Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Serrik led Ava deeper into the opera house, past the costume room where they had found their brief paradise, past the practice rooms and storage areas, until they reached a room that was somebody’s basement office by the looks of things.
The space was cramped but mercifully quiet, lined with shelves that held sheet music and programs from performances that would never happen again.
He closed the door behind them with deliberate care, as if sealing them away from the rest of the world.
Not like it would do much good in the end.
Hesitating for a moment, he turned to face her, his golden eyes blazing, even if his expression was as unreadable as it always was.
“I need to know that you have truly considered all other actions.”
Ava set Book down on the paper-covered desk, her hands shaking slightly as she released it.
The weight of the proverbial inevitability contained within felt heavier with each passing moment.
“I’ve thought about nothing else since I woke up from that vision.
There isn't another way, Serrik. The Morrigan showed me what happens if we fail.”
"The Morrigan,” he interrupted, his voice sharp with old anger, “who has manipulated every aspect of our existence from the beginning. My mother, who created me to leave me to this…fate, birthed Valroy to be destruction incarnate, and created you to clean up the mess we would inevitably make.” He took a step forward. “You would trust her guidance?”
“What choice do I have? Do you have a better fucking idea?” Ava's voice cracked. "The worlds are coming apart. I can feel it, Serrik. Every moment we delay, reality gets more unstable. People are dying. And if Valroy—" Her shoulders fell. “Every time I fight this, it just makes it worse.”
“What do you mean?”
“Think about it.” She threw up her hands.
“I tried to fight for my humanity, and I lost. I became the Weaver anyway. I fought to keep from becoming your weapon and to save the world from Valroy and—and I destroyed my world anyway. And yours. And everything else in the process, and—and now, now?” She laughed, feeling defeated under the weight of it all.
“Now, to undo my last fuckup? I go right back to losing my humanity. Which I could have just sacrificed in the first place and—and—” She couldn’t keep going.
Serrik stepped forward, and took her face in his hands.
“I would have torn your heart from your chest and crushed it in my palm without ever knowing what it was I had lost.” He let his hands drift to her shoulders.
“It is because of you that I have once more felt the warmth of the sun. That I have heard the whispers of trees. Felt the air move against my skin. And we would never have fallen in love, Ava Cole. I never would have known that such a thing was…even possible, for a creature such as I. That would it be so simple, in my instance, to decide between revenge and love, when presented with the knowledge that I needn’t for it to still be waiting there for me should I return from that dark precipice with my hands stained. ”
Shutting her eyes, she didn’t fight the tears that rolled down her cheeks.
“You have accepted me, all of me, and ask of me simply to try. And so, in this, I shall do the same. I am asking you to try, Ava Cole.”
“Try what?” She muttered the words, not looking up at him.
“To survive as yourself. To keep in your heart that precious thing I would have so readily smashed apart in my greed.” He nudged her face gently up toward him. “Look at me.”
Reluctantly, she did as he asked.
And in his eyes she saw all the pain he was trying to mask behind his clinical tone. “You are not expendable. Your life, your humanity, your capacity for love—these things have value beyond any equation.”
“Three souls to save three worlds,” she said, repeating the cold mathematics of sacrifice. “And I’m to blame for this. It's not even a question, Serrik. The numbers make sense.”
“Numbers." His smile was sad. “You sound like me, now. Reducing all the world to a calculation, ignoring the immeasurable value of all the rest. When did you become so willing to sacrifice yourself?”
“When I realized that's what love means sometimes,” she whispered. “Choosing to protect the people you care about, even when it costs you everything.”
“And what of my love for you?” The question came out raw, stripped of his usual careful control. “What if my choice is to protect you, even if it costs me everything? Do I not get a voice in this decision?”
“Serrik—”
“I have spent two millennia in isolation, Ava. Two thousand years believing myself incapable of love, unworthy of connection, destined for nothing but destruction and revenge.” His thumbs brushed away the tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks.
“You changed that. You showed me that there was someone who believed that I had value despite my darkest impulses. And now you ask me to stand by and watch as you sacrifice yourself for the greater good? No. I am too much the greedy bastard for that.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything,” she said, though the words felt hollow even to her. “You'll have your own mission. The tree—”
“The tree that Valroy will defend with every ounce of his considerable power. Yes, I'm aware.” Serrik's smile was sharp and self-deprecating. “The act of destroying it will tear me apart in the process.”
“We…we have no one else.” She clung to the front of his esoteric, dated suit. “I don’t want it to be you! I want you there with me. I want you to stay with me and help me, not…”
“It would give me nothing but joy to tear him to pieces. But I do not wish to leave you.” His shoulders sagged. “Yet how can I if I refuse? What would you say if I tell you that I would rather watch the worlds burn than lose you to this slow death?”
“Then you'd be lying. Because you won’t let Valroy win. Because I know you well enough to know that you won’t let him destroy everything, even if it means losing me.” She sighed. “Because you’re an asshole. But he’s a bigger one.”
The silence that followed was deafening.
Serrik stood with his back to her, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.
When he spoke again, his voice was barely audible.
“If, by some means, I survive this—but your soul is damaged in any way and I—” Rage, pure and unfiltered, flashed across his features. “I will destroy them all.”
She was so exhausted. “I don’t think I’m going to give a fuck. I don’t even know if you’ll have a body after this. You’re all dream-constructs. I don’t think we’ve figured out the physics of this.”
Grimacing, he let out a ragged sigh. Pulling her close into an embrace, he held her.
“It is not a true concern. I will not survive.
I was not designed for a frontal assault in such a manner.
Valroy is not likely to allow me to simply walk up to his very heart and destroy it.
The moment I reveal myself, he'll throw everything he has at me.”
“We just need to give you enough time…”
Serrik kissed the top of her head. “And do you not worry about facing him when he realizes what you're attempting? Valroy in his fury is not something I would wish upon anyone, least of all—”
“We’ll manage," she interrupted. “Somehow. We have to.”
“Ava.” His voice carried a note of desperate pleading that she'd never heard from him before. “Promise me you will try.”
“I promise.” They were hollow words. Gently parting from him, she picked up Book from the table, feeling its weight like a physical manifestation of her fate.
“The Morrigan showed me everything. Every possible outcome, every alternative path.
This is the only way that doesn't end with universal extinction.”
He snarled. “I am beginning to consider that perhaps we should let them all burn for what they have done to us.”
“No.” The word came out sharper than she'd intended. “Don't you dare. Don't you dare suggest that because we’ve been denied our happiness, everyone in all of existence deserves to get fucked for it.”
Serrik closed his eyes, his carefully constructed composure finally beginning to crack.
“I know. I know you're right. I simply…” He opened his eyes again, and she could see the full depth of his anguish there.
“I wish I could stay by your side. Protect you. Face whatever comes together instead of sending you into danger alone.”
“I won't be alone.” The words felt like ash in her mouth. “Abigail will be there. And the others—”
“Abigail will have her own battle to fight. And the others, precious as they are, cannot stand against something like Valroy. Brace yourself for being forced to watch them all die.” Serrik moved closer again, his hands hovering just above her arms as if afraid to touch her.
“There will come a time when he will have you alone, attempting to perform a ritual that will tear reality apart and rebuild it. And I will be potentially miles away, unable to help, unable to protect you.”
“You'll be exactly where you need to be,” Ava said firmly. “Giving me the chance to do what needs to be done.”
“And if something goes wrong? If the ritual fails, if Valroy overwhelms you before you can complete it?” His voice was growing more strained with each word.
“I will not even know. I will die not knowing. And if I fail, and the realities split, he will still be alive and unstoppable. We have no other plan.”
“You could never fail me,” Ava said, finally reaching out to touch his face. “Even if this all goes to hell, even if we both die tonight—you could never fail me. You've given me more in these few days than I ever thought I'd have in an entire lifetime.”