Chapter 2
— chapter two
Standing on the front porch, Leanna thought a minute before she could place her new visitor’s name. She was also New Order Amish but didn’t always attend service in Leanna’s church district. If she remembered correctly, Doreen Beachy lived some distance away from anyone Amish.
“Hello. It’s Doreen, right?”
“Yes, dear. We’ve talked a few times at Brenneman’s. I sometimes come in with Edna Miller.”
A couple of times a week, Leanna was a hostess at the cozy homestyle restaurant. She remembered Doreen well because the woman was always smiling. But that didn’t explain why the woman had shown up at her house. “Were you visiting Edna today?” Edna lived only a few miles away.
Doreen looked amused. “Nee. I had church this morning too. But I did happen to see Edna the other day, and she told me that all the eligible men in the area have descended upon you like flies to honey. I thought I’d come over to see how you were faring.”
Leanna wasn’t faring all that well. But how did one say that? She would sound ungrateful and peevish.
She might be tired of being nice to Zeke, but she hadn’t lost all sense of what was right and wrong. “I am doing well. Thank you for asking.”
Doreen studied her carefully.
In those two seconds, Leanna felt as if she’d been examined from head to toe and found wanting. She gripped the edge of the apron covering her dress and told herself to remain still.
Doreen smiled again. “May I come in?”
The last thing in the world Leanna wanted was another caller. She also wasn’t eager to talk to anyone about all her suitors—especially not someone who would likely report everything she said to Edna.
Sitting alone with only a book for company would be far more preferable.
But she couldn’t say that.
“Of course,” she said as she opened the screen door and ushered Doreen in. “May I get you a cup of kaffi?”
Doreen beamed. “I’d love one. That is, if it’s not too much trouble.”
Leanna was just about to offer Doreen a seat when she noticed that not only were Zeke’s cup and saucer and cookie plate still on the coffee table but he’d left crumbs on the seat cushion. If she pointed it out, she would look messy and unhospitable.
There was only one thing to do. “Would you like to join me in the kitchen?”
Understanding filled the older woman’s eyes. “Of course, dear. You get your cup, I’ll get your caller’s.”
As they walked to the kitchen, Leanna could practically feel Doreen taking stock of the surroundings. The worn couch, her shelves of books, the clean baseboards. The deep scar on the wooden floor from when Willis’s temper had gotten the best of him.
When Doreen stared at the floor’s mark for a good two seconds, Leanna felt her cheeks heat. Boy, she hoped the woman wouldn’t stay too long. It felt as if Doreen could see too much. “Please have a seat at the table. The coffee is fresh. Do you take cream or sugar?”
“Both, please.”
Still feeling out of sorts, she added, “I have peanut butter cookies too. Would you care for some?”
“I would.” Looking completely delighted, Doreen added, “I’ve heard stories about your baked goods.”
“Oh?” Leanna placed the plate of cookies on the table.
“Oh, jah. Someone said that they heard one of your callers came over for your beauty but returned for the snacks.”
“Who said that?”
“I’m not sure,” Doreen said with a shrug. “It was most likely Edna, I reckon. She is a fan of your desserts.”
“She is easy to please.” Edna was her oldest friend. Well, they’d been close years ago. Before Willis had begun to regulate her movements. Before Edna had birthed four children and they had so little in common.
“Is she?” Doreen asked.
It was a strange question. Worse, she had no good answer.
Leanna pulled out a fresh cup and saucer and frowned as she compared her life with Edna’s.
They’d married the same year, but as years passed, their paths in life had veered off in different directions.
Or maybe it was a case of Edna building onto her strong family tree while Leanna’s had seemed determined to wither and die.
“Edna is a good woman. Happy and content,” she murmured as she prepared Doreen’s coffee. “Jah, easy to please.”
“Hmm,” Doreen said.
What did that mean?
Deciding it didn’t matter, Leanna handed Doreen her cup of coffee as well as a fresh napkin. After fetching her own cup, she joined Doreen at last.
“How many times has Zeke come calling on you?” Doreen asked.
“Today was his first visit.”
“Do you expect him to return soon?”
“Nee.” It was tempting to share Zeke’s declaration about her unsuitability, but it wasn’t wise. A woman’s reputation was everything.
“Forgive me for sounding invasive, but have any of your callers caught your interest?”
“Nee.” Feeling defensive and at a disadvantage, Leanna straightened her spine. “I’m not sure why my visitors are of interest to you.” Surely Doreen would agree that the two of them were practically strangers.
“They aren’t. Not really.” Doreen chomped down on a cookie, chewed, and swallowed. Sighed in happiness. “These cookies are incredible, dear. So delicious. I’ve always considered peanut butter cookies to be a rather unappreciated treat. It’s easy to make them dry and brittle, don’t you think?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Yours, on the other hand, are bite-sized works of art. They’re moist and soft, yet not too sweet or chewy. They’re just right.” She chuckled. “They’re like the Goldilocks of cookies.”
“Thank you.” She sipped her coffee. She appreciated the compliment, but it seemed awfully excessive for a simple cookie.
Glancing out the window, she allowed her mind to wander.
Perhaps when she was finally alone, she could put on her comfortable flannel dress.
And, since it had become chilly in the last hour, maybe put on her old thick, black stockings with the darned heels.
Then maybe she could go outside. Breathe in the cold early-spring air full of the smell of new life.
Take a short walk. Finally sit down and enjoy the quiet.
Doreen cleared her throat, bringing Leanna’s attention back to her. “Yes. These cookies are mighty gut. Delicious. I’m so glad I stopped by.”
“It was kind of you to do so.” She scooted to the edge of her seat. Maybe Doreen had only come over for a snack.
Doreen took another bite, washed it down with a sip of coffee, and then daintily wiped her lips. “Leanna, may I be blunt?”
“Jah.”
“From the moment we first met, I couldn’t help but think what a lovely woman you are. So proper and ladylike. My husband would’ve said you were a catch.”
“Danke.”
“However, I happened to notice that you never flirt with any of the men at Brenneman’s. Truly, you never seem to give any man more than a cursory look.”
“I am a widow.”
“Forgive me, but when did your husband die?”
“On January second. Of last year.”
“Just after the new year.”
“Yes.”
“And when did the suitors begin to arrive?”
“The middle of last month.”
“And here we are in March.”
“Jah, it is March.” Leanna knew her voice had turned impatient, but she felt as if she had every reason to be that way. The barrage of questions was becoming offensive.
Obviously hearing Leanna’s sharp tone, Doreen looked a little shamefaced.
“Forgive me if I’m overstepping myself. But something told me that maybe you aren’t in quite as big of a hurry to remarry as some of the men around here might be imagining.
” Folding her hands neatly in her lap, she asked, “Am I right?”
Doreen had come calling without an invitation and had just asked her a round of rather intrusive questions. However, she was not wrong. Even though Leanna had always yearned to be a mother, she was not eager to get married again.
Before Leanna could stop herself, she nodded.
Doreen’s unusual hazel eyes brightened, as if she’d just gotten a particularly tricky crossword puzzle hint correct. “I knew it.”
A sense of unease filled her. “How did you know?”
“Because, my dear, I am a lot like you. I’m a widow too, you see. Not a recent one, I’m afraid. My Mike died thirteen years ago.” When she smiled again, her bottom lip quivered. “He was a wonderful man. The best of men. I adored him.” Regaining her composure, she winked. “Better yet, he adored me.”
As eager as she was for the woman to sip the last of her coffee and go home, Leanna couldn’t help but smile. “You were blessed.”
“Yes, dear, I was.” She took a deep breath, then added, “When my Mike died, I knew I lost the love of my life. I knew it.”
“I’m sorry.” Something inside of Leanna twisted painfully.
For a little while, she’d been sure that she could eventually love Willis too.
They’d known each other for years when he started courting.
She’d been so eager to be married that she barely listened to her mother’s advice about love and marriage.
Even when she warned that Willis would probably never change his controlling ways, Leanna hadn’t listened.
Sure, Willis had seemed to like supervising her, but he’d said it was to keep her safe.
She’d mistakenly thought his protectiveness was out of love.
Their wedding was huge. Willis seemed happy. At first, they were happy together. Well, maybe not happy, but she’d almost been content. So had Willis. However, there still seemed to be something missing. At least from her perspective.
When she dared tell her mother her feelings, she warned Leanna that marriage was a lifetime commitment and that she should concentrate on raising children. That a houseful of kinner would fill that empty space in her heart.
Except those children never came.
When her parents sold their farm to a developer and moved into her brother’s dawdi haus in Missouri, things in her marriage got worse.
Willis grew frustrated with her. When it was obvious that she was barren, Leanna’s spirits plummeted. She became depressed. Even began to believe that something was wrong with her. Or maybe that she wasn’t good enough to be a mother.
She began to doubt herself in everything.