Prologue
Was there a worse month than October? Jenna Graber didn’t think so.
As far as she was concerned, October was such a middling thing.
No longer warm, not really cold. The vegetables in her garden had been harvested, washed, and canned.
But the field where they once grew looked ravaged.
The formerly neat rows were unkempt and the ground was empty.
Barren.
Jenna swallowed as she realized that she hadn’t been looking at her garden but the spot on the hill where Jimmy was buried. The dirt covering his casket was still not smooth.
It was Jimmy’s grave that looked unkempt and scarred. It was much like her insides felt. So twisted and pained.
She wondered if they always would.
“I think that’s everything, Jenna.”
Startled, she focused on the present again. Atle Weaver was walking along her front walkway wearing a somber expression.
“I made sure to tell the boys to pick up every piece of trash and carry it off with them,” he continued. “Don’t you worry about that none.”
Atle’s wife, Rebeccah, strode to his side. “I put all the leftovers in containers and placed them in your refrigerator, dear,” she said with a pleased-looking smile. “Why, you won’t have to worry about feeding Katie for the next week.”
The couple were now standing directly in front of her.
Realizing they were waiting for a response, Jenna stood up.
She’d been sitting on the front steps of her porch ever since the auction ended.
She wanted to stay out of the way while friends, neighbors, and strangers carted off Jimmy’s things.
In a matter of hours all his tools and clothes had been purchased.
So had his fancy courting buggy and Lightning, that cantankerous gelding she’d never liked.
She drew a breath, then stopped. Stared at the couple. What was she supposed to say now? She had no idea.
As another second passed, some of the light in Rebeccah’s kind gray eyes faded. “Jenna? Are you okay?”
No, she was not. Jimmy had died in an accident at the lumber mill where he worked. She was twenty-four, a widow, and mother to a grieving four-year-old daughter. In addition, the last of Jimmy’s personal belongings had just been sold at an auction barely a week after she’d buried him in the ground.
All she had left of her husband was the flannel shirt she’d tucked under her pillow and a heart full of memories. That was it. So she was far from okay.
But no one wanted to hear that.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she lied. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. I’m grateful.”
“It’s what Jimmy would’ve wanted us to do,” Atle said. “He would’ve hated it if no one was looking out for you.”
“Yes.” It felt as if she had cotton in her mouth. Talking was an effort.
Rebeccah fussed with the edge of her dress’s apron as she continued to study Jenna’s expression. “Where is Katie?”
“She is with Jimmy’s parents. They took her home with them early.” Katie had been bored and kept asking why everyone was playing with her father’s tools.
“Oh. That was probably better.”
“Jah.” Realizing they were seeking a sign that she was all right so they could leave, Jenna cleared her throat. “It has been a long day. I . . . I think I’d like to lay down for a spell. If you don’t mind.”
Relief lit Atle’s eyes. “Of course not. We should get on home ourselves.”
“Indeed. Why, the kinner are probably wondering why I’m not working on supper.” Rebeccah smiled at Jenna. “Children are always hungry.”
Jenna folded her arms across her chest. Wished that she was wearing one of Jimmy’s old sweatshirts over her dress like she used to do. He’d loved that.
So had she.
The couple turned around and at last walked to their buggy, which Atle had parked on her drive. Jenna watched Atle help Rebeccah in then loosen the horse’s leads before climbing in as well.
Moments later, the horse was leading them toward the road. Jimmy’s old coat, boots, and a set of screwdrivers were in the back of the buggy. Jenna had heard all of it was for their eldest son, who’d just turned sixteen.
Alone at last, Jenna scanned the area one last time. The tent that had been raised was gone. The tables holding refreshments had been put away. And, true to his word, Atle had made sure there wasn’t a speck of trash to be seen. The field was empty.
Grateful to still be feeling numb, Jenna walked back up the five front-porch steps, through the entryway, and into the living room. It was dark and silent.
She lived in a cozy house. There was one sitting area, one dining area, and a serviceable kitchen on the bottom floor.
Upstairs were two bedrooms and a bathroom.
She and Jimmy used to joke that their house was big enough for three but far too small for four.
He’d promised to add another room when she got pregnant again.
Now there wouldn’t be a need for that.
For the first time, she wished Jimmy had gone ahead and built that extra bedroom they’d talked about. She hadn’t been able to sleep in their bed yet. Instead, she rested as much as she could on the couch.
After slipping off her tennis shoes, Jenna unfolded an old quilt, wrapped it around herself, and lay down. Closed her eyes. Prayed for sleep.
It didn’t come. Instead, she tried to think of something to look forward to. Maybe the first snow? A piece of her mother’s pumpkin pie? Katie’s darling chatter? She so loved to ask questions about things Jenna didn’t know the answers to.
Jenna was still attempting to think of something to lift her spirits when she heard footsteps on her porch. A pause and then, at last, two knocks on the door.
She didn’t want to answer it but didn’t want anyone to look in the window and see her lying on the couch either. People would talk.
Shaking her dress out as she hurried to the door, she tried not to care that her white kapp was likely wrinkled and crushed. She’d forgotten to unpin it before she lay down.
“Yes?” she asked as she pulled open the door and, far too belatedly, attempted to collect herself. “Oh. Mr. Harper! I’m sorry. Hello.” Her cheeks heated. She knew better than to greet Jimmy’s boss with such poor manners.
“It’s Nelson, Jenna. Please.” Before she could respond, he held up a paper bag with handles. The name of a fancy English grocery store was printed on the side. “I hope you don’t mind, but I brought you a care package of sorts.”
When Jenna reached for it, he shook his head. “Oh no. It’s heavy. If you’ll allow me, I’ll put it on your kitchen counter.”
She stepped backward to let him enter. “The kitchen is right over there.” She cringed in embarrassment yet again. It was obvious where the kitchen was.
Without a word, Nelson carried the bag in, walked it to the counter, and then turned back to where Jenna stood in the doorway.
“There’s chips, pretzels, dried fruit, chocolate, and a slice of apple spice cake.” He frowned. “Oh, there’s a coloring book, crayons, two cans of soda, and a magazine inside too.”
The contents he listed were so random, Jenna was almost tempted to smile. “All of that sounds very un-Amish-like, Nelson.”
He looked down at his feet as he chuckled softly. “I took a guess and thought that there might come a day in the next week or so when the last thing you want is another casserole.”
He was right. “That is thoughtful of you. Thank you for thinking of me.”
Nelson met her gaze before averting his eyes yet again. “There’s no need to thank me. You’ve been on my mind.”
“Oh?”
“I mean because of the auction.” Looking pained, he added, “I meant to say, I heard Jimmy’s auction was today.”
“It was.”
His hazel eyes scanned her face. Seemed to see something he liked. “It’s a relief to have it over, yes?” he asked in a gentle tone. “I mean, it’s just a memory now, right?”
She nodded. “It is a relief. To be honest, I’ve been dreading this morning for days.”
“I would feel the same way.” In a soft voice, he added, “You’ll be glad to not worry about it when you wake up tomorrow morning.”
“I imagine so.”
Nelson scanned her face again. Swallowed. “Well . . . I should let you go.” After shooting her a soft, sad smile, he turned and headed down the steps.
“Wait. Ah, Nelson, was that the only reason you came by? To drop off the food?”
Turning to face her, he shook his head. “No. I wanted to check on you too. I know you aren’t okay, but I wanted to make sure that auction didn’t get the best of you.”
“Thank you for thinking of me.”
Pure compassion filled his features before he seemed to collect himself again. “Please take care, Jenna. And remember, if you need anything—anything at all—I’m just a phone call away.”
“I won’t forget.”
He smiled at her again before he got in his fancy black Suburban and started the ignition.
She watched him carefully turn his vehicle around then head back down the drive.
After she closed the door, lay back down, and stared off into nothing once again, Jenna realized that at long last, she’d found something to look forward to.
Nelson had been right. The auction was no longer looming in the distance. It was over. Tomorrow might feel a little bit easier than today.
It wasn’t much, but it was enough.