Chapter Twenty-Seven
Grace
Forget that nonsense in your head, he says. Be a good girl until I get back, he says.
Yeah, easy for Huxley to say when he’s foisted that godawful assistant of his on me to deal with. I tell Madison her help isn’t necessary, but she insists on staying on like a louse in a dirty head of hair, saying Huxley would hate to leave me on my own without anybody to help.
She’s wrong, of course. He’d love nothing more than to leave me on my own. He wants me to ditch Nelson and his family’s money and put myself at his mercy, and end my friendship with Adam because he can’t handle the fact that I have a friend with a penis. At least the security he hired isn’t overly obnoxious. But that isn’t saying much.
I can’t afford to refuse the financial help from Nelson and Karie yet, and there’s no reason to abandon Adam just because Huxley’s being weird. It’s unbelievable how Huxley and I have the most amazing chemistry in bed, but outside of it, we’re completely incompatible. Unfortunately, we spend more time outside of bed. Unless we figure out a way to live a more harmonious life together, it seems like things will only get worse.
Just then, the paternity test from the lab lands on my phone. It confirms the baby is Huxley’s, obviously. I forward it to him in case the lab hasn’t sent him the results directly. At least my baby will be spared the heartache of being denied by his father.
–Huxley: The lab just sent me the report too.
–Me: Is that all you have to say?
–Huxley: No. I was an asshole earlier. Shouldn’t have said what I did, and I’m sorry. Even before the report arrived, I suspected the baby was mine.
Oh, thank God. The apology soothes the anxiety I’ve been harboring about the baby’s future.
–Me: When were you going to tell me?
–Huxley: I was going to talk to you about it when I got back in town. Gotta go. I have to wrap up this meeting and a few other things.
–Me: Okay. Thanks for the apology. Hope you have a productive evening.
I end our exchange on a friendly note. If he feels this way, surely he’ll be a better father than Nelson. But an internal voice cautions me to be realistic. He still hasn’t said a word about the OB-GYN appointment. Of course, coming to that wouldn’t make him a good father, but it still hurts that he wants to minimize his involvement.
If he felt that the baby was his, why didn’t he say something about seeing Dr. Silverman? Even if he couldn’t come while he’s in London, he could’ve shown something —concern, curiosity…even excitement at the possibility of hearing the baby’s heartbeat.
I stew over Huxley’s confusing reaction for the rest of the morning, but can’t figure out how he truly feels. I call Adam during my lunch break to apologize for Huxley’s behavior.
“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Adam is gracious as usual. “It was nothing. But are you okay?” His voice turns soft with concern.
“Yeah, I think so.” I put a hand over my belly. I have to be okay and stay strong for the baby’s sake. It can’t really count on anyone but me.
He hesitates. “So. Are we still friends?”
“Of course.” I force a bright smile, hoping it reaches my voice. “Why wouldn't we be?”
“Well, you know. Sometimes when people think a friend is in the way of a romantic relationship, they dump the friend.”
My heart softens. He must’ve been worried after that horribly possessive display from Huxley. “Adam, I would never do that to you. You’ve been my best friend ever since I came to L.A.” He stayed even when I couldn’t afford to go out like I used to.
A pause. “Okay. I’m glad.”
“Are we good?” As the question slips from my lips, my eyes land on the desktop calendar with a red circle around today. The OB-GYN appointment. Huxley can’t go because of his business trip. But if he hadn’t been so callous when I asked him if he wanted to come with me—or if he had mentioned something about the appointment after the paternity test result landed on his phone—my heart might not feel so heavy.
“Of course. But are you sure you’re okay? You sighed seven times.”
I blink. “I did?”
“Yeah.”
I bite back an eighth sigh. I guess I’m more upset about going alone to the upcoming appointment than I thought.
“What’s wrong? Come on. You can tell me.”
“Well…” I clear my throat, doing my best not to sigh again. “My respect for my mom seems to grow each day. I don’t know how she had me on her own. It must’ve taken so much courage.”
“But you have your husband.” Adam sounds a little choked up. Despite his sharky legal mind, he can get really sentimental. “And you have me. You aren’t alone.”
“He won’t go to the OB-GYN appointments with me. I told him we could hear baby’s heartbeat for the first time, but he wasn’t interested. Too busy to be bothered. And now he’s in London.”
“I’ll go with you,” Adam says instantly.
“Aren’t you busy?”
“So? You’re my friend, and this is important to you. I’ll make the time.”
“But it’s today at three.”
“Okay. I can take work home.”
A little lump clogs my throat, and tears spring to my eyes. “You’re the best best friend, Adam.”
“I know.” His sigh sounds a little wistful. “Don’t forget, I’ll always be here for you.”
* * *
Dr. Silverman’s office is on the third floor of a sleek high-rise. She apparently moved, and Elizabeth told me the new location is much more convenient if you’re coming from the foundation. The office décor is soothing, with lots of sage and light yellow. Books for children line the lower shelves, while pamphlets and titles for women’s health occupy the upper ones. There are posters for regular pap smears and breast cancer screenings on the walls, and several hand sanitizer dispensers on the tables and reception counter.
The reception area is empty except for a couple of women and the receptionist. It’s apparently Dr. Silverman’s philosophy to not keep patients waiting for long. Adam isn’t there when I arrive. Mild disappointment unfurls, but I shouldn’t be upset. Although he’s always been there for me, I’ve never imposed on him without any notice before. It’s possible he got caught up in something.
I put a hand over my belly. It doesn’t matter. I’m here alone, which I expected ever since Huxley sent that curt text, sounding annoyed that he might have to waste precious time on something as inconsequential as a baby.
The receptionist welcomes me with a smile and directs me to the examination room, where the doctor is already waiting. Silver glints in her otherwise dark bob, but instead of making her appear older, it makes her look experienced and authoritative.
“How are you feeling?” she asks after some pleasantries.
“Fine, actually. No morning sickness or anything.”
“Excellent. No mood swings?” she says.
“Maybe a little? I don’t know.” I let out a hollow, overwhelmed laugh. “There are so many things happening right now with my job, the wedding… Everything.” My baby’s father doesn’t really seem to care about any of it, regardless of what he says. Actions count more than words. I just want to hide somewhere and cry for a while . Except I’m hardly ever left alone. Huxley moved me into his house and put a team of guards on me, and Tilda is always around. She said Huxley asked her to stay with me until he returns. What a lucky girl you are to have such a solicitous fiancé! the glint in her eyes said. But I know better. He probably wants to make sure I don’t do anything he won’t like, such as inviting Adam over.
The only positive thing about being at Huxley’s place is that Nelson and his family can’t just come over and harass me. Mick tucked tail and slunk away, but he doesn’t have the patience to lie low for long. His ego demands he gets the outcome he “deserves,” and that means he’s going to put me in what he deems to be my place.
Dr. Silverman’s face softens with sympathy. “You have a lot going on, including all the hormones surging and your body changing. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can, given the circumstances. And don’t be afraid to ask for help, or take time off to get sufficient rest. A lot of women simply don’t ask because they’re afraid of imposing, but if we don’t ask, nobody’s going to know to offer. That includes the baby’s father.”
I nod, not bothering to share that I did ask, and Huxley made it clear he was only interested in providing monetary support for the life in my womb. “I understand.”
She asks a few more questions, makes notes. She records my weight and blood pressure. Then she has me lie down for the ultrasound.
The black-and-white image is still a big mystery to me, but she has no problem pinpointing the baby or measuring its length. “Here it is. It’s about the size of a large blueberry. Isn’t it adorable?”
I blink at it, a feeling of awe replacing my blue mood. The fetus is tiny on the screen, but even smaller in reality. How it will become a baby I can hold in my arms in a few months is a miracle.
She turns to smile at me. “Ready to hear the heartbeat?”
I nod with a grin.
“Want to record it? I can send it to you so you can forward it to your fiancé, parents, grandparents and anybody else who might be interested.”
Dr. Silverman’s offer breaks my heart. Huxley won’t bother listening, and Nelson and Andreas won’t be interested, either. But my mother… Hearing her grandchild’s heartbeat might help her recover faster. I pray the miraculous life growing inside my belly will help Mom wake up.
“Sure. My mom would love that.” I smile wanly.
“Okay.” Dr. Silverman taps a couple of buttons on her equipment control. “This helps us hear the heartbeat,” she explains as she puts a wand over my belly.
Suddenly the rapid whooshing sound fills the room. “Oh my God,” I say, a hand over my mouth. My eyes grow hot with tears as an inexplicable surge of emotion takes my breath away.
The door to the room suddenly opens. “What did I miss?” Adam appears, his hair slightly disheveled and tie askew.
“Adam!” I say, then start laughing with joy that he came as he steps forward and holds my outstretched hand. I didn’t realize until now how much I wanted someone who cares to share this moment with. Although Mom will hear the recording later, it won’t be the same with her being so far away and unable to hug, laugh and cry with me. “You’re here.”
“Sorry I’m late. The deposition ran later than I expected.” He takes my hand and keeps holding it as he pulls a chair over and sits down.
The doctor looks pleased as she watches us. “Perfect. You’re just in time. Hear that? That’s the heartbeat.”
“First time hearing it,” I add.
“Wow! A strong baby.” Adam smiles, looking at me.
“I know.”
Dr. Silverman lets us listen for a few more moments, then she turns to him. “I’m glad you could be part of this. It’s important for the father to start bonding with the baby as early as possible.”
The tips of Adam’s ears turn red. He runs a hand down his face as he glances at me.
“He’s just a good friend,” I explain softly. “He offered to be here because my fiancé is out of the country.” The baby isn’t on his priority list.
Sympathy crosses Dr. Silverman’s face. “I see. Well. I just sent you the recording, so…”
“Thank you.” I hope a forced smile can hide the burning sensation in my gut. Right now, I couldn’t hate Huxley more for making my baby an object of pity.