Chapter 17
Marissa
“Stop bouncing your leg,” Hawk warns me in a low tone while keeping his eyes on the door.
We’re at the Friendly Fork, waiting to meet my son’s potential nanny. My nerves are frayed despite his repeated reassurances. I debate taking DJ out of his stroller again.
That’s when I see her. The short, black hair, the green field jacket, the familiar wide smile.
“Molly!” I scream, and she claps her hands together and laughs with her whole body. “Did you know it was me?”
“I pieced it together after speaking to Aunt Dana,” she admits as she pulls me into a hug.
“Molly’s dad is the Wolves’ Prez, and she was a student at the high school where I worked, so we’ve known each other for a while,” I tell Hawk.
That’s when I remember the background check he ran on her.
I swat him on the shoulder. “You should have told me!”
“And ruin the surprise? No way.”
“How did you know it would be a nice surprise?” I ask with narrowed eyes.
“I have my ways,” he says theatrically.
“This is Hawk, he’s my… he’s… we live with him, DJ and I,” I finally remember my manners.
Luckily, Hawk doesn’t miss a beat as he stands up to shake Molly’s hand.
“Nice to meet you, Molly.”
“Likewise,” Molly replies. “Hey, DJ, how are you doing?” She says, shaking my son’s little hand, too.
She takes off her jacket, drapes it over the back of her chair, and sits down. Today’s shirt only says James Baldwin.
“What brings you to Phoenix, Molly?” Hawk asks.
“My stepdad’s job, but I would have moved for University anyway. This way, I applied for spring admission.”
“No offense, but you don’t look like the type that goes into Early Childhood Education,” Hawk tells her, and she laughs.
“I’ve given a lot of thought about where I can potentially make the biggest impact in terms of social change, and young, impressionable minds are it.”
“You’re not wrong,” Hawk says with a smile. “What is the change you’d like to see?”
Molly sighs like she’s seen some shit. “More equality, less racism, less misogyny, more love.”
There’s so much approval and admiration in Hawk’s face that, for a moment, I’m terrified that he’ll develop a crush on her. It’s a documented thing, men and babysitters, ask anyone. Besides, she’s beautiful and smart and edgy; she’d make a much better addition to the club.
I want to cry, but I also feel like an absolute monster. This is a girl who can’t be more than 18, and this is Hawk we’re talking about. I know he’s not like that. I know.
Like you knew what Dylan was like, a really mean voice inside me whispers.
Aaaand the bitterness is back. I will myself to keep it together.
You’re interviewing a babysitter for your son, for heaven’s sake!
We chat about life, how we’re both adjusting to the move, Molly’s classes, and soon, Hawk has to go back to work.
“So?” Molly asks me as soon as he’s gone. “When did this happen?”
“When did what happen?” I ask, genuinely confused.
“You and Hawk!” She whisper-yells, turning around immediately to see if he’s out of earshot.
“We’re not… I’m staying with him until… It’s complicated,” I tell her.
“Pff, yeah, right. I’m not stupid, you know. I have eyes.”
It’s mortifying that my crush is this obvious to someone seeing me interact with Hawk for the first time. I need to avoid spending so much time around him unless I want him to notice it, too.
“Well, you should get them checked, because we’re not together.”
“Not for lack of interest,” Molly says pointedly. “But whatever, I’m not here to interpret the male brain for you. I’m here to talk about a job.”
“That’s right,” I say, relieved that she’s dropping it.
*
“Nervous?” Hawk asks me as he walks me to the autoshop for my first day of work.
“It’s like I’ve transferred to a new school and all the other kids are already friends with each other,” I admit nervously.
“Maybe the kids in this class are,” Hawk says as he gently lifts the strap of my tote that has slid down my arm. “But you have a friend over in the senior class at Blue Security, and we can hang out during recess.”
I laugh as warmth spreads through my chest. It does feel very high school, this moment. I want him to drape his jacket around my shoulders, and I want to pass notes back and forth.
I shake my head at myself. Why am I thinking about this now, when I should be focusing on doing a good job?
“Okay, I’ll see you at home,” I tell Hawk, and he gives me the biggest smile.
“Good luck!”
“Welcome to PitStop, Marissa!” Lucy greets me in the bright reception and waiting area.
Through a glass window that takes up half the wall, I can see the bays and the cars being worked on, but I can’t hear any of the tools.
Her friendly demeanour immediately makes me feel better.
“Hi, Lucy, thank you. Happy to be here.”
Lucy spends the morning showing me around and introducing me to the people I don’t know. I meet Hammer and Bob, who work on both cars and bikes, and Johnny, who’s a moto tech. Phil and Johnny are service advisors, whereas Lola does custom paint jobs and only comes in when she has an order.
“Only Hammer and Tank are Chasers; the others are civilians,” Lucy whispers before explaining the shop’s layout to me.
“This is the diagnostic area, and over there we have the two quick service bays. Oil changes, tires, that kind of stuff. The heavy-duty ones for major repairs are in the back. That door leads to the storage area where they keep parts and the like, and this is the break area, where you can have a snack or a cup of coffee away from the noise and the fumes. Most of us eat lunch in the diner, but you can also pack your lunch and eat it in here,” Lucy tells me as she holds the door of the break room open so I can see the tables and the vending machines.
“Okay. Whose office is that?”
“Tank’s. See how he has a clear view of the front and the floor from over there?” I nod. “Let’s go back to reception, so I can show you how to use the phone system.”
Before I know it, it’s 1 PM, and when I leave PitStop, Hawk is waiting for me outside. My heart does a stupid little fluttering thing.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask him.
“I was going to walk home for lunch, so I figured we could go together.”
“Okay,” I say, suppressing the desire to tell him every little detail about my first day. “How was your day?”
“I should be asking you that,” Hawk tells me with a strange expression on his face. “Did you have a nice first day?”
“I did. Lucy was showing me around and introducing me to everyone.”
“Do you think you like it?” Hawk asks.
“It’s too soon to tell,” I tell him. “Lola said I can shadow her for two days, too, so we’ll see. It felt good, though, not to be sitting around at home, feeling useless.”
“Did you really feel useless?” Hawk asks me.
I don’t want to talk about that, so I just pop my shoulder. “Do you think DJ had a nice time with Molly?”
Hawk watches me for a while, then pulls his lanyard out from under his shirt to let us into the compound.
“Let’s find out.”
On Tuesday, the phone at work rings, and after a minute, Lucy hands the receiver to me with a big grin. “It’s for you.”
I frown in confusion. “Hello?”
“Hi, Marissa, it’s Jameela. Subhi’s wife. We met at the club party.”
“Of course, Jameela, hi.”
“Hawk told Subhi we can reach you here. I wanted to see if you were free one weekend to get our boys together for a playdate.”
My heart jumps at the thought of DJ having a little friend. “Oh my God, absolutely, thank you so much. Can you give me your cell number, and I’ll text you this afternoon?”
“Sure,” Jameela says, and when I hang up, I clutch the paper with her number to my chest.
On Wednesday, Hawk drives me to court on our lunch hour so I can file the custody forms and pay the fee, and then to the DCSS office to submit the child support request.
“All done?” Hawk asks when I come out of the building.
I nod. It’s like something died. I don’t say anything for the rest of the drive.
On Friday morning, I’m faced with the same old issue: what to wear to work. I don’t have many office-appropriate clothes, and the ones I do don’t fit right. They are all pre-DJ things.
Lucy has an amazing sense of style and looks like a vintage diva most days. She is a bigger girl, but she won the genetic lottery, so all the weight is in her breasts, ass, and thighs. Mine mostly pools in my mid-section.
I look away from the mirror. The haircut I gave myself in a moment of desperation and heartbreak isn’t easy to style either. I should ask Lucy where she gets her hair done.
When I get to work, Mushroom is there, talking to Lola.
“Hi,” I greet them.
“Hey, Rissy,” Mushroom responds breezily. “How is it going? Are you excited about working with us next week?”
“I am,” I tell her truthfully. “What’s the dress code over there like? Is this okay?” I gesture to my outfit.
“Depends who you’re asking,” Lola laughs. “Daphne looks like a corporate superstar every day, but Shroomie here dresses like a hobo.”
“Hey,” Mushroom says as she punches her shoulder. “You look okay, but if you ever want to have a shopping day, count me in,” she tells me.
“Who’s going shopping?” Lucy says as she approaches us.
“We are, Rissy and I, next payday, wanna come with?” Mushroom says, looking between Lucy and Lola.
I don’t contradict her. I’m too busy being excited by this opportunity.
“Deal,” Lucy says.
Lola declines. “No, thanks. I’m saving up for a down payment, and I don’t need fancy clothes for work, so you ladies go ahead.”
“I’m gonna text Dana too,” Mushroom exclaims before leaving.
I spend exactly one hour smiling before all hell breaks loose.