Chapter 6
Rose
Erin moved in different circles to the rest of us, which was evident from the collection of people at her birthday party.
She’d hired out the top floor of a bar that looked over the Thames, a space that managed to be warm despite floor to ceiling windows on three sides and a wraparound veranda that was amazing in summer, if you could get on the guest list.
But Erin knew people who knew people, who probably also knew people, which meant she could book this place without breaking a sweat.
I was here later than planned, my shift running over which was always going to happen, and I’d wanted to take more time getting ready, because Erin’s circles included fashion journalists and clothes designers and people who always managed to look put together without having made an effort.
I knew they would’ve made an effort. I had the sense to know that it took more than a quick flick of a hairbrush and some eyeliner, but for me, it took about three hours to achieve anything close to the same effect, and tonight I’d had a grand total of forty-five minutes, which also included a shower to rinse of the eau de hospital I’d brought home with me.
So I decided to stick to the shadows.
Fallon was busy chatting up a model who was one of Erin’s guests, which provided the entertainment for me.
Harriet had bumped into someone she knew and was engaged in a conversation about American politics, which I had no interest in joining.
I perched on a bar stool which was near a heater and sipped at my French martini, people watching, which was my favourite sport.
There was tall man that I knew Erin had a few dates with once who was doing his best to get conversation out of a woman who I figured was a model.
Erin was surrounded by two of her colleagues, trying to break away from them and not being successful.
I was just about to head over to Erin to give her a hand escaping when the molecules in the air shifted and I looked automatically to the door.
It wasn’t just me who’d noticed. The model who’d been chatted up had seen as well, and something sunk inside me.
People noticed Carter. Women noticed Carter. And Carter was here now, looking windswept and unshaven, his thick hair sticking up but still managing to look cool.
I stayed put on my seat and watched him, half hiding my face behind the martini glass.
He already knew a couple of people, a man patting him on the arm, and a woman giving him a hug before being reclaimed by her boyfriend.
Carter found Erin, and did the job I was going to, embracing her and kissing her cheek, before handing her a gift bag.
There were more words, but my lipreading wasn’t that good, so I tried to focus on someone else instead, although my thoughts were elsewhere.
This reaction I now seemed to have to Carter was new. I was nervous about seeing him, which I had been before, especially when I’d been in my mid-teens and half in love with him.
Or maybe fully.
I wanted him to be over here speaking to me, and I didn’t at the same time. I wanted to know more about what he’d been up to in America, why he hadn’t told me he was coming back, and everything else that was in his head, because I’d never been quite able to get in there.
A familiar scent hit me.
“Rosie.”
Carter Collins. He’d been wearing the same cologne since he was seventeen. My cheeks felt too hot and my seat no longer stable.
“Carter. Harriet said you were trying to make it.”
He put his hand on my shoulder and moved closer to kiss me on the cheek like he’d done with Erin.
“I should’ve been here earlier but ended up with an emergency. You look good.” He shot me a smile that I’d rather he’d saved.
“Thank you. In a rush as always so I’m sticking to the shadows. I always forget the sort of people Erin works with.” I looked around the room, trying to take Carter’s attention off me.
It didn’t work. It never did with him.
“I’ll ignore that. New glasses?”
I touched them nervously. “Kind of. I only wear them when I go out out.”
“They suit you. Make you look like a sexy secretary, but I’m sure that’s not the look you were going for.”
I knew he was laughing at me inside, amused. He’d told me when I was nineteen that I didn’t give myself enough credit in any area apart from that I knew I was smart.
“I was going for passable and something easy to take off when I got home.” Which was where I wanted to be right now.
Carter raised his brows. “Who’s going to be taking them off?”
I frowned. “Me - ” I was thrown. Was he flirting? That was flirting. Was Carter flirting with me?
“You’re not planning on going home with anyone tonight?”
“Other than Harriet, but she won’t be taking my clothes off. Although Harriet might be going home with someone.” I saw her with her hand resting on the chest of the man she was talking to. “Good for her.”
“It’s always the quiet ones.” Carter was grinning too. “She moves soon, doesn’t she?”
“Another four weeks. We’re all going to Stratford-Upon-Avon next weekend for a couple of nights and measuring up her new house.
” I was looking forward to it; as much as I loved London, getting away was good from time to time.
“I’m not looking forward to her leaving, but it’ll be good to go to Stratford and see her regularly. ”
“It will.” He was watching me, but I couldn’t work out why. It was like I was being studied, a medical specimen maybe.
“How’ve you been? I haven’t seen much of you.”
“Busy. A friend of mine’s moving to London to set up a bookshop and she’s staying with me for a bit so I’ve been receiving deliveries every few hours, or that’s what it felt like. Plus work.”
“Plus work. I know how that feels. What’s your friend called?” This was what Harriet had mentioned.
“Laurie. She’s nice – you’ll like her.”
I wasn’t sure I would.
“How long’s she staying with you for?”
Carter smiled. “You still don’t like other people staying in that house.”
“It still feels like mine.”
“You never lived there.”
“Moot point. Is she staying a while?”
He shrugged. “She’s looking at the flat above the shop she’s opening, but she needs to sort some money out first. It won’t be for very long.
” A door near to us opened and a couple came inside.
The room was filled with more noise, a crescendo.
I looked over to where the stairs were and saw a good dozen more people arriving. “Want to go outside for a bit?”
I nodded. “I don’t have my coat.”
“It’s not too cold. The wind has stopped anyway.
” He took my now empty glass off me and placed it down on a nearby table, holding his hand out for me to take it.
I did, something we’d done as teenagers so we didn’t lose each other, or because he knew that crowds weren’t my thing as this was the only way I’d get through them.
It felt different than it had done when we were younger.
The sound of the crowd dimmed as the door closed behind me, the noise muffled and distant, London’s night surrounding us.
We walked, my hand still in Carter’s, ending up at the side that overlooked Thames.
The London Eye was lit up against a patchwork of navy blues, the streetlamps meaning the sky was never truly black.
Fairy lights graced the veranda, ropes of them on the floor, a few candles in hurricane lanterns.
It was pretty and quiet, a million miles away from everyone else because no one else was outside.
“Have you been avoiding me?”
I should’ve known Carter had motivation for getting me somewhere quiet.
“Yes.” No point trying to dig my way out of that one.
“Why?”
“Because I still don’t get why you didn’t tell me you were coming back. You didn’t so much as text me apart from one liners that told me nothing, from September last year. I don’t get why. Did I do something?” And the words tumbled out.
He sighed, looking up to the starless sky. “You didn’t do anything. I – I got involved helping out a friend and I ended up committing to something I can’t get out of. I didn’t want to talk to you about it.”
“That kind of hurts.”
“Yeah, I know.” He was looking at me now. “If I’d spoken to you about it, I’d have pulled out of doing the favour and I didn’t want to let them down.” He rubbed his head with his hand, messing up his hair even more. “It would’ve messed up a lot for her if I had.”
“Okay.” I stood facing him, annoyed, curious, hurt.
“Sounds like you’ve messed things up for yourself then.
” I breathed, debating my choices right now.
I could sulk, be annoyed and try to make him feel bad, or I could be an adult and trust his decision making.
Carter had never once deliberately upset me.
I could trust him, of that I was sure, but that didn’t mean he’d never make a choice that would inadvertently upset me.
“Yeah. I have. I didn’t realise how much, but I just need to suck this up and it’ll be okay in a few months.” His smile was forced. “I missed talking to you.”
“I missed talking to you. But I’m glad you’re here now.” I reached a hand out to rest on his shoulder, then stepped into his arms for a hug that was warm and tight and strong. I linked my other arm around the back of his neck, my heels not enough to lessen the height difference between us.
He bent his head and his lips brushed my neck, my stomach fluttering, the feeling spreading south. I focused on breathing rather than thinking, because thinking wasn’t going to produce any form of sensible words right now and I could just blurt anything out.
Like I had in September.
“You’re nice and warm.” When in doubt, state the obvious.
Carter laughed, the rumble vibrating through me. “I have my uses. I have really, really missed you, Rosie.”
“Good. I’d be sad if you hadn’t. And it was your fault. I was worried it was because of what I said the last time we spoke.” I kept my head rested against his chest so I didn’t have to look at him. This was what had been hanging over me.