Chapter 23
— chapter twenty-three
Leanna wasn’t sure how it happened, but word had gotten around town that she was welcoming callers again. She supposed that was the case, though she was pretty sure that “welcoming” wasn’t the best descriptor for how she felt.
Perhaps “accepting” might be a better word. Or, in this case, “tolerating” would just about cover it.
She supposed it didn’t matter what things were called, all she knew was that she and her current visitor didn’t have much to say to each other. They were biding their time as the clock on her wall ticked above their heads.
Leanna loved being Amish. She loved everything about that life.
The peace. The quiet. Their faith. The continuity of the generations.
But at the moment, she wouldn’t mind being English.
Surely no Englisher widow would willingly consent to sit quietly while her caller sat across the room and stared at her.
It was so very uncomfortable.
Worse than the thick silence.
As surreptitiously as she dared, Leanna sneaked another peek at the grandfather clock on the wall.
Edmund Yoder had been at her house for twenty minutes.
God willing, he would only stay another ten before going on his way.
Ten minutes was nothing. She could handle that.
Feeling better, she allowed her lips to curve up a bit.
Edmund noticed. “Leanna?”
“Jah?”
He uncrossed his ankles. Shifted so he was now resting his elbows on his knees. He looked directly at her. “I must apologize. I’m sure you don’t know what to think of my silence.”
That wasn’t exactly true. She had a lot of opinions about his silence. She also had quite a few thoughts about the way he was studying her. None that she was willing to share out loud, though.
Edmund was nice enough, she supposed. There was no reason for her to go out of her way to hurt his feelings.
So instead of sharing her thoughts, she murmured, “Is there a reason you are so quiet, Edmund?”
“Jah.” Looking rather put upon, he shifted again. Then ran a hand over his face. She noticed that his beard was grayer than his hair, and there were more than a few lines around his eyes.
After clearing his throat, he spoke. “You see, the problem is that Willis and I didn’t exactly get along.”
She felt as if he’d just shot a rubber band across the room and zapped her on the wrist. She blinked. “Pardon me?”
Edmund visibly winced. “Pardon me. I’m sure you are shocked. I’m rather shocked at myself. I am not comfortable speaking ill of the dead. However, I’m trying to be honest and forthright.” Still looking at her directly, he added, “Please don’t be offended.”
“I’m not offended.” She was confused but not offended. Most of the men who came over never mentioned Willis at all.
He leaned back. Seemed to relax. “If you ain’t offended, then I’m relieved.”
This was all very surprising. For the first time in what felt like forever, she was intrigued. “Edmund, if it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer an honest conversation. What is on your mind?”
He swallowed, stood up, and faced the fireplace. Turned around and faced her again. “Leanna, I’m just going to say it. I always thought you deserved better than Willis. He wasn’t a reputable businessman. Not in my estimation, at least. I also never approved of the way he treated you.”
“Oh?”
“I thought he took you for granted.”
A second passed. She realized that he seemed to expect her to respond. “Oh,” she said. When he continued to stare, she blurted the first thing she could think of to fill the gap. “My goodness.”
Edmund looked pained. “Listen, don’t be mad. I just . . . well, I was just sitting in that chair there, hoping that Willis didn’t use to sit there too.”
“I didn’t know that was what you were thinking.” This conversation had just turned on its side, and she was attempting to hold on. She needed to respond in some sort of real way, so she murmured, “I am not mad.”
“Did he sit in this chair?”
Edmund was looking at the thing with such a look of distaste, Leanna was tempted to smile. “Nee, Edmund. Willis never sat there.”
“Never?”
“Jah.” She lifted her chin. “I . . . well, I sold his chair, you see.”
And just like that, his eyes sparkled with something that sure looked like amusement. “Good for you.”
Almost against her will, she felt something brighten inside of her. Edmund was much different than she’d realized. And his eyes . . . well, they were an unusual shade of dark blue. They looked almost gray.
“Please tell me that you aren’t wishing me to perdition.”
Entertained, she shook her head. “I am not. I’m . . . ah, attempting to keep up. This conversation of ours has taken a strange turn. It’s not what I expected.”
Taking a seat again, Edmund nodded. “I agree.” Bracing his elbows on his knees, he murmured, “Leanna, I am thirty-nine, make a good living as a blacksmith, and have a house in good repair. I am kind to animals and a favorite uncle to my nieces and nephews. I don’t yell and I don’t expect a woman to constantly be cooking, cleaning, and seeing to my needs. ”
“What do you expect of a wife?”
“I want her to be happy.” Averting his eyes, he said, “I would hope she would find happiness being a wife and mother.”
“You want children?” Against her will, her heart seemed to beat faster.
“I do. Very much.” Still leaning forward, still gazing at her intently, he said, “Do you want children, Leanna?”
“Jah.” Her mouth was suddenly dry. She swallowed. “I mean, yes. Yes, I do.” Before she could stop herself, she added, “I’m older than you. I’m forty-one.”
“I knew you were a few years older.”
“Many women have children in their early forties, but not too many have their first after forty, I reckon. You should know that God might have other plans for me.”
“Or perhaps His plans have been with you all along. Maybe just not Willis.”
His statement startled a smile. “You sound so sure.”
“I wouldn’t have come over if I wasn’t sure about my feelings for you. What do you think, Leanna? Would you be willing to spend some time with me? In the hopes that we might discover if we suit?”
Edmund was looking at her intently. So intently that she felt a little out of sorts. “This is unexpected,” she murmured.
“What is?”
“I didn’t expect to want to see you again.” Thinking of how much Evan’s quick retreat had hurt, she added, “I was starting to believe that I’d live the rest of my life alone.”
“That’s a long time to be alone, ain’t so?”
“Jah.”
He leaned back. “Does this mean you’ve changed your mind?”
“Maybe? I’m not sure. But I would like to have a child one day.” Hesitantly, she added, “I would also like to imagine that life with you would be very different than one with Willis.”
“I canna promise the future, but I can assure you that life with me would be very different than with Willis. Your happiness would be my goal, Leanna. Please believe that.”
“I believe you.”
“May I come over again?”
He was not who she’d thought she wanted. This discussion was not anything she’d ever anticipated.
But few things in life were, she decided. The Lord was in charge of her future. Not her.
She stood up. “Jah, Edmund Yoder, you may come calling again. I would like us to get to know each other better.”
“Danke, Leanna.” He crossed the room, took her hand, and squeezed her palm gently after he pressed both of his around it. “I’ll return in a few days’ time.”
Looking at their joined hands, she whispered, “I have plans on Thursday. Just to let you know.”
“I’ll return on a different day, then. I’ll look forward to it.”
“As will I.”
Edmund smiled at her, then walked to the door, lifted his coat off the hook, and saw himself out.
Leanna stood in the doorway and watched Edmund get on his electric bicycle and pedal off. He never looked back once.
To her surprise, she decided she didn’t mind that. It was nice to stare at his retreating form while she wondered if she’d made the right decision.
“Gott, You sure are full of surprises,” she whispered.
As the breeze brushed her face, she could almost hear the Lord reply that she hadn’t seen anything yet.
She wasn’t sure what to think about that.