Chapter 7 #2
The reasons he had given himself for his own refusal to accept responsibility now rolled up and blew away, and whilst he did his best to find something to defend himself, nothing came to his mind.
“My sister,” he managed to say, as Lady Wickton’s gaze sharpened.
“My sister has clarified all. I – I merely did not understand what Lady Grangemouth was asking me. I thought she was suggesting that I had caused some young lady a dreadful injury, and I could not permit that to fall on my shoulders.”
Emily snorted loudly, informing Joseph precisely of what it was she thought about such a response.
“Then Lady Grangemouth knows that it was not Florence’s doing?” Some of the fire had gone out of Lady Wickton’s eyes. “She accepted that?”
Sensing that there was something more to this entire situation, Joseph nodded, a curiosity sneaking into his mind, pushing through his guilt to get to the fore.
“She did. I must say, however, I was a little confused as to why she suggested that this was the first time Lady Florence had not been responsible for this sort of incident.”
Lady Wickton held his gaze steadily, looking back at him.
Silence fell for some time – or at least, it felt like a long time to Joseph.
The music went on behind him, the chatter and conversation flowing, but Joseph was caught in Lady Wickton’s fierce look.
He did not know why she lingered, only that she did so, as if looking deep into his soul in an attempt to ascertain what sort of gentleman he was.
“The reason for my upset, Lord Applegate, is that Lady Florence is not at all understood by her mother or her father – or even her sisters who have gone before her and married quickly and well.” Breaking the silence, Lady Wickton spoke with great care, making sure her voice was low and quiet and that they would not be overheard.
“The reason Lady Grangemouth said such a thing was because that is precisely what occurred during Lady Florence’s summer Season,” she continued, “though I will not go into particular detail. All I shall say is that there were some instances when Lady Florence found herself in a little difficulty, because of her own anxiety and worry.”
“Worry?” Emily took a step closer to Lady Wickton, searching her face. “She is afraid of society, then? That is something I can well understand.”
That was not something that Joseph could say along with his sister, however. The notion that any young lady would be afraid of society seemed strange indeed.
“Society can be a very difficult place for any young lady.” With a shake of her head, Lady Wickton threw him a look but then returned her attention to Emily.
“With three sisters all wed in their first Season, the expectation placed upon Florence’s shoulders was great.
As I have said, I will not go into detail, but there has been a lack of insight – and an unwillingness to even try to understand – as to why she finds society such a difficult and sometimes frightening place.
” Her lips flattened, her eyes flicking back towards Joseph.
“You cannot know how proud I was of Lady Florence this evening. She told her mother that she was not responsible for the bruise to her cheek, and when that was not believed, stated that she would prove it to be true. That is the first time that she has ever had the confidence to say such a thing, Lord Applegate.”
And I did nothing but ruin that hope and expectation.
Unable to look into Lady Wickton’s eyes, Joseph turned his head away and coughed quietly, the guilt in his heart beginning to pull him down towards the floor.
“I may have said a little too much.” With a sigh, Lady Wickton shook her head.
“I do not mean to speak out of turn but Lady Florence is not only my cousin, but she is also my very dear friend. I wish to come alongside her, to support her and encourage her, for she has no one else. That is the spirit in which I came to you, Lord Applegate. I shall take my leave of you now.”
Joseph said nothing, only offering a bow towards Lady Wickton as she walked between him and Emily, returning to the ball without a glance back in his direction.
He ran one hand over his eyes and groaned.
“I think I shall take my leave also.”
Dropping his hand, Joseph reached to catch his sister’s arm. “Emily, wait.”
She looked back at him, that disappointment in her expression biting at him. Her shoulders were dropped, her head a little heavy, and the way she could not quite hold his gaze sent his conscience screaming with regret.
“I know I did wrong, Emily,” he said, the words fighting hard against being spoken, but he said them nonetheless, his fingernails biting into his palms. “I did not think about Lady Florence, I thought only of what was being overheard by so many others and –”
“And you wanted to protect yourself and your reputation over telling the truth.” Emily shook her head.
“Applegate, you would soundly criticize any gentleman or lady who did such a thing. If you found out that someone in society had lied to keep their own reputation pristine, you would berate them aloud – and in public, no doubt.” Her gaze fell away from his face as she began to move away from him.
“To be blunt, brother, you are a hypocrite and I find that very upsetting indeed.”
The desire to say something more to defend himself so that Emily would not think so poorly of him was great, but Joseph remained silent. There was nothing that he could say, he realized, nothing that would do any good. Every word she had said was true, and Joseph despised himself for it.
Watching her walk away, Joseph’s heart began to tear.
Yes, his sister irritated him greatly, and her determination to supposedly help him find a bride had been deeply frustrating, but that did not mean that he was unaffected by her disappointment in him.
Tugging his lips to one side, Joseph tried to think clearly, wondering what it was he could do to make amends.
I must speak to Lady Florence.
The thought of going to her for the second time to apologize – and this time, to apologize for something all the more serious – made him wince.
It was not something he was used to but in this circumstance, Joseph saw that he had no other choice.
He had not seen her reaction when he had denied all responsibility.
He had been so filled with frustration over Lady Grangemouth’s interruption, as well as concern over his own standing, that he had not even thought to look in her direction.
But if Lady Wickton is upset, then I can assume that Lady Florence is all the more so.
Throwing his head back, Joseph gazed up at the ceiling, trying to collect his thoughts.
He had the rest of the evening to enjoy and was meant to be finding even one young lady that he might begin to consider, but now, his thoughts were circling only one young lady – and she not even someone he would ever think to take as a bride!
Nonetheless, Joseph feared that, until he spoke with her and apologized sincerely, she would not be gone from his thoughts…
which meant that now, Lady Florence was his one and only consideration.