Chapter Twenty-One
It was a cold walk to town, even with my coat, but I had a purse full of pin money I’d never had much need or inclination to spend, so it was easy to pay my way to Longbourn.
I failed to see the process of travelling in the golden-hued light I knew Kitty did, but knowing she was at the end of the journey made it easier to endure the cramped corner of a shared coach and the endless rocking of the wheels.
The sun rose and set over my travels, leaving me facing an exhaustion staved off with small pockets of sleep where I could catch them. When I made it to Meryton, if not for the tiredness setting in, I would have walked the entire way to Longbourn House, but I didn’t trust my feet not to stumble.
For the right price, I managed to persuade a carriage driver to take me out to the Bennets’ residence despite the late hour.
I bid him to stop and wait a few hundred yards away so the sound of the horses’ hooves and wheels on gravel would not wake anyone.
The last portion of my journey was completed on foot, taking me right to a place I felt I had not seen in years.
I looked up at the house and realised there was a hole in my plan.
There was no way for me to get inside without waking someone, and I needed there to be no notice of my visit to anyone but Kitty.
Any member of the household staff who woke would feel obligated to tell their master or mistress, and the Bennets or any of their guests would likely try to stop us.
I was already asking Kitty for something completely mad.
A dissenting voice could easily be all it took to talk us both out of it.
If I could not go through the house, the only option I was left with was Kitty’s window.
I knew exactly which one it was and crept around the outside of the house until I could get a good view of it to appraise the situation.
Climbing the brickwork felt like the most apt idea if I was aiming to recreate the events of a novel, but I knew I would not make it one foot off the ground before falling.
If, by some miracle, I made it any higher, the fall would only hurt more.
I was in no hurry to injure my leg again.
Shouting would wake the entire household, so I opted for something a little more subtle and collected a handful of pebbles. They were, I hoped, small enough that there was no risk of them breaking the window, but heavy enough that they would hit with enough force to alert Kitty to my presence.
All my first attempts hit brickwork. Chess and piano had not given me much of an arm for throwing, and the motion felt strange and unwieldy.
Correcting the mistakes of each previous throw, I adjusted my aim and finally made contact with the glass.
The soft clink wasn’t so loud I worried I’d wake anyone else, but did leave me concerned it wouldn’t be enough to even wake Kitty.
I had known her to sleep through a lot more.
Desperation kept me going, unwilling to surrender my only viable option to get past this stage of the plan.
Once five or six stones had bounced off the glass, I saw movement behind the window.
It opened inwards just before I could let go of the next stone, revealing a sleepy-eyed and very confused Kitty.
Her hair was covered by a nightcap, and she was fighting back a yawn, but my heart still leapt in my chest. As soon as she realised the identity of the fool beneath her window, she leant forwards, gripping the windowsill as her eyes widened in surprise.
I quickly held my finger to my lips, urging her to be quiet.
After all of this, I didn’t want her waking the staff with a shout.
I gestured for her to come down to meet me, and she nodded, immediately disappearing.
The seconds before Kitty came flying out of the door felt longer than the entire journey from Rosings to Longbourn House, but eventually she was in my arms, holding me so tightly it was a chore to breathe.
I still did not want her to let go. She repeated my name under her breath like a prayer, hugging me close for a full minute before pulling back to press kisses across my face.
“I missed you,” she whispered, resting her forehead against mine.
“I missed you, too,” I whispered back.
“What are you doing here? And so late?” she asked.
It took me a moment to answer, my faculties much distracted by the feel of her palm against the back of my neck and the depth of her eyes.
The dim light might have denied me the full spectrum of shades of blue in them, but the spectrum of emotion was as plain as under the brightest sun.
Once I had shifted past the confusion and surprise, the relief and love and joy sang through.
“Run away with me.”
I had meant it to be a question, but it came out as far more of a request. There was no context, no explanation, and yet Kitty’s response was immediate.
“Anywhere,” she vowed, punctuating the word with another kiss.
I could tell she thought me less than serious.
“I mean it,” I insisted. “I cannot imagine a fate worse than being tied to a man I could never love. My heart is no longer my own to give away.”
Her smile was teasing as she laced her hand with mine.
“Is it mine?” she asked.
There were no reservations.
“Yes.”
I could taste Kitty’s delight in the curve of her lips when she kissed me again, but as soon as she pulled away, my words seemed to settle in her mind and her face fell.
“They have found you a suitor?” she asked, her fingers tightening around mine.
“Yes,” I admitted, “and I’d rather take my chances starting anew than be married to him.”
The shiver that ran down my back was born half of the chill of the night, and half of the idea of being married off to Lord Salter to further the prospects of the family name, or to cover the tracks of my sins.
Kitty chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes overcast with a shade of deep thought. I didn’t push the request to run away. If she wanted to stay, I would never force her to leave a family I knew she loved.
“Where would we go?” she asked.
I dampened down my excitement at the realisation she was truly considering my madcap request. For the first time since leaving Rosings, my entire plan felt real.
It felt possible. The answer to her question mattered deeply, as the truth of it all was that I had no real destination in mind.
It should have been the first thing I considered before I had taken one step away from Rosings, but getting away had always felt more important than where I ended up.
I just wanted to go somewhere that felt safe, but with Kitty standing in front of me, I realised that was not a place, but a person.
Choosing my words carefully, I crafted the perfect utopia.
“Somewhere they have never heard of a Bennet or a Darcy.”
The idea was intoxicating. Kitty would be free of the expectations set by her sisters.
I would never have to worry about bringing shame on my family name.
There had to be somewhere we could settle where people would look the other way and pretend they didn’t see how dear Kitty was to me.
Charlotte’s story of the Ladies of Llangollen played itself over and over in my mind, like a novice practising scales at the piano.
It was all I could think of. It was everything I wanted.
“That sounds perfect,” Kitty said softly. “Are you truly serious about this?”
When I nodded, she pressed a kiss to the back of my hand.
Then she turned back to look at Longbourn.
I knew what she was feeling because it was the same thing I felt when I imagined never calling Pemberley my home again.
She would be leaving behind so many memories, so many of her things that we wouldn’t be able to take with us, and her entire family.
The idea of asking her to come with me started to feel selfish and ludicrous.
Only then Kitty put her back to the house and focused solely on me.
“All right,” she said with a decisive nod. “I want to go with you. Can you wait here for a minute while I pack a bag? Do you not have anything with you at all?”
I explained the waiting coach and promised to stay out of sight while Kitty gathered some things.
As I leant against the side of the house, pulling my coat close around myself to keep warm, I tried to stave off concerns that Kitty wouldn’t come back.
With a little distance to develop some clarity, it was inconceivable she would still think this a good idea.
But Kitty did come back. She had changed out of her nightwear and wrapped herself in a pelisse, with a valise over her arm. There was no hint of hesitation as she took my hand and we walked, together, away from Longbourn House.
It was clear Kitty was tired. She rubbed at her eyes with her spare hand and fought back yawns the entire walk to the carriage.
Even when we were sitting inside and no longer needed to put energy into walking, she let her head slump onto my shoulder as if too exhausted to hold it up herself.
It was understandable. I had woken her up in the middle of the night.
The carriage driver needed directions, and I was at a loss.
I was finding it easier to keep my eyes open than Kitty was, but I still struggled when it came to trying to think sensibly.
Choosing a place to settle for the rest of our lives wasn’t something either of us could do in the state we were in.
Instead I nudged Kitty into giving the name of a town to the north that would have an inn.
We would just have to hope that it was far enough away that no one from Longbourn would find us there before we could make a proper escape the next morning.
“We will need to be awake and moving again before anyone realises you’re gone,” I said to Kitty.
“I left a note,” she said through another yawn. “I didn’t say why I was leaving or who with, but I reassured them I would be safe and that there was no need to look for me. I promised them this was no foolish scheme. I can only hope they believe me.”
I could not help but laugh.
“After everything that happened with Lydia, they will start looking for you the moment they realise you have left.” I pressed a kiss to her temple. “You are too precious to simply let slip away like that. I know Elizabeth would not allow it.”
“Elizabeth isn’t there. My father has regained some of his strength, and no one is quite so worried about him, so she and Mr. Darcy returned to Pemberley late last week.”
Her words stung more than she could have imagined.
Darcy said he’d let me return to Pemberley once he was back there himself, yet they had continued to leave me in Rosings.
It felt like proof that he never wanted much to do with me again.
I knew now that I was making the right decision.
Anger bubbled in my stomach, but I tamped it down. It was nothing I needed to dwell on.