Chapter 10
“Whatever were you doing, Florence?”
Shutting her eyes, Florence relived the moment she had run from Lord Applegate.
It had been two days ago now, but she had not been able to forget it for even a second.
“Please, Helena, can I not discuss the matter? I have already had my mother deeply irritated with me for what I did… or did not do.”
“I only want to understand,” Helena replied, as Florence opened her eyes and then reached for the tea Helena had only just poured. “I am not here to berate you or anything, I assure you.”
Florence, who had endured her mother’s anger and upset for hours on end, managed to smile.
“I thank you, Helena. My mother does not understand. She is deeply angry with me that I ran from Lord Applegate and caused some upset with the others who were waltzing, but also she is disappointed that Lord Sutherland has been pushed away from me.”
“Lord Sutherland?”
With a sigh, Florence answered quickly. “My mother and father seem to think that Lord Sutherland, a friend of my father’s, would be a suitable match.” Seeing her cousin’s eyes widen, Florence gave her a small nod. “It is just as you imagine.”
Helena clicked her tongue. “Ridiculous. Why ever should they seek to marry you to someone who is as old as your father?”
“Because they despair of me finding someone on my own?”
This made her cousin frown.
“I do not think I could express the deep relief I felt when Lord Applegate stepped in. He had no need to do so, but he did it nonetheless, having overheard the conversation between my mother and Lord Sutherland.”
Helena tilted her head. “Did he now?”
“He did.” Florence looked into the flames of the fire in front of her and let herself smile gently. “I did not initially understand his purposes in doing so, but he explained it to me. I believe he did something good so that his guilt might be a little resolved.”
Her cousin’s eyebrows lifted. “Guilt? Over his lies to your mother?”
Florence nodded. “Yes, precisely.”
“That seems to make him a little self-serving, if I am not mistaken.”
Having already considered this, Florence looked down at her teacup. “I suppose it was a little. But he said more to me, Helena. He understood me in a way that so many others do not, and it was with that in my mind that we went to dance together.”
“And then you ran from him?” Helena spoke very quietly, encouraging Florence to be open with her by the gentleness of the spirit in which she asked the question. “Despite thinking well of him?”
Florence set her tea cup down, the sensations within her shaming her, just as they had done on the night of the ball. “It was not because of anything he had done or said,” she rasped, feeling her throat closing up. “It was because of what I felt.”
At this, Helena’s eyebrow shot upwards, but she said nothing.
Covering her face with her hands, Florence fought to regain her composure, not letting tears fall.
“Helena, I have been so very foolish… and I caused such upset when I ran from him!” She dared not lift her hands from her face for fear of losing her composure completely.
“He kissed me under the mistletoe bough and I have never experienced such a thing before!”
“Ah, I quite understand.”
Hearing the compassion in Helena’s voice, Florence dropped her hands and gazed back at her cousin. “You do?”
“Of course I do.” Helena smiled warmly. “You are – or you were – drawn to Lord Applegate. It might only have been for those few minutes when he sought to understand you, when he expressed such things as to make your heart fill with gladness because of it, but that feeling was there nonetheless.”
Florence swallowed thickly. “I do not want to have such feelings!”
A quiet chuckle escaped from Helena’s lips.
“My dear cousin, you cannot prevent them, I am afraid. No matter what it is you might wish to feel, they will stay if they choose to. At times, they might disappear without any great upset, and mayhap in this case, they will do so. But do not underestimate what a first kiss can do to oneself! It is an exhilarating, confusing, and wonderful experience, and I can quite understand why you felt the need to step back from him.” She leaned forward just a little. “It must have been very overwhelming.”
“I felt engulfed by my own feelings,” Florence admitted, relief beginning to press into her heart now that Helena seemed to understand precisely what she was talking about.
“It was so very confusing, I could not bring myself to step back into his arms. And instead, I caused a great deal of upset, stumbled into more than a few other dancers, and left Lord Applegate alone on the dance floor!” Shame rose up like a ferocious beast, threatening to devour her, but Florence resisted it as best she could.
“I do not know what he will think of me now, but I cannot bring myself to see him again.” Her eyes closed again.
“But mother informed me this morning that we have been invited to his Christmas ball at the end of next week, and thus, I shall have no choice but to be in his company again!”
This made Helena grin. “My dear Florence, I am afraid that I do not think that as dreadful a thing as you do.”
“But it is, of course it is! I am already mortified by what I did, and now I shall have to see him again. I can do my best to stay away from him, of course but – ”
“Florence, wait a moment.” Helena put up one hand, palm out to her.
“What if this is not as terrible as you might think? What if Lord Applegate, in expressing his understanding of your present situation and mayhap, in understanding your nervousness more than you might think, has an interest in your company also?”
Florence blinked, then snorted at the ridiculousness of it all. “I hardly think so, Helena.”
“Whyever not?”
“Because he is a gentleman with scrupulously high standards, as he himself admitted to me. I am a young lady who puts my feet in the wrong place, stumbles this way and that, can hardly hold her head up in conversation, and ran away from him in the middle of our waltz together! It is not as if I am the pinnacle of all that is good and correct, is it?”
Helena shrugged. “That may not matter to him.”
“Of course it will.” Florence dismissed the idea without giving it even a momentary thought. “You must help me find my courage in approaching him again, Helena. I do not know what I shall do or even what I shall say! Even the thought of it is making my heart thump wildly and my stomach swirl.”
With the smile still lingering on her face, Helena sat back in her chair, tilted her head, and considered Florence. This disconcerted her a little, but she said nothing, waiting for her cousin to respond.
“You did not disagree with me when I suggested that you were drawn to Lord Applegate, Florence.”
Florence blinked.
“You said that you did not want to have such feelings, which now suggests that your heart may well have a gentle affection for Lord Applegate.”
Opening her mouth, Florence frowned and then closed it again. Shaking her head, she drew in a deep breath and then released it, trying to find a way to defend herself against what had been her own words.
“You were very angry and upset with him, I know. I was also,” Helena continued, when Florence could find nothing to say. “Could it be that his apology, his actions in taking you from Lord Sutherland and saving you from a waltz with him changed your perception of him?”
Florence licked her lips. “Perhaps. He was very open with me as to why he had lied. I appreciated the honest words and the vulnerability that he shared.”
Helena only smiled, a glint in her eye that Florence did not much like.
“But as I have said, I do not want such feelings,” Florence stated, quite firmly. “I do not think anything will come of it and – ”
“You do not think, but you may well be wrong,” Helena countered, interrupting her. “In coming to you as he did and saving you from Lord Sutherland, he too might be experiencing the very same confusion that you do at present.”
The suggestion was well meant, Florence knew, but it sent her into a state of panic. Her hands twisted together, fingers locking tight as she shut her eyes and tried to calm her racing pulse.
“I will be alongside you at the ball, I promise you that,” Helena said softly. “You need not be afraid, Florence.”
Opening her eyes, Florence looked back at her cousin. “I shall certainly need you,” she said, a trifle hoarsely. “My mother will, no doubt, have other gentlemen to introduce me to, and Lord Applegate’s presence will throw me quite off balance, I am sure!”
“Or it could all go very well indeed,” Helena suggested, clearly trying to inject hope into Florence’s heart, despite the fact that she herself felt very little. “Mayhap it will be the most wonderful Christmas ball you have ever experienced!”
“Might you join me, Florence?”
Florence, who had been doing her best to hide in the shadows of Lord Donnelly’s drawing room, was forced to step forward and come alongside her mother.
“There, now.” Her mother slipped her arm through Florence’s and gripped her arm tightly, as if to suggest she feared that Florence might disappear from alongside her without warning. “Come with me.”
It was not as if Florence herself had any choice.
Following after her mother, she was pulled forward to the center of the room and, much to her concern, a group of gentlemen who were all standing, talking together.
One of them stepped back just a little, and Florence caught sight of an older lady standing with them, an older lady that Florence’s mother began to make towards.
“I do not know any of these gentlemen, Mother,” Florence hissed, her heart beginning to quicken. “Please, do not – ”
“Ah, Lady Abernyte! Good evening to you.” Ignoring Florence, Lady Grangemouth reached out one hand towards the lady in the group. “Here, now, you see? I have brought my daughter to be introduced to you.”