Chapter 15
Joseph grimaced. Lady Florence was not yet present at this Christmas soiree, and this was now the fourth evening he had not seen her. His concern was growing, but as yet, he had not taken any steps to go to her.
The last few days, he had found himself in something of a mire.
Every time he tried to step forward, it would cling to him, pulling him back down to the depths.
It was, he had come to realize, the understanding of just how much upset and pain he had caused others over the years.
It had finally hit him full in the chest, capturing his heart and filling him with a sense of shame that he had not been able to step away from.
Of course, he had thought also of Lady Florence, trying to ascertain what his feelings meant – and just how deeply they penetrated.
His head had hurt with the weight of thoughts within it, and thus, he had shrunk into himself a little.
“You are frowning, brother.”
Glancing at Emily, Joseph rolled his eyes and tried to smile, casting his thoughts away. “Must you always be pursuing me?”
“Yes.” Emily grinned at him. “As yet, you have not found a suitable wife and therefore, I must continue to make certain that all is going well.”
Joseph chuckled ruefully. “And after the disaster that befell my Christmas ball, you are now determined that I need even more help, yes?”
Her smile faded. “No, it is not because of your ball that I linger on, brother. It is because of Lady Florence.”
This made his smile disappear. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Have you spoken to her yet?”
Joseph frowned, not wanting her to question him a great deal. “I have every intention of doing so.”
“Then that means you have not.”
He shrugged, trying to ignore the needling concern that lingered in him. “She has not been present for me to do so.”
At this, his sister’s eyes flared. “And you did not think to call upon her? Or even write to her?”
Hesitating, Joseph cleared his throat. “I did not want her to feel in any way awkward. What happened was embarrassing enough, I am sure.”
“But by saying nothing, you have effectively told her that she ought to be embarrassed and, no doubt, made her believe that you are deeply upset and even angry about what took place! Did you not think about that?”
Looking away, Joseph shuffled his feet. These last few days, he had not been at all sure what to do, but neither had he asked anyone for advice.
His own desire had been to find and speak with Lady Florence, but when she had not appeared at any society occasions the last few nights, he had taken it to mean that she did not want to be found.
That, in addition to his own struggles, had made things rather difficult for him and certainly less than clear.
Yes, he supposed he might have written, but he had not been sure as to what to say.
There was a good deal of emotion within his own heart at present, and he had not yet taken the time to carefully sort one from the other.
“You did not think about that.” There was a hint of resignation in Emily’s voice. “My goodness, brother. Can you not simply admit that you care for Lady Florence, that you are almost in love with her already, and therefore, desire to court her? Why must it be so difficult for you?”
Joseph’s mouth fell agape.
“I understand that she does not fulfil every requirement that you might have,” his sister continued, with a wave of her hand and a dismissive shake of her head.
“But you must let such things go. You are far too critical, as well you know. To continue to criticize Lady Florence instead of simply admitting to yourself all that you feel is preposterous. You shall never find happiness that way.”
Unable to find a response, Joseph shut his mouth tightly but could only stare at his sister, lost in a mist of both confusion and doubt. He could not be in love with Lady Florence, surely?
“You look… surprised.” The corner of Emily’s mouth crept up. “You did not think that you could be in love with her?”
“I – I think well of her, yes. I care about her well-being, and I do not want her to be embarrassed over what took place.”
“And you sang with her so that she would not be put to shame in front of the large gathering of guests,” his sister pointed out, “and you made certain to steal her away from Lord Sutherland, hearing that he wanted to waltz with her and, you thought, make it plain that he was interested in pursuing her.”
This made Joseph’s brows pull together. “I would have done the same for you, had you been in such a predicament.”
Her smile blossomed. “I am well aware that you would have done, for you are a good sort. But whilst I am your sister, she is not. So why have you found yourself so defensive of her?”
All that he had said before dried up and blew away. “I am sure that I have told you before that I certainly care for her, but – ”
“But you are not in love with her?” Emily laughed and shook her head. “Of course you are. Or are you still too concerned about what standing you will have and how excellent your wife must be for you to see it?”
Joseph shook his head. “I am not… ” He trailed off, realizing the trap his sister had set for him.
If he was to state that he had no concerns about such things any longer, she would know that it was because of Lady Florence.
And if he denied that he was in love with her, that he cared for her with a deeper intensity than he had left himself admit aloud, then she would ask why he considered Lady Florence so. He would have no answer to that.
“You have never considered the possibility of being in love before, have you?” There was a gentleness in Emily’s voice, a quiet delight that forced him to smile.
“It has not been a consideration of mine, no.” Admitting this, Joseph spread out both hands. “Emily, I do not know what to do.”
“The first thing to do is to realize that you feel more for her than you thought,” his sister told him, her hand taking his arm. “And the second thing to do is to tell her.”
“Lord Applegate, good evening!”
Joseph nodded, doing his best not to grimace. After their last conversation, Joseph did not want to spend much time in Lord Stirling’s company, not after the way he had spoken of Lady Florence. “Lord Stirling, good evening to you also.”
“I was just speaking with Lord Cheswick here,” Lord Stirling continued, clearly unaware of Joseph’s disinclination towards speaking with him. “He has some news which I think you will find most interesting.”
A slight tug of frustration caught Joseph’s heart, but he nodded to Lord Cheswick.
“We have not been introduced, I do not think.” Hearing the beginnings of a carol coming from the piano forte in the corner of the room, he glanced over his shoulder and then looked back at the gentleman. “Lord Stirling, might you – ”
“You say you are not introduced?” Lord Stirling looked confused as Joseph nodded, wondering why Lord Stirling appeared so. “Are you quite certain?”
“Indeed, we are not.” Lord Chester waved one hand vaguely in Lord Stirling’s direction. “If you might, Lord Stirling?”
Lord Stirling ran one hand over his hair. “I am afraid I do not understand, but I shall make the introductions regardless.”
Catching the slow-growing flush creeping up Lord Cheswick’s neck and into his face, Joseph’s frown deepened. There was something amiss here. “Might I ask what you mean, Lord Stirling? Why the confusion?”
Lord Stirling dropped his hand back to his side.
“I thought that you were already introduced, given that Lord Cheswick was at your Christmas ball,” he said, as the color in Lord Cheswick’s face suddenly drained away.
“I must apologize for the misunderstanding, however. Mayhap your sister or brother-in-law invited Lord Cheswick?”
Joseph tilted his head just a little and turned a sharp eye upon Lord Cheswick. “You came to my ball without an invitation?”
A snatch of breath from Lord Stirling spoke of his surprise at hearing this, but Joseph did not lift his gaze from Lord Cheswick.
“You attended without being invited?” he asked again, as Lord Cheswick’s throat bobbled. “Why would you do such a thing?”
“I – I wanted to attend, that is all,” Lord Cheswick answered, his voice catching.
“I apologize, Lord Applegate. It was more than impertinent of me, and I should not have done such a thing. I confess, it was only because I heard everyone in the ton speaking of it and how marvelous it would be that I chose to sneak inside. It was quite wrong of me, I know, but I hope you will forgive me.”
This was a very pretty speech, Joseph considered, but not something that he believed. Lord Cheswick’s eyes had not settled upon his once, continually darting towards him and then away again. Was that the truth? He doubted it, his mind whispering to him that all was not well.
A sudden memory came back to him, and his eyebrows lifted. Was this not the very same gentleman that his sister had spoken to him about? A gentleman who had spoken very improperly to Lady Florence before Emily had been able to steal her away?
“Your news, Lord Cheswick.” Lord Stirling broke the silence, his smile faltering. “I am sure Lord Applegate understands your desire to attend his ball and will easily forgive you for slipping inside without being noticed.”
“Ah yes, of course.” Lord Cheswick cleared his throat and put his hands behind his back, clasping them. “I am now courting Lady Florence. You know of her, Lord Applegate, I know, so I am sure you will wish me happy.”