to knots at the very thought.
Sterling deserved my truth, if only because he’d given me that piece of himself he’d never shared before.
Something deeply powerful to his soul. I knew I’d treasure not only what he revealed, but the fact that he’d chosen me, unwittingly, as a kindred spirit.
A child who understood betrayal so visceral and permanent, it was burned in my veins.
If holding on to my past meant letting go of Sterling, the choice was clear.
“I had a wonderful childhood. Small town in Quebec, which meant hockey all the time. My father and uncle…we were always together. And when I showed hockey promise as a child, I was their hope. Their chance to have a pro in the family, playing in the league.”
“Was it your dream or theirs?”
“Both,” I admitted. “Here your sports icons are baseball or football players. In Canada, it’s hockey. It’s every boy’s dream.”
“I get it. Go on.”
“I was in a junior league, and so was my neighbor, Georges. I was in school with his sister, and everyone believed we were boyfriend and girlfriend. But it wasn’t Thérèse I wanted.”
“You had a crush on Georges.”
No matter that it happened twenty years earlier, it might’ve been yesterday the way my emotions roared to the surface. “I did. I was hopelessly in love with him. Georges was older and on his way to the NHL. So when he invited me one afternoon to skate, I was overjoyed. Excited.”
Sterling remained silent, but his hand circled my nape, and now it was him offering a soothing touch. I leaned into it.
“It was after…he said he wanted to show me all the trophies in his room. He was leaving soon, and I jumped at the chance. No one was home, and we were upstairs in his room…he kissed me. I couldn’t believe it happened.
Then he touched me, and after I got off—embarrassingly quickly—he said he’d teach me how to suck him, since I’d never done it.
He said he’d do m-me.” My voice caught, and a rush of tears burned my eyes. Horrified, I pinched my eyes together.
Sterling kissed my cheek. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m here.”
I sniffled. “I was on my knees and his mother walked in. Georges told her I came on to him, called me a filthy pervert. They screamed at me to get out of their house. That night at home…” Again, I had to pause.
“My father was always thinking of hockey. He wouldn’t physically touch me because he might hurt me and that would ruin my chances to play. ”
“Small comfort,” Sterling muttered.
“That entire night he got in my face, screaming about what a filthy animal I was. A disgrace, a molester…the usual hateful comments. No son of his would be a man-fucker, as he called it.”
“Where was your mother?”
I choked out a laugh. “She ran to the church to pray for my soul. Guess her plan failed.”
“Did…did they hurt you?”
“Only my heart…to think they were my parents and yet could turn against me because of who I want to love.”
“What happened after?”
“For the next six months, every night they locked me at home after hockey practice and subjected me to my father’s rants and my mother’s praying. I was told I was a disappointment as a son and worth nothing other than playing hockey.”
“They wanted to punish the gay out of you?”
I nodded. “And they tried very hard. It got so bad that it began to affect my play. In Canada we have a major junior league, where we get drafted from, and it didn’t take long before my coaches noticed I was off my game.” Bittersweet memories flooded my mind.
“What is it?” Sterling asked, and I put my arm around him. “Why are you smiling?”
“My coach, Gil Girard. The man was—still is—a legend in the game, and you knew if you were lucky enough to skate for him, you had the best. Anyway, he was the only one I confided in as to what was going on at home. The next day, he came to my parents’ house, sat them down, and told them I was leaving and moving in with him and his wife.
I’d finish off the school year living with them and until I was drafted.
And unless they changed their attitude, they were banned from seeing me and coming to my games. ”
“And they agreed?” Sterling sounded aghast. “They were willing to let you go? All because of hockey?”
I lifted a shoulder. “I told you. Hockey is king. They gave me up so they’d get to brag I played in the league. Gil and Mary, his wife, saved me.”
He rubbed my back. “It was a good thing Gil did, to get you out of that atmosphere. It must’ve been intolerable living at home.”
I rested my head in my hands. “I was going to run away. Or kill myself. I didn’t know what else to do.
I couldn’t take it anymore. You can’t imagine how awful it was to live with someone constantly telling you you’re abnormal, sick.
A freak. That no one will ever love you and you’ll be alone forever. Gil and Mary saved my life.”
Sterling pressed his wet cheek to mine. “Thank God you had them. Do you still keep in touch with them?”
“Mary died about eight years ago. Gil has coached many players, but I’m the only one still active, and I wanted him to come live in New York when I got traded here.
At first he refused, saying he didn’t want to leave Mary, but he finally relented and moved into an assisted-living facility in Westchester.
” I laughed at the memory. “He refused to live in a big city, so we compromised.”
My parents’ daily torment had taught me to never let them see you cry or fall apart. Losing control of your emotions meant weakness. And the one way I’d learned to survive before Gil rescued me was to remain stoic and unbending. But at some point the weight becomes too heavy and you break.
Telling my story was my breaking point, and I let Sterling comfort and hold me. After several minutes, his lips brushed my hair.
“And what about your parents? Have you had any contact with them?”
“No. And I have no desire to, ever again. They know where I am, and in all these years, they’ve made no attempt to contact me. As far as I’m concerned, they’re dead.”
A shiver ran through Sterling, and something occurred to me.
“You’ve only talked about Dahlia. What about your father? Did you ever try and contact him?”
“I found out he spent four years in jail for statutory rape since my mother was only fifteen and he was twenty-seven. I heard that Dahlia’s brothers and some of the other men in the community roughed him up, and when the police came, he admitted to having sex with Dahlia, so they arrested him.
He’s married now, with a family of his own.
I doubt he’d be too thrilled to have me pop up on his doorstep, claiming him as my father.
” Sterling’s cheek rested on mine. “I’m better off letting things stay as they are. ”
Ours were two of the many sad stories out in the world. Sterling and I were each lucky to have escaped a life that could have ended up very badly.
“I wouldn’t mind you popping up on my doorstep,” I teased, hoping to break the somber mood. “Or anywhere else.”
A tiny smile kicked up the corner of his lips. “Is that so?” His hand cupped my stiffening cock. “I think it’s you who’s popping up.”
“I can’t help it. Whenever you’re near, I get hard.”
Wicked fingers traced the outline of my erection, and my breath grew short.
“Guess I’d better not come to any of your games. Wouldn’t want you to walk around with this monster trapped in a jock.”
Hearing Sterling, who’d always spoken so proper, call my dick a monster had me busting out laughing. “A monster? Are you calling it ugly?”
“No.” More solemn than ever, he ghosted his fingertips over my jaw, cheeks, and eyes.
“Everything about you is perfect,” he whispered.
“Even the scars from your fights on the ice. And the ones on your heart, now that I know what happened.” He ran his hands through my hair, tangling them, holding my face, and gazing into my eyes.
“Thank you for trusting me with your story. I know it couldn’t have been easy to share. ”
“I’ve never told anyone the whole truth. Only you.”
A siren sounded outside, then several police cars followed, but nothing could drown out the thundering of my heart.
“Why me?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” But maybe I did and was too afraid to admit it. “You asked, and initially I thought I’d give you the same story as always. Instead, I wanted you to know everything. The real me, not the guy you see on the ice.”
“He’s pretty amazing.”
“So are you. I think we’ve come a long way since you called me an uneducated hulk.”
He grinned. “Not you personally. And you’ve taught me some things.”
“Like what?”
“How to take a chance. Let down my guard and not be so judgmental. Go after what I want…”
The air grew thick with tension. “What do you want, Sterling?”
His fingers tightened in my hair. “You. I want you.”
I captured his mouth. “Mon c?ur, mon amour. You have me.”
The time for talking had ended. I needed him with a frightening intensity. We rose to our feet, still kissing, and made it to his bedroom, where we stripped out of our clothes and fell on the bed naked, hot and hard.
“Denis,” he moaned. “I need you.”
Pain grew in my chest—no one had ever said that to me.
Plenty of men had said they’d wanted me, and a few had even said they’d loved me, and I’d accepted it and even repeated it, but something had always been missing.
Now I knew. There’d never been this fierce, overwhelming desire to protect and claim a person and never, ever let anything or anyone hurt them.
The mere thought of Sterling with anyone else set my blood boiling in my veins.
No one could touch him. Ever. He was mine.
“Take me. You have every piece of me, including my heart.” I rolled him under me and kissed him until we both gasped for air. “I need you. I want you. I have to have you. All of you. Your body. Your heart. Tell me. Tell me you want the same thing.”
His eyes widened with shock. “What are you saying?”
Nose-to-nose, I pinned him to the bed. My cock was hard to the point of bursting, but this went beyond the physical release. This was an emotional mountain I’d scaled alone, but now at the pinnacle I’d found the person to share this moment of glory with, and everything else beyond.
“I’m in love with you. I can’t sleep at night because I’m wondering where you are and who you’re with.
I want you by my side for my wins and losses.
When they see your face, they need to know you’re the one who’s taken my heart prisoner and I’ve gladly thrown away the key.
” My chest rose and fell rapidly from my unexpected outburst, and I waited for his response.
“Tonight, when I agreed to go out with Tag, it wasn’t because I wanted to spend time with him.
I accepted, thinking if I could see other men, I might find someone to drive me out of my mind.
There had to be another man whose kisses would drive me wild.
Who frustrates me no end, yet is the only one who makes me laugh.
But it didn’t work. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn’t you.
” His eyes shone in the pale moonlight illuminating the room.
“I have been called one of a kind,” I teased, so full of love and hope that my head spun.
“You are. You’re my one. Only months ago, I couldn’t bear to look at you, but now?” His smile turned tender. “Now I can’t bear the thought of never seeing you again. Is that love? I want to believe it is, but how can I be sure? I’ve never known what it means to be loved.”
“You’ve come to the right place. It will be my mission to make sure you know what love is.
Because being loved by me is like nothing else in the world.
” I kissed him and pulled him on top of me, then grabbed the bottle of lube I’d spotted on the nightstand and held it up with a grin. “Did you use this and think of me?”
This adorable man, so strong and determined in his everyday life, ducked his head and nodded. I coated my fingers and slid them down his cleft to play with his rim. His beautiful dick stood up between us, firm and glistening.
“Touch yourself,” I demanded, and he bit his lip and ran his palm along his shaft, pumping fast. His head fell back, and I pulled him up by the waist to slip two fingers inside him.
“Oh, fuck me, Denis,” he groaned, and I sped up my movements, pressing against the hot walls of his ass. “More,” he whimpered. “It’s not enough.”
I withdrew and pawed at the drawer to open it, found a condom, and rolled it on. “Jesus,” I hissed, almost coming from one touch.
“Don’t you dare,” Sterling ordered and squeezed me at the root. He rose on his knees, and with a blissful sigh, lowered himself onto my throbbing cock. “Oh God, you’re splitting me in half.”
“You kept me and my monster waiting.” My fingers gripped his pale skin as I thrust up. “It’s the price you pay.”
“Take…all…my…money.” He rode me hard, his hand flashing on his dick. I rolled my hips and spared him no mercy, holding him as I drove up deep. “Oh my God,” he cried out and came, splattering over my chest and his, even hitting my chin and nose.
“You’re perfect,” I panted, hammering him hard through his climax.
He lay on top of me, twitching and boneless, yet with enough strength to squeeze my dick in his passage.
I wrapped my arms around him, thrusting several more times.
My climax hit and I broke apart and came, my body flushed with heat.
“So are you,” he murmured a while later and kissed my neck. “Except I don’t think I can walk.” He winced, and I slipped out of him, still half-hard. “Or move.”
“You have all night to recover. And I don’t have a game until Saturday.”
“So it’s all about you, hmm?”
I threw away the condom and returned to the bed. I held him and tangled my feet with his. “Not anymore. It’s all about us.”