Chapter 10
Kat
Goddamn him. Why did he have to be so difficult? Why make this impossible for me when I wanted it so much?
Usually, with sex, I could take it or leave it. So if I crashed and burned, whatever. No biggie.
But with Ethan, it was huge. He’d snatched me up out of my normal life like a rapacious bird.
Carried me off to his mountain stronghold.
I cared, this time. I cared desperately.
I wanted this to work. I deserved this. One night that somehow wasn’t ruined by what had happened that long-ago night, and what it had done to my life.
I’d had so much taken away. My mother, my sisters, my cat.
My life, my town, my name, my identity. The trappings of a normal life.
Parents to bitch about. Skinny dipping in the moonlight.
A trip to Vegas with the girls, a first kiss, a first boyfriend.
Romance. A family of my own. None of that stuff was in the cards for me, ever.
Besides, I wasn’t the kind of person who could be a mother, after what had happened to me. All my soft bits were burned away, leaving just the hard metal frame beneath.
The Petruzzis were going to find me eventually. When they did, I would die. But I was by God going to take my golden chance to get nailed properly by a big gorgeous guy who set my hormones ablaze before the inevitable happened.
Problem was, I couldn’t keep myself safe behind my shield. Ethan was smart, and hungry, and he craved surrender, yielding, opening. And I had no freaking clue how to give it to him. I didn’t even know where to begin.
I shook my head, helplessly. “I don’t know how.”
The truth sounded so stupid. Something that was so easy for other people, just relaxing and enjoying a good afternoon lay, letting someone else take the lead…for me that scenario was fraught with peril and confusion. I felt ignorant and clouded.
“You actually do,” he said. “Just remember what your body already knows.”
I gulped back my laughter. Such conviction in his voice. Hah. “You just met me a few hours ago,” I told him. “And I’ve already made you bleed twice. That’s an awfully confident statement for a guy who almost lost an earlobe.”
“I’m willing to risk it,” he said. “I want to make you come, and I want it to be deep. I want you floating on air. Soft, like your bones are made of rubber. Ready to have lemon profiteroles hand-fed to you, to give you the strength to do it all again.”
Wow. The guy had more self-confidence than I’d ever seen in one place before.
“Um.” I swallowed. “That sounds nice. But I’ve got this wall-of-thorns thing happening, and I don’t know the spell to let you through it. So you might just have to make do with me just like this. Tense, bitchy, and combative.”
“You’ve been that way from the moment I met you,” he said. “And my hard-on has not relented for one fucking instant. Don’t worry about me. I’m very tough. I have thick skin, and lots of stamina, and I want this. How about you just try trusting me?”
Goddammit. I wanted him. I would never get another opportunity like this. Sex with a guy who fascinated me, who wasn’t afraid of me. A guy I both respected and lusted for. Men like that were not thick on the ground. I certainly had never found one in the wild before.
I slowly exhaled. “How?” I whispered. “How do you do that? Trust can’t be chosen. You feel it, or you don’t. It’s not up to me.”
He considered that, his eyes thoughtful. “Maybe we can change that,” he said. “It’s not set in stone. I think the rules are different between us.”
“Why, because of your magic dick?” I scoffed, immediately regretting my sarcastic tone. God, was I actually trying to scare him away?
But Ethan didn’t look scared or angry, just amused. “It’s a little premature to call my dick magic,” he said mildly. “I’m talking about what happened between us when we fought those guys in the elevator.”
“How so?” I demanded. “What of it? I fight when I have to.”
“You saved my life,” he said. “You were there for me. A complete stranger. You covered for me, blocked for me, watched out for me. You had my back.”
“Well, duh,” I said. “Of course. And you did the same for me. So?”
“They would have had me,” he said. “There were too many of them. But you were there. You were brave, fast, smart. You made the difference. That inspires trust. Not just relaxing enough to come. I’m talking the real thing. Real trust. Real intimacy.”
“Ah…” I realized that my mouth was open, and closed it. “You might be getting ahead of yourself. I told you that I intend to bug out of here and go back to my life. Not explore the outer limits of sexual intimacy as a trapped concubine in your gilded cage.”
He laughed at me. “That has real possibilities as a hot sexual fantasy.”
“I’m serious, Ethan.”
“So am I. You can trust me. You already have trusted me. With your life. I came through for you, just like you came through for me. Let’s start there. Build on that.”
I grunted. “Combat…sex…same thing. Really, Masters? There’ll be slightly less blood and bruising, I hope.”
He rolled his eyes. “Don’t pretend to misunderstand me.”
“I don’t see the parallel,” I said. “That fight went by really fast. Badda-bing-badda-boom, and we were down in the garage in the middle of a gunfight. I don’t see how that relates to my sex life.”
He sighed. “All I’m saying is, trusting me might not be so hard if you remember that you’ve already done it, and it turned out okay. I didn’t let you down.”
Ah. For the first time, what he was saying made sense to me. Like a little ray of light. Fleeting, but nice.
Yes, it was true. I had trusted him. And I had lived to tell the tale.
Of course, he had promptly fucked it up afterward by muscling me into his helicopter, but hey.
I was getting over that remarkably fast. A bottle of Prosecco, a fabulous hearty meal, some good wine, and his naked body right in my face?
Damn. I was more flexible than I’d ever dreamed. Disposed to let bygones be bygones.
“Okay, you have a point,” I said. “I trusted you, and we lived. Now what?”
He reached out, so slowly that I had all the time in the world to prepare, to brace myself. No need to flinch as he traced the angle of my cheekbone, the point of my jaw.
“Close your eyes,” he said.
I swallowed back my knee-jerk hell, no, and examined it. That was just my alarm system, functioning exactly how I had wired it up to function. I would never get what I wanted from this guy unless I reprogrammed the damn thing.
I gave him a jerky nod, and closed my eyes. “Don’t make me stay this way too long,” I said. “It’s a big waste. You’re hot, and I like to admire your assets.”
That made him laugh, but then he moved around behind me, the heat coming off him surrounding me. And my body reached for it, pined for it, ached for contact with his skin, but he was not touching me yet. That tease.
“So?” I asked, impatiently. “What are you waiting for?”
“The right moment.” There was a hint of humor in that deep, rumbling voice that was like the stroke of something silken, something furry, making the nerves in my skin shiver and thrill.
“News flash, buddy,” I told him. “The moment has arrived.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” he said.
My body shook with a burst of sharp laughter. “Oh, will you? Who died and made you king?”
“Nobody. I am not being arrogant. I’m just paying attention. Slow down. Breathe. You’ll feel it. You’ll see what I mean. We need to get in synch. In tune.”
His voice was so soft, so patient. Usually by this time, my would-be lovers were evaluating their poor life choices, and deciding that an erotic tumble with the razor-tongued blonde was not worth the cuts and bruises.
And I didn’t blame them. I hurt guys’ feelings, always. I put them on the defensive, and made them feel emasculated, all of it. I was a hot mess as a sex partner.
So, there it was. The awful truth. This admittedly fabulous specimen was going to come to the same conclusion about me as the other guys had, sooner or later, and probably sooner. The only question was, could I get lucky before that happened?
Anybody’s guess. I did not have any control over what came out of my mouth when I felt this vulnerable. I’d been swept up into the mountain aerie of a mysterious gazillionaire, for fuck’s sake. And he wanted me to relax. Hah.
“You’re a huge tease, Masters,” I told him.
“Call me Ethan. And I’m not teasing. I’m just not going to let you rush this.”
I opened my eyes wide, laughing at him. “Oh really? Aren’t you masterful! No pun intended.”
“Pun completely ignored. Can I make an outrageous suggestion?”
A million wild, erotic possibilities exploded in my mind, making my thighs clench and my toes contract. “Let us hear it,” I said.
He reached out, and stroked me. A touch so light, I could barely feel it, yet it felt like wind rustling grass, all over my body. “Let me lead,” he said.
I blinked at him. “Excuse me?”
“Give me this one,” he said. “Let me make the decisions. You can just—”
“Lay back and let you control me?” My voice was uneven, and I didn’t like that. It showed weakness.
“Let me please you,” he corrected.
“You’re asking me to do something I can’t do,” I said. “Asking me to be someone I’m not. Maybe we should just forget this.”
“Hear me out,” he coaxed. “I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not. I love the way you are. You’re hotter than hell, just like this. My fiery warrior maiden.”
“I’m not your anything, Masters,” I told him. “And don’t you forget it.”
He grinned. “That’s my girl. Please call me Ethan.”
“Dude, you are a slow learner,” I said.
“No, just stubborn,” he said, “I don’t want you to change who you are. Just play a little game with me.”
“I’m not the playful type, in case you haven’t noticed.”