Chapter Seventeen #2
Over toast and jam, I explained the crowded nature of Longbourn and how, in the Bennets’ hour of uncertainty regarding the fate of the head of their household, an extra visitor was unnecessary strain.
Anne listened intently, eyes wide as she nodded at each line.
It was hardly a daring tale of adventure, but she seemed so desperate for a new story or two that she was willing to entirely invest in mine.
I almost felt bad for not giving her the vastly more eventful truth.
I avoided the questions on her tongue only by the arrival of Lady Catherine.
She swept into the room with a demeanour carefully constructed to silence conversations. Anne and I were both on our feet immediately, heads inclined in place of the curtsies the table prevented.
“Sit,” Lady Catherine ordered, but only to Anne. When she turned to me, her lips pursed as if she’d tasted something sour. “Turn.”
She waved me away from the table and gestured for me to spin. Feeling like I was being judged for my presentation at court rather than over cold cuts and warm bread, I did as I was asked. For a long moment, there was silence—until my aunt finally spoke.
“Passable,” she said, with no note of confidence. “Except this.”
When she reached out and grabbed at my wrist, I thought perhaps she was going to find fault with my nails, but when I looked down, I realised it was Kitty’s ribbons. I snatched my arm back, holding it behind my back in protective instinct.
“It’s fine,” I protested.
Lady Catherine’s only tell for anger was a slight flaring of the nostrils, but I still felt her discontent in waves.
“You are far beyond the age of childish trinkets,” she admonished. “Ribbons are for dresses, bonnets, and hair decorations, not for playthings and distractions.”
It was clear she wasn’t going to let up until I took them off.
With Anne staring intently at her bread, I picked at the knot I’d tied in the ribbons and carefully unwound them from my wrist. My aunt held her hand outstretched, palm up, expecting me to surrender them to her.
Nothing on earth could have persuaded me to give them up.
“I will return them to Emma,” I lied, “for use in my hair.”
Lady Catherine’s fingers curled in one at a time, elongating her dissatisfaction, but she didn’t protest any further.
The second her attention was instead focused on Anne, I tucked the ribbons into the top of my bodice, planning to hide them alongside Kitty’s letter in my bag. I would not risk losing them.
Breakfast continued, for me, in dutiful silence.
Lady Catherine believed young women should speak only when spoken to, and all her further comments prompted only Anne for a response.
It suited me perfectly fine, leaving me with time to listen and observe.
Beyond enquiries into Anne’s health, the conversation was awfully bland.
Not only was there none of Kitty’s gossip and revelry in scandal, there was equally nothing of any thoughtfulness.
I never thought I would find myself so specifically missing Darcy asking me my opinions on the current political situation on the Continent, but I was desperate for news of the wider world.
Doubtless Lady Catherine did not think reading newspapers a fitting activity for a young woman seeking a husband.
Once the table had been cleared, Lady Catherine rose from her chair and finally seemed to remember my presence.
“I will have one of the maids set you up with some needlepoint in the front parlour,” she said. “If I am to prepare you to be an acceptable wife, I must at least first see that you are capable of embroidering your linens.”
I could already tell her she was going to be disappointed.
My sewing was functional, but rarely pretty.
If the linens needed mending with fast, sturdy stitches, then I didn’t doubt my capabilities would be perfectly adequate, but scrolled initials and decorative flowers never came out quite as planned.
A lack of innate skill and several years of lapsed practise were going to do nothing to endear me to her.
“Actually, I was hoping to see the library?” I asked, by no means confident of any results.
“The pertinent books will be brought to you,” my aunt said, dismissing the request with a wave of her hand.
The books she deemed pertinent were likely far from the ones I would have chosen for myself.
Sermons and etiquette guides were all perfectly suited to certain situations, but my current desire for escape and distraction were likely to go unfulfilled.
I had never longed more for free roam of Pemberley’s library.
“Might I at least take a walk beforehand?” I tried. “I have not had time to properly settle in, and I should like to settle my thoughts.”
Lady Catherine’s eyes narrowed, no doubt suspicious that I sought only to delay my needlework.
While amongst my aims, it was secondary to my need to breathe for a little while.
I forced a demure look of deference while I was scrutinised, until my aunt sighed and waved me away.
It was as close as I was going to get to permission, and I quickly made my exit before it could be revoked.