56
The kiss is so soft yet so full of urgency, so gentle and yet so unbelievably strong. His hand slides to the back of my neck, urging us deeper.
I reach up and place my hands on his chest, savouring the feel of his heart beating faster than ever.
I can’t get enough, it’s everything I’ve been dreaming of and more.
I’m utterly at his mercy, or is he at mine?
The thought is enough to pull me back and I quickly push him away, gently enough to not alarm him.
My chest is pounding as I look out towards the view and feel the wind blow against my face. Cooling down my skin as the heat continues to rise.
I see the sun is almost finished setting, the darkness starting to rush over the castle grounds.
My stomach drops.
“Gods, I’m out of time.” I whisper.
His brows are furrowed and his face flushed as I look back at him.
“What are—” Xander stops and watches me carefully as I bring my hands to my face and walk away, pacing back and forth.
“Maeve, what’s wrong?”
I can’t look at him, at the concern that I know is growing in his eyes. He cares too much and yet I never knew just how much until this moment.
He rushes over to me and grabs my wrists to pull them away from my face.
“No no, please, I can’t do this!” I exclaim, pushing out of his hands and getting distance. I feel the tears prickling behind my eyes, begging to fall.
The hurt on his face is enough to squash my already broken heart.
“I thought—” He says softly before stopping himself, unable to continue.
“It’s not you.” I say, forcing the words out of my mouth, my voice breaking on the last word.
“Then what is it?” He demands, eyes glassing over, searching me for the answer I so desperately want to give.
“Please tell me, love.”
My brows crease as I hesitate. Telling him would mean all of this would be for nothing, telling him could cause me to lose the very thing I have fought all my life to protect.
“You have to go!” I shout at him.
Xander just looks at me, still so confused and I can’t blame him.
He has no idea what I’ve done.
“Please, Xander, you have to go.”
“Go where?” He asks sternly, throwing his hands up to the side.
“Go where and do what? What are you talking about?”
My nails bite into my palms as I close my fists against them. The fresh skin threatening to break for the second time over the last few days.
“You have to prepare, you have to warn them!”
I shout the words at him, like that will give them any more meaning, like that would make him understand.
But he truly doesn’t and he wouldn’t, how could he have guessed this? He can’t read my mind and he trusts me, loves me even.
He wouldn’t know what I’ve done without me telling him and I can’t.
An explosion sounds and Xander rushes to the window, putting his hands on the ledge to peer out at what I’m sure is just the beginning.
I feel the tears start flowing as I walk around to the front of the transporter and palm the dagger that was at my thigh.
Xander turns and rushes over to me, fury and hurt in his eyes as he pieces together what I was saying.
“What did you do?”
The brutal tone of the King and the fear of betrayal from Xander, are both laced in his voice and it’s too much for me to bear.
“Please…” I beg through my tears, “you have to go save them.”
“From what Maeve!” He shouts, curling his hands and getting angrier by the second.
“Save them from what exactly?”
Gods I have to get out of here, I can’t take the sight of him like this a moment longer. This is all my fault, his pain now and what’s to follow. I caused this, all of it.
“Hidale.”
Is all I say. One word that tells him all he needs to know, what he’s already been guessing I’m sure.
Before he has time to react to the truth I reach forward with the blade in my palm and cut the back of his hand.
Xander hisses at the pain, ripping his hand back as he stares at me. The look in his eyes, so fierce and filled with so much pain.
I tear my eyes away to look down at the blood that’s dripping from the blade and wipe it on my palm.
I look up at Xander one last time before stepping backwards into the transporter.
“Save them please, for me.”
Xander’s eyes go wild with realisation as he takes in what I’m about to do.
“No, Maeve!”
I watch as he reaches out to grab me, but it’s too late.
I lean backwards into the transporter and let the darkness take me away.
The world that I knew and grew to love is ripped away from me as I hear a tiny voice that fades away in an instant.
“Why?”
My world is whipped into darkness, pain and agony. I’m being thrown in all directions and torn apart, while trying to find the right path.
But I don’t know where it is.
I don’t know what to choose.
The darkness consumes me and I become all and nothing at the same time. My very existence leaving me in a world of shadows.
I fade into nothingness.