18
Memories of Abigail pulled me from my sleep more times than I could count last night. It was a harsh reminder of why I kept her buried deep.
I wake up for the final time, an utter sweaty, clammy mess, despite Erador’s climate. I groan as I roll over and see the sunlight pouring in, illuminating the room and telling me I can’t go back to sleep. After hauling the messy covers off my body, I finally pull myself out of bed.
My stomach growls, showing me I’m still in need of food but I don’t want to go down to the dining hall this morning. I’d rather not be forced to smile or make conversation.
Instead, I find myself dragging my feet towards the balcony.
I sit at the table and feel the sun rays brush over me. It brings a steady warmth to my skin, fighting with the cool breeze that threatens to give me goose bumps.
My thoughts track back to Abigail, I’m beginning to think it’ll be impossible to push her out now.
I’m thankful beyond words that I know she’s alive but where is she?
If I try to search for her now, the Agency would surely get to her first. Erix always told me he kept a close eye on her, he even said to remember our deal when I left to work for Hidale’s army. I didn’t bother asking for clarification, not wanting to bring the memory of her back to the surface.
But I’d known what he meant, deep down.
Growing up, I had been secretly or I guess not so secretly searching for her in my first years at the Agency.
Though after a while, I stopped trying to look for her or even any sign that she was alive. The pain was too much and my efforts were fruitless. That mixed with the final threat to her life.
Erix had changed tactics from torturing me whenever he found out I was searching for her, to threatening Abigail’s life. Knowing the former wasn’t working and knowing how much Abigail meant to me.
I take a deep breath that I fear I may have been holding ever since I left the chamber and stare out towards the open lands below.
I sit on the balcony for a few hours, watching people, the workers and the children.
People-watching is one of my favourite pastimes. It seems strange but I learn so much just from seeing how people interact with others and the world around them.
It reminds me just how different everyone is and how different people see the world. I used to do it often in my training at the Agency, to learn about my victims and their lives so I could take them out easier.
But now I just like to watch people live their lives.
I startle slightly when I see a little girl fall over, her tears start flowing while she clutches at her leg. Another girl who I presume to be her older sister races over to help her up.
My eyes glass over as the girls flash me back to a memory I had long forgotten.
Rain pours down in the dark streets of Hidale, my saturated hair slaps my face as I look around and see nothing but water, stone and lamps next to the doors of the shops. I’ve knocked on those cold wooden doors too many times tonight. My knuckles raw from the efforts. But it had been no use.
We would have nowhere to sleep tonight, on our first night away from the orphanage.
The rain grows in power and starts to slam into us from all angles, the awnings by the shops, no longer enough to keep us dry.
I rush to the next shop, desperate to be let in, if only for tonight. Just as I’m about to knock on the door, I hear a cry from behind me and look to see a mess of blonde hair on the cobblestone. Abigail is on the ground, clutching at her knee, tears starting to well in her eyes.
I race over to her, almost slipping on the cobblestone myself. In all my rush I had forgotten to grab her hand, to take her with me to the next door. So desperate, I had almost forgotten my reason for all of this.
I kneel down next to her, the cool wet stone seeping through the knees of my pants.
I look into the eyes that mirror mine, there’s fear, pain and hopelessness resting there.
All the things no four year old should ever experience.
My heart breaks from the fact that I couldn’t shield her from everything, couldn’t help her to not see the bad that’s in this world.
I hold her knee gently, testing it. No broken bones, thank the gods. I look up at Abigail, her hood falling softly over her eyes. The one that I stole just a few sizes too big.
“What does it feel like, Abs?”
Abigail sniffles, her breath shaking, chest heaving.
“S… sore.”
I close my eyes, hating that sound in her voice.
“It’s okay Abs, you have powers, remember, your body will heal so fast, you won’t even be able to remember what it felt like.”
Abigail sniffles again but doesn’t say anything more. I gently brush the tears away from her eyes.
“Come on, I’ll carry you.”
Her breath shudders but Abigail looks up at me and smiles softly, offering me a small nod.
I carefully bring her into my arms and we walk down the street, our heads held down to shield from the rain.
I try no more doors but instead stalk for the stables. A night in the hay is better than a night out here.
“Alright Abs, we’re going to play a game.” I whisper down to her.
Abigail looks up at me. “Wh… what… game?” She asks through shivers, her teeth chattering.
“The quiet game, you remember that one right?” From the orphanage is what I don’t say.
She seems to remember anyway. “I don’t— don’t like that— g-game.”
Her green eyes start to pour tears and my heart breaks into a million pieces.
“No Abs, There’s no monsters at the end of this game, I promise, it’s just so we can get in and meet some friends.”
She nods, trusting me. Abigail’s tears are still falling but she closes her eyes, ready.
I turn us invisible just before we reach the stables and we slip in through the back door.
The warm lights in the stable are already begging to take away our shivers from the rain.
I look forwards, the stable hand is facing the open front archway. We slip in behind him and quickly walk towards the last keep at the back. I turn visible before we enter the horses stall, not wanting to freak the animal out and alert the stable hand.
I gently place Abigail on the ground and turn to face the horse, reaching up to touch his cheek. He snorts lightly but eventually leans into my touch. I take that as permission to come in and pick up Abigail again. Straw from the ground already stuck to her wet clothes.
Once we’re in the stable I inhale a sharp breath. The first breath I had taken in a while and rest her against me.
“See Abs, friends.” I say gently and point towards the horse. Abigail smiles softly, eyes lighting up as she takes in the beautiful animal in front of her.
I lean my head against the wall and wait for a sleep that I know will never come.
A sudden knock at my door brings me out of my trance with a soft jump. I quickly wipe at the few tears that the memory brought out, before I turn my attention to the door and hear the guard call for me.
It honestly takes everything in me to leave my position on the balcony. I would stay here alone all day if I could.
I open the door. “I hope you have a good reason for disrupting my peace?”
“I do miss.” My guard says quickly, “the King would like you in the training quarters in fifteen minutes.”
“Very well.” I say and close the door.
I take thirty minutes to get dressed before finally motioning for the guard to take me to them.
I look at Xander and Cole as I walk into the training room. They’re both wearing training gear, combat pants and black shirts. Almost matching my own, the only difference is my longer sleeves that cover my arms.
“You’re late.” The King says.
I just shrug as my response. “What are we doing?”
“Training.” He says bluntly, I’ve clearly pissed him off.
“I’m aware, I just mean, why am I training with you two?” I reply pointing between them.
Cole is standing there like he’d rather be anywhere else, his face a mix of boredom and annoyance.
“Your next mission, it’ll only be you and Cole.” Xander says looking between us cautiously, like that’s something he should be worried about.
Maybe for Cole’s sake he should be.
“I need to make sure you can work together and I need to see exactly what skills you have.”
“You know what skills I have.” I reply, brows creasing.
“Not entirely, what’s your best weapon?”
I look away, unsure of whether to fully trust him, give up all my strengths. I’ve trusted him enough so far but to what end? How much can I truly trust him before he turns on me? Xander said as much himself last night, he can’t tell me everything and neither can I.
“Being invisible.” I say and shrug, I know it’s not exactly what he meant but it is truly my best weapon.
“That’s not what I meant.” Xander says through gritted teeth as he crosses his arms.
I cross my arms back. “And yet it’s true.”
Xander narrows his eyes at me.
“Don’t be difficult.”
I cock my head, narrowing my eyes at him. “Try and hit me when I’m invisible, try and fight me at all.”
Xander purses his lips together, like he’s actually considering this.
“Okay.” He says and saunters towards me.
I balk, not expecting him to take me up on my offer or call my bluff.
I quickly regain my composure and level out my voice. Trying to act like this is what I wanted.
“How do you want to do this?”
“No weapons, just hand to hand combat, loser is the first to tap out.”
“You sure you don’t want a weapon? Your powers are mind reading and that doesn’t even work on me.” I taunt as I run my eyes over him, assessing him. “I have the advantage.”
“We’ll see about that.” He says with a smirk.
We walk towards the mat and stand across from each other.
“Ready?” He asks, lifting a brow.
“Always.” I reply, uncertain if it comes out as confidence or arrogance. I couldn’t care less either way.
Then I turn invisible.