Chapter 33
— chapter thirty-three
She’d done it. It had taken her hours, but with every ounce of energy she had, Leanna had been able to move herself down the creek’s bank and eventually cross through the cold water.
To her surprise, wading through the creek was actually the easiest part. The icy water felt good on her ankle, and her limbs moved easier with the current’s help.
She stayed in the creek a few extra seconds. Though the water was cold, it felt fresh and clean. Realizing how thirsty she was, Leanna cupped her hands and took a tentative sip. It tasted as good as it looked. Unable to stop herself, she took several more sips.
Of course, she then paid the price when she climbed out.
Her dress and stockings were soaking wet and felt twice as heavy because of the water they held.
A silver lining was that her ankle felt slightly better, thanks to being submerged in the cold water.
Though she still felt sharp flashes of pain when she attempted to put weight on her ankle, they weren’t quite as blinding.
Even though her muscles were screaming and she was shivering uncontrollably, she forced herself to start climbing out of the ravine. Though it was easier to ascend here than in the spot where she’d come down, it was still difficult.
Each of her movements felt painfully slow.
Fear coursed through her as well. Every snap of a twig and rustle of leaves made her freeze or flinch. She was sure that she was either going to see some scary stranger or a wild animal.
After several hours passed, every muscle in her body was protesting. She was exhausted. When she spied a fairly flat area under the protection of a clump of juniper bushes, Leanna gave in and collapsed.
When she woke again, the sky looked different. She tried to stare at the sun, to gauge just how long she’d slept, but it was impossible to tell.
When she sat up, it felt as if every muscle in her body had frozen into place. Even moving an inch brought tears to her eyes.
As she shivered uncontrollably, she suddenly remembered Bumble. He had been alone this whole time. Just imagining him hungry or scared made her spirits plummet once again.
She closed her eyes as sleep overtook her once again.
When she woke up again, it felt as if her eyelids no longer worked.
It was hard to see anything. At first, she thought another day had passed, but now she was starting to think it was her eyes that were the problem. She was exhausted. She’d also cried more tears than she’d ever thought possible. There was a good chance her eyes were halfway swollen shut.
She wasn’t sure if her vision even mattered anymore. So much of the rest of her hurt and felt heavy and swollen. Or maybe she was just waterlogged, she thought wryly. Yes, she was so very wet and it was unlikely her clothes would dry anytime soon.
“Why did you ever decide to go to the park, anyway?” she chastised herself. “It was so stupid.”
Leanna winced. She could practically feel the Lord’s disapproval with her. She shouldn’t feel so negative. That wasn’t good. It wasn’t how He created her to be. She was supposed to believe in Him and be sure that He was going to help her get through this difficult journey.
But she just wasn’t sure if she had any hope left.
Especially because she couldn’t figure out how to change the situation she was in.
That was the problem, she guessed.
There were many days during her marriage that she’d felt hopeless, but she had never blamed anyone other than herself for her situation.
She’d wanted to marry Willis. Even when her mother sat her down and expressed her concerns about him.
Reminded her that marriage vows were important and sacred and that they couldn’t be easily broken.
That she had to be sure she loved Willis with all her heart.
She’d said that she did. Even though she knew that she wasn’t deeply in love. But she thought the feelings she did have for him would be enough.
She soon learned that those faint feelings weren’t enough when their dreams hadn’t come true. They’d begun to live separate lives, all while doing their best to honor their marriage vows.
She had honored them. She’d forsaken all others and honored him. She’d taken care of him both in sickness and in health. She’d been his wife until his death. Even though there were many days when each of them wasn’t all that happy, she’d never broken those vows.
In the months since Willis’s death, after she’d had many days to reflect on her mistakes, she allowed herself to blame Willis. She certainly blamed herself for not being better. But she never blamed the Lord.
But she was starting to feel like maybe He was mad at her now.
The part of her brain that still seemed to be functioning clearly protested these thoughts. In a moment of clarity, she sensed God’s presence. Reminding her that He was a God who didn’t seek vengeance. He was with her. Guiding her. Reminding her that He was always there.
“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, Leanna,” she said. “Stop looking for reasons to be meek and start helping yourself.”
“Help!” she called out. Even to her ears, her cry sounded weak. Maybe no louder than a kitten’s mewl. Surely she could do better.
Taking a deeper breath, she called out again. “Can anyone hear me? I’m down here! I need help!”
She was pleased that she’d been loud enough to be heard. Every muscle tensed, her senses listening for any noise from above. Any motion.
Any answering call.
But she heard nothing. She slumped. What if no one ever heard her?
Hopelessness settled in, seemingly ready to dig a hole in her heart. She’d been stranded for so long.
Flashes of Evan’s smile appeared in her mind, followed by the laughter and comfort she found among the many women she’d befriended at the club meetings.
On the heels of that were the memories from the evening she’d spent at Evan’s house. His boys and their families had been delightful. Closing her eyes, she could remember the heat coming off the fire. The way the youngest had crawled toward her and she’d picked her up with a laugh.
She’d felt wanted. No, she’d felt as if she belonged. And she had.
And now . . . was it all gone? Was she going to die here? Forgotten?
No. No, she was not.
Gathering her last bit of strength, she called out, “Help! Someone please help me!”
But as hard as she tried to hear something, only silence surrounded her.