Prologue
“You are to go to London?”
Hearing the faint surprise in her friend’s voice, Julianna smiled as serenely as she could.
“Yes, Sarah. I am to go to London.”
“But...”
Lady Willingham’s voice faded into silence as a frown ran across her forehead.
“I am dulled by three years alone,” Julianna explained, choosing to be truthful.
“It is not that I am ungrateful for your frequent company – you know how glad I am to see you – but you have two young children and a husband who cares for you a great deal. Your duty is to them, and not to me, even though we are very dear friends.”
Lady Willingham frowned.
“I have enough time for all of you.”
“Which I greatly appreciate, my dear friend, but I must do more than simply live here in one of my late husband’s houses with nothing to do and very few people to see. Besides, it is almost Christmastime, and I should like to be in company for the day itself.”
The frown which had settled onto Lady Willingham’s features did not relent.
Julianna continued to hold her gaze, continuing to smile gently, while a wriggling nervousness ran through her frame.
Perhaps her friend had surmised that there was something more to Julianna’s decision, and was waiting for Julianna herself to declare it.
But I shall not.
“Very well,” Lady Willingham sighed, settling her hands in her lap, and looking to the opposite side of the room in obvious displeasure. “I had hoped that you would join us for Christmas, but now it appears that you are quite determined to go to London!”
“I am,” Julianna agreed, gently, understanding that her friend’s reaction came from a sense of sadness over Julianna’s departure…
and perhaps a fear that their close connection would never be the same again, depending on what happened in London.
“If you wish, you might consider coming to London as well.”
A small smile touched the edge of Lady Willingham’s lips.
“It would be a fine idea but alas, I do not think that my husband and children would be best pleased if I took myself away to London when there is so much to do for Christmastime. I shall miss you a great deal, however.”
“I will miss you as well.”
The tea tray arrived, and Julianna poured the tea for herself and her friend, grateful that Lady Willingham had not taken the news with too much distress.
It would be different for them both, particularly for Julianna, to spend Christmas in London, but it was for the best, she considered.
It had been three years since she had lost her husband.
In that time, she had felt her heart slowly being constricted with the grief, pain, and shadow that had been her almost constant companions.
She had not loved the Earl of Carsington, but he had been a good, kind-hearted gentleman and she had valued his company and appreciated his conversation a great deal.
To be left alone, a little over one year after their marriage, had been a great shock.
Something to do with his heart, the physician had said, and that had been the only explanation she had ever been given.
After her proper mourning period and, thereafter, her removal to a smaller property her husband had owned – and which had been left to her – she had attempted to settle into her life as a newly widowed woman, but it had not sat well with her.
She had never been the type of lady who had been pleased to sit quietly, or to linger at the back of conversations.
Instead, she had reveled in laughter and good company, finding that such things brought a light to her spirit and a happiness to her heart which could not be found in any other circumstances.
Yes, she valued Lady Willingham’s company and friendship a great deal, but it was not the same.
To London she must go.
“Are you quite certain that it is only company you seek in London?”
With a quiet laugh, Julianna handed her friend her cup of tea.
“My dear Sarah, of course it is only fine company – and lots of it! I have been so lacking in such things of late, I find that my heart is quite determined to find it again.”
“Which I can understand,” Lady Willingham replied, quietly, “but I do wonder if you are thinking of matrimony again?”
Julianna shrugged.
“It would be something to consider, certainly.”
“Then you are going to find a husband.”
“No.” Speaking firmly, Julianna settled her gaze firmly on Lady Willingham.
“No, I am not looking for a husband, Sarah. It is something I must consider, certainly, for while my late husband left me this property and a little income each year, it will not be enough to sustain me into my latter years, should I be blessed with them. But I do not go to town with the singular hope that I will catch the eye of a particular gentleman and thereafter, be courted and asked to betrothe myself to him. My sole intention is to find a little of the joy which I had in company before my marriage, that is all.”
Lady Willingham nodded slowly but there was no suspicious gleam in her eye. Obviously, she now believed what Julianna had said.
“Very well. I think it would be wise if you married again, Julianna. You ought to have a husband to care for you – and who could give you children as well, should you wish it. You are young enough and certainly not on the shelf as yet!”
Julianna laughed, her smile spreading across her face as Lady Willingham smiled back, the tension now gone between them.
“Thank you, Sarah, I do appreciate your words of encouragement.”
She smiled again, and then quickly changed the topic of conversation to something a little more banal, keeping the subjects of gentlemen and London as far from Lady Willingham’s lips as she could.
The truth was, she had every hope of catching the eye of a gentleman while she was in London.
This time, however, she was not about to let herself be caught by a merely suitable gentleman.
She was no longer a green girl in her first Season, no longer a young lady seeking her first match.
This time, she was a widow, with property, a small income, and a title.
She had no need to rush into a match, and no need to force herself into a situation where she would marry a gentleman for whom she felt nothing, but who was an appropriate match.
This time, she could take her time, and choose a gentleman for whom her heart felt an affection, and who felt something similar for her in return.
This Christmas in London might bring her many things, but whether it would bring her love was something Julianna could only hope for.