Chapter 2
Florence nodded fervently as her mother spoke, praying silently that the carriage would soon reach Lord Tenson’s townhouse.
Lady Grangemouth had been both berating and warning Florence for over an hour now, long before they had stepped into the carriage.
This was to be their first ball of the little Season and, despite Florence’s reassurances that she would do the best she could, her mother had chosen to remind her repeatedly of what her expectations were.
“There will not be as many of the ton present, given it is the wintertime,” Lady Grangemouth continued, as Lord Grangemouth nodded gravely, saying nothing but making it quite clear he agreed with all that his wife said.
“That means that the gentlemen present will be all the more aware of the ladies who have come to society. You must put yourself forward, Florence. You must not hide away in the shadows, as you are often so inclined to do… and as I have been forced to do upon occasion.”
With a nod, Florence looked out of the window, twisting her fingers together in her lap.
Her mother did not seem to realize just how nervous Florence was about this ball and how her demands continued to push her further and further down the path towards anxiety.
Her heart quickened, her stomach twisting this way and that as the carriage finally began to slow.
“You will take your father’s arm as we walk into the house,” her mother instructed, making both Florence and Lord Grangemouth look at her in surprise.
“Well, we cannot have Florence tripping over her own feet as she steps into the house, can we?” This was directed towards her husband, speaking as if Florence herself was not present and able to hear her.
“That would bring us all great shame and would, no doubt, have the ton speaking of Florence but for all the wrong reasons! You have a very clumsy and inelegant daughter, and you must do what you can to prevent her from behaving as she did during the summer Season.”
Closing her eyes, Florence kept back the sob that threatened to choke her throat.
There was so much sadness within her, it felt as if she were standing on the top of a mountain, ready to fall into the blackness below.
Her mother did not seek to understand. Her father did not ask her what the trouble was.
Instead, all they did was criticize her and hold her up against the standards her sisters had reached so she might see just how much she had failed.
“Very well, very well.” Lord Grangemouth sounded displeased that he was going to have to do such a simple thing as walk with her into the house. “Then do let us hurry.”
Florence nodded, waiting for her father and then her mother to descend the carriage.
She had no doubt that her father would disappear to the card room a few minutes after their arrival at the ball, just as he always did.
That would leave her to stand with her mother, who would do nothing other than nudge and whisper and demand of Florence all evening.
And that would set her into an even greater spiral of anxiety and fear.
“Florence? Is that you?”
Having just descended from the carriage, Florence turned her head, only for someone to throw their arms around her.
“It is you! How wonderful to see you!” Leaning back, the lady smiled brightly at Florence, before turning to Florence’s mother. “Aunt! I did not know you would be here in London!”
Lord Grangemouth huffed. “As good as it is to see you, Helena, might we hurry inside? It is perishingly cold out here.”
“Helena?” The night was so dark and the light so low, Florence had not been able to make out who had been speaking. “I thought… I thought you would be on your honeymoon.”
Helena giggled and took Florence’s arm, leading her towards the house – and this without even a word to Lady Grangemouth. “Yes, I thought I would be also, but my dear husband decided that it was his duty to make sure that his sister found a suitable match… just as soon as possible.”
A smile curved Florence’s lips, understanding her friend’s meaning. “Your husband would prefer that it was only you and he in the house, then.”
“Precisely.” Still arm in arm with Florence, Helena led them both into the house, and Florence shivered lightly, relieved that it was a good deal warmer than outside.
“He is with her already, you see, but I was not quite prepared. I told him I would find him at the ball, but now that I have you for company, there is no need for me to interrupt him. He will need to concentrate on Prudence.”
“Helena, while it is very good to see you, Florence is here so that she too might find a good match.” Lady Grangemouth cleared her throat, catching both Florence and Helena’s attention. “You may as well go to find Lord Wickton and leave Florence to me. I do not want you to have a dull evening.”
“Oh, but it will not be dull at all!” Helena exclaimed, throwing a warm smile towards her aunt.
“I understand that Florence is here to make a match, of course, but given that I am well-connected now to society, I am sure that there will be plenty of eligible gentlemen I can introduce her to. My husband has many friends, and those who are unmarried would be delighted to make Florence’s acquaintance, I am sure. ”
Catching the look of annoyance that formed a line between her mother’s brows, followed by a quick twist of her lips, Florence tried to speak quickly as a knot of uncertainty tied itself in her stomach.
“How very kind of you, Helena. I think that an excellent notion, do you not, Mother? Helena will know which gentlemen are both eligible and suitable and –”
“Yes, indeed I do!” Helena pressed Florence’s arm for a moment, then smiled again at her aunt. “I am quite sure I will be able to have her dance card full in a trice.”
Lady Grangemouth let out a small, unbelieving exclamation. “I highly doubt that.”
Florence’s shoulders dropped, but Helena was not to be dissuaded. “I am sure I shall. Come now, Florence. Let us join the receiving line, and then I will take you to find my husband to see who he can introduce you to.”
Without so much as a backwards glance towards her mother, Florence followed after Helena, although inwardly, her heart ached all over again.
It was a familiar feeling, but one that Florence was never able to free herself from entirely.
Every time in her mother’s presence was a reminder of just how different she was from her sisters… and of just how much she had failed.
“Do try and smile, my dear cousin. I am sorry for what was said there. I am sure you will be able to have a full dance card this evening.”
Florence managed to do as her cousin requested, although her smile was heavy. “It is quite all right. You recall how much I embarrassed myself during the Season, I am sure. My mother has warned me repeatedly not to do so again, and I fear that I may fail such a demand.”
Helena’s eyebrows lifted as they moved slowly forward.
“I do recall one or two incidents, but I always thought that they were merely accidents.” A dusting of pink came into her cheeks, and she looked away.
“I do hope I do not appear insensitive, Florence. I was being courted by Lord Wickton at the time and did not pay a great deal of attention to much else, I am afraid.”
“No, no, not at all. You were not and are not in the least bit insensitive. You know that I was very glad for you to have found such happiness with Lord Wickton.” Rubbing the thumb of one hand into the palm of the other, Florence chewed on the edge of her lip for a moment or two.
“I – I have such an anxiety within me whenever I step out into society, it causes me to act in a manner that is not as I usually am.”
“You mean to say that you might be a little ungainly because of your worry?”
Hearing the understanding in her voice, Florence looked at her cousin with slightly widened eyes.
“I have felt – and have acted – the very same way,” her cousin told her, encouragingly.
“When I was being courted by Lord Wickton, I not only spilled the tea in the teacup when I tried to serve it to him, but I then trod on his feet during one of our dances! He tried to take my arm when we were out walking on another occasion, and I nearly fell flat on my face, such was my surprise and my eagerness to have him do so. You need not think that you are alone in this, Florence. Many young ladies in London can sympathize with all that you are feeling.”
Given that this was not something that Florence had ever heard from her own mother and certainly had never seen from her sisters, she was taken aback to hear this from Helena.
“You do not believe me?”
“It is not that,” Florence explained, shaking her head. “It is only that my mother has always made it appear as if I am the only one in all of London who has such difficulties. I have always felt myself to be quite alone.”
Her cousin frowned. “Just because your sisters are well able to go through society with confidence does not mean that you must be the same as them.”
“I – I have never had that said to me before now.”
“Well, I am saying it,” Helena stated, with a toss of her head. “My dear Florence, you are most certainly not the only young lady who has ever struggled with a lack of assurance and certainty within society.”
Florence winced. “Although I might be the clumsiest.”
This made her cousin laugh, her arm looping through Florence’s. “I doubt that. But you must not think of that. You must now only consider the path ahead.”
A tremor ran through Florence. “Mother is quite insistent that I make a good match this Christmas, else I shall ruin her standing.” Seeing Helena’s quizzical look, she sighed.
“She wants to be known as the mother who has had all her daughters wed in their first Season. Whilst this is not the summer Season, it is the same year and thus, the same Season so therefore –”
“Therefore, unless you wed, she will lose her hopes of being known in that way.”
Florence nodded. “Precisely.”
Helena rolled her eyes. “That does not say anything about you. Rather, that speaks only of her and her own expectations.”
With a sigh, Florence nodded as they came to stand near another larger group of ladies and gentlemen, though they did not approach it as yet.
“Yes, it does. But that is mayhap to be expected, given that she has not had any difficulty with any of her other daughters. It is only me who causes her concern.”
“But that is not your fault!” Helena exclaimed at once, as Florence smiled with relief, glad now that someone, at least, understood her.
“You have done nothing wrong, and this worry that bites at you can take a very painful hold.” She smiled back at Florence.
“I shall help you overcome it, however. You need not have no concern about that.”
“I –”
“Might you step aside, ladies?”
A loud, impertinent voice made Florence spin around, astonished that a gentleman of any standing would think to speak to them both in such a way.
It was not at all what would be expected of any person, gentleman or lady, and yet this fellow, this tall, sharp-eyed gentleman with a frown on his face, seemed to think that it was more than acceptable for him to do so.
“I wish to go speak with Lord Chester, and he is directly behind you.”
Florence blinked, then stepped to one side, a little confused as to why the gentleman could not make his way around them and find another way through the crowd to get to his friend.
“I thank you.”
Doing her best to stand tall with her head lifted, Florence swallowed hard as she was forced to stand apart from Helena, allowing the gentleman to walk between them.
She pressed her lips flat, the nervousness within her beginning to rise again as the gentleman passed her, turning his head so he might cast a sharp look towards her from his green eyes.
The frown on his face lingered still, his lips in a thin line as if somehow, she and Helena had done something wrong in standing together as they had been doing.
“That, if I am not mistaken, is the Marquess of Applegate.”
Florence looked back at her friend. “You know of him?”
“Oh, society knows of him,” came the reply, with a wry shake of her head. “Lord Applegate is a gentleman of particularly high standards, always ready with a word of criticism or complaint.”
With a shake of her head, Florence let out a slow breath.
“Then I must stay far from him,” she decided, her heart beating a little more quickly than before.
“Given just how much of a failure my mother and father both consider me, I am quite sure that a gentleman with such high expectations would have nothing but criticism for me!”
“I can assure you, we will not even think of going near him,” her friend declared, taking Florence’s arm again. “Come now, let me introduce you to three of my acquaintances. We must have that dance card of yours filled, must we not?”
Despite Helena’s warm smile and encouragement, Florence felt nothing but worry filling her as her friend led her towards another one of the groups present.
Would she find the right words to say? Or would she stumble over even the smallest of conversations, mortifying herself just as she had done so many times before?
Praying for the latter, Florence forced a smile and then bobbed a curtsy as Helena began the introductions.
Sweat broke out across her forehead as names were given to her, one after the other.
She could not even remember the name of the first young lady by the time Helena had reached the last gentleman!
“I am grateful to meet you all.” Her words tumbled out, one after the other, and she dropped into yet another curtsy, even though there was no need for it. “I do hope you all enjoy this evening.”
Helena looked at her, smiled briefly, and then turned her attention back to the others present, changing the conversation so that it was no longer focused upon Florence.
Letting out a slow breath, Florence closed her eyes tightly and then opened them again, setting a smile to her face that she did not feel.
Why did she have to be filled with such worry, such anxiety whenever she was surrounded by others in society?
Recalling the superior look that arrogant gentleman had shot her, Florence shivered lightly and then looked down at the floor.
Would she truly ever succeed in society?
Or was she destined to have this crippling worry that would keep her back from a successful match and a happy future?