Chapter 14 #2
“And it’s better to know than to wonder.
” She moved closer to me, her heat spreading through the blankets and my jeans, the hand that wasn’t in mine on my knee.
My back was against the sofa, while Rose was facing me, her legs up on the seat.
I tried to absorb the moment, the flat almost totally silent now, the music having stopped.
Just our breathing, the rub of the blankets if we moved.
I didn’t think we’d ever gone so long without speaking.
My other hand slid up her arm to her hair, my fingers twisting in it.
We shifted, our faces closer, and this time when my lips met hers it was without any chance of an audience, and no reason to stop because Rose now knew.
It was still complicated, I still wasn’t available, but it was temporary, and when she knew more about Laurie and why the trust was so important to her, she’d understand even better.
That wasn’t mine to tell though.
But she was mine right now to kiss. I cupped her face in my hand and felt the softness of her skin, her lips warm against mine with the slight taste of tea on them. It felt like Clapham Common again, but she wasn’t seventeen and I was back permanently in London.
She shifted onto my knee, moving closer, her hands around my neck, her breasts pressing against my chest. I’d shifted my hold to her waist, wanting to stand up and cheer that I finally had her on the same page of the same book.
I tugged at her bottom lip with my teeth, feeling her shiver, slowing down the kiss because I wasn’t sure how far this should go right now and I didn’t want impulsivity to derail us any further. But I couldn’t stop it completely.
I lifted my hand to the back of her head, deepening the kiss, feeling her respond back and I stamped it into my memory. Nothing about this felt wrong.
If Laurie knew – when Laurie knew – she’d say something along the lines of ‘about fucking time’, so there was no guilt, only lightness.
And the weight of Rose on my knee.
She ended the kiss before me, sitting back a little, creating space between our bodies. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was wilder than before.
“We should probably pause there.”
“Why?” I ran my thumb over her lips, swollen in the best way.
“Because if we don’t stop now, we’ll be finding out too soon how compatible we are.”
“You mean you can’t control yourself around me?”
She shook her head slowly and smiled. “This is proof right here of me controlling myself.”
“Point taken.” My hands rested on her thighs, stiller than granite. “Maybe I should go now just in case you find your resolve slipping.”
“Maybe we should have a cup of tea and be adults rather than teenagers for the next half an hour.” She looked at the clock.
F U C K I N G L A T E #.
And it was – almost midnight.
“You need to get up off me then.”
She didn’t move.
“Rosie.”
“I’m not sure I want to just yet.”
“You mean you don’t actually have any of that control you mentioned.”
She was shaking her head again at me. “Let’s see who stops first.”
This kiss was not quite as slow, Rose’s hands on my chest, slipping lower, the space still between us giving me leverage to start my own exploration, along her side and then back down, palms grazing over her breasts, over her clothes, learning what I could just in case something changed.
She stilled her hands, gentling the kiss and moved away. “Control.”
“You’re still sat on me.”
“I know.”
“That tea won’t make itself.” I teased, knowing that she needed to move, else I’d stand with her still attached to me and I wouldn’t be carrying her into the kitchen.
She looked up to the ceiling and laughed to herself. “Tea. So English.” She clambered off me with all the grace of a ballerina standing up out of a mud bath.
I stood up, adjusting my jeans, still in some sort of state of shock and followed her into the kitchen area, bringing her empty mug from the coffee table with me.
“Thank you. You’re actually house trained. What happened?”
I wasn’t sure if that was meant to be offensive. “Living by myself, not that it seems to have had the same effect on you.”
“I have days when I’m fastidiously tidy.”
“And months when you’re not. Nothing’s changed, Rose Callaghan.” I reached out again to touch her, to put my hands on her waist because I could, and her hands went to my shoulders.
“I feel like this is a dream.” She whispered the words.
“Surreal.”
“Yeah, in so many ways.” She stepped away, continued with the tea, filling the kettle and getting out the mugs.
I knew she’d pulled away because of Laurie.
“In a few weeks this promise to Laurie will be over with,” I said, watching her, trying to read her body language.
“I know. I’m rational, Carter. I believe you when you say there’s nothing romantic in it, and the way Laurie was kind of confirmed that apart from the hoodie.” She leaned against the worktop, waiting for the kettle to boil.
“You have your psychologist’s head on.”
“Better than a surgeon’s head when it comes to peopling.”
I laughed. “I’m not going to argue with you.”
We drank the tea, bantering about our disciplines, staying away from the topic of weddings and annulments and the clock climbed closer to one.
“I should go.” I rinsed my cup, emptied half an hour ago.
“You should. I’d offer the sofa but I think we need to go on a date first. After the wedding thing’s happened.”
“We can still hang out.”
“No more ghosting.” She followed me to the door.
“No more leaving me on read.”
She lifted onto her toes and pecked me on the cheek. “Another test of control.”
“We can’t risk something getting back to Laurie’s family.”
“Agreed.”
I said goodnight and left before I could beg her to let me stay, heading out into the rainy London night and a flat that was too big for one person.